oliver twist(雾都孤儿(孤星血泪))-第3章
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systematic course of treachery and deception。 He was
brought up by hand。 The hungry and destitute situation of
the infant orphan was duly reported by the workhouse authorities
to the parish authorities。 The parish authorities inquired with
dignity of the workhouse authorities； whether there was no female
then domiciled in “the house” who was in a situation to impart to
Oliver Twist the consolation and nourishment of which he stood in
need。 The workhouse authorities replied with humility； that there
was not。 Upon this； the parish authorities magnanimously and
humanely resolved； that Oliver should be “farmed” or； in other
words； that he should be despatched to a branch workhouse some
three miles off； where twenty or thirty other juvenile offenders
against the poor…laws rolled about the floor all day； without the
inconvenience of too much food or too much clothing； under the
parental superintendence of an elderly female； who received the
culprits at and for the consideration of sevenpence…halfpenny per
small head per week。 Sevenpence…halfpenny’s worth per week is a
good round diet for a child； a great deal may be got for
sevenpence…halfpenny—quite enough to overload its stomach； and
make it uncomfortable。 The elderly female was a woman of
wisdom and experience； she knew what was good for children；
and she had a very accurate perception of what was good for
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Oliver Twist
herself。 So； she appropriated the greater part of the weekly
stipend to her own use； and consigned the rising parochial
generation to even a shorter allowance than was originally
provided for them。 Thereby finding in the lowest depth a deeper
still； and proving herself a very great experimental philosopher。
Everybody knows the story of another experimental
philosopher who had a great theory about a horse being able to
live without eating； and who demonstrated it so well； that he got
his own horse down to a straw a day； and would most
unquestionably have rendered him a very spirited and rampacious
animal on nothing at all； if he had not died； four and twenty hours
before he was to have had his first comfortable bait of air。
Unfortunately for the experimental philosophy of the female to
whose protecting care Oliver Twist was delivered over； a similar
result usually attended the operation of her system； for at the very
moment when a child had contrived to exist upon the smallest
possible portion of the weakest possible food； it did perversely
happen in eight and a half cases out of ten； either that it sickened
from want and cold； or fell into the fire from neglect； or got half…
smothered by accident； in any one of which cases； the miserable
little being； was usually summoned into another world； and there
gathered to the fathers it had never known in this。
Occasionally； when there was some more than usually
interesting inquest upon a parish child who had been overlooked
in turning up a bedstead； or inadvertently scalded to death when
there happened to be a washing—though the latter accident was
very scarce； anything approaching to a washing being of rare
occurrence in the farm—the jury would take it into their heads to
ask troublesome questions； or the parishioners would rebelliously
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Oliver Twist
affix their signatures to a remonstrance。 But these impertinences
were speedily checked by the evidence of the surgeon； and the
testimony of the beadle； the former of whom had always opened
the body and found nothing inside （which was very probable
indeed） and the latter of whom invariably swore whatever the
parish wanted； which was very self…devotional。 Besides； the Board
made periodical pilgrimages to the farm； and always sent the
beadle the day before； to say they were going。 The children were
neat and clean to behold； when they went； and what more would
the people have！
It cannot be expected that this system of farming would
produce any very extraordinary or luxuriant crop。 Oliver Twist’s
ninth birthday found him a pale； thin child； somewhat diminutive
in stature； and decidedly small in circumference。 But nature or
inheritance had implanted a good sturdy spirit in Oliver’s breast。
It had had plenty of room to expand； thanks to the spare diet of
the establishment； and perhaps to this circumstance may be
attributed his having any ninth birthday at all。 Be this as it may；
however； it was his ninth birthday； and he was keeping it in the
coal…cellar with a select party of two other young gentlemen； who；
after participating with him in a sound thrashing； had been locked
up for atrociously presuming to be hungry； when Mrs。 Mann； the
good lady of the house； was unexpectedly startled by the
apparition of Mr。 Bumble； the beadle； striving to undo the wicket
of the garden gate。
“Goodness gracious！ Is that you； Mr。 Bumble； sir？” said Mrs。
Mann； thrusting her head out of the window in well…affected
ecstasies of joy。 “（Susan； take Oliver and them two brats upstairs；
and wash ’em directly。） My heart alive！ Mr。 Bumble； how glad I am
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to see you； surely！”
Now； Mr。 Bumble was a fat man； and a choleric； so； instead of
responding to this open…hearted salutation in a kindred spirit； he
gave the little wicket a tremendous shake； and then bestowed
upon it a kick which could have emanated from no leg but a
beadle’s。
“Lor； only think；” said Mrs。 Mann； running out—for the three
boys had been removed by this time—“only think of that！ That I
should have forgotten that the gate was bolted on the inside； on
account of them dear children！ Walk in； sir； walk in； pray； Mr。
Bumble； do； sir。”
Although this invitation was accompanied with a curtsey that
might have softened the heart of a church…warden； it by no means
mollified the beadle。
“Do you think this respectful or proper conduct； Mrs。 Mann；”
inquired Mr。 Bumble； grasping his cane； “to keep the parish
officers a…waiting at your garden gate； when they come here upon
porochial business connected with the porochial orphans？ Are you
aweer； Mrs。 Mann； that you are； as I may say； a porochial delegate；
and a stipendiary？”
“I’m sure； Mr。 Bumble； that I was only a…telling one or two of
the dear children as is so fond of you； that it was you a…coming；”
replied Mrs。 Mann； with great humility。
Mr。 Bumble had a great idea of his oratorical powers and his
importance。 He had displayed the one； and vindicated the other。
He relaxed。
“Well； well； Mrs。 Mann；” he replied； in a calmer tone； “it may be
as you say； it may be。 Lead the way in； Mrs。 Mann； for I come on
business； and have something to say。”
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Mrs。 Mann ushered the beadle into a small parlour with a brick
floor； placed a seat for him； and officiously deposited his cocked
hat and cane on the table before him。 Mr。 Bumble wiped from his
forehead the perspiration which his walk had engendered； glanced
complacently at the cocked hat； and smiled。 Yes； he smiled。
Beadles are but men： and Mr。 Bumble smiled。
“Now don’t you be offended at what I’m a…going to say；”
observed Mrs。 Mann； with captivating sweetness。 “You’ve had a
long walk； you know； or I wouldn’t mention it。 Now； will you take a
little drop of something； Mr。 Bumble？”
“Not a drop。 Not a drop；” said Mr。 Bumble； waving his right
hand in a dignified but placid manner。
“I think you will；” said Mrs。 Mann； who had noticed the tone of
the refusal； and the gesture that had accompanied it。 “Just a leetle
drop； with a little cold water； and a lump of sugar。”
Mr。 Bumble coughed。
“Now； just a leetle drop；” said Mrs。 Mann persuasively。
“What is it？” inquired the beadle。
“Why； it’s what I’m obliged to keep a little of in the house； to
put into the blessed infants’ Daffy； when they ain’t well； Mr。
Bumble；” replied Mrs。 Mann； as she opened a corner cupboard；
and took down a bottle and glass。 “It’s gin。 I’ll not deceive you； Mr。
