a hero of our time-第39章
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illed〃 。 。 。
He looked at me in astonishment。
〃Oh； that is another thing！ 。 。 。 Only do not complain of me in the other world〃 。 。 。
Meanwhile the captain had loaded his pistols and given one to Grushnitski； after whispering something to him with a smile； the other he gave to me。
I placed myself in the corner of the ledge； plant… ing my left foot firmly against the rock and bend… ing slightly forward； so that； in case of a slight wound； I might not fall over backwards。
Grushnitski placed himself opposite me and； at a given signal； began to raise his pistol。 His knees shook。 He aimed right at my forehead。 。 。 Un… utterable fury began to seethe within my breast。
Suddenly he dropped the muzzle of the pistol and； pale as a sheet； turned to his second。
〃I cannot；〃 he said in a hollow voice。
〃Coward！〃 answered the captain。
A shot rang out。 The bullet grazed my knee。 Involuntarily I took a few paces forward in order to get away from the edge as quickly as possible。
〃Well； my dear Grushnitski； it is a pity that you have missed！〃 said the captain。 〃Now it is your turn； take your stand！ Embrace me first： we shall not see each other again！〃
They embraced； the captain could scarcely re… frain from laughing。
〃Do not be afraid；〃 he added； glancing cun… ningly at Grushnitski； 〃everything in this world is nonsense。 。 。 Nature is a fool； fate a turkey… hen； and life a copeck！〃＇1＇
＇1＇ Popular phrases； equivalent to： 〃Men are fools； fortune is blind； and life is not worth a straw。〃
After that tragic phrase； uttered with becoming gravity； he went back to his place。 Ivan Ignate… vich； with tears； also embraced Grushnitski； and there the latter remained alone； facing me。 Ever since then； I have been trying to explain to myself what sort of feeling it was that was boiling within my breast at that moment： it was the vexation of injured vanity； and contempt； and wrath en… gendered at the thought that the man now look… ing at me with such confidence； such quiet inso… lence； had； two minutes before； been about to kill me like a dog； without exposing himself to the least danger； because had I been wounded a little more severely in the leg I should inevitably have fallen over the cliff。
For a few moments I looked him fixedly in the face； trying to discern thereon even a slight trace of repentance。 But it seemed to me that he was restraining a smile。
〃I should advise you to say a prayer before you die；〃 I said。
〃Do not worry about my soul any more than your own。 One thing I beg of you： be quick about firing。〃
〃And you do not recant your slander？ You do not beg my forgiveness？ 。 。 。 Bethink you well： has your conscience nothing to say to you？〃
〃Mr。 Pechorin！〃 exclaimed the captain of dragoons。 〃Allow me to point out that you are not here to preach。 。 。 Let us lose no time； in case anyone should ride through the gorge and we should be seen。〃
〃Very well。 Doctor； come here！〃
The doctor came up to me。 Poor doctor！ He was paler than Grushnitski had been ten minutes before。
The words which followed I purposely pro… nounced with a pause between each loudly and distinctly； as the sentence of death is pro… nounced：
〃Doctor； these gentlemen have forgotten； in their hurry； no doubt； to put a bullet in my pistol。 I beg you to load it afresh and properly！〃
〃Impossible！〃 cried the captain； 〃impossible！ I loaded both pistols。 Perhaps the bullet has rolled out of yours。 。 。 That is not my fault！ And you have no right to load again。 。 。 No right at all。 It is altogether against the rules； I shall not allow it〃 。 。 。
〃Very well！〃 I said to the captain。 〃If so； then you and I shall fight on the same terms〃 。 。 。
He came to a dead stop。
Grushnitski stood with his head sunk on his breast； embarrassed and gloomy。
〃Let them be！〃 he said at length to the cap… tain； who was going to pull my pistol out of the doctor's hands。 〃You know yourself that they are right。〃
In vain the captain made various signs to him。 Grushnitski would not even look。
Meanwhile the doctor had loaded the pistol and handed it to me。 On seeing that； the captain spat and stamped his foot。
〃You are a fool； then； my friend；〃 he said： 〃a common fool！ 。 。 。 You trusted to me before； so you should obey me in everything now。 。 。 But serve you right！ Die like a fly！〃 。 。 。
He turned away； muttering as he went：
〃But all the same it is absolutely against the rules。〃
〃Grushnitski！〃 I said。 〃There is still time： recant your slander； and I will forgive you every… thing。 You have not succeeded in making a fool of me； my self…esteem is satisfied。 Remem… ber we were once friends〃 。 。 。
His face flamed； his eyes flashed。
〃Fire！〃 he answered。 〃I despise myself and I hate you。 If you do not kill me I will lie in wait for you some night and cut your throat。 There is not room on the earth for both of us〃 。 。 。
I fired。
When the smoke had cleared away； Grushnitski was not to be seen on the ledge。 Only a slender column of dust was still eddying at the edge of the precipice。
There was a simultaneous cry from the rest。
〃Finita la commedia！〃 I said to the doctor。
He made no answer； and turned away with horror。
I shrugged my shoulders and bowed to Grush… nitski's seconds。
CHAPTER XXI
AS I descended by the path； I observed Grush… nitski's bloodstained corpse between the clefts of the rocks。 Involuntarily； I closed my eyes。
Untying my horse； I set off home at a walking pace。 A stone lay upon my heart。 To my eyes the sun seemed dim； its beams were powerless to warm me。
I did not ride up to the village； but turned to the right； along the gorge。 The sight of a man would have been painful to me： I wanted to be alone。 Throwing down the bridle and letting my head fall on my breast； I rode for a long time； and at length found myself in a spot with which I was wholly unfamiliar。 I turned my horse back and began to search for the road。 The sun had al… ready set by the time I had ridden up to Kislo… vodsk myself and my horse both utterly spent！
My servant told me that Werner had called； and he handed me two notes： one from Werner； the other 。 。 。 from Vera。
I opened the first； its contents were as follows：
〃Everything has been arranged as well as could be； the mutilated body has been brought in； and the bullet extracted from the breast。 Every… body is convinced that the cause of death was an unfortunate accident； only the Commandant； who was doubtless aware of your quarrel； shook his head； but he said nothing。 There are no proofs at all against you； and you may sleep in peace 。 。 。 if you can。 。 。 。 Farewell！〃 。 。 。
For a long time I could not make up my mind to open the second note。 。 。 What could it be that she was writing to me？ 。 。 。 My soul was agitated by a painful foreboding。
Here it is； that letter； each word of which is indelibly engraved upon my memory：
〃I am writing to you in the full assurance that we shall never see each other again。 A few years ago on parting with you I thought the same。 However； it has been Heaven's will to try me a second time： I have not been able to endure the trial； my frail heart has again submitted to the well…known voice。 。 。 You will not despise me for that will you？ This letter will be at once a farewell and a confession： I am obliged to tell you everything that has been treasured up in my heart since it began to love you。 I will not accuse you you have acted towards me as any other man would have acted； you have loved me as a chattel； as a source of joys； disquietudes and griefs； interchanging one with the other； without which life would be dull and monotonous。 I have understood all that from the first。 。 。 But you were unhappy； and I have sacrificed myself； hoping that； some time； you would appreciate my sacrifice； that some time you would understand my deep tenderness； unfettered by any condi… tions。 A long time has elapsed since then： I have fathomed all the secrets of your soul。 。 。 and I have convinced myself that my hope was vain。 It has been a bitter blow to me！ But my love has been grafted with my soul； it has grown dark； but has not been extinguished。
〃We are parting for ever； yet y
