character-第57章

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well　as　to　sweeten　and　soften　social　intercourse。　　〃Virtue

itself；〃　says　Bishop　Middleton；　〃offends；　when　coupled　with　a

forbidding　manner。〃



Manner　has　a　good　deal　to　do　with　the　estimation　in　which　men　are

held　by　the　world；　and　it　has　often　more　influence　in　the

government　of　others　than　qualities　of　much　greater　depth　and

substance。　　A　manner　at　once　gracious　and　cordial　is　among　the

greatest　aids　to　success；　and　many　there　are　who　fail　for　want　of

it。　（1）　　For　a　great　deal　depends　upon　first　impressions；　and

these　are　usually　favourable　or　otherwise　according　to　a　man's

courteousness　and　civility。



While　rudeness　and　gruffness　bar　doors　and　shut　hearts；　kindness

and　propriety　of　behaviour；　in　which　good　manners　consist；　act　as

an　〃open　sesame〃　everywhere。　　Doors　unbar　before　them；　and　they

are　a　passport　to　the　hearts　of　everybody；　young　and　old。



There　is　a　common　saying　that　〃Manners　make　the　man；〃　but　this　is

not　so　true　as　that　〃Man　makes　the　manners。〃　　A　man　may　be　gruff；

and　even　rude；　and　yet　be　good　at　heart　and　of　sterling　character；

yet　he　would　doubtless　be　a　much　more　agreeable；　and　probably　a

much　more　useful　man；　were　he　to　exhibit　that　suavity　of

disposition　and　courtesy　of　manner　which　always　gives　a　finish

to　the　true　gentleman。



Mrs。　Hutchinson；　in　the　noble　portraiture　of　her　husband；　to　which

we　have　already　had　occasion　to　refer；　thus　describes　his　manly

courteousness　and　affability　of　disposition：…　〃I　cannot　say

whether　he　were　more　truly　magnanimous　or　less　proud；　he　never

disdained　the　meanest　person；　nor　flattered　the　greatest；　he　had　a

loving　and　sweet　courtesy　to　the　poorest；　and　would　often　employ

many　spare　hours　with　the　commonest　soldiers　and　poorest

labourers；　but　still　so　ordering　his　familiarity；　that　it　never

raised　them　to　a　contempt；　but　entertained　still　at　the　same　time

a　reverence　and　love　of　him。〃　（2）



A　man's　manner；　to　a　certain　extent；　indicates　his　character。　　It

is　the　external　exponent　of　his　inner　nature。　　It　indicates　his

taste；　his　feelings；　and　his　temper；　as　well　as　the　society　to

which　he　has　been　accustomed。　　There　is　a　conventional　manner；

which　is　of　comparatively　little　importance；　but　the　natural

manner；　the　outcome　of　natural　gifts；　improved　by　careful　self…

culture；　signifies　a　great　deal。



Grace　of　manner　is　inspired　by　sentiment；　which　is　a　source　of　no

slight　enjoyment　to　a　cultivated　mind。　　Viewed　in　this　light；

sentiment　is　of　almost　as　much　importance　as　talents　and

acquirements；　while　it　is　even　more　influential　in　giving　the

direction　to　a　man　s　tastes　and　character。　　Sympathy　is　the　golden

key　that　unlocks　the　hearts　of　others。　　It　not　only　teaches

politeness　and　courtesy；　but　gives　insight　and　unfolds　wisdom；　and

may　almost　be　regarded　as　the　crowning　grace　of　humanity。



Artificial　rules　of　politeness　are　of　very　little　use。　　What

passes　by　the　name　of　〃Etiquette〃　is　often　of　the　essence　of

unpoliteness　and　untruthfulness。　　It　consists　in　a　great　measure

of　posture…making；　and　is　easily　seen　through。　　Even　at　best；

etiquette　is　but　a　substitute　for　good　manners；　though　it　is　often

but　their　mere　counterfeit。



Good　manners　consist；　for　the　most　part；　in　courteousness　and

kindness。　　Politeness　has　been　described　as　the　art　of　showing；

by　external　signs；　the　internal　regard　we　have　for　others。

But　one　may　be　perfectly　polite　to　another　without　necessarily

having　a　special　regard　for　him。　　Good　manners　are　neither

more　nor　less　than　beautiful　behaviour。　　It　has　been　well　said；

that　〃a　beautiful　form　is　better　than　a　beautiful　face；　and

a　beautiful　behaviour　is　better　than　a　beautiful　form；　it　gives

a　higher　pleasure　than　statues　or　picturesit　is　the　finest

of　the　fine　arts。〃



The　truest　politeness　comes　of　sincerity。　　It　must　be　the　outcome

of　the　heart；　or　it　will　make　no　lasting　impression；　for　no　amount

of　polish　can　dispense　with　truthfulness。　　The　natural　character

must　be　allowed　to　appear；　freed　of　its　angularities　and

asperities。　　Though　politeness；　in　its　best　form；　should　（as　St。

Francis　de　Sales　says）　resemble　water〃best　when　clearest；　most

simple；　and　without　taste；〃yet　genius　in　a　man　will　always

cover　many　defects　of　manner；　and　much　will　be　excused　to　the

strong　and　the　original。　　Without　genuineness　and　individuality；

human　life　would　lose　much　of　its　interest　and　variety；　as　well　as

its　manliness　and　robustness　of　character。



True　courtesy　is　kind。　　It　exhibits　itself　in　the　disposition　to

contribute　to　the　happiness　of　others；　and　in　refraining　from　all

that　may　annoy　them。　　It　is　grateful　as　well　as　kind；　and　readily

acknowledges　kind　actions。　　Curiously　enough；　Captain　Speke　found

this　quality　of　character　recognised　even　by　the　natives　of　Uganda

on　the　shores　of　Lake　Nyanza；　in　the　heart　of　Africa；　where；　he

says。　　〃Ingratitude；　or　neglecting　to　thank　a　person　for　a　benefit

conferred；　is　punishable。〃



True　politeness　especially　exhibits　itself　in　regard　for　the

personality　of　others。　　A　man　will　respect　the　individuality　of

another　if　he　wishes　to　be　respected　himself。　　He　will　have　due

regard　for　his　views　and　opinions；　even　though　they　differ　from

his　own。　　The　well…mannered　man　pays　a　compliment　to　another；　and

sometimes　even　secures　his　respect；　by　patiently　listening　to　him。

He　is　simply　tolerant　and　forbearant；　and　refrains　from　judging

harshly；　and　harsh　judgments　of　others　will　almost　invariably

provoke　harsh　judgments　of　ourselves。



The　unpolite　impulsive　man　will；　however；　sometimes　rather　lose

his　friend　than　his　joke。　　He　may　surely　be　pronounced　a　very

foolish　person　who　secures　another's　hatred　at　the　price　of　a

moment's　gratification。　　It　was　a　saying　of　Brunel　the　engineer

himself　one　of　the　kindest…natured　of　menthat　〃spite　and　ill…

nature　are　among　the　most　expensive　luxuries　in　life。〃　　Dr。

Johnson　once　said：　〃Sir；　a　man　has　no　more　right　to　SAY　an　uncivil

thing　than　to　ACT　oneno　more　right　to　say　a　rude　thing　to

another　than　to　knock　him　down。〃



A　sensible　polite　person　does　not　assume　to　be　better　or　wiser　or

richer　than　his　neighbour。　　He　does　not　boast　of　his　rank；　or　his

birth；　or　his　country；　or　look　down　upon　others　because　they　have

not　been　born　to　like　privileges　with　himself。　　He　does　not　brag

of　his　achievements　or　of　his　calling；　or　〃talk　shop〃　whenever　he

opens　his　mouth。　　On　the　contrary；　in　all　that　he　says　or　does；　he

will　be　modest；　unpretentious；　unassuming；　exhibiting　his　true

character　in　performing　rather　than　in　boasting；　in　doing　rather

than　in　talking。



Want　of　respect　for　the　feelings　of　others　usually　originates　in

selfishness；　and　issues　in　hardness　and　repulsiveness　of　manner。

It　may　not　proceed　from　malignity　so　much　as　from　want　of　sympathy

and　want　of　delicacya　want　of　that　perception　of；　and　attention

to；　those　little　and　apparently　trifling　things　by　which　pleasure

is　given　or　pain　occasioned　to　others。　　Indeed；　it　may　be　said

that　in　self…sacrificingness；　so　to　speak；　in　the　ordinary

intercourse　of　life；　mainly　consists　the　difference　between　being

well　and　ill　bred。



Without　some　degree　of　self…restraint　in　society；　a　man　may　be

found　almost　insufferable。　　No　one　has　pleasure　in　holding

intercourse　with　such　a　person；　and　he　is　a　constant　source　of

annoyance　to　those　about　him。　　For　want　of　self…restraint；　many

men　are　engaged　all　their　lives　in　fighting　with　difficulties　of

their　own　making；　and　rendering　success　impossible　by　their　own

crossgrained　ungentleness；　whilst　others；　it　may　be　much　less

gifted；　make　their　way　and　achieve　success　by　simple　patience；

equanimity；　and　self…control。



It　has　been　said　that　men　succeed　in　life　quite　as　much　by　their

temper　as　by　their　talents。　　However　this　may　be；　it　is　certain

that　their　happiness　depends　mainly　on　their　temperament；

especially　upon　their　disposition　to　be　cheerful；　upon　their

complaisance；　kindlines