heartbreak house-第28章
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not let the fear of death govern my life； and my reward was； I
had my life。 You are going to let the fear of poverty govern your
life； and your reward will be that you will eat； but you will not
live。
ELLIE ＇sitting up impatiently＇。 But what can I do？ I am not a sea
captain： I can't stand on bridges in typhoons； or go slaughtering
seals and whales in Greenland's icy mountains。 They won't let
women be captains。 Do you want me to be a stewardess？
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER。 There are worse lives。 The stewardesses could
come ashore if they liked； but they sail and sail and sail。
ELLIE。 What could they do ashore but marry for money？ I don't
want to be a stewardess： I am too bad a sailor。 Think of
something else for me。
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER。 I can't think so long and continuously。 I am
too old。 I must go in and out。 ＇He tries to rise＇。
ELLIE ＇pulling him back＇。 You shall not。 You are happy here；
aren't you？
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER。 I tell you it's dangerous to keep me。 I can't
keep awake and alert。
ELLIE。 What do you run away for？ To sleep？
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER。 No。 To get a glass of rum。
ELLIE ＇frightfully disillusioned＇。 Is that it？ How disgusting！ Do
you like being drunk？
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER。 No： I dread being drunk more than anything in
the world。 To be drunk means to have dreams； to go soft； to be
easily pleased and deceived； to fall into the clutches of women。
Drink does that for you when you are young。 But when you are old：
very very old； like me； the dreams come by themselves。 You don't
know how terrible that is： you are young： you sleep at night
only； and sleep soundly。 But later on you will sleep in the
afternoon。 Later still you will sleep even in the morning； and
you will awake tired； tired of life。 You will never be free from
dozing and dreams； the dreams will steal upon your work every ten
minutes unless you can awaken yourself with rum。 I drink now to
keep sober； but the dreams are conquering： rum is not what it
was： I have had ten glasses since you came； and it might be so
much water。 Go get me another： Guinness knows where it is。 You
had better see for yourself the horror of an old man drinking。
ELLIE。 You shall not drink。 Dream。 I like you to dream。 You must
never be in the real world when we talk together。
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER。 I am too weary to resist； or too weak。 I am in
my second childhood。 I do not see you as you really are。 I can't
remember what I really am。 I feel nothing but the accursed
happiness I have dreaded all my life long： the happiness that
comes as life goes； the happiness of yielding and dreaming
instead of resisting and doing； the sweetness of the fruit that
is going rotten。
ELLIE。 You dread it almost as much as I used to dread losing my
dreams and having to fight and do things。 But that is all over
for me： my dreams are dashed to pieces。 I should like to marry a
very old； very rich man。 I should like to marry you。 I had much
rather marry you than marry Mangan。 Are you very rich？
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER。 No。 Living from hand to mouth。 And I have a
wife somewhere in Jamaica： a black one。 My first wife。 Unless
she's dead。
ELLIE。 What a pity！ I feel so happy with you。 ＇She takes his
hand； almost unconsciously； and pats it＇。 I thought I should
never feel happy again。
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER。 Why？
ELLIE。 Don't you know？
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER。 No。
ELLIE。 Heartbreak。 I fell in love with Hector； and didn't know he
was married。
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER。 Heartbreak？ Are you one of those who are so
sufficient to themselves that they are only happy when they are
stripped of everything； even of hope？
ELLIE ＇gripping the hand＇。 It seems so； for I feel now as if
there was nothing I could not do； because I want nothing。
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER。 That's the only real strength。 That's genius。
That's better than rum。
ELLIE ＇throwing away his hand＇。 Rum！ Why did you spoil it？
Hector and Randall come in from the garden through the starboard
door。
HECTOR。 I beg your pardon。 We did not know there was anyone here。
ELLIE ＇rising＇。 That means that you want to tell Mr Randall the
story about the tiger。 Come； Captain： I want to talk to my
father； and you had better come with me。
CAPTAIN SHOTOVER ＇rising＇。 Nonsense！ the man is in bed。
ELLIE。 Aha！ I've caught you。 My real father has gone to bed； but
the father you gave me is in the kitchen。 You knew quite well all
along。 Come。 ＇She draws him out into the garden with her through
the port door＇。
HECTOR。 That's an extraordinary girl。 She has the Ancient Mariner
on a string like a Pekinese dog。
RANDALL。 Now that they have gone； shall we have a friendly chat？
HECTOR。 You are in what is supposed to be my house。 I am at your
disposal。
Hector sits down in the draughtsman's chair； turning it to face
Randall； who remains standing； leaning at his ease against the
carpenter's bench。
RANDALL。 I take it that we may be quite frank。 I mean about Lady
Utterword。
HECTOR。 You may。 I have nothing to be frank about。 I never met
her until this afternoon。
RANDALL ＇straightening up＇。 What！ But you are her sister's
husband。
HECTOR。 Well； if you come to that； you are her husband's brother。
RANDALL。 But you seem to be on intimate terms with her。
HECTOR。 So do you。
RANDALL。 Yes： but I AM on intimate terms with her。 I have known
her for years。
HECTOR。 It took her years to get to the same point with you that
she got to with me in five minutes； it seems。
RANDALL ＇vexed＇。 Really； Ariadne is the limit ＇he moves away
huffishly towards the windows＇。
HECTOR ＇coolly＇。 She is； as I remarked to Hesione； a very
enterprising woman。
RANDALL ＇returning； much troubled＇。 You see； Hushabye； you are
what women consider a good…looking man。
HECTOR。 I cultivated that appearance in the days of my vanity；
and Hesione insists on my keeping it up。 She makes me wear these
ridiculous things ＇indicating his Arab costume＇ because she
thinks me absurd in evening dress。
RANDALL。 Still； you do keep it up； old chap。 Now； I assure you I
have not an atom of jealousy in my disposition
HECTOR。 The question would seem to be rather whether your brother
has any touch of that sort。
RANDALL。 What！ Hastings！ Oh； don't trouble about Hastings。 He has
the gift of being able to work sixteen hours a day at the dullest
detail； and actually likes it。 That gets him to the top wherever
he goes。 As long as Ariadne takes care that he is fed regularly；
he is only too thankful to anyone who will keep her in good humor
for him。
HECTOR。 And as she has all the Shotover fascination； there is
plenty of competition for the job； eh？
RANDALL ＇angrily＇。 She encourages them。 Her conduct is perfectly
scandalous。 I assure you； my dear fellow； I haven't an atom of
jealousy in my composition； but she makes herself the talk of
every place she goes to by her thoughtlessness。 It's nothing
more： she doesn't really care for the men she keeps hanging about
her； but how is the world to know that？ It's not fair to
Hastings。 It's not fair to me。
HECTOR。 Her theory is that her conduct is so correct
RANDALL。 Correct！ She does nothing but make scenes from morning
till night。 You be careful； old chap。 She will get you into
trouble： that is； she would if she really cared for you。
HECTOR。 Doesn't she？
RANDALL。 Not a scrap。 She may want your scalp to add to her
collection； but her true affection has been engaged years ago。
You had really better be careful。
HECTOR。 Do you suffer much from this jealousy？
RANDALL。 Jealousy！ I jealous！ My dear fellow； haven't I told you
that there is not an atom of
HECTOR。 Yes。 And Lady Utterword told me she never made scenes。
Well； don't waste your jealousy on my moustache。 Never waste
jealousy on a real man： it is the imaginary hero that supplants
us all in the long run。 Besides； jealousy does not belong to your
easy man…of…the…world pose； which you carry so well in other
respects。
RANDALL。 Really； Hushabye； I think a man may be allowed to be a
gentleman without being accused of posing。
HECTOR。 It is a pose like any other。 In this house we know all
the poses： our game is to find out the man under the pose。 The
man under your pose is apparently Ellie's favorite； Oth
