character-第58章

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especially　upon　their　disposition　to　be　cheerful；　upon　their

complaisance；　kindliness　of　manner；　and　willingness　to　oblige

othersdetails　of　conduct　which　are　like　the　small…change　in　the

intercourse　of　life；　and　are　always　in　request。



Men　may　show　their　disregard　of　others　in　various　unpolite　ways

as；　for　instance；　by　neglect　of　propriety　in　dress；　by　the　absence

of　cleanliness；　or　by　indulging　in　repulsive　habits。　　The　slovenly

dirty　person；　by　rendering　himself　physically　disagreeable；　sets

the　tastes　and　feelings　of　others　at　defiance；　and　is　rude　and

uncivil　only　under　another　form。



David　Ancillon；　a　Huguenot　preacher　of　singular　attractiveness；

who　studied　and　composed　his　sermons　with　the　greatest　care；　was

accustomed　to　say　〃that　it　was　showing　too　little　esteem　for　the

public　to　take　no　pains　in　preparation；　and　that　a　man　who　should

appear　on　a　ceremonial…day　in　his　nightcap　and　dressing…gown；

could　not　commit　a　greater　breach　of　civility。〃



The　perfection　of　manner　is　easethat　it　attracts　no　man's

notice　as　such；　but　is　natural　and　unaffected。　　Artifice　is

incompatible　with　courteous　frankness　of　manner。　　Rochefoucauld

has　said　that　〃nothing　so　much　prevents　our　being　natural　as　the

desire　of　appearing　so。〃　　Thus　we　come　round　again　to　sincerity

and　truthfulness；　which　find　their　outward　expression　in

graciousness；　urbanity；　kindliness；　and　consideration　for　the

feelings　of　others。　　The　frank　and　cordial　man　sets　those　about

him　at　their　ease。　　He　warms　and　elevates　them　by　his　presence；

and　wins　all　hearts。　　Thus　manner；　in　its　highest　form；　like

character；　becomes　a　genuine　motive　power。



〃The　love　and　admiration；〃　says　Canon　Kingsley；　〃which　that　truly

brave　and　loving　man；　Sir　Sydney　Smith；　won　from　every　one；　rich

and　poor；　with　whom　he　came　in　contact　seems　to　have　arisen　from

the　one　fact；　that　without；　perhaps；　having　any　such　conscious

intention；　he　treated　rich　and　poor；　his　own　servants　and　the

noblemen　his　guests；　alike；　and　alike　courteously；　considerately；

cheerfully；　affectionatelyso　leaving　a　blessing；　and　reaping　a

blessing；　wherever　he　went。〃



Good　manners　are　usually　supposed　to　be　the　peculiar

characteristic　of　persons　gently　born　and　bred；　and　of　persons

moving　in　the　higher　rather　than　in　the　lower　spheres　of　society。

And　this　is　no　doubt　to　a　great　extent　true；　because　of　the　more

favourable　surroundings　of　the　former　in　early　life。　　But　there　is

no　reason　why　the　poorest　classes　should　not　practise　good　manners

towards　each　other　as　well　as　the　richest。



Men　who　toil　with　their　hands；　equally　with　those　who　do　not；　may

respect　themselves　and　respect　one　another；　and　it　is　by　their

demeanour　to　each　otherin　other　words；　by　their　mannersthat

self…respect　as　well　as　mutual　respect　are　indicated。　　There　is

scarcely　a　moment　in　their　lives；　the　enjoyment　of　which　might　not

be　enhanced　by　kindliness　of　this　sortin　the　workshop；　in　the

street；　or　at　home。　　The　civil　workman　will　exercise　increased

power　amongst　his　class；　and　gradually　induce　them　to　imitate　him

by　his　persistent　steadiness；　civility；　and　kindness。　　Thus

Benjamin　Franklin；　when　a　working…man；　is　said　to　have　reformed

the　habits　of　an　entire　workshop。



One　may　be　polite　and　gentle　with　very　little　money　in　his　purse。

Politeness　goes　far；　yet　costs　nothing。　　It　is　the　cheapest　of　all

commodities。　　It　is　the　humblest　of　the　fine　arts；　yet　it　is　so

useful　and　so　pleasure…giving；　that　it　might　almost　be　ranked

amongst　the　humanities。



Every　nation　may　learn　something　of　others；　and　if　there　be　one

thing　more　than　another　that　the　English　working…class　might

afford　to　copy　with　advantage　from　their　Continental　neighbours；

it　is　their　politeness。　　The　French　and　Germans；　of　even　the

humblest　classes；　are　gracious　in　manner；　complaisant；　cordial；

and　well…bred。　　The　foreign　workman　lifts　his　cap　and　respectfully

salutes　his　fellow…workman　in　passing。　　There　is　no　sacrifice　of

manliness　in　this；　but　grace　and　dignity。　　Even　the　lowest　poverty

of　the　foreign　workpeople　is　not　misery；　simply　because　it　is

cheerful。　　Though　not　receiving　one…half　the　income　which　our

working…classes　do；　they　do　not　sink　into　wretchedness　and　drown

their　troubles　in　drink；　but　contrive　to　make　the　best　of　life；

and　to　enjoy　it　even　amidst　poverty。



Good　taste　is　a　true　economist。　It　may　be　practised　on　small

means；　and　sweeten　the　lot　of　labour　as　well　as　of　ease。　　It　is

all　the　more　enjoyed；　indeed；　when　associated　with　industry　and

the　performance　of　duty。　　Even　the　lot　of　poverty　is　elevated

by　taste。　　It　exhibits　itself　in　the　economies　of　the　household。

It　gives　brightness　and　grace　to　the　humblest　dwelling。　　It

produces　refinement；　it　engenders　goodwill；　and　creates　an

atmosphere　of　cheerfulness。　　Thus　good　taste；　associated　with

kindliness；　sympathy；　and　intelligence；　may　elevate　and

adorn　even　the　lowliest　lot。



The　first　and　best　school　of　manners；　as　of　character；　is　always

the　Home；　where　woman　is　the　teacher。　　The　manners　of　society　at

large　are　but　the　reflex　of　the　manners　of　our　collective　homes；

neither　better　nor　worse。　　Yet；　with　all　the　disadvantages　of

ungenial　homes；　men　may　practise　self…culture　of　manner　as　of

intellect；　and　learn　by　good　examples　to　cultivate　a　graceful　and

agreeable　behaviour　towards　others。　　Most　men　are　like　so　many

gems　in　the　rough；　which　need　polishing　by　contact　with　other　and

better　natures；　to　bring　out　their　full　beauty　and　lustre。　　Some

have　but　one　side　polished；　sufficient　only　to　show　the　delicate

graining　of　the　interior；　but　to　bring　out　the　full　qualities　of

the　gem　needs　the　discipline　of　experience；　and　contact　with　the

best　examples　of　character　in　the　intercourse　of　daily　life。



A　good　deal　of　the　success　of　manner　consists　in　tact；　and　it　is

because　women；　on　the　whole；　have　greater　tact　than　men；　that　they

prove　its　most　influential　teachers。　　They　have　more　self…

restraint　than　men；　and　are　naturally　more　gracious　and　polite。

They　possess　an　intuitive　quickness　and　readiness　of　action；　have

a　keener　insight　into　character；　and　exhibit　greater

discrimination　and　address。　　In　matters　of　social　detail；　aptness

and　dexterity　come　to　them　like　nature；　and　hence　well…mannered

men　usually　receive　their　best　culture　by　mixing　in　the　society　of

gentle　and　adroit　women。



Tact　is　an　intuitive　art　of　manner；　which　carries　one　through　a

difficulty　better　than　either　talent　or　knowledge。　　〃Talent；〃　says

a　public　writer；　〃is　power：　tact　is　skill。　　Talent　is　weight：　tact

is　momentum。　　Talent　knows　what　to　do：　tact　knows　how　to　do　it。

Talent　makes　a　man　respectable：　tact　makes　him　respected。　　Talent

is　wealth：　tact　is　ready…money。〃



The　difference　between　a　man　of　quick　tact　and　of　no　tact　whatever

was　exemplified　in　an　interview　which　once　took　place　between　Lord

Palmerston　and　Mr。　Behnes；　the　sculptor。　　At　the　last　sitting

which　Lord　Palmerston　gave　him；　Behnes　opened　the　conversation

with〃Any　news；　my　Lord；　from　France？　　How　do　we　stand　with

Louis　Napoleon？〃　　The　Foreign　Secretary　raised　his　eyebrows　for　an

instant；　and　quietly　replied；　〃Really；　Mr。　Behnes；　I　don't　know：　I

have　not　seen　the　newspapers！〃　　Poor　Behnes；　with　many　excellent

qualities　and　much　real　talent；　was　one　of　the　many　men　who

entirely　missed　their　way　in　life　through　want　of　tact。



Such　is　the　power　of　manner；　combined　with　tact；　that　Wilkes；　one

of　the　ugliest　of　men；　used　to　say；　that　in　winning　the　graces　of

a　lady；　there　was　not　more　than　three　days'　difference　between　him

and　the　handsomest　man　in　England。



But　this　reference　to　Wilkes　reminds　us　that　too　much　importance

must　not　be　attached　to　manner；　for　it　does　not　afford　any　genuine

test　of　character。　　The　well…mannered　man　may；　like　Wilkes；　be

merely　acting　a　part；　and　that　for　an　immoral　purpose。　　Manner；

like　other　fine　arts；　gives　pleasure；　and　is　exceedingly　agre