white lies-第34章

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They　put　the　gray　gown　on　her；　both　weeping　patiently。　　It　will　be　known　at　the　last　day；　all　that　honest　women　have　suffered　weeping　silently　in　this　noisy　world。


Camille　soon　recovered　his　senses　and　a　portion　of　his　strength：　then　the　irritation　of　his　wound　brought　on　fever。　　This　in　turn　retired　before　the　doctor's　remedies　and　a　sound　constitution；　but　it　left　behind　it　a　great　weakness　and　general　prostration。　　And　in　this　state　the　fate　of　the　body　depends　greatly　on　the　mind。

The　baroness　and　the　doctor　went　constantly　to　see　him；　and　soothe　him：　he　smiled　and　thanked　them；　but　his　eager　eyes　watched　the　door　for　one　who　came　not。

When　he　got　well　enough　to　leave　his　bed　the　largest　couch　was　sent　up　to　him　from　the　saloon；　a　kind　hand　lined　the　baron's　silk　dressing…gown　for　him　warm　and　soft　and　nice；　and　he　would　sit　or　lie　on　his　couch；　or　take　two　turns　in　the　room　leaning　upon　Rose's　shoulder；　and　glad　of　the　support；　and　he　looked　piteously　in　her　eyes　when　she　came　and　when　she　went。　　Rose　looked　down；　she　could　do　nothing；　she　could　say　nothing。

With　his　strength；　Camille　lost　a　portion　of　his　pride：　he　pined　for　a　sight　of　her　he　no　longer　respected；　pined　for　her；　as　the　thirsty　pine　for　water　in　Sahara。

At　last　one　day　he　spoke　out。　　〃How　kind　you　are　to　me；　Rose！　how　kind　you　all　arebut　one。〃

He　waited　in　hopes　she　would　say　something；　but　she　held　her　tongue。

〃At　least　tell　me　why　it　is。　　Is　she　ashamed？　　Is　she　afraid？〃

〃Neither。〃

〃She　hates　me：　it　is　true；　then；　that　we　hate　those　whom　we　have　wounded。　　Cruel；　cruel　Josephine！　　Oh；　heart　of　marble　against　which　my　heart　has　wrecked　itself　forever！〃

〃No；　no！　　She　is　anything　but　cruel：　but　she　is　Madame　Raynal。〃

〃Ah！　I　forgot。　　But　have　I　no　claim　on　her？　　Nearly　four　years　she　has　been　my　betrothed。　　What　have　I　done？　　Was　I　ever　false　to　her？　I　could　forgive　her　for　what　she　has　done　to　me；　but　she　cannot　forgive　me。　　Does　she　mean　never　to　see　me　again？〃

〃Ask　yourself　what　good　could　come　of　it。〃

〃Very　well；〃　said　Camille；　with　a　malicious　smile。　　〃I　am　in　her　way。　　I　see　what　she　wants；　she　shall　have　it。〃

Rose　carried　these　words　to　Josephine。　　They　went　through　her　like　a　sword。

Rose　pitied　her。　　Rose　had　a　moment's　weakness。

〃Let　us　go　to　him；〃　she　said；　〃anything　is　better　than　this。〃

〃Rose；　I　dare　not；〃　was　the　wise　reply。

But　the　next　day　early；　Josephine　took　Rose　to　a　door　outside　the　house；　a　door　that　had　long　been　disused。　　Nettles　grew　before　it。　She　produced　a　key　and　with　great　difficulty　opened　this　door。　　It　led　to　the　tapestried　chamber；　and　years　ago　they　used　to　steal　up　it　and　peep　into　the　room。

Rose　scarcely　needed　to　be　told　that　she　was　to　watch　Camille；　and　report　to　her。　　In　truth；　it　was　a　mysterious；　vague　protection　against　a　danger　equally　mysterious。　　Yet　it　made　Josephine　easier。　But　so　unflinching　was　her　prudence　that　she　never　once　could　be　prevailed　on　to　mount　those　stairs；　and　peep　at　Camille　herself。　　〃I　must　starve　my　heart；　not　feed　it；〃　said　she。　　And　she　grew　paler　and　more　hollow…eyed　day　by　day。

Yet　this　was　the　same　woman　who　showed　such　feebleness　and　irresolution　when　Raynal　pressed　her　to　marry　him。　　But　then　dwarfs　feebly　drew　her　this　way　and　that。　　Now　giants　fought　for　her。　Between　a　feeble　inclination　and　a　feeble　disinclination　her　dead　heart　had　drifted　to　and　fro。　　Now　honor；　duty；　gratitude；which　last　with　her　was　a　passion；dragged　her　one　way：　love；　pity；　and　remorse　another。

Not　one　of　these　giants　would　relax　his　grasp；　and　nothing　yielded　except　her　vital　powers。　　Yes；　her　temper；　one　of　the　loveliest　Heaven　ever　gave　a　human　creature；　was　soured　at　times。

Was　it　a　wonder？　　There　lay　the　man　she　loved　pining　for　her；　cursing　her　for　her　cruelty；　and　alternately　praying　Heaven　to　forgive　him　and　to　bless　her：　sighing；　at　intervals；　all　the　day　long；　so　loud；　so　deep；　so　piteously；　as　if　his　heart　broke　with　each　sigh；　and　sometimes；　for　he　little　knew；　poor　soul；　that　any　human　eye　was　upon　him；　casting　aside　his　manhood　in　his　despair；　and　flinging　himself　on　the　very　floor；　and　muffling　his　head；　and　sobbing；　he　a　hero。

And　here　was　she　pining　in　secret　for　him　who　pined　for　her？　　〃I　am　not　a　woman　at　all；〃　said　she；　who　was　all　woman。　　〃I　am　crueller　to　him　than　a　tiger　or　any　savage　creature　is　to　the　victim　she　tears。　I　must　cure　him　of　his　love　for　me；　and　then　die；　for　what　shall　I　have　to　live　for？　　He　weeps；　he　sighs；　he　cries　for　Josephine。〃

Her　enforced　cruelty　was　more　contrary　to　this　woman's　nature　than　black　is　to　white；　or　heat　to　cold；　and　the　heart　rebelled　furiously　at　times。　　As　when　a　rock　tries　to　stem　a　current；　the　water　fights　its　way　on　more　sides　than　one；　so　insulted　nature　dealt　with　Josephine。　　Not　only　did　her　body　pine；　but　her　nerves　were　exasperated。　　Sudden　twitches　came　over　her；　that　almost　made　her　scream。　　Her　permanent　state　was　utter　despondency；　but　across　it　came　fitful　flashes　of　irritation；　and　then　she　was　scarce　mistress　of　herself。

Wherefore　you；　who　find　some　holy　woman　cross　and　bitter；　stop　a　moment　before　you　sum　her　up　vixen　and　her　religion　naught：　inquire　the　history　of　her　heart：　perhaps　beneath　the　smooth　cold　surface　of　duties　well　discharged；　her　life　has　been；　or　even　is；　a　battle　against　some　self…indulgence　the　insignificant　saint's　very　blood　cries　out　for：　and　so　the　poor　thing　is　cross；　not　because　she　is　bad；　but　because　she　is　better　than　the　rest　of　us；　yet　only　human。

Now　though　Josephine　was　more　on　her　guard　with　the　baroness　than　with　Rose；　or　the　doctor；　or　Jacintha；　her　state　could　not　altogether　escape　the　vigilance　of　a　mother's　eye。

But　the　baroness　had　not　the　clew　we　have；　and　what　a　difference　that　makes！　　How　small　an　understanding；　put　by　accident　or　instruction　on　the　right　track；　shall　run　the　game　down！　　How　great　a　sagacity　shall　wander　if　it　gets　on　a　false　scent！

〃Doctor；〃　said　the　baroness　one　day；　〃you　are　so　taken　up　with　your　patient　you　neglect　the　rest　of　us。　　Do　look　at　Josephine！　　She　is　ill；　or　going　to　be　ill。　　She　is　so　pale；　and　so　fretful；　so　peevish；　which　is　not　in　her　nature。　　Would　you　believe　it；　doctor；　she　snaps？〃

〃Our　Josephine　snap？　　This　is　new。〃

〃And　snarls。〃

〃Then　look　for　the　end　of　the　world。〃

〃The　other　day　I　heard　her　snap　Rose：　and　this　morning　she　half　snarled　at　me；　just　because　I　pressed　her　to　go　and　console　our　patient。　　Hush！　here　she　is。　　My　child；　I　am　accusing　you　to　the　doctor。　　I　tell　him　you　neglect　his　patient：　never　go　near　him。〃

〃I　will　visit　him　one　of　these　days；〃　said　Josephine；　coldly。

〃One　of　these　days；〃　said　the　baroness；　shocked。　　〃You　used　not　to　be　so　hard…hearted。　　A　soldier；　an　old　comrade　of　your　husband's；　wounded　and　sick；　and　you　alone　never　go　to　him；　to　console　him　with　a　word　of　sympathy　or　encouragement。〃

Josephine　looked　at　her　mother　with　a　sort　of　incredulous　stare。　Then；　after　a　struggle；　she　replied　with　a　tone　and　manner　so　spiteful　and　icy　that　it　would　have　deceived　even　us　who　know　her　had　we　heard　it。　　〃He　has　plenty　of　nurses　without　me。〃　　She　added；　almost　violently；　〃My　husband；　if　he　were　wounded；　would　not　have　so　many；　perhaps　not　have　one。〃

With　this　she　rose　and　went　out；　leaving　them　aghast。　　She　sat　down　in　the　passage　on　a　window…seat；　and　laughed　hysterically。　　Rose　heard　her　and　ran　to　her。　　Josephine　told　her　what　her　mother　had　said　to　her。　　Rose　soothed　her。　　〃Never　mind；　you　have　your　sister　who　understands　you：　don't　you　go　back　till　they　have　got　some　other　topic。〃

Rose　out　of　curiosity　went　in；　and　found　a　discussion　going　on。　　The　doctor　was　fathoming　Josephine；　for　the　benefit　of　his　companion。

〃It　is　a　female　jealousy；　and　of　a　mighty　innocent　kind。　　We　are　so　taken　up　with　this　poor　fellow；　she　thinks　her　soldier　is　forgotten。〃

〃Surely；　doctor；　our　Josephine　would　not　be　so　unreasonable；　so　unjust；〃　suggested　her　mother。

〃She　belongs　to　a　sex；　be　it　said　without　offending　you；　madame；　among　whose　numberless　virtues　justice　does　not　fill　a　prominent　place。〃

The　baroness　shook　her　head。　　〃That　is　not　it。　　It　is　a　piece　of　prudery。　　This　young　gentleman　was　a　sort　of　admirer　of　hers；　though　s