letters to his son, 1749-第13章
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…one； for he sings prettily； we will invite such…a…one to a ball； for he dances well； we will have such…a…one at supper； for he is always joking and laughing； we will ask another； because he plays deep at all games； or because he can drink a great deal。 These are all vilifying distinctions； mortifying preferences； and exclude all ideas of esteem and regard。 Whoever is HAD （as it is called） in company for the sake of any one thing singly； is singly that thing and will never be considered in any other light； consequently never respected； let his merits be what they will。
This dignity of manners； which I recommend so much to you； is not only as different from pride； as true courage is from blustering； or true wit from joking； but is absolutely inconsistent with it； for nothing vilifies and degrades more than pride。 The pretensions of the proud man are oftener treated with sneer and contempt； than with indignation； as we offer ridiculously too little to a tradesman； who asks ridiculously too much for his goods； but we do not haggle with one who only asks a just and reasonable price。
Abject flattery and indiscriminate assentation degrade as much as indiscriminate contradiction and noisy debate disgust。 But a modest assertion of one's own opinion； and a complaisant acquiescence to other people's； preserve dignity。
Vulgar； low expressions； awkward motions and address； vilify； as they imply either a very low turn of mind； or low education and low company。
Frivolous curiosity about trifles； and a laborious attention to little objects which neither require nor deserve a moment's thought； lower a man； who from thence is thought （and not unjustly） incapable of greater matters。 Cardinal de Retz； very sagaciously； marked out Cardinal Chigi for a little mind； from the moment that he told him he had wrote three years with the same pen； and that it was an excellent good one still。
A certain degree of exterior seriousness in looks and motions gives dignity； without excluding wit and decent cheerfulness； which are always serious themselves。 A constant smirk upon the face； and a whifing activity of the body； are strong indications of futility。 Whoever is in a hurry； shows that the thing he is about is too big for him。 Haste and hurry are very different things。
I have only mentioned some of those things which may； and do； in the opinion of the world； lower and sink characters； in other respects valuable enough；but I have taken no notice of those that affect and sink the moral characters。 They are sufficiently obvious。 A man who has patiently been kicked may as well pretend to courage； as a man blasted by vices and crimes may to dignity of any kind。 But an exterior decency and dignity of manners will even keep such a man longer from sinking； than otherwise he would be： of such consequence is the ＇****＇； even though affected and put on！ Pray read frequently； and with the utmost attention； nay； get by heart； if you can； that incomparable chapter in Cicero's 〃Offices；〃 upon the ＇****＇； or the Decorum。 It contains whatever is necessary for the dignity of manners。
In my next I will send you a general map of courts； a region yet unexplored by you； but which you are one day to inhabit。 The ways are generally crooked and full of turnings； sometimes strewed with flowers； sometimes choked up with briars； rotten ground and deep pits frequently lie concealed under a smooth and pleasing surface； all the paths are slippery； and every slip is dangerous。 Sense and discretion must accompany you at your first setting out； but； notwithstanding those； till experience is your guide； you will every now and then step out of your way； or stumble。
Lady Chesterfield has just now received your German letter； for which she thanks you； she says the language is very correct； and I can plainly see that the character is well formed； not to say better than your English character。 Continue to write German frequently； that it may become quite familiar to you。 Adieu。
LETTER LXXIX
LONDON； August 21； O。 S。 1749。
DEAR BOY： By the last letter that I received from Mr。 Harte； of the 31st July； N。 S。； I suppose you are now either at Venice or Verona； and perfectly re covered of your late illness： which I am daily more and more convinced had no consumptive tendency； however； for some time still； 'faites comme s'il y en avoit'； be regular； and live pectorally。
You will soon be at courts； where； though you will not be concerned； yet reflection and observation upon what you see and hear there may be of use to you； when hereafter you may come to be concerned in courts yourself。 Nothing in courts is exactly as it appears to be； often very different； sometimes directly contrary。 Interest； which is the real spring of everything there； equally creates and dissolves friendship； produces and reconciles enmities： or； rather； allows of neither real friendships nor enmities； for； as Dryden very justly observes； POLITICIANS NEITHER LOVE NOR HATE。 This is so true； that you may think you connect yourself with two friends to…day； and be obliged tomorrow to make your option between them as enemies； observe； therefore； such a degree of reserve with your friends as not to put yourself in their power； if they should become your enemies； and such a degree of moderation with your enemies； as not to make it impossible for them to become your friends。
Courts are； unquestionably； the seats of politeness and good…breeding； were they not so； they would be the seats of slaughter and desolation。 Those who now smile upon and embrace； would affront and stab each other； if manners did not interpose； but ambition and avarice； the two prevailing passions at courts； found dissimulation more effectual than violence； and dissimulation introduced that habit of politeness； which distinguishes the courtier from the country gentleman。 In the former case the strongest body would prevail； in the latter； the strongest mind。
A man of parts and efficiency need not flatter everybody at court； but he must take great care to offend nobody personally； it being in the power of every man to hurt him； who cannot serve him。 Homer supposes a chain let down from Jupiter to the earth； to connect him with mortals。 There is； at all courts； a chain which connects the prince or the minister with the page of the back stairs； or the chamber…maid。 The king's wife； or mistress； has an influence over him； a lover has an influence over her； the chambermaid； or the valet de chambre； has an influence over both； and so ad infinitum。 You must； therefore； not break a link of that chain； by which you hope to climb up to the prince。
You must renounce courts if you will not connive at knaves； and tolerate fools。 Their number makes them considerable。 You should as little quarrel as connect yourself with either。
Whatever you say or do at court； you may depend upon it； will be known； the business of most of those； who crowd levees and antichambers； being to repeat all that they see or hear； and a great deal that they neither see nor hear； according as they are inclined to the persons concerned； or according to the wishes of those to whom they hope to make their court。 Great caution is therefore necessary； and if； to great caution； you can join seeming frankness and openness； you will unite what Machiavel reckons very difficult but very necessary to be united； 'volto sciolto e pensieri stretti'。
Women are very apt to be mingled in court intrigues； but they deserve attention better than confidence； to hold by them is a very precarious tenure。
I am agreeably interrupted in these reflections by a letter which I have this moment received from Baron Firmian。 It contains your panegyric； and with the strongest protestations imaginable that he does you only justice。 I received this favorable account of you with pleasure； and I communicate it to you with as much。 While you deserve praise； it is reasonable you should know that you meet with it； and I make no doubt； but that it will encourage you in persevering to deserve it。 This is one paragraph of the Baron's letter： Ses moeurs dans un age si tendre； reglees selon toutes les loix d'une morale exacte et sensee； son application （that is what I like）
