the inca of perusalem-第3章
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cellar at 5 francs a bottle； and pay twice over for everything
because he is in the same hotel with Her Highness； and can boast
of having turned her out of the best rooms。
THE MANAGER。 But Her Highness was so gracious。 I did not know
that Her Highness was at all particular。
ERMYNTRUDE。 And you take advantage of Her Highness's
graciousness。 You impose on her with your stories。 You give her a
room not fit for a dog。 You send cold tea to her by a decayed
professional person disguised as a waiter。 But don't think you
can trifle with me。 I am a lady's maid； and I know the ladies'
maids and valets of all the aristocracies of Europe and all the
millionaires of America。 When I expose your hotel as the
second…rate little hole it is； not a soul above the rank of a
curate with a large family will be seen entering it。 I shake its
dust off my feet。 Order the luggage to be taken down at once。
THE MANAGER ＇appealing to the Princess＇。 Can Your Highness
believe this of me？ Have I had the misfortune to offend Your
Highness？
THE PRINCESS。 Oh no。 I am quite satisfied。 Please
ERMYNTRUDE。 Is Your Highness dissatisfied with me？
THE PRINCESS ＇intimidated＇。 Oh no： please don't think that。 I
only meant
ERMYNTRUDE ＇to the manager＇。 You hear。 Perhaps you think Her
Highness is going to do the work of teaching you your place
herself； instead of leaving it to her maid。
THE MANAGER。 Oh please； mademoiselle。 Believe me： our only wish
is to make you perfectly comfortable。 But in consequence of the
war； all royal personages now practise a rigid economy； and
desire us to treat them like their poorest subjects。
THE PRINCESS。 Oh yes。 You are quite right
ERMYNTRUDE ＇interrupting＇。 There！ Her Highness forgives you； but
don't do it again。 Now go downstairs； my good man； and get that
suite on the first floor ready for us。 And send some proper tea。
And turn on the heating apparatus until the temperature in the
rooms is comfortably warm。 And have hot water put in all the
bedrooms
THE MANAGER。 There are basins with hot and cold taps。
ERMYNTRUDE ＇scornfully＇。 Yes： there WOULD be。 Suppose we must put
up with that： sinks in our rooms； and pipes that rattle and bang
and guggle all over the house whenever anyone washes his hands。 I
know。
THE MANAGER ＇gallant＇。 You are hard to please； mademoiselle。
ERMYNTRUDE。 No harder than other people。 But when I'm not pleased
I'm not too ladylike to say so。 That's all the difference。 There
is nothing more； thank you。
The Manager shrugs his shoulders resignedly； makes a deep bow to
the Princess； goes to the door； wafts a kiss surreptitiously to
Ermyntrude； and goes out。
THE PRINCESS。 It's wonderful！ How have you the courage？
ERMYNTRUDE。 In Your Highness's service I know no fear。 Your
Highness can leave all unpleasant people to me。
THE PRINCESS。 How I wish I could！ The most dreadful thing of all
I have to go through myself。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Dare I ask what it is； Your Highness？
THE PRINCESS。 I'm going to be married。 I'm to be met here and
married to a man I never saw。 A boy！ A boy who never saw me！ One
of the sons of the Inca of Perusalem。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Indeed？ Which son？
THE PRINCESS。 I don't know。 They haven't settled which。 It's a
dreadful thing to be a princess： they just marry you to anyone
they like。 The Inca is to come and look at me； and pick out
whichever of his sons he thinks will suit。 And then I shall be an
alien enemy everywhere except in Perusalem； because the Inca has
made war on everybody。 And I shall have to pretend that everybody
has made war on him。 It's too bad。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Still； a husband is a husband。 I wish I had one。
THE PRINCESS。 Oh； how can you say that！ I'm afraid you're not a
nice woman。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Your Highness is provided for。 I'm not。
THE PRINCESS。 Even if you could bear to let a man touch you； you
shouldn't say so。
ERMYNTRUDE。 I shall not say so again； Your Highness； except
perhaps to the man。
THE PRINCESS。 It's too dreadful to think of。 I wonder you can be
so coarse。 I really don't think you'll suit。 I feel sure now that
you know more about men than you should。
ERMYNTRUDE。 I am a widow； Your Highness。
THE PRINCESS ＇overwhelmed＇。 Oh； I BEG your pardon。 Of course I
ought to have known you would not have spoken like that if you
were not married。 That makes it all right； doesn't it？ I'm so
sorry。
The Manager returns； white； scared； hardly able to speak。
THE MANAGER。 Your Highness； an officer asks to see you on behalf
of the Inca of Perusalem。
THE PRINCESS ＇rising distractedly＇。 Oh； I can't； really。 Oh； what
shall I do？
THE MANAGER。 On important business； he says； Your Highness。
Captain Duval。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Duval！ Nonsense！ The usual thing。 It is the Inca
himself； incognito。
THE PRINCESS。 Oh； send him away。 Oh； I'm so afraid of the Inca。
I'm not properly dressed to receive him； and he is so particular：
he would order me to stay in my room for a week。 Tell him to call
tomorrow： say I'm ill in bed。 I can't： I won't： I daren't： you
must get rid of him somehow。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Leave him to me； Your Highness。
THE PRINCESS。 You'd never dare！
ERMYNTRUDE。 I am an Englishwoman； Your Highess； and perfectly
capable of tackling ten Incas if necessary。 I will arrange the
matter。 ＇To the Manager。＇ Show Her Highness to her bedroom； and
then show Captain Duval in here。
THE PRINCESS。 Oh； thank you so much。 ＇She goes to the door。
Ermyntrude； noticing that she has left her hat and gloves on the
table； runs after her with them。＇ Oh； THANK you。 And oh； please；
if I must have one of his sons； I should like a fair one that
doesn't shave； with soft hair and a beard。 I couldn't bear being
kissed by a bristly person。 ＇She runs out； the Manager bowing as
she passes。 He follows her。＇
Ermyntrude whips off her waterproof； hides it； and gets herself
swiftly into perfect trim at the mirror； before the Manager； with
a large jewel case in his hand； returns； ushering in the Inca。
THE MANAGER。 Captain Duval。
The Inca； in military uniform； advances with a marked and
imposing stage walk； stops； orders the trembling Manager by a
gesture to place the jewel case on the table； dismisses him with
a frown； touches his helmet graciously to Ermyntrude； and takes
off his cloak。
THE INCA。 I beg you； madam； to be quite at your ease； and to
speak to me without ceremony。
ERMYNTRUDE ＇moving haughtily and carelessly to the table＇。 I
hadn't the slightest intention of treating you with ceremony。
＇She sits down： a liberty which gives him a perceptible shock。＇ I
am quite at a loss to imagine why I should treat a perfect
stranger named Duval： a captain！ almost a subaltern！ with the
smallest ceremony。
THE INCA。 That is true。 I had for the moment forgotten my
position。
ERMYNTRUDE。 It doesn't matter。 You may sit down。
THE INCA ＇frowning。＇ What！
ERMYNTRUDE。 I said； you。。。may。。。sit。。。down。
THE INCA。 Oh。 ＇His moustache droops。 He sits down。＇
ERMYNTRUDE。 What is your business？
THE INCA。 I come on behalf of the Inca of Perusalem。
ERMYNTRUDE。 The Allerhochst？
THE INCA。 Precisely。
ERMYNTRUDE。 I wonder does he feel ridiculous when people call him
the Allerhochst。
THE INCA ＇surprised＇。 Why should he？ He IS the Allerhochst。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Is he nice looking？
THE INCA。 Ier。 ErI。 Ier。 I am not a good judge。
ERMYNTRUDE。 They say he takes himself very seriously。
THE INCA。 Why should he not； madam？ Providence has entrusted to
his family the care of a mighty empire。 He is in a position of
half divine； half paternal； responsibility towards sixty millions
of people； whose duty it is to die for him at the word of
command。 To take himself otherwise than seriously would be
blasphemous。 It is a punishable offenceseverely punishablein
Perusalem。 It is called Incadisparagement。
ERMYNTRUDE。 How cheerful！ Can he laugh？
THE INCA。 Certainly； madam。 ＇He laughs； harshly and mirthlessly。＇
Ha ha！ Ha ha ha！
ERMYNTRUDE ＇frigidly＇。 I asked could the Inca laugh。 I did not
ask could you laugh。
THE INCA。 That is true； madam。 ＇Chuckling。＇ Devilish amusing；
that！ ＇He laughs； genially and sincerely； and becomes a much more
agreeable person。＇ Pardon me： I am
