white lies-第25章

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〃We　miss　our　merry；　spirited　companion；〃　said　the　baroness　with　a　grim　look　at　Rose。　　Both　young　ladies　assented　with　ludicrous　eagerness。

That　night　Rose　came　and　slept　with　Josephine；　and　more　than　once　she　awoke　with　a　start　and　seized　Josephine　convulsively　and　held　her　tight。

Accused　of　egoism！　at　first　her　whole　nature　rose　in　arms　against　the　charge：　but；　after　a　while；　coming　as　it　did　from　so　revered　a　person；　it　forced　her　to　serious　self…examination。　　The　poor　girl　said　to　herself；　〃Mamma　is　a　shrewd　woman。　　Am　I　after　all　deceiving　myself？　　Would　she　be　happy；　and　am　I　standing　in　the　way？〃　　In　the　morning　she　begged　her　sister　to　walk　with　her　in　the　park；　so　that　they　might　be　safe　from　interruption。

There；　she　said　sadly；　she　could　not　understand　her　own　sister。　〃Why　are　you　so　calm　and　cold；　while　am　I　in　tortures　of　anxiety？　Have　you　made　some　resolve　and　not　confided　it　to　your　Rose？〃

〃No；　love；〃　was　the　reply；　〃I　am　scarce　capable　of　a　resolution；　I　am　a　mere　thing　that　drifts。〃

〃Let　me　put　it　in　other　words；　then。　　How　will　this　end？〃

〃I　hardly　know。〃

〃Do　you　mean　to　marry　Monsieur　Raynal；　then？　answer　me　that。〃

〃No；　but　I　should　not　wonder　if　he　were　to　marry　ME。〃

〃But　you　said　'no。'〃

〃Yes；　I　said　'no'　once。〃

〃And　don't　you　mean　to　say　it　again；　and　again；　and　again；　till　kingdom　come？〃

〃What　is　the　use？　you　heard　him　say　he　would　not　desist　any　the　more；　and　I　care　too　little　about　the　matter　to　go　on　persisting；　and　persisting；　and　persisting。〃

〃Why　not；　if　he　goes　on　pestering；　and　pestering；　and　pestering？〃

〃Ah；　he　is　like　you；　all　energy；　at　all　hours；　but　I　have　so　little　where　my　heart　is　unconcerned：　he　seems；　too；　to　have　a　wish！　　I　have　none　either　way；　and　my　conscience　says　'marry　him！'〃

〃Your　conscience　say　marry　one　man　when　you　love　another？〃

〃Heaven　forbid！　　Rose；　I　love　no　one：　I　HAVE　loved；　but　now　my　heart　is　dead　and　silent；　only　my　conscience　says；　'You　are　the　cause　of　all　your　mother's　trouble；　you　are　the　cause　that　Beaurepaire　was　sold。　　Now　you　can　repair　that　mischief；　and　at　the　same　time　make　a　brave　man　happy；　our　benefactor　happy。'　　It　is　a　great　temptation：　I　hardly　know　why　I　said　'no'　at　all；　surprise；　perhapsor　to　please　you；　pretty　one。〃

Rose　groaned：　〃Are　you　then　worth　so　little　that　you　would　throw　yourself　away　on　a　man　who　does　not　love　you；　nor　want　you；　and　is　quite　as　happy　single？〃

〃No；　not　happy；　he　is　only　stout…hearted　and　good；　and　therefore　content；　and　he　is　a　character　that　it　would　be　easyin　short；　I　feel　my　power　here：　I　could　make　that　man　happy；　he　has　nobody　to　write　to　even；　when　he　is　awaypoor　fellow！〃

〃I　shall　lose　all　patience；〃　cried　Rose；　〃you　are　at　your　old　trick；　thinking　of　everybody　but　yourself：　I　let　you　do　it　in　trifles；　but　I　love　you　too　well　to　permit　it　when　the　happiness　of　your　whole　life　is　at　stake。　　I　must　be　satisfied　on　one　point；　or　else　this　marriage　shall　never　take　place：　just　answer　me　this；　if　Camille　Dujardin　stood　on　one　side；　and　Monsieur　Raynal　on　the　other；　and　both　asked　your　hand；　which　would　you　take？〃

〃That　will　never　be。　　Whose？　　Not　his　whom　I　despise。　　Esteem　might　ripen　into　love；　but　what　must　contempt　end　in？〃

This　reply　gave　Rose　great　satisfaction。　　To　exhaust　all　awkward　contingencies；　she　said；　〃One　question　more；　and　I　have　done。　Suppose　Camille　should　turn　outbe　not　quitewhat　shall　I　say　inexcusable？〃

At　this　unlucky　gush；　Josephine　turned　pale；　then　red；　then　pale　again；　and　cried　eagerly；　〃Then　all　the　world　should　not　part　us。　Why　torture　me　with　such　a　question？　　Ah！　you　have　heard　something。〃　And　in　a　moment　the　lava　of　passion　burst　wildly　through　its　thin　sheet　of　ice。　　〃I　was　blind。　　This　is　why　you　would　save　me　from　this　unnatural　marriage。　　You　are　breaking　the　good　news　to　me　by　degrees。　　There　is　no　need。　　Quickquicklet　me　have　it。　　I　have　waited　three　years；　I　am　sick　of　waiting。　　Why　don't　you　speak？　　Why　don't　you　tell　me？　　Then　I　will　tell　YOU。　　He　is　alivehe　is　well　he　is　coming。　　It　was　not　he　those　soldiers　saw；　they　were　so　far　off。　　How　could　they　tell？　　They　saw　a　uniform　but　not　a　face。　Perhaps　he　has　been　a　prisoner；　and　so　could　not　write；　could　not　come：　but　he　is　coming　now。　　Why　do　you　groan？　why　do　you　turn　pale？　ah！　I　see；　I　have　once　more　deceived　myself。　　I　was　mad。　　He　I　love　is　still　a　traitor　to　France　and　me；　and　I　am　wretched　forever。　　Oh！　that　I　were　dead！　oh！　that　I　were　dead！　　No；　don't　speak　to　me：　never　mind　me；　this　madness　will　pass　as　it　has　before；　and　leave　me　a　dead　thing　among　the　living。　　Ah！　sister；　why　did　you　wake　me　from　my　dream？　　I　was　drifting　so　calmly；　so　peacefully；　so　dead；　and　painless；　drifting　over　the　dead　sea　of　the　heart　towards　the　living　waters　of　gratitude　and　duty。　　I　was　going　to　make　more　than　one　worthy　soul　happy；　and　seeing　them　happy；　I　should　have　been　content　and　usefulwhat　am　I　now？and　comforted　other　hearts；　and　died　joyfuland　young。　　For　God　is　good；　he　releases　the　meek　and　patient　from　their　burdens。〃

With　this　came　a　flood　of　tears；　and　she　leaned　against　a　bough　with　her　forehead　on　her　arm；　bowed　like　a　wounded　lily。

〃Accursed　be　that　man's　name；　and　MY　tongue　if　ever　I　utter　it　again　in　your　hearing！〃　cried　Rose；　weeping　bitterly。　　〃You　are　wiser　than　I；　and　every　way　better。　　O　my　darling；　dry　your　tears！　　Here　he　comes：　look！　riding　across　the　park。〃

〃Rose；〃　cried　Josephine；　hastily；　〃I　leave　all　to　you。　　Receive　Monsieur　Raynal；　and　decline　his　offer　if　you　think　proper。　　It　is　you　who　love　me　best。　　My　mother　would　give　me　up　for　a　house；　for　an　estate；　poor　dear。〃

〃I　would　not　give　you　for　all　the　world。〃

〃I　know　it。　　I　trust　all　to　you。〃

〃Well；　but　don't　go；　stay　and　hear　what　I　shall　say。〃

〃Oh；　no；　that　poor　man　is　intolerable　to　me　NOW。　　Let　me　avoid　his　sight；　and　think　of　his　virtues。〃

Rose　was　left　alone；　mistress　of　her　sister's　fate。　　She　put　her　head　into　her　hands　and　filled　with　anxiety　and　sudden　doubt。

Like　a　good　many　more　of　us；　she　had　been　positive　so　long　as　the　decision　did　not　rest　with　her。　　But　with　power　comes　responsibility；　with　responsibility　comes　doubt。　　Easy　to　be　an　advocate　in　re　incerta；　hard　to　be　the　judge。　　And　she　had　but　a　few　seconds　to　think　in；　for　Raynal　was　at　hand。　　The　last　thing　in　her　mind　before　he　joined　her　was　the　terrible　power　of　that　base　Camille　over　her　sister。　　She　despaired　of　curing　Josephine；　but　a　husband　might。　　There's　such　divinity　doth　hedge　a　husband　in　innocent　girls'　minds。

〃Well；　little　lady；〃　began　Raynal；　〃and　how　are　you；　and　how　is　my　mother…in…law　that　is　to　beor　is　not　to　be；　as　your　sister　pleases；　and　how　is　SHE？　have　I　frightened　her　away？　　There　were　two　petticoats；　and　now　there　is　but　one。〃

〃She　left　me　to　answer　you。〃

〃All　the　worse　for　me：　I　am　not　to　your　taste。〃

〃Do　not　say　that；〃　said　Rose；　almost　hysterically。

〃Oh！　it　is　no　sacrilege。　　Not　one　in　fifty　likes　me。〃

〃But　I　do　like　you；　sir。〃

〃Then　why　won't　you　let　me　have　your　sister？〃

〃I　have　not　quite　decided　that　you　shall　not　have　her；〃　faltered　poor　Rose。　　She　murmured　on；　〃I　dare　say　you　think　me　very　unkind；　very　selfish；　but　put　yourself　in　my　place。　　I　love　my　sister　as　no　man　can　ever　love　her；　I　know：　my　heart　has　been　one　flesh　and　one　soul　with　hers　all　my　life。　　A　stranger　comes　and　takes　her　away　from　me　as　if　she　was　I　don't　know　what；　his　portmanteau；　takes　her　to　Egypt；　oh！　oh！　oh！〃

Raynal　comforted　her。

〃What；　do　you　think　I　am　such　a　brute　as　to　take　that　delicate　creature　about　fighting　with　me？　why；　the　hot　sand　would　choke　her；　to　begin。　　No。　　You　don't　take　my　manoeuvre。　　I　have　no　family；　I　try　for　a　wife　that　will　throw　me　in　a　mother　and　sister。　　You　will　live　all　together　the　same　as　before；　of　course；　only　you　must　let　me　make　one　of　you　when　I　am　at　home。　　And　how　often　will　that　be？　Besides；　I　am　as　likely　to　be　knocked　on　the　head　in　Egypt　as　not；　you　are　worrying　yourself　for　nothing；　little　lady。〃

He　uttered　the　last　topic　of　consolation　in　a　broad；　hearty；　hilarious　tone；　like　a　trombone　impregnated　with　cheerful　views　of　fate。

〃Heaven　forbid！〃　cried　Rose：　〃and　I　will；　for　even　I　shall　pray　for　you　now。　　What　you　will　l