letters of cicero-第4章
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riend。 As to the manumission of the slaves you need not be uneasy。 To begin with； the promise made to yours was that you would treat them according as each severally deserved。 So far Orpheus has behaved well； besides him no one very markedly so。 With the rest of the slaves the arrangement is that； if my property is forfeited； they should become my freedmen； supposing them to be able to maintain at law that status。 But if my property remained in my ownership； they were to continue slaves； with the exception of a very few。 But these are trifles。 To return to your advice； that I should keep up my courage and not give up hope of recovering my position； I only wish that there were any good grounds for entertaining such a hope。 As it is； when； alas！ shall I get a letter from you？ Who will bring it me？ I would have waited for it at Brundisium； but the sailors would not allow it； being unwilling to lose a favourable wind。 For the rest； put as dignified a face on the matter as you can； my dear Terentia。 Our life is over： we have had our day： it is not any fault of ours that has ruined us； but our virtue。 I have made no false step； except in not losing my life when I lost my honours。 But since our children preferred my living； let us bear everything else； however intolerable。 And yet I； who encourage you； cannot encourage myself。 I have sent that faithful fellow Clodius Philhetaerus home； because he was hampered with weakness of the eyes。 Sallustius seems likely to outdo everybody in his attentions。 Pescennius is exceedingly kind to me； and I have hopes that he will always be attentive to you。 Sicca had said that he would accompany me； but he has left Brundisium。 Take the greatest care of your health； and believe me that I am more affected by your distress than my own。 My dear Terentia； most faithful and best of wives； and my darling little daughter； and that last hope of my race； Cicero； good…bye！
29 April； from Brundisium。
VI
To His BROTHER QUINTUS （ON HIS WAY TO ROME）
THESSALONICA； 15 JUNE
BROTHER！ Brother！ Brother！ did you really fear that I had been induced by some angry feeling to send slaves to you without a letter？ Or even that I did not wish to see you？ I to be angry with you！ Is it possible for me to be angry with you？ Why； one would think that it was you that brought me low！ Your enemies； your unpopularity； that miserably ruined me； and not I that unhappily ruined you！ The fact is； the much…praised consulate of mine has deprived me of you； of children； country； fortune； from you I should hope it will have taken nothing but myself。 Certainly on your side I have experienced nothing but what was honourable and gratifying： on mine you have grief for my fall and fear for your own； regret； mourning； desertion。 I not wish to see you？ The truth is rather that I was unwilling to be seen by you。 For you would not have seen your brothernot the brother you had left； not the brother you knew； not him to whom you had with mutual tears bidden farewell as be followed you on your departure for your province： not a trace even or faint image of him； but rather what I may call the likeness of a living corpse。 And oh that you had sooner seen me or heard of me as a corpse！ Oh that I could have left you to survive； not my life merely； but my undiminished rank！ But I call all the gods to witness that the one argument which recalled me from death was； that all declared that to some extent your life depended upon mine。 In which matter I made an error and acted culpably。 For if I had died； that death itself would have given clear evidence of my fidelity and love to you。 As it is； I have allowed you to be deprived of my aid； though I am alive； and with me still living to need the help of others； and my voice； of all others； to fail when dangers threatened my family； which had so often been successfully used in the defence of the merest strangers。 For as to the slaves coming to you without a letter； the real reason （for you see that it was not anger） was a deadness of my faculties； and a seemingly endless deluge of tears and sorrows。 How many tears do you suppose these very words have cost me？ As many as I know they will cost you to read them！ Can I ever refrain from thinking of you or ever think of you without tears？ For when I miss you； is it only a brother that I miss？ Rather it is a brother of almost my own age in the charm of his companionship； a son in his consideration for my wishes； a father in the wisdom of his advice！ What pleasure did I ever have without you； or you without me？ And what must my case be when at the same time I miss a daughter： How affectionate！ how modest！ how clever！ The express image of my face； of my speech； of my very soul！ Or again a son； the prettiest boy； the very joy of my heart？ Cruel inhuman monster that I am； I dismissed him from my arms better schooled in the world than I could have wished： for the poor child began to understand what was going on。 So； too； your own son； your own image； whom my little Cicero loved as a brother； and was now beginning to respect as an elder brother！ Need I mention also how I refused to allow my unhappy wifethe truest of helpmatesto accompany me； that there might be some one to protect the wrecks of the calamity which had fallen on us both； and guard our common children？ Nevertheless； to the best of my ability； I did write a letter to you； and gave it to your freedman Philogonus； which； I believe； was delivered to you later on； and in this I repeat the advice and entreaty； which had been already transmitted to you as a message from me by my slaves； that you should go on with your journey and hasten to Rome。 For； in the first place； I desired your protection； in case there were any of my enemies whose cruelty was not yet satisfied by my fall。 In the next place； I dreaded the renewed lamentation which our meeting would cause： while I could not have borne your departure； and was afraid of the very thing you mention in your letterthat you would be unable to tear yourself away。 For these reasons the supreme pain of not seeing youand nothing more painful or more wretched could； I think； have happened to the most affectionate and united of brotherswas a less misery than would have been such a meeting followed by such a parting。 Now； if you can； though I； whom you always regarded as a brave man； cannot do so； rouse yourself and collect your energies in view of any contest you may have to confront。 I hope； if my hope has anything to go upon； that your own spotless character and the love of your fellow citizens； and even remorse for my treatment； may prove a certain protection to you。 But if it turns out that you are free from personal danger； you will doubtless do whatever you think can be done for me。 In that matter； indeed； many write to me at great length and declare they have hopes； but I personally cannot see what hope there is； since my enemies have the greatest influence； while my friends have in some cases deserted； in others even betrayed me； fearing perhaps in my restoration a censure on their own treacherous conduct。 But how matters stand with you I would have you ascertain and report to me。 In any case I shall continue to live as long as you shall need me； in view of any danger you may have to undergo： longer than that I cannot go in this kind of life。 For there is neither wisdom nor philosophy with sufficient strength to sustain such a weight of grief。 I know that there has been a time for dying； more honourable and more advantageous； and this is not the only one of my many omissions； which； if I should choose to bewail； I should merely be increasing your sorrow and emphasizing my own stupidity。 But one thing I am not bound to do； and it is in fact impossibleremain in a life so wretched and so dishonoured any longer than your necessities； or some well…grounded hope； shall demand。 For I； who was lately supremely blessed in brother； children； wife； wealth； and in the very nature of that wealth； while in position； influence； reputation； and popularity； I was inferior to none； however； distinguishedI cannot； I repeat。 go on longer lamenting over myself and those dear to me in a life of such humiliation as this； and in a state of such utter ruin。 Wherefore； what do you mean by wri
