white lies-第38章

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〃You　are　my　betrothed！　you　talk　of　duty；　but　you　forget　your　duty　to　me。　　Are　you　not　my　betrothed　this　four　years？　　Answer　me　that。〃

〃Yes；　Camille；　I　was。〃

〃Did　I　not　suffer　death　a　hundred　times　for　you；　to　keep　faith　with　you；　you　cold…blooded　traitress　with　an　angel's　face？〃

〃Ah；　Camille！　can　you　speak　so　bitterly　to　me？　　Have　I　denied　your　right　to　kill　me？　　You　shall　never　dishonor　me；　but　you　shall　kill　me；　if　it　is　your　pleasure。　　I　do　not　resist。　　Why；　then；　speak　to　me　like　that；　must　the　last　words　I　hear　from　your　mouth　be　words　of　anger；　cruel　Camille？〃

〃I　was　wrong。　　But　it　is　so　hard　to　kill　her　I　love　in　cold　blood。　I　want　anger　as　well　as　despair　to　keep　me　to　it。　　Come；　turn　your　head　away　from　me；　and　all　our　troubles　shall　end。〃

〃No；　Camille；　let　me　look　at　you。　　Then　you　will　be　the　last　thing　I　shall　see　on　earth。〃

At　this　he　hesitated　a　moment；　then；　with　a　fierce　stamp　at　what　he　thought　was　weakness；　he　levelled　a　pistol　at　her。

She　put　up　her　hands　with　a　piteous　cry；　〃Oh！　not　my　face；　Camille！　pray　do　not　disfigure　my　face。　　Herekill　me　herein　my　bosommy　heart　that　loved　you　well；　when　it　was　no　sin　to　love　you。〃

〃I　can't　shoot　you。　　I　can't　spill　your　blood。　　The　river　will　end　all；　and　not　disfigure　your　beauty；　that　has　driven　me　mad；　and　cost　you；　poor　wretch；　your　life。〃

〃Thank　you；　dear　Camille。　　The　water　does　not　frighten　me　as　a　pistol　does；　it　will　not　hurt　me；　it　will　only　kill　me。〃

〃No；　it　is　but　a　plunge；　and　you　will　be　at　peace　forever；　and　so　shall　I。　　Come；　take　my　hand；　Madame　Raynal；　Madame　Raynal。〃

She　gave　him　her　hand　with　a　look　of　infinite　love。　　She　only　said；　〃My　poor　mother！〃　　That　word　did　not　fall　to　the　ground。　　It　flashed　like　lightning　at　night　across　the　demented　lover；　and　lighted　up　his　egotism　（suicide；　like　homicide；　is　generally　a　fit　of　maniacal　egotism）；　even　to　his　eyes　blinded　by　fury。

〃Wretch　that　I　am；〃　he　shrieked。　　〃Fly；　Josephine；　fly！　escape　this　moment；　that　my　better　angel　whispers　to　me。　　Do　you　hear？　begone；　while　it　is　time。〃

〃I　will　not　leave　you；　Camille。〃

〃I　say　you　shall。　　Go　to　your　mother　and　Rose；　go　to　those　you　love；　and　I　can　pity；　go　to　the　chapel　and　thank　Heaven　for　your　escape。〃

〃Yes；　but　not　without　you；　Camille。　　I　am　afraid　to　leave　you。〃

〃You　have　more　to　fear　if　you　stay。　　Well；　I　can't　wait　any　longer。　Stay；　then；　and　live；　and　learn　from　me　how　to　love　Jean　Raynal。〃

He　levelled　the　pistol　at　himself。

Josephine　threw　herself　on　him　with　a　cry；　and　seized　his　arm。　　With　the　strength　excitement　lent　her　she　got　the　better；　and　all　but　overpowered　him。　　But；　as　usual；　the　man's　strength　lasted　longer；　and　with　a　sustained　effort　he　threw　her　off；　then；　pale　and　panting；　raised　the　pistol　to　take　his　life。　　This　time　she　moved　neither　hand　nor　foot；　but　she　palsied　his　rash　hand　with　a　word。

〃No；　I　LOVE　YOU。〃


CHAPTER　XIII。


There　lie　the　dead　corpses　of　those　words　on　paper；　but　my　art　is　powerless　to　tell　you　how　they　were　uttered；　those　words；　potent　as　a　king's；　for　they　saved　a　life。

They　were　a　cry　of　terror　and　a　cry　of　reproach　and　a　cry　of　love　unfathomable。

The　weapon　shook　in　his　hand。　　He　looked　at　her　with　growing　astonishment　and　joy；　she　at　him　fixedly　and　anxiously；　her　hands　clasped　in　supplication。

〃As　you　used　to　love　me？〃

〃More；　far　more。　　Give　me　the　pistol。　　I　love　you；　dearest。　　I　love　you。〃

At　these　delicious　words　he　lost　all　power　of　resistance；　she　saw；　and　her　soft　and　supple　hand　stole　in　and　closed　upon　his；　and　gently　withdrew　the　weapon；　and　threw　it　into　the　water。　　〃Good　Camille！　now　give　me　the　other。〃

〃How　do　you　know　there　is　another？〃

〃I　know　you　are　not　the　man　to　kill　a　woman　and　spare　yourself。　Come。〃

〃Josephine；　have　pity　on　me；　do　not　deceive　me；　pray　do　not　take　this；　my　only　friend；　from　me；　unless　you　really　love　me。〃

〃I　love　you；　I　adore　you；〃　was　her　reply。

She　leaned　her　head　on　his　shoulder；　but　with　her　hand　she　sought　his；　and　even　as　she　uttered　those　loving　words　she　coaxed　the　weapon　from　his　now　unresisting　grasp。

〃There；　it　is　gone；　you　are　saved　from　deathsaved　from　crime。〃　And　with　that；　the　danger　was　over；　she　trembled　for　the　first　time；　and　fell　to　sobbing　hysterically。

He　threw　himself　at　her　knees；　and　embraced　them　again　and　again；　and　begged　her　forgiveness　in　a　transport　of　remorse　and　self…　reproach。

She　looked　down　with　tender　pity　on　him；　and　heard　his　cries　of　penitence　and　shame。

〃Rise；　Camille；　and　go　home　with　me；〃　said　she　faintly。

〃Yes；　Josephine。〃

They　went　slowly　and　in　silence。　　Camille　was　too　ashamed　and　penitent　to　speak；　too　full　of　terror　too　at　the　abyss　of　crime　from　which　he　had　been　saved。　　The　ancients　feigned　that　a　virgin　could　subdue　a　lion；　perhaps　they　meant　that　a　pure　gentle　nature　can　subdue　a　nature　fierce　but　generous。　　Lion…like　Camille　walked　by　Josephine's　side　with　his　eyes　bent　on　the　ground；　the　picture　of　humility　and　penitence。

〃This　is　the　last　walk　you　and　I　shall　take　together；〃　said　Josephine　solemnly。

〃I　know　it；〃　said　he　humbly。　　〃I　have　forfeited　all　right　to　be　by　your　side。〃

〃My　poor；　lost　love；〃　sighed　Josephine；　〃will　you　never　understand　me？　　You　never　stood　higher　in　my　esteem　than　at　this　moment。　　It　is　the　avowal　you　have　forced　from　ME　that　parts　us。　　The　man　to　whom　I　have　said　'I'must　not　remain　beneath　my　husband's　roof。　　Does　not　your　sense　of　honor　agree　with　mine？〃

〃It　does；〃　faltered　he。

〃To…morrow　you　must　leave　the　chateau。〃

〃I　will　obey　you。〃

〃What；　you　do　not　resist；　you　do　not　break　my　heart　by　complaints；　by　reproaches？〃

〃No；　Josephine；　all　is　changed。　　I　thought　you　unfeeling：　I　thought　you　were　going　to　be　HAPPY　with　him；　that　was　what　maddened　me。〃

〃I　pray　daily　YOU　may　be　happy；　no　matter　how。　　But　you　and　I　are　not　alike；　dear　as　we　are　to　one　another。　　Well；　do　not　fear：　I　shall　never　be　happywill　that　soothe　you；　Camille？〃

〃Yes；　Josephine；　all　is　changed；　the　words　you　have　spoken　have　driven　the　fiends　out　of　my　heart。　　I　have　nothing　to　do　now　but　to　obey；　you　to　command：　it　is　your　right。　　Since　you　love　me　a　little　still；　dispose　of　me。　　Bid　me　live：　bid　me　die：　bid　me　stay：　bid　me　go。　　I　shall　never　disobey　the　angel　who　loves　me；　my　only　friend　upon　the　earth。〃

A　single　deep　sob　from　Josephine　was　all　the　answer。

Then　he　could　not　help　asking　her　why　she　had　not　trusted　him？

〃Why　did　you　not　say　to　me　long　ago；　'I　love　you；　but　I　am　a　wife；　my　husband　is　an　honest　soldier；　absent；　and　fighting　for　France：　I　am　the　guardian　of　his　honor　and　my　own；　be　just；　be　generous；　be　self…denying；　depart　and　love　me　only　as　angels　love'？　　Perhaps　this　might　have　helped　me　to　show　you　that　I　too　am　a　man　of　honor。〃

〃Perhaps　I　was　wrong；〃　sighed　Josephine。　　〃I　think　I　should　have　trusted　more　to　you。　　But　then；　who　would　have　thought　you　could　really　doubt　my　love？　　You　were　ill；　I　could　not　bear　you　to　go　till　you　were　well；　quite　well。　　I　saw　no　other　way　to　keep　you　but　this；　to　treat　you　with　feigned　coldness。　　You　saw　the　coldness；　but　not　what　it　cost　me　to　maintain　it。　　Yes；　I　was　unjust；　and　inconsiderate；　for　I　had　many　furtive　joys　to　sustain　me：　I　had　you　in　my　house　under　my　carethat　thought　was　always　sweetI　had　a　hand　in　everything　that　was　for　your　good；　for　your　comfort。　　I　helped　Jacintha　make　your　soup　and　your　chocolate　every　day。　　I　had　the　delight　of　lining　the　dressing…gown　you　were　to　wear。　　I　had　always　some　little　thing　or　other　to　do　for　you。　　These　kept　me　up：　I　forgot　in　my　selfishness　that　you　had　none　of　these　supports；　and　that　I　was　driving　you　to　despair。　　I　am　a　foolish；　disingenuous　woman：　I　have　been　very　culpable。　　Forgive　me！〃

〃Forgive　you；　angel　of　purity　and　goodness？　　I　alone　am　to　blame。　What　right　had　I　to　doubt　your　heart？　　I　knew　the　whole　story　of　your　marriage；　I　saw　your　sweet　pale　face；　but　I　was　not　pure　enough　to　comprehend　angelic　virtue　and　unselfishness。　　Well；　I　am　brought　to　my　senses。　　There　is　but　one　thing　for　me　to　doyou　bade　me　leave　you　to…morrow。〃

〃I　was　very　cruel。〃

〃No！　not　cruel；　wise。　　But　I　will　be　wiser。　　I　shall　go　to…night。〃

〃To…night；　Camille？〃　said　Josephine；　turning　pa