the choir invisible-第12章
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ent and pain and anger。 What she did see as she looked across the room at him was his large black figure in an absent…minded awkward posture and his big head held very straight and high as though it were momentarily getting higher。 He had remained simply silent。 His silence irritated her； and she knew she was treating him badly and that irritated her with him all the more。 She sent one of her light arrows at him barbed with further mischief。
〃I wish； as you go back； you would stop at the stable and see whether they have mistreated him in any way。 He takes things so hard when they don't go to suit him；〃 and she turned to Kitty and laughed significantly。
Then she heard him clear his throat； and in a voice shaking with passion； he said：
〃Give your orders to a servant。〃 A moment of awkward silence followed。 She did not recognize that voice as his or such rude； unreasonable words。 〃I suppose you want to know why I broke my engagement with you；〃 she said； turning toward him aggrievedly and as though the subject could no longer be waived。 〃But I don't think you ought to ask for the reason。 You ought to accept it without knowing it。〃 〃I do accept it。 I had never meant to ask。〃
He spoke as though the whole affair were not worth recalling。 She could not agree with him in this； and furthermore his manner administered a rebuke。
〃Oh； don't be too indifferent；〃 she said sarcastically； looking to Kitty for approval。 If you cared to go to the party with me； you are supposed to be disappointed。〃
〃I am disappointed；〃 he replied briefly； but still with the tone of wishing to be done with the subject。 Amy rose and snuffed the candles。
〃And you really don't care to know why I broke my engagement？〃 she persisted； returning to her seat and seeing that she worried him。
〃Not unless you should wish to tell me。〃
〃But you should wish to know； whether I tell you or not。 Suppose it were not a good reason？〃
〃I hadn't supposed you'd give me a poor one。〃
〃At least； it's serious； Kitty。〃
〃I had never doubted it。〃
〃It might be amusing to you。〃
〃It could hardly be both。〃
〃Yes； it is both。 It is serious and it is amusing。〃
He made no reply but by an impatient gesture。
〃And you really don't wish to know？〃He sat silent and still。 〃Then； I'll tell you： I lost the only reason I had for going；〃 and she and Kitty exchanged a good deal of laughter of an innocent kind。 The mood and the motive with which he had sought her made him feel that he was being unendurably trifled with and he rose。 But at the same moment Kitty effected an escape and he and Amy were left alone。 She looked quickly at the door through which Kitty had vanished； dropped her arms at her sides and uttered a little sigh of inexpressible relief。
〃Sit down；〃 she said； repeating her grimace at absent Kitty。
〃You are not going！ I want to talk to you。 Isn't Kitty dreadful？〃
Her voice and manner had changed。 There was no one now before whom she could actno one to whom she could show that she could slight him； play with him。 Furthermore； she had gotten some relief from the tension of her ill humour by what she had already said； and now she really wanted to see him。 The ill humour had not been very deep； nothing in her was very deep。 And she was perfectly sincere againfor the moment。 What does one expect？
〃Don't look so solemn；〃 she said with mock ruefulness。 〃You make me feel as though you had come to baptize me； as though you had to wash away my sins。 Come here！〃 and she laid her hand invitingly on the chair that Kitty had vacated at her side。
He stood bolt upright in the middle of the room； looking down at her in silence。 Then he walked slowly over and took the seat。 She folded her hands over the back of her own chair； laid her cheek softly down on them and looked up with a smilesubdued； submissive； fond； absolutely his。
〃Don't be cross！〃 she pleaded； with a low laugh full of maddening music to him。
He could not speak to her or look at her for anger and shame and disappointment； so she withdrew one hand from under her cheek and folded it softly over the back of hishis was pressed hard down on the cap of his kneeand took hold of his big finders one by one； caressing them。
〃Don't be cross！〃 she pleaded。 〃Be good to me！ I'm tired and unhappy！〃
Still he would not speak； or look at her； so she put her hand back under her cheek again； and with a patient little sigh closed her eyes as though she had done all she could。 The next moment she leaned over and let her forehead rest on the back of his hand。〃You are so cross！〃 she said。 〃I don't like you！〃
〃Amy！〃 he cried； turning fiercely on her and catching her hand cruelly in his； 〃before I say anything else to you； you've got to promise me〃And then he broke down and then went on again foolishly；you've got to promise me one thing now。 You sha'n't treat me in one way when we are by ourselves and go in another way when other people are present。 If you love me； as you always make me believe you do when we are alone； you must make the whole world believe it！〃
〃What right would I have to make the whole world believe I loved you？〃 she asked； looking at him quizzically。
〃I'll give you the right！〃 The rattle of china at the cupboard in the next room was heard。 Amy started up and skipped across the room to the candle on the mantelpiece。
〃If Kitty does come back in here〃 she said； in a disappointed undertone； and with the snuffers between her thumb and forefinger； she snipped them bitingly several times at the door。 The door was opened slightly； a plate was thrust through； and a laughing voice called apologetically：
〃Amy！〃 〃Come in here！ Come in！〃 commanded Amy； delightedly； and as Kitty reluctantly entered； she fixed upon her a telling look。 〃Upon my word；〃 she said； 〃what do you mean by treating me this way？〃 and catching Kitty's eye； she made a grimace at John。
Kitty offered the candy to John with the assurance that it was made out of that year's maple sugar in their own camp。 〃He never eats sweet things and he doesn't care for trifles： bring it here！〃 And the girls seated themselves busily side by side on the opposite side of the room。 Amy bent over the plate and chose the largest； beautiful white plait。〃Now there'll be a long silence；〃 she said； holding it up between her dainty fingers and settling herself back in her chair。 〃But； Kitty； you talk。 And if you do leave your company again！〃 She threatened Kitty charmingly。
He was in his room again； thinking it all over。 She had not known why he had come： how could she know？ To her it meant simply an ordinary call at an unfortunate hour； for she was tiredhe could see thatand worriedhe could see that also。 And he！had he ever been so solemn； so implacably in earnest； so impatient of the playfulness which at another time he would have found merely amusing？ Why was he all at once growing so petty with her and exacting？ Little by little he went over the circumstances judicially； in an effort to restore her to lovable supremacy over his imagination。
His imaginationfor his heart was not in it。 He wrought out her entire acquittal； but it did no good。 Who at any time sounds the depths of the mind which； unlike the sea； can regain calm on the surface and remain troubled by a tempest at the bottom？ What is the name of that imperial faculty dwelling within it which can annul the decisions of the other associated powers？ After he had taken the entire blame upon himself； his rage and disappointment were greater than ever。 Was it nothing for her to break her engagement with him and then to follow it up with treatment like that？ Was it nothing to force Kitty into the parlour despite the silent understanding reached by all three long ago that whenever he called at the Poythress home； he would see her alone？ Was it nothing to take advantage of his faithfulness to her； and treat him as though he had no spirit？ Was it nothing to be shallow and silly herself？
Was it nothingand ah！ here was the trouble at the bottom of it all！ Here was the strain of conviction pressing sorely； steadily in upon him through the tumult of his thoughtswas it nothing for her to be insincere？ Did she even know what sincerity was？ Would he marry an insincere woman？ Insincerity w
