the inca of perusalem-第5章
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THE INCA 'lifts his eyebrows pityingly; shrugs his shoulders;
then; with indulgent paternal contempt'。 Excellent lads; madam。
Very honest affectionate creatures。 I have nothing against them。
Pongo imitates farmyard soundscock crowing and that sort of
thingextremely well。 Lulu plays Strauss's Sinfonia Domestica on
the mouth organ really screamingly。 Chips keeps owls and rabbits。
Spots motor bicycles。 The Corsair commands canal barges and
steers them himself。 The Piffler writes plays; and paints most
abominably。 Jack Johnson trims ladies' hats; and boxes with
professionals hired for that purpose。 He is invariably
victorious。 Yes: they all have their different little talents。
And also; of course; their family resemblances。 For example; they
all smoke; they all quarrel with one another; and they none of
them appreciate their father; who; by the way; is no mean
painter; though the Piffler pretends to ridicule his efforts。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Quite a large choice; eh?
THE INCA。 But very little to choose; believe me。 I should not
recommend Pongo; because he snores so frightfully that it has
been necessary to build him a sound…proof bedroom: otherwise the
royal family would get no sleep。 But any of the others would suit
equally wellif you are really bent on marrying one of them。
ERMYNTRUDE。 If! What is this? I never wanted to marry one of
them。 I thought you wanted me to。
THE INCA。 I did; madam; but 'confidentially; flattering her' you
are not quite the sort of person I expected you to be; and I
doubt whether any of these young degenerates would make you
happy。 I trust I am not showing any want of natural feeling when
I say that from the point of view of a lively; accomplished; and
beautiful woman 'Ermyntrude bows' they might pall after a time。 I
suggest that you might prefer the Inca himself。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Oh; Captain; how could a humble person like myself be
of any interest to a prince who is surrounded with the ablest and
most far…reaching intellects in the world?
TAE INCA 'explosively'。 What on earth are you talking about;
madam? Can you name a single man in the entourage of the Inca who
is not a born fool?
ERMYNTRUDE。 Oh; how can you say that! There is Admiral von
Cockpits
THE INCA 'rising intolerantly and striding about the room'。 Von
Cockpits! Madam; if Von Cockpits ever goes to heaven; before
three weeks are over the Angel Gabriel will be at war with the
man in the moon。
ERMYNTRUDE。 But General Von Schinkenburg
THE INCA。 Schinkenburg! I grant you; Schinkenburg has a genius
for defending market gardens。 Among market gardens he is
invincible。 But what is the good of that? The world does not
consist of market gardens。 Turn him loose in pasture and he is
lost。 The Inca has defeated all these generals again and again at
manoeuvres; and yet he has to give place to them in the field
because he would be blamed for every disasteraccused of
sacrificing the country to his vanity。 Vanity! Why do they call
him vain? Just because he is one of the few men who are not
afraid to live。 Why do they call themselves brave? Because they
have not sense enough to be afraid to die。 Within the last year
the world has produced millions of heroes。 Has it produced more
than one Inca? 'He resumes his seat。'
ERMYNTRUDE。 Fortunately not; Captain。 I'd rather marry Chips。
THE INCA 'making a wry face'。 Chips! Oh no: I wouldn't marry
Chips。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Why?
THE INCA 'whispering the secret'。 Chips talks too much about
himself。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Well; what about Snooks?
THE INCA。 Snooks? Who is he? Have I a son named Snooks? There are
so many'wearily' so manythat I often forget。 'Casually。' But
I wouldn't marry him; anyhow; if I were you。
ERMYNTRUDE。 But hasn't any of them inherited the family genius?
Surely; if Providence has entrusted them with the care of
Perusalemif they are all descended from Bedrock the Great
THE INCA 'interrupting her impatiently'。 Madam; if you ask me; I
consider Bedrock a grossly overrated monarch。
ERMYNTRUDE 'shocked'。 Oh; Captain! Take care! Incadisparagement。
THE INCA。 I repeat; grossly overrated。 Strictly between
ourselves; I do not believe all this about Providence entrusting
the care of sixty million human beings to the abilities of Chips
and the Piffler and Jack Johnson。 I believe in individual genius。
That is the Inca's secret。 It must be。 Why; hang it all; madam;
if it were a mere family matter; the Inca's uncle would have been
as great a man as the Inca。 Andwell; everybody knows what the
Inca's uncle was。
ERMYNTRUDE。 My experience is that the relatives of men of genius
are always the greatest duffers imaginable。
THE INCA。 Precisely。 That is what proves that the Inca is a man
of genius。 His relatives ARE duffers。
ERMYNTRUDE。 But bless my soul; Captain; if all the Inca's
generals are incapables; and all his relatives duffers; Perusalem
will be beaten in the war; and then it will become a republic;
like France after 1871; and the Inca will be sent to St Helena。
THE INCA 'triumphantly'。 That is just what the Inca is playing
for; madam。 It is why he consented to the war。
ERMYNTRUDE。 What!
THE INCA。 Aha! The fools talk of crushing the Inca; but they
little know their man。 Tell me this。 Why did St Helena extinguish
Napoleon?
ERMYNTRUDE。 I give it up。
THE INCA。 Because; madam; with certain rather remarkable
qualities; which I should be the last to deny; Napoleon lacked
versatility。 After all; any fool can be a soldier: we know that
only too well in Perusalem; where every fool is a soldier。 But
the Inca has a thousand other resources。 He is an architect。
Well; St Helena presents an unlimited field to the architect。 He
is a painter: need I remind you that St Helena is still without a
National Gallery? He is a composer: Napoleon left no symphonies
in St Helena。 Send the Inca to St Helena; madam; and the world
will crowd thither to see his works as they crowd now to Athens
to see the Acropolis; to Madrid to see the pictures of Velasquez;
to Bayreuth to see the music dramas of that egotistical old rebel
Richard Wagner; who ought to have been shot before he was forty;
as indeed he very nearly was。 Take this from me: hereditary
monarchs are played out: the age for men of genius has come: the
career is open to the talents: before ten years have elapsed
every civilized country from the Carpathians to the Rocky
Mountains will be a Republic。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Then goodbye to the Inca。
THE INCA。 On the contrary; madam; the Inca will then have his
first real chance。 He will be unanimously invited by those
Republics to return from his exile and act as Superpresident of
all the republics。
ERMYNTRUDE。 But won't that be a come…down for him? Think of it!
after being Inca; to be a mere President!
THE INCA。 Well; why not! An Inca can do nothing。 He is tied hand
and foot。 A constitutional monarch is openly called an
India…rubber stamp。 An emperor is a puppet。 The Inca is not
allowed to make a speech: he is compelled to take up a screed of
flatulent twaddle written by some noodle of a minister and read
it aloud。 But look at the American President! He is the
Allerhochst; if you like。 No; madam; believe me; there is nothing
like Democracy; American Democracy。 Give the people voting
papers: good long voting papers; American fashion; and while the
people are reading the voting papers the Government does what it
likes。
ERMYNTRUDE。 What! You too worship before the statue of Liberty;
like the Americans?
THE INCA。 Not at all; madam。 The Americans do not worship the
statue of Liberty。 They have erected it in the proper place for a
statue of Liberty: on its tomb 'he turns down his moustaches。'
ERMYNTRUDE 'laughing'。 Oh! You'd better not let them hear you say
that; Captain。
THE INCA。 Quite safe; madam: they would take it as a joke。 'He
rises。 And now; prepare yourself for a surprise。 'She rises'。 A
shock。 Brace yourself。 Steel yourself。 And do not be afraid。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Whatever on earth can you be going to tell me;
Captain?
THE INCA。 Madam; I am no captain。 I
ERMYNTRUDE。 You are the Inca in disguise。
THE INCA。 Good heavens! how do you know that? Who has betrayed
me?
ERMY