a hero of our time-第19章

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A　new　bet　was　made。

I　was　beginning　to　get　tired　of　it　all。

〃Listen；〃　I　said；　〃either　shoot　yourself；　or　hang　up　the　pistol　in　its　place　and　let　us　go　to　bed。〃

〃Yes；　of　course！〃　many　exclaimed。　　〃Let　us　go　to　bed。〃

〃Gentlemen；　I　beg　of　you　not　to　move；〃　said　Vulich；　putting　the　muzzle　of　the　pistol　to　his　forehead。

We　were　all　petrified。

〃Mr。　Pechorin；〃　he　added；　〃take　a　card　and　throw　it　up　in　the　air。〃

I　took；　as　I　remember　now；　an　ace　of　hearts　off　the　table　and　threw　it　into　the　air。　　All　held　their　breath。　　With　eyes　full　of　terror　and　a　certain　vague　curiosity　they　glanced　rapidly　from　the　pistol　to　the　fateful　ace；　which　slowly　descended；　quivering　in　the　air。　　At　the　moment　it　touched　the　table　Vulich　pulled　the　trigger　。　。　。　a　flash　in　the　pan！

〃Thank　God！〃　many　exclaimed。　　〃It　wasn't　loaded！〃

〃Let　us　see；　though；〃　said　Vulich。

He　cocked　the　pistol　again；　and　took　aim　at　a　forage…cap　which　was　hanging　above　the　window。　A　shot　rang　out。　　Smoke　filled　the　room；　when　it　cleared　away；　the　forage…cap　was　taken　down。　It　had　been　shot　right　through　the　centre；　and　the　bullet　was　deeply　embedded　in　the　wall。

For　two　or　three　minutes　no　one　was　able　to　utter　a　word。　　Very　quietly　Vulich　poured　my　ducats　from　the　major's　purse　into　his　own。

Discussions　arose　as　to　why　the　pistol　had　not　gone　off　the　first　time。　　Some　maintained　that　probably　the　pan　had　been　obstructed；　others　whispered　that　the　powder　had　been　damp　the　first　time；　and　that；　afterwards；　Vulich　had　sprinkled　some　fresh　powder　on　it；　but　I　maintained　that　the　last　supposition　was　wrong；　because　I　had　not　once　taken　my　eyes　off　the　pistol。

〃You　are　lucky　at　play！〃　I　said　to　Vulich。　。　。

〃For　the　first　time　in　my　life！〃　he　answered；　with　a　complacent　smile。　　〃It　is　better　than　'bank'　and　'shtoss。'〃＇1＇

＇1＇　Card…games。

〃But；　on　the　other　hand；　slightly　more　dangerous！〃

〃Well？　　Have　you　begun　to　believe　in　pre…　destination？

〃I　do　believe　in　it；　only　I　cannot　understand　now　why　it　appeared　to　me　that　you　must　inevitably　die　to…day！〃

And　this　same　man；　who；　such　a　short　time　before；　had　with　the　greatest　calmness　aimed　a　pistol　at　his　own　forehead；　now　suddenly　fired　up　and　became　embarrassed。

〃That　will　do；　though！〃　he　said；　rising　to　his　feet。　　〃Our　wager　is　finished；　and　now　your　observations；　it　seems　to　me；　are　out　of　place。〃

He　took　up　his　cap　and　departed。　　The　whole　affair　struck　me　as　being　strange　　and　not　without　reason。　　Shortly　after　that；　all　the　officers　broke　up　and　went　home；　discussing　Vulich's　freaks　from　different　points　of　view；　and；　doubt…　less；　with　one　voice　calling　me　an　egoist　for　having　taken　up　a　wager　against　a　man　who　wanted　to　shoot　himself；　as　if　he　could　not　have　found　a　convenient　opportunity　without　my　intervention。

I　returned　home　by　the　deserted　byways　of　the　village。　　The　moon；　full　and　red　like　the　glow　of　a　conflagration；　was　beginning　to　make　its　appear…　ance　from　behind　the　jagged　horizon　of　the　house…tops；　the　stars　were　shining　tranquilly　in　the　deep；　blue　vault　of　the　sky；　and　I　was　struck　by　the　absurdity　of　the　idea　when　I　recalled　to　mind　that　once　upon　a　time　there　were　some　exceed…　ingly　wise　people　who　thought　that　the　stars　of　heaven　participated　in　our　insignificant　squabbles　for　a　slice　of　ground；　or　some　other　imaginary　rights。　　And　what　then？　　These　lamps；　lighted；　so　they　fancied；　only　to　illuminate　their　battles　and　triumphs；　are　burning　with　all　their　former　brilliance；　whilst　the　wiseacres　themselves；　to…　gether　with　their　hopes　and　passions；　have　long　been　extinguished；　like　a　little　fire　kindled　at　the　edge　of　a　forest　by　a　careless　wayfarer！　　But；　on　the　other　hand；　what　strength　of　will　was　lent　them　by　the　conviction　that　the　entire　heavens；　with　their　innumerable　habitants；　were　looking　at　them　with　a　sympathy；　unalterable；　though　mute！　。　。　。　And　we；　their　miserable　descendants；　roaming　over　the　earth；　without　faith；　without　pride；　without　enjoyment；　and　without　terror　　except　that　involuntary　awe　which　makes　the　heart　shrink　at　the　thought　of　the　inevitable　end　　we　are　no　longer　capable　of　great　sacrifices；　either　for　the　good　of　mankind　or　even　for　our　own　happiness；　because　we　know　the　impossibility　of　such　happiness；　and；　just　as　our　ancestors　used　to　fling　themselves　from　one　delusion　to　another；　we　pass　indifferently　from　doubt　to　doubt；　without　possessing；　as　they　did；　either　hope　or　even　that　vague　though；　at　the　same　time；　keen　enjoyment　which　the　soul　encounters　at　every　struggle　with　mankind　or　with　destiny。

These　and　many　other　similar　thoughts　passed　through　my　mind；　but　I　did　not　follow　them　up；　because　I　do　not　like　to　dwell　upon　abstract　ideas　　for　what　do　they　lead　to？　　In　my　early　youth　I　was　a　dreamer；　I　loved　to　hug　to　my　bosom　the　images　　now　gloomy；　now　rainbow…　hued　　which　my　restless　and　eager　imagination　drew　for　me。　　And　what　is　there　left　to　me　of　all　these？　　Only　such　weariness　as　might　be　felt　after　a　battle　by　night　with　a　phantom　　only　a　con…　fused　memory　full　of　regrets。　　In　that　vain　contest　I　have　exhausted　the　warmth　of　soul　and　firmness　of　will　indispensable　to　an　active　life。　　I　have　entered　upon　that　life　after　having　already　lived　through　it　in　thought；　and　it　has　become　wearisome　and　nauseous　to　me；　as　the　reading　of　a　bad　imitation　of　a　book　is　to　one　who　has　long　been　familiar　with　the　original。

The　events　of　that　evening　produced　a　some…　what　deep　impression　upon　me　and　excited　my　nerves。　　I　do　not　know　for　certain　whether　I　now　believe　in　predestination　or　not；　but　on　that　evening　I　believed　in　it　firmly。　　The　proof　was　startling；　and　I；　notwithstanding　that　I　had　laughed　at　our　forefathers　and　their　obliging　astrology；　fell　involuntarily　into　their　way　of　thinking。　　However；　I　stopped　myself　in　time　from　following　that　dangerous　road；　and；　as　I　have　made　it　a　rule　not　to　reject　anything　decisively　and　not　to　trust　anything　blindly；　I　cast　meta…　physics　aside　and　began　to　look　at　what　was　beneath　my　feet。　　The　precaution　was　well…timed。　I　only　just　escaped　stumbling　over　something　thick　and　soft；　but；　to　all　appearance；　inanimate。　I　bent　down　to　see　what　it　was；　and；　by　the　light　of　the　moon；　which　now　shone　right　upon　the　road；　I　perceived　that　it　was　a　pig　which　had　been　cut　in　two　with　a　sabre。　。　。　I　had　hardly　time　to　examine　it　before　I　heard　the　sound　of　steps；　and　two　Cossacks　came　running　out　of　a　byway。　　One　of　them　came　up　to　me　and　enquired　whether　I　had　seen　a　drunken　Cossack　chasing　a　pig。　　I　informed　him　that　I　had　not　met　the　Cossack　and　pointed　to　the　unhappy　victim　of　his　rabid　bravery。

〃The　scoundrel！〃　said　the　second　Cossack。　〃No　sooner　does　he　drink　his　fill　of　chikhir＇1＇　than　off　he　goes　and　cuts　up　anything　that　comes　in　his　way。　　Let　us　be　after　him；　Eremeich；　we　must　tie　him　up　or　else〃　。　。　。

＇1＇　A　Caucasian　wine。

They　took　themselves　off；　and　I　continued　my　way　with　greater　caution；　and　at　length　arrived　at　my　lodgings　without　mishap。

I　was　living　with　a　certain　old　Cossack　under…　officer　whom　I　loved；　not　only　on　account　of　his　kindly　disposition；　but　also；　and　more　especially；　on　account　of　his　pretty　daughter；　Nastya。

Wrapped　up　in　a　sheepskin　coat　she　was　waiting　for　me；　as　usual；　by　the　wicket　gate。　The　moon　illumined　her　charming　little　lips；　now　turned　blue　by　the　cold　of　the　night。　　Recognizing　me　she　smiled；　but　I　was　in　no　mood　to　linger　with　her。

〃Good　night；　Nastya！〃　I　said；　and　passed　on。

She　was　about　to　make　some　answer；　but　only　sighed。

I　fastened　the　door　of　my　room　after　me；　lighted　a　candle；　and　threw　myself　on　the　bed；　but；　on　that　occasion；　slumber　caused　its　presence　to　be　awaited　longer　than　usual。　　By　the　time　I　fell　asleep　the　east　was　beginning　to　grow　pale；　but　I　was　evidently　predestined　not　to　have　my　sleep　out。　　At　four　o'clock　in　the　morning　two　fists　knocked　at　my　window。　　I　sprang　up。

〃What　is　the　matter？〃

〃Get　up　　dress　yourself！〃

I　dressed　hurriedly　and　went　out。

〃Do　you　know　what　has　happened？〃　said　three　officers　who　had　come　for　me；　speaking　all　in　one　voice。

They　were　deadly　pale。

〃No；　what　is　it？〃

〃Vulich　has　been　murdered！〃

I　was　petrified。

〃Yes；　murdered！〃　they　continued。　　〃Let　us　l