a mortal antipathy-第6章
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Yes; my life is a little less precious to me since I have lost that
dear old friend; and when the funeral train moves to Westminster
Abbey next Saturday; for I feel as if this were 1784; and not 1884;
I seem to find myself following the hearse; one of the silent
mourners。
Among the events which have rendered the past year memorable to me
has been the demolition of that venerable and interesting old
dwelling…house; precious for its intimate association with the
earliest stages of the war of the Revolution; and sacred to me as my
birthplace and the home of my boyhood。
The 〃Old Gambrel…roofed House〃 exists no longer。 I remember saying
something; in one of a series of papers published long ago; about the
experience of dying out of a house;of leaving it forever; as the
soul dies out of the body。 We may die out of many houses; but the
house itself can die but once; and so real is the life of a house to
one who has dwelt in it; more especially the life of the house which
held him in dreamy infancy; in restless boyhood; in passionate
youth;so real; I say; is its life; that it seems as if something
like a soul of it must outlast its perishing frame。
The slaughter of the Old Gambrel…roofed House was; I am ready to
admit; a case of justifiable domicide。 Not the less was it to be
deplored by all who love the memories of the past。 With its
destruction are obliterated some of the footprints of the heroes and
martyrs who took the first steps in the long and bloody march which
led us through the wilderness to the promised land of independent
nationality。 Personally; I have a right to mourn for it as a part of
my life gone from me。 My private grief for its loss would be a
matter for my solitary digestion; were it not that the experience
through which I have just passed is one so familiar to my fellow…
countrymen that; in telling my own reflections and feelings; I am
repeating those of great numbers of men and women who have had the
misfortune to outlive their birthplace。
It is a great blessing to be born surrounded by a natural horizon。
The Old Gambrel…roofed House could not boast an unbroken ring of
natural objects encircling it。 Northerly it looked upon its own
outbuildings and some unpretending two…story houses which had been
its neighbors for a century and more。 To the south of it the square
brick dormitories and the belfried hall of the university helped to
shut out the distant view。 But the west windows gave a broad outlook
across the common; beyond which the historical 〃Washington elm〃 and
two companions in line with it; spread their leaves in summer and
their networks in winter。 And far away rose the hills that bounded
the view; with the glimmer here and there of the white walls or the
illuminated casements of some embowered; half…hidden villa。
Eastwardly also; the prospect was; in my earlier remembrance; widely
open; and I have frequently seen the sunlit sails gliding along as if
through the level fields; for no water was visible。 So there were
broad expanses on two sides at least; for my imagination to wander
over。
I cannot help thinking that we carry our childhood's horizon with us
all our days。 Among these western wooded hills my day…dreams built
their fairy palaces; and even now; as I look at them from my library
window; across the estuary of the Charles; I find myself in the
familiar home of my early visions。 The 〃clouds of glory〃 which we
trail with us in after life need not be traced to a pre…natal state。
There is enough to account for them in that unconsciously remembered
period of existence before we have learned the hard limitations of
real life。 Those earliest months in which we lived in sensations
without words; and ideas not fettered in sentences; have all the
freshness of proofs of an engraving 〃before the letter。〃 I am very
thankful that the first part of my life was not passed shut in
between high walls and treading the unimpressible and unsympathetic
pavement。
Our university town was very much like the real country; in those
days of which I am thinking。 There were plenty of huckleberries and
blueberries within half a mile of the house。 Blackberries ripened in
the fields; acorns and shagbarks dropped from the trees; squirrels
ran among the branches; and not rarely the hen…hawk might be seen
circling over the barnyard。 Still another rural element was not
wanting; in the form of that far…diffused; infragrant effluvium;
which; diluted by a good half mile of pure atmosphere; is no longer
odious; nay is positively agreeable; to many who have long known it;
though its source and centre has an unenviable reputation。 I need
not name the animal whose Parthian warfare terrifies and puts to
flight the mightiest hunter that ever roused the tiger from his
jungle or faced the lion of the desert。 Strange as it may seem; an
aerial hint of his personality in the far distance always awakens in
my mind pleasant remembrances and tender reflections。 A whole
neighborhood rises up before me: the barn; with its haymow; where the
hens laid their eggs to hatch; and we boys hid our apples to ripen;
both occasionally illustrating the sic vos non vobis; the shed; where
the annual Tragedy of the Pig was acted with a realism that made
Salvini's Othello seem but a pale counterfeit; the rickety old
outhouse; with the 〃corn…chamber〃 which the mice knew so well; the
paved yard; with its open gutter;these and how much else come up at
the hint of my far…off friend; who is my very near enemy。 Nothing is
more familiar than the power of smell in reviving old memories。
There was that quite different fragrance of the wood…house; the smell
of fresh sawdust。 It comes back to me now; and with it the hiss of
the saw; the tumble of the divorced logs which God put together and
man has just put asunder; the coming down of the axe and the hah!
that helped it;the straight…grained stick opening at the first
appeal of the implement as if it were a pleasure; and the stick with
a knot in the middle of it that mocked the blows and the hahs! until
the beetle and wedge made it listen to reason;there are just such
straight…grained and just such knotty men and women。 All this passes
through my mind while Biddy; whose parlor…name is Angela; contents
herself with exclaiming 〃egh!*******!〃
How different distances were in those young days of which I am
thinking! From the old house to the old yellow meeting…house; where
the head of the family preached and the limbs of the family listened;
was not much more than two or three times the width of Commonwealth
Avenue。 But of a hot summer's afternoon; after having already heard
one sermon; which could not in the nature of things have the charm of
novelty of presentation to the members of the home circle; and the
theology of which was not too clear to tender apprehensions; with
three hymns more or less lugubrious; rendered by a village…choir; got
into voice by many preliminary snuffles and other expiratory efforts;
and accompanied by the snort of a huge bassviol which wallowed
through the tune like a hippopotamus; with other exercises of the
customary character;after all this in the forenoon; the afternoon
walk to the meeting…house in the hot sun counted for as much; in my
childish dead…reckoning; as from old Israel Porter's in Cambridge to
the Exchange Coffeehouse in Boston did in after years。 It takes a
good while to measure the radius of the circle that is about us; for
the moon seems at first as near as the watchface。 Who knows but
that; after a certain number of ages; the planet we live on may seem
to us no bigger than our neighbor Venus appeared when she passed
before the sun a few months ago; looking as if we could take her
between our thumb and finger; like a bullet or a marble? And time;
too; how long was it from the serious sunrise to the joyous 〃sun…
down〃 of an old…fashioned; puritanical; judaical first day of the