the choir invisible-第20章

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The　one　was　nineteenthe　tulip：　with　springlike　charm　but　perfectly　hollow　and　ready　to　be　filled　by　east　wind　or　west　wind；　north　wind　or　south　wind；　according　as　each　blew　last　and　hardest；　the　other　thirty…sixthe　rose：　in　its　midsummer　splendour　with　fold　upon　fold　of　delicate　symmetric　structures；　making　a　masterpiece。

〃Aunt　Jessica；〃　Amy　began　to　say　drily；　as　though　this　were　to　be　her　last　concession　to　a　relationship　now　about　to　end；　〃I　might　as　well　tell　you　everything　that　has　happened；　just　as　I've　been　used　to　doing　since　I　was　a　childwhen　I've　done　anything　wrong。〃　She　gave　a　faithful　story　of　the　carrying　off　of　her　party　dress；　which　of　course　had　been　missed　and　accounted　for；　the　losing　of　it　and　the　breaking　of　her　engagement　with　John；　the　return　of　it　and　her　going　to　the　ball　with　Joseph。　This　brought　her　mind　to　the　scenes　of　the　night；　and　she　abandoned　herself　momentarily　to　the　delight　of　reviving　them。

〃Ah！　if　you　had　been　there；　Aunt　Jessica！　If　they　had　seen　you　in　a　ball　dress　as　I've　seen　you　without　one：　those　shoulders！　those　arms！　that　skin！　You　would　have　been　a　swan　among　the　rough…necked；　red…necked　turkeys；〃　and　Amy　glanced　a　little　enviously　at　a　neck　that　rose　out　of　the　plain　dress　as　though　turned　by　a　sculptor。

The　sincere　little　compliment　beat　on　Mrs。　Falconer's　ear　like　a　wave　upon　a　stone。

〃But　if　you　did　not　go　with　John　Gray；　you　danced　with　him；　you　talked　with　him？〃

〃No；〃　replied　Amy；　quickly　growing　grave；　〃I　didn't　dance　with　him。　But　we　talked　yesnot　much；　it　was　a　little　too　serious　for　many　words；〃　and　she　sank　into　a　mysterious　silence；　seeming　even　to　forget　herself　in　some　new　recess　of　happiness。

Mrs。　Falconer　was　watching　her。

〃Ah！〃　she　murmured　to　herself。　〃It　is　too　late！　too　late！〃　She　passed　her　fingers　slowly　across　her　brow　with　a　feeling　that　life　had　turned　ashen；　cold；　barren。〃How　is　Kitty？〃　she　asked　quickly。　〃Wellas　always；　and　stupid。〃

〃She　is　always　kind　and　good；　isn't　she？　and　faithful。〃

〃Kindness　is　not　always　interesting；　unfortunately；　and　goodness　is　dreadful；　and　her　faithfulness　bores　me　to　death。〃

〃At　least；　she　was　your　hostess；　Amy。〃　〃I　lent　her　my　silk　stockings　or　she'd　have　had　to　wear　cotton　ones；〃　exclaimed　Amy；　laughing。　〃We're　even。〃

〃If　you　were　merely　paying　for　a　lodging；　you　should　have　gone　to　the　inn。〃

〃There　was　nobody　at　the　tavern　who　could　wear　my　silk　stockings；　and　I　had　spent　all　my　money。〃

〃Don't　you　expect　Kitty　to　return　your　visit？

〃I　certainly　do　more's　the　pity。　She　has　such　big　feet！〃　Amy　put　out　her　toe　and　studied　it　with　vixenish　satisfaction。

〃Aunt　Jessica；〃　she　observed　at　length；　looking　round　at　her　aunt。　　〃You　have　to　work　too　hard。　And　I　have　always　been　such　a　care　to　you。　Wouldn't　you　like　to　get　rid　of　me？〃

Mrs。　Falconer　leaned　quickly；　imploringly；　toward　her。

〃Is　that　a　threat；　Amy？〃

Amy　waited　half　a　minute　and　then　began　with　a　composure　that　was　tinged　with　condescension：

〃You　have　had　so　much　trouble　in　your　life；　Aunt　Jessica；　so　much　sorrow。〃

Mrs。　Falconer　started　and　turned　upon　her　niece　her　eyes　that　were　always　exquisite　with　refinement。

〃Amy；　have　I　ever　spoken　to　you　of　the　troubles　of　my　life？〃　The　reproof　was　majestic　in　dignity　and　gentleness。

〃You　have　not。〃

〃Then　will　you　never　speak　of　them　to　me　never　againwhile　you　live！〃

Amy　began　again　with　a　dry　practical　voice；　which　had　in　it　the　sting　of　revenge；　her　aunt's　rebuke　had　nettled　her。

〃At　least；　I　have　always　been　a　trouble　to　you。　You　sew　for　me；　cook　for　me；　make　the　garden　for　me；　spin　and　weave　for　me；　and　worry　about　me。　Uncle　has　to　work　for　me　and　support　me。〃

The　turn　of　the　conversation　away　from　herself　brought　such　relief　that　Mrs。　Falconer　replied　even　warmly。

〃You　have　been　a　great　pleasure　to　him　and　to　me！　The　little　I　have　done；　you　have　repaid　a　thousand　fold。　Think　of　us　at　night　without　you！　Your　uncle　on　one　side　of　the　fireplaceme　on　the　other；　and　you　away！　Think　of　us　at　the　tablehim　at　one　end；　me　at　the　other；　and　you　away！　Think　of　me　alone　in　the　house　all　day；　while　he　is　in　the　fields！　Child；　I　have　depended　on　youmore　than　you　will　ever　understand！〃　she　added　to　herself。

〃Aunt　Jessica；〃　observed　Amy　with　the　air　of　making　a　fine　calculation；　〃perhaps　uncle　would　think　more　of　you　if　I　were　not　in　the　house。〃

〃Amy！〃

〃Perhaps　you　would　think　more　of　him！〃

〃Amy！〃　〃Perhaps　if　neither　of　you　had　me　to　depend　on；　you　might　depend　more　on　each　other　and　be　happier。〃

〃You　speak　to　me　in　this　wayon　a　subject　like　this！　You'd　better　go！〃

〃Aunt　Jessica；〃　replied　Amy；　never　budging；　〃the　time　has　been　when　I　would　have　done　so。　But　it　is　too　late　now　for　you　ever　to　tell　me　to　leave　your　presence。　I　am　a　woman！　If　I　had　not　been；　I　shouldn't　have　said　what　I　just　have。〃

Mrs。　Falconer　looked　at　her　in　silence。　This　rare　gentlewoman　had　too　profound　a　knowledge　of　the　human　heart　not　to　realize　that　she　was　completely　vanquished。　For　where　in　this　world　is　not　refinement　instantly　beaten　by　coarseness；　gentleness　by　rudeness；　all　delicacy　by　all　that　is　indelicate？　What　can　the　finest　consideration　avail　against　no　consideration？　the　sweetest　forbearance　against　intrusiveness？　the　beak　of　the　dove　against　the　beak　of　the　hawk？　　And　yet　all　these　may　have　their　victory；　for　when　the　finer　and　the　baser　metal　are　forced　to　struggle　with　each　other　in　the　same　field；　the　finer　may　always　leave　it。

With　unruffled　dignity　and　with　a　voice　that　Amy　had　never　hearda　voice　that　brought　the　blood　rushing　into　her　cheeksMrs。　Falconer　replied：〃Yes；　it　is　true：　you　are　a　woman。　This　is　the　first　day　that　you　have　ever　made　me　feel　this。　For　I　have　always　known　that　as　soon　as　you　became　one；　you　would　begin　to　speak　to　me　as　you　have　spoken。　I　shall　never　again　request　you　to　leave　my　presence：　when　it　becomes　unavoidable；　I　shall　leave　yours。〃

She　rose　and　was　moving　away。　Amy　started　up　and　caught　her。

〃Aunt　Jessica；　I've　something　to　tell　you！〃　she　cried；　her　face　dyed　scarlet　with　the　sting。

Mrs。　Falconer　released　herself　gently　and　returned　to　her　seat。

〃You　know　what　I　mean　by　what　I　said？〃　inquired　Amy；　still　confused　but　regaining　self　command　rapidly。

〃I　believe　I　know：　you　are　engaged　to　be　married。〃

The　words　were　very　faint：　they　would　have　reached　the　subtlest　ear　with　the　suggestiveness　of　a　light　dreary　wind　blowing　over　a　desolation。

〃Yes；　I　am　engaged　to　be　married。〃

Amy　affirmed　it　with　a　definite　stress。

〃It　is　this　that　has　made　you　a　woman？

〃It　is　this　that　has　made　me　a　woman。〃

After　the　silence　of　a　moment　Mrs。　Falconer　inquired：

〃You　do　not　expect　to　ask　my　consentmy　advice？〃

〃I　certainly　do　not　expect　to　ask　your　consentyour　advice。〃

Amy　was　taking　her　revenge　nowand　she　always　took　it　as　soon　as　possible。

〃Nor　your　uncle's？〃

〃Nor　my　uncle's。〃

After　another；　longer　silence：

〃Do　you　care　to　tell　me　how　long　this　engagement　has　lasted？〃

〃Certainly！Since　last　night。〃

〃Thank　you　for　telling　me　that。　I　think　I　must　go　back　to　my　work　now。〃

She　walked　slowly　away。　Amy　sat　still；　twirling　her　bonnet　strings　and　smiling　to　herself。

This　outburst　of　her　new　dignitythis　initial　assertion　of　her　womanhoodhad　come　almost　as　unexpectedly　to　herself　as　to　her　aunt。　She　had　scarcely　known　it　was　in　herself　to　do　such　a　thing。　　Certain　restrictions　had　been　chafing　her　for　a　long　time：　she　had　not　dreamed　that　they　could　so　readily　be　set　aside；　that　she　had　only　to　stamp　her　foot　violently　down　on　another　foot　and　the　other　foot　would　be　jerked　out　of　the　way。　In　the　flush　of　elation；　she　thought　of　what　had　just　taken　place　as　her　Declaration　of　Independence。　She　kept　on　celebrating　it　in　a　sort　of　intoxication　at　her　own　audacity：

〃I　have　thrown　off　the　yoke　of　the　Old　Dynasty！　Glory　for　the　thirteen　colonies！　A　Revolution　in　half　an　hour！　I'm　the　mother　of　a　new　country！　Washington；　salute　me！〃

Then；　with　perhaps　somewhat　the　feeling　of　a　pullet　that　has　whipped　a　hen　in　a　barnyard　and　that　after　an　interval　will　run　all　the　way　across　the　barnyard　to　attack　again　and　see　whether　the　victory　is　complete；　she　rose　and　went　across　the　garden；　bent　on