letters of cicero-第14章
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ve was Caesar's memorable and almost superhuman kindness to myself and my brother； who thus would have deserved my support whatever he undertook； while as it is； considering his great success and his brilliant victories； he would seem； even if he had not behaved to me as he has； to claim a panegyric from me。 For I would have you believe that； putting you aside； who were the authors of my recall； there is no one by whose good offices I would not only confess； but would even rejoice； to have been so much bound。
Having explained this matter to you； the questions you ask about Vatinius and Crassus are easy to answer。 For； since you remark about Appius； as about Caesar； 〃that you have no fault to find；〃 I can only say that I am glad you approve my policy。 But as to Vatinius； in the first place there had been in the interval a reconciliation effected through Pompey； immediately after his election to the praetorship； though I had； it is true； impugned his candidature in some very strong speeches in the senate； and yet not so much for the sake of attacking him as of defending and complimenting Cato。 Again； later on； there followed a very pressing request from Caesar that I should undertake his defence。 But my reason for testifying to his character I beg you will not ask； either in the case of this defendant or of others； lest I retaliate by asking you the same question when you come home： though I can do so even before you return： for remember for whom you sent a certificate of character from the ends of the earth。 However； don't be afraid； for those same persons are praised by myself； and will continue to be so。 Yet； after all； there was also the motive spurring me on to undertake his defence； of which； during the trial； when I appeared for him； I remarked that I was doing just what the parasite in the Eunuchus advised the captain to do：
〃As oft as she names Phxdria； you retort With Pamphila。 If ever she suggest； 'Do let us have in Phudria to our revel：' Quoth you； 'And let us call on Pamphila To sing a song。' If she shall praise his looks； Do you praise hers to match them： and； in fine； Give tit for tat； that you may sting her soul。〃
So I asked the jurors； since certain men of high rank； who； had also done me very great favours； were much enamoured of my enemy； and often under my very eyes in the senate now took him aside in grave consultation； now embraced him familiarly and cheerfullysince these men had their Publius； to grant me another Publius； in whose person I might repay a slight attack by a moderate retort。 And； indeed； I am often as good as my word； with the applause of gods and men。 So much for Vatinius。 Now about Crassus。 I thought I had done much to secure his gratitude in having； for the sake of the general harmony； wiped out by a kind of voluntary act of oblivion all his very serious injuries； when he suddenly undertook the defence of Gabinius； whom only a few days before he had attacked with the greatest bitterness。 Nevertheless； I should have borne that； if he had done so without casting any offensive reflexions on me。 But on his attacking tile； though I was only arg…tling and not inveighing against him； I fired up not only； I think； with the passion of the momentfor that perhaps would not have been so hotbut the smothered wrath at his many wrongs to me； of which I thought I had wholly got rid； having； unconsciously to myself； lingered in my soul； it suddenly shewed itself in full force； And it was at this precise time that certain persons （the same whom I frequently indicate by a sign or hint）； while declaring that they had much enjoyed my outspoken style； and had never before fully realized that I was restored to the Republic in all my old character； and when my conduct of that controversy had gained me much credit outside the house also； began saying that they were glad both that he was now my enemy； and that those who were involved with him would never be my friends。 So when their ill…natured remarks were reported to me by men of most respectable character； and when Pompey pressed me as he had never done before to be reconciled to Crassus； and Caesar wrote to say that he was exceedingly grieved at that quarrel； I took into consideration not only my circumstances； but my natural inclination： and Crassus； that our reconciliation might； as it were； be attested to the Roman people； started for his province； it might almost be said； from my hearth。 For he himself named a day and dined with me in the suburban villa of my son…in…law Crassipes。 On this account； as you say that you have been told； I supported his cause in the senate； which I had undertaken on Pompey's strong recommendation； as I was bound in honour to do。
I have now told you with what motives I have supported each measure and cause； and what my position is in politics as far as I take any part in them： and I would wish you to make sure of thisthat I should have entertamed the same sentiments； if I had been still perfectly uncommitted and free to choose。 For I should not have thought it right to fight against such overwhelming power； nor to destroy the supremacy of the most distinguished citizens； even if it had been possible； nor； again； should I have thought myself bound to abide by the same view； when circumstances were changed and the feelings of the loyalists altered； but rather to bow to circumstances。 For the persistence in the same view has never been regarded as a merit in men eminent for their guidance of the helm of state； but as in steering a ship one secret of the art is to run before the storm； even if you cannot make the harbour； yet； when you can do so by tacking about； it is folly to keep to the course you have begun rather than by changing it to arrive all the same at the destination you desire： so while we all ought in the administration of the state to keep always in view the object I have very frequently mentioned； peace combined with dignity； we are not bound always to use the same language； but to fix our eyes on the same object。 Wherefore； as I laid down a little while ago； if I had had as free a hand as possible in everything； I should yet have been no other than I now am in politics。 When； moreover； I am at once induced to adopt these sentiments by the kindness of certain persons； and driven to do so by the injuries of others； I am quite content to think and speak about public affairs as I conceive best conduces to the interests both of myself and of the Republic。 Moreover； I make this declaration the more openly and frequently； both because my brother Quintus is Caesar's legate； and because no word of mine； however trivial； to say nothing of any act； in support of Caesar has ever transpired； which lie has not received with such marked gratitude； as to make me look upon myself as closely bound to him。 Accordingly； I have the advantage of his popularity； which you know to be very great； and his material resources； which you know to be immense； as though they were my own。 Nor do I think that I could in any other way have frustrated the plots of unprincipled persons against me； unless I had now combined with those protections； which I have always possessed； the goodwill also of the men in power。 I should； to the best of my belief； have followed this same line of policy even if I had had you here。 For I well know the reasonableness and soberness of your judgment： I know your mind； while warmly attached to me； to be without a tinge of malevolence to others； but on the contrary as open and candid as it is great and lofty。 I have seen certain persons conduct themselves towards you as you might have seen the same persons conduct themselves towards me。 The same things that have annoyed me would certainly have annoyed you。 But whenever I shall have the enjoyment of your presence； you will be the wise critic of all my plans： you who took thought for my safety will also do so for my dignity。 Me； indeed； you will have as the partner and associate in all your actions； sentiments； wishesin fact； in everything； nor shall I ever in all my life have any purpose so steadfastly before me； as that you should rejoice more and more warmly every day that you did me such eminent service。
As to your request that I would send you any books I have wri
