white lies-第57章

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〃Tell　my　wife　I　love　her　more　and　more　every　day。　　I　don't　expect　as　much　from　her；　but　she　will　make　me　very　happy　if　she　can　make　shift　to　like　me　as　well　as　her　family　do。〃〃No　danger！　　What　husband　deserves　to　be　loved　as　he　does？　　I　long　for　his　return；　that　his　wife；　his　mother；　and　his　sister　may　all　combine　to　teach　this　poor　soldier　what　happiness　means。　　We　owe　him　everything；　Josephine；　and　if　we　did　not　love　him；　and　make　him　happy；　we　should　be　monsters；　now　should　we　not？〃

Josephine　stammered　an　assent。

〃NOW　you　may　read　his　letter：　Jacintha　and　all；〃　said　the　baroness　graciously。

The　letter　circulated。　　Meantime；　the　baroness　conversed　with　Aubertin　in　quite　an　undertone。

〃My　friend；　look　at　Josephine。　　That　girl　is　ill；　or　else　she　is　going　to　be　ill。〃

〃Neither　the　one　nor　the　other；　madame；〃　said　Aubertin；　looking　her　coolly　in　the　face。

〃But　I　say　she　is。　　Is　a　doctor's　eye　keener　than　a　mother's？〃

〃Considerably；〃　replied　the　doctor　with　cool　and　enviable　effrontery。

The　baroness　rose。　　〃Now；　children；　for　our　evening　walk。　　We　shall　enjoy　it　now。〃

〃I　trust　you　may：　but　for　all　that　I　must　forbid　the　evening　air　to　one　of　the　partyto　Madame　Raynal。〃

The　baroness　came　to　him　and　whispered；　〃That　is　right。　　Thank　you。　See　what　is　the　matter　with　her；　and　tell　me。〃　　And　she　carried　off　the　rest　of　the　party。

At　the　same　time　Jacintha　asked　permission　to　pass　the　rest　of　the　evening　with　her　relations　in　the　village。　　But　why　that　swift；　quivering　glance　of　intelligence　between　Jacintha　and　Rose　de　Beaurepaire　when　the　baroness　said；　〃Yes；　certainly〃？

Time　will　show。

Josephine　and　the　doctor　were　left　alone。　　Now　Josephine　had　noticed　the　old　people　whisper　and　her　mother　glance　her　way；　and　the　whole　woman　was　on　her　guard。　　She　assumed　a　languid　complacency；　and　by　way　of　shield；　if　necessary；　took　some　work；　and　bent　her　eyes　and　apparently　her　attention　on　it。

The　doctor　was　silent　and　ill　at　ease。

She　saw　he　had　something　weighty　on　his　mind。　　〃The　air　would　have　done　me　no　harm；〃　said　she。

〃Neither　will　a　few　words　with　me。〃

〃Oh；　no；　dear　friend。　　Only　I　think　I　should　have　liked　a　little　walk　this　evening。〃

〃Josephine；〃　said　the　doctor　quietly；　〃when　you　were　a　child　I　saved　your　life。〃

〃I　have　often　heard　my　mother　speak　of　it。　　I　was　choked　by　the　croup；　and　you　had　the　courage　to　lance　my　windpipe。〃

〃Had　I？〃　said　the　doctor；　with　a　smile。　　He　added　gravely；　〃It　seems　then　that　to　be　cruel　is　sometimes　kindness。　　It　is　the　nature　of　men　to　love　those　whose　life　they　save。〃

〃And　they　love　you。〃

〃Well；　our　affection　is　not　perfect。　　I　don't　know　which　is　most　to　blame；　but　after　all　these　years　I　have　failed　to　inspire　you　with　confidence。〃　　The　doctor's　voice　was　sad；　and　Josephine's　bosom　panted。

〃Pray　do　not　say　so；〃　she　cried。　　〃I　would　trust　you　with　my　life。〃

〃But　not　with　your　secret。〃

〃My　secret！　　What　secret？　　I　have　no　secrets。〃

〃Josephine；　you　have　now　for　full　twelve　months　suffered　in　body　and　mind；　yet　you　have　never　come　to　me　for　counsel；　for　comfort；　for　an　old　man's　experience　and　advice；　nor　even　for　medical　aid。〃

〃But；　dear　friend；　I　assure　you〃

〃We　DO　NOT　deceive　our　friend。　　We　CANNOT　deceive　our　doctor。〃

Josephine　trembled；　but　defended　herself　after　the　manner　of　her　sex。　　〃Dear　doctor；〃　said　she；　〃I　love　you　all　the　better　for　this。　Your　regard　for　me　has　for　once　blinded　your　science。　　I　am　not　so　robust　as　you　have　known　me；　but　there　is　nothing　serious　the　matter　with　me。　　Let　us　talk　of　something　else。　　Besides；　it　is　not　interesting　to　talk　about　one's　self。〃

〃Very　well；　since　there　is　nothing　serious　or　interesting　in　your　case；　we　will　talk　about　something　that　is　both　serious　and　interesting。〃

〃With　all　my　heart；〃　and　she　smiled　with　a　sense　of　relief。

But　the　doctor　leaned　over　the　table　to　her；　and　said　in　a　cautious　and　most　emphatic　whisper；　〃We　will　talk　about　YOUR　CHILD。〃

The　work　dropped　from　Josephine's　hands：　she　turned　her　face　wildly　on　Aubertin；　and　faltered　out；　〃Mmy　child？〃

〃My　words　are　plain；〃　replied　he　gravely。　　〃YOUR　CHILD。〃

When　the　doctor　repeated　these　words；　when　Josephine　looking　in　his　face　saw　he　spoke　from　knowledge；　however　acquired；　and　not　from　guess；　she　glided　down　slowly　off　the　sofa　and　clasped　his　knees　as　he　stood　before　her；　and　hid　her　face　in　an　agony　of　shame　and　terror　on　his　knees。

〃Forgive　me；〃　she　sobbed。　　〃Pray　do　not　expose　me！　　Do　not　destroy　me。〃

〃Unhappy　young　lady；〃　said　he；　〃did　you　think　you　had　deceived　me；　or　that　you　are　fit　to　deceive　any　but　the　blind？　　Your　face；　your　anguish　after　Colonel　Dujardin's　departure；　your　languor；　and　then　your　sudden　robustness；　your　appetite；　your　caprices；　your　strange　sojourn　at　Frejus；　your　changed　looks　and　loss　of　health　on　your　return！　　Josephine；　your　old　friend　has　passed　many　an　hour　thinking　of　you；　divining　your　folly；　following　your　trouble　step　by　step。　Yet　you　never　invited　him　to　aid　you。〃

Josephine　faltered　out　a　lame　excuse。　　If　she　had　revered　him　less　she　could　have　borne　to　confess　to　him。　　She　added　it　would　be　a　relief　to　her　to　confide　in　him。

〃Then　tell　me　all；〃　said　he。

She　consented　almost　eagerly；　and　told　himnearly　all。　　The　old　man　was　deeply　affected。　　He　murmured　in　a　broken　voice；　〃Your　story　is　the　story　of　your　sex；　self…sacrifice；　first　to　your　mother；　then　to　Camille；　now　to　your　husband。〃

〃And　he　is　well　worthy　of　any　sacrifice　I　can　make；〃　said　Josephine。　〃But　oh；　how　hard　it　is　to　live！〃

〃I　hope　to　make　it　less　hard　to　you　ere　long；〃　said　the　doctor　quietly。　　He　then　congratulated　himself　on　having　forced　Josephine　to　confide　in　him。　　〃For；〃　said　he；　〃you　never　needed　an　experienced　friend　more　than　at　this　moment。　　Your　mother　will　not　always　be　so　blind　as　of　late。　　Edouard　is　suspicious。　　Jacintha　is　a　shrewd　young　woman；　and　very　inquisitive。〃

Josephine　was　not　at　the　end　of　her　concealments：　she　was　ashamed　to　let　him　know　she　had　made　a　confidant　of　Jacintha　and　not　of　him。　She　held　her　peace。

〃Then；〃　continued　Aubertin；　〃there　is　the　terrible　chance　of　Raynal's　return。　　But　ere　I　take　on　me　to　advise　you；　what　are　your　own　plans？〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　said　Josephine　helplessly。

〃Youdon'tknow！〃　cried　the　doctor；　looking　at　her　in　utter　amazement。

〃It　is　the　answer　of　a　mad　woman；　is　it　not？　　Doctor；　I　am　little　better。　　My　foot　has　slipped　on　the　edge　of　a　precipice。　　I　close　my　eyes；　and　let　myself　glide　down　it。　　What　will　become　of　me？〃

〃All　shall　be　well；〃　said　Aubertin；　〃provided　you　do　not　still　love　that　man。〃

Josephine　did　not　immediately　reply：　her　thoughts　turned　inwards。　The　good　doctor　was　proceeding　to　congratulate　her　on　being　cured　of　a　fatal　passion；　when　she　stopped　him　with　wonder　in　her　face。　　〃Not　love　him！　　How　can　I　help　loving　him？　　I　was　his　betrothed。　　I　wronged　him　in　my　thoughts。　　War；　prison；　anguish；　could　not　kill　him；　he　loved　me　so。　　He　struggled　bleeding　to　my　feet；　and　could　I　let　him　die；　after　all？　　Could　I　be　crueller　than　prison；　and　torture；　and　despair？〃

The　doctor　sighed　deeply；　but；　arming　himself　with　the　necessary　resolution；　he　sternly　replied；　〃A　woman　of　your　name　cannot　vacillate　between　love　and　honor；　such　vacillations　have　but　one　end。　　I　will　not　let　you　drift　a　moral　wreck　between　passion　and　virtue；　and　that　is　what　it　will　come　to　if　you　hesitate　now。〃

〃Hesitate！　　Who　can　say　I　have　hesitated　where　my　honor　was　concerned？　　You　can　read　our　bodies　then；　but　not　our　hearts。　　What！　you　see　me　so　pale；　forlorn；　and　dead；　and　that　does　not　tell　you　I　have　bid　Camille　farewell　forever？　　That　we　might　be　safer　still　I　have　not　even　told　him　he　is　a　father：　was　ever　woman　so　cruel　as　I　am？　　I　have　written　him　but　one　letter；　and　in　that　I　must　deceive　him。　　I　told　him　I　thought　I　might　one　day　be　happy；　if　I　could　hear　that　he　did　not　give　way　to　despair。　　I　told　him　we　must　never　meet　again　in　this　world。　　So　now　come　what　will：　show　me　my　duty　and　I　will　do　it。　　This　endless　deceit　burns　my　heart。　　Shall　I　tell　my　husband？　　It　will　be　but　one　pang　more；　one　blush　more　for　me。　　But　my　mother！〃　and；　thus　appealed　to；　Dr。　Aubertin　felt；　for　the　first　time；