the choir invisible-第28章
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〃O'Bannon！〃
〃O'Bannon！〃 exclaimed John with a frown。 〃I've never talked to O'Bannon about youabout anything。〃
〃You haven't abused me？〃 said Peter； wheeling on the schoolmaster； eyes and face and voice full of the suffering of his wounded self…love and of his wounded affection。
〃I hope I've abused nobody！〃 said John proudly。
〃Come in here！〃 cried Peter； springing up and hurrying into his shop。
Near the door stood a walnut tree with wide…spreading branches wearing the fresh plumes of late May； plumes that hung down over the door and across the windows； suffusing the interior with a soft twilight of green and brown shadows。 A shaft of sunbeams penetrating a crevice fell on the white neck of a yellow collie that lay on the ground with his head on his paws； his eyes fixed reproachfully on the heels of the horse outside； his ears turned back toward his master。 Beside him a box had been kicked over： tools and shoes scattered。 A faint line of blue smoke sagged from the dying coals of the forge toward the door； creeping across the anvil bright as if tipped with silver。 And in one of the darkest corners of the shop； near a bucket of water in which floated a huge brown gourd； Peter and John sat on a bench while the story of O'Bannon's mischief…making was begun and finished。 It was told by Peter with much cordial rubbing of his elbows in the palms of his hands and much light…hearted smoothing of his apron over his knees。 At times a cloud； passing beneath the sun； threw the shop into heavier shadow； and then the school…master's dark figure faded into the tone of the sooty wall behind him and only his face； with the contrast of its white linen collar below and the bare discernible lights of his auburn hair abovehis face； proud； resolute； astounded； pallid； sufferingstarted out of the gloom like a portrait from an old canvas。
〃And this is why you never came to see me。〃 He had sprung up like a man made well； and was holding Peter's hand and looking reproachfully into his eyes。
〃I'd have seen you dead first；〃 cried Peter gaily； giving him a mighty slap on the shoulder。 〃But wait！ O'Bannon's not the only man who can play a joke！〃
John hurriedly left the shop with a gesture which Peter did not understand。
The web of deceptive circumstances that had been spun about him had been brushed away at last： he saw the whole truth nowsaw his own blindness； blundering； folly； injustice。
He was on his way to Amy already。
When he had started out； he had thought he should walk around a little and then lie down again。 Now with his powerful stride come back to him； he had soon passed the last house of the town and was nearing the edge of the wilderness。 He took the same straight short course of the afternoon on which he had asked Mrs。 Falconer's consent to his suit。 As he hurried on； it seemed to him a long time since then！ What experiences he had undergone！ What had he not suffered！ How he was changed！
〃Yes；〃 he said over and over to himself； putting away all other thoughts in a resolve to think of this nearest duty only。 〃If I've been unkind to her； if I've been wrong； have I not suffered？〃
He had not gone far before his strength began to fail。 He was forced to sit down and rest。 It was near sundown when he reached the clearing。
〃At last！〃 he said gratefully； with his old triumphant habit of carrying out whatever he undertook。 He had put out all his strength to get there。
He passed the nearest fieldthe peach treesthe gardenand took the path toward the house。
〃Where shall I find her？〃 he thought。 〃Where can I see her alone？〃
〃Between him and the house stood a building of logs and plaster。 It was a single room used for the spinning and the weaving of which she had charge。 Many a time he had lain on the great oaken chest into which the homespun cloth was stored while she sat by her spinning…wheel； many a talk they had had there together； many a parting； and many a Saturday twilight he had put his arms around her there and turned away for his lonely walk to town； planning their future。 〃If she should only be in the weaving…room！〃
He stepped softly to the door and looked in。 She was there standing near the middle of the room with her face turned from him。 The work of the day was done。 On one side were the spinning…wheels； farther on a loom； before her a table on which the cloth was piled ready to be folded away； on the other the great open chest into which she was about to store it。 She had paused in revery； her hands clasped behind her head。
At the sight of her and with the remembrance of how he had misjudged and mistreated hermost of all swept on by some lingering flood of the old tendernesshe stepped forward put his arms softly around her； drew her closely to him； and buried his check against hers：
〃Amy！〃 he murmured； his voice quivering his whole body trembling； his heart knocking against his ribs like a stone。 She struggled out of his arms with a cry and recognizing him； drew her figure up to its full height。 Her eyes filled with passion； cold and resentful。
He made a gesture。
〃Wait！〃 he cried。 〃Listen。〃
He laid bare everythingfrom his finding of the bundle to the evening of the ball。
He was standing by the doorway。 A small window in the opposite wall of the low room opened toward the West。 Through this a crimson light fell upon his face revealing its pallor； its storm； its struggle for calmness。
She stood a few yards off with her face in shadow。 As she had stepped backward； one of her hands had struck against her spinning…wheel and now rested on it； with the other she had caught the edge of the table。 From the spinning…wheel a thread of flax trailed to the ground； on the table lay a pair of iron shears。
As he stood looking at her facing him thus in cold half…shadowy angerat the spinning wheel with its trailing flaxat； the table with its iron shearsat her hands stretched forth as if about to grasp the one and to lay hold on the otherhe shudderingly thought of the ancient arbitress of Life and DeathFate the mighty； the relentless。 The fancy passed and was succeeded by the sense of her youth and loveliness。 She wore a dress of coarse snow…white homespun； narrow in the skirt and fitting close to her arms and neck and to the outlines of her form。 Her hair was parted simply over her low beautiful brow。 There was nowhere a ribbon or a trifle of adornment： and in that primitive； simple； fearless revelation of itself her figure had the frankness of a statue。 While he spoke the anger died out of her face。 But in its stead came something worsehardness； and something that was worse stillan expression of revenge。
〃If I was unfeeling with you；〃 he implored； 〃only consider！ You had broken your engagement without giving any reason； I saw you at the party dancing with Joseph； I believed myself trifled with； I said that if you could treat in that way there was nothing you could say that I cared to hear。 I was blind to the truth； I was blinded by suffering。
〃If you suffered； it was your own fault；〃 she replied； calm as the Fate that holds the shears and the thread。 〃I wanted to explain to you why I broke my engagement and why I went with Joseph： you refused to allow me。〃
〃But before that！ Remember that I had gone to see you the night before。 You had a chance to explain then。 But you did not explain。 Still； I did not doubt that your reason was good。 I did not ask you to state it。 But when I saw you at the party with Joseph； was I not right； in thinking that the time for an explanation had passed？〃
〃No；〃 she replied。 〃As long as I did not give any reason； you ought not to have asked for one； but when I wished to give it； you should have been ready to hear it。〃 He drew himself up quickly。
〃This is a poor pitiful misunderstanding。 I say； forgive me！ We will let it pass。 I had thought each of us was wrongyou first； I； afterward。〃 〃I was not wrong either first or last！〃
〃Think so if you must！ Only； try to understand me！ Amy； you know I've loved you。 You could never have acted toward me as you have； if you had not believed that。 And that nightthe night you would not see me aloneI went to ask you to marry me。 I meant to ask you the next night。 I am here to ask you now！ 。 。 。〃
He told her o
