my discovery of england-第29章

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e　illustrate　what　I　mean　by　a　story　with　a　〃nub〃　or　point。　I　will　take　one　of　the　best　known；　so　as　to　make　no　claim　to　originalityfor　example；　the　famous　anecdote　of　the　man　who　wanted　to　be　〃put　off　at　Buffalo。〃　Here　it　is：

A　man　entered　a　sleeping…car　and　said　to　the　porter；　〃At　what　time　do　we　get　to　Buffalo？〃　The　porter　answered；　〃At　half…past　three　in　the　morning；　sir。〃　〃All　right；〃　the　man　said；　〃now　I　want　to　get　off　at　Buffalo；　and　I　want　you　to　see　that　I　get　off。　I　sleep　heavily　and　I'm　hard　to　rouse。　But　you　just　make　me　wake　up；　don't　mind　what　I　say；　don't　pay　attention　if　I　kick　about　it；　just　put　me　off；　do　you　see？〃　〃All　right；　sir；〃　said　the　porter。　The　man　got　into　his　berth　and　fell　fast　asleep。　He　never　woke　or　moved　till　it　was　broad　daylight　and　the　train　was　a　hundred　miles　beyond　Buffalo。　He　called　angrily　to　the　porter；　〃See　here；　you；　didn't　I　tell　you　to　put　me　off　at　Buffalo？〃　The　porter　looked　at　him；　aghast。　〃Well；　I　declare　to　goodness；　boss！〃　he　exclaimed；　〃if　it　wasn't　you；　who　was　that　man　that　I　threw　off　this　train　at　half…past　three　at　Buffalo？〃

Now　this　story　is　as　nearly　fool…proof　as　can　be。　And　yet　it　is　amazing　how　badly　it　can　be　messed　up　by　a　person　with　a　special　gift　for　mangling　a　story。　He　does　it　something　after　this　fashion：

〃There　was　a　fellow　got　on　the　train　one　night　and　he　had　a　berth　reserved　for　Buffalo；　at　least　the　way　I　heard　it；　it　was　Buffalo；　though　I　guess；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　you　might　tell　it　on　any　other　town　just　as　wellor　no；　I　guess　he　didn't　have　his　berth　reserved；　he　got　on　the　train　and　asked　the　porter　for　a　reservation　for　Buffaloor；　anyway；　that　part　doesn't　mattersay　that　he　had　a　berth　for　Buffalo　or　any　other　place；　and　the　porter　came　through　and　said；　'Do　you　want　an　early　call？'or　no；　he　went　to　the　porterthat　was　itand　said〃

But　stop。　The　rest　of　the　story　becomes　a　mere　painful　waiting　for　the　end。

Of　course　the　higher　type　of　funny　story　is　the　one　that　depends　for　its　amusing　quality　not　on　the　final　point；　or　not　solely　on　it；　but　on　the　wording　and　the　narration　all　through。　This　is　the　way　in　which　a　story　is　told　by　a　comedian　or　a　person　who　is　a　raconteur　in　the　real　sense。　When　Sir　Harry　Lauder　narrates　an　incident；　the　telling　of　it　is　funny　from　beginning　to　end。　When　some　lesser　person　tries　to　repeat　it　afterwards；　there　is　nothing　left　but　the　final　point。　The　rest　is　weariness。

As　a　consequence　most　story…tellers　are　driven　to　telling　stories　that　depend　on　the　point　or　〃nub〃　and　not　on　the　narration。　The　storyteller　gathers　these　up　till　he　is　equipped　with　a　sort　of　little　repertory　of　fun　by　which　he　hopes　to　surround　himself　with　social　charm。　In　America　especially　（by　which　I　mean　here　the　United　States　and　Canada；　but　not　Mexico）　we　suffer　from　the　story…telling　habit。　As　far　as　I　am　able　to　judge；　English　society　is　not　pervaded　and　damaged　by　the　story…telling　habit　as　much　as　is　society　in　the　United　States　and　Canada。　On　our　side　of　the　Atlantic　story…telling　at　dinners　and　on　every　other　social　occasion　has　become　a　curse。　In　every　phase　of　social　and　intellectual　life　one　is　haunted　by　the　funny　anecdote。　　Any　one　who　has　ever　attended　a　Canadian　or　American　banquet　will　recall　the　solemn　way　in　which　the　chairman　rises　and　says：　　〃Gentlemen；　it　is　to　me　a　very　great　pleasure　and　a　very　great　honour　to　preside　at　this　annual　dinner。　There　was　an　old　darky　once〃　and　so　forth。　When　he　concludes　he　says；　〃I　will　now　call　upon　the　Rev。　Dr。　Stooge；　Head　of　the　Provincial　University；　Haroe　English　Any　Sense　of　Humour？　to　propose　the　toast　'Our　Dominion。'〃　Dr。　Stooge　rises　amid　great　applause　and　with　great　solemnity　begins；　〃There　were　once　two　Irishmen〃　and　so　on　to　the　end。　But　in　London；　England；　it　is　apparently　not　so。　Not　long　ago　I　had　the　pleasure　of　meeting　at　dinner　a　member　of　the　Government。　I　fully　anticipated　that　as　a　member　of　the　Government　he　would　be　expected　to　tell　a　funny　story　about　an　old　darky；　just　as　he　would　on　our　side　of　the　water。　In　fact；　I　should　have　supposed　that　he　could　hardly　get　into　the　Government　unless　he　did　tell　a　funny　story　of　some　sort。　But　all　through　dinner　the　Cabinet　Minister　never　said　a　word　about　either　a　Methodist　minister；　or　a　commercial　traveller；　or　an　old　darky；　or　two　Irishmen；　or　any　of　the　stock　characters　of　the　American　repertory。　On　another　occasion　I　dined　with　a　bishop　of　the　Church。　I　expected　that　when　the　soup　came　he　would　say；　〃There　was　an　old　darky〃　After　which　I　should　have　had　to　listen　with　rapt　attention；　and；　when　he　had　finished；　without　any　pause；　rejoin；　〃There　were　a　couple　of　Irishmen　once〃　and　so　on。　But　the　bishop　never　said　a　word　of　the　sort。

I　can　further；　for　the　sake　of　my　fellow…men　in　Canada　and　the　United　States　who　may　think　of　going　to　England；　vouchsafe　the　following　facts：　If　you　meet　a　director　of　the　Bank　of　England；　he　does　not　say：　〃I　am　very　glad　to　meet　you。　Sit　down。　There　was　a　mule　in　Arkansas　once；〃　etc。　How　they　do　their　banking　without　that　mule　I　don't　know。　But　they　manage　it。　I　can　certify　also　that　if　you　meet　the　proprietor　of　a　great　newspaper　he　will　not　begin　by　saying；　〃There　was　a　Scotchman　once。〃　In　fact；　in　England；　you　can　mingle　freely　in　general　society　without　being　called　upon　either　to　produce　a　funny　story　or　to　suffer　from　one。

I　don't　mean　to　deny　that　the　American　funny　story；　in　capable　hands；　is　amazingly　funny　and　that　it　does　brighten　up　human　intercourse。　But　the　real　trouble　lies；　not　in　the　fun　of　the　story；　but　in　the　painful　waiting　for　the　point　to　come　and　in　the　strained　and　anxious　silence　that　succeeds　it。　Each　person　around　the　dinner　table　is　trying　to　〃think　of　another。〃　There　is　a　dreadful　pause。　The　hostess　puts　up　a　prayer　that　some　one　may　〃think　of　another。〃　Then　at　last；　to　the　relief　of　everybody；　some　one　says：　〃I　heard　a　story　the　other　dayI　don't　know　whether　you've　heard　it〃　And　the　grateful　cries　of　〃No！　no！　go　ahead〃　show　how　great　the　tension　has　been。

Nine　times　out　of　ten　the　people　have　heard　the　story　before；　and　ten　times　out　of　nine　the　teller　damages　it　in　the　telling。　But　his　hearers　are　grateful　to　him　for　having　saved　them　from　the　appalling　mantle　of　silence　and　introspection　which　had　fallen　upon　the　table。　For　the　trouble　is　that　when　once　two　or　three　stories　have　been　told　it　seems　to　be　a　point　of　honour　not　to　subside　into　mere　conversation。　It　seems　rude；　when　a　story…teller　has　at　last　reached　the　triumphant　ending　and　climax　of　the　mule　from　Arkansas；　it　seems　impolite；　to　follow　it　up　by　saying；　〃I　see　that　Germany　refuses　to　pay　the　indemnity。〃　It　can't　be　done。　Either　the　mule　or　the　indemnityone　can't　have　both。

The　English；　I　say；　have　not　developed　the　American　custom　of　the　funny　story　as　a　form　of　social　intercourse。　But　I　do　not　mean　to　say　that　they　are　sinless　in　this　respect。　As　I　see　it；　they　hand　round　in　general　conversation　something　nearly　as　bad　in　the　form　of　what　one　may　call　the　literal　anecdote　or　personal　experience。　By　this　I　refer　to　the　habit　of　narrating　some　silly　little　event　that　has　actually　happened　to　them　or　in　their　sight；　which　they　designate　as　〃screamingly　funny；〃　and　which　was　perhaps　very　funny　when　it　happened　but　which　is　not　the　least　funny　in　the　telling。　The　American　funny　story　is　imaginary。　It　never　happened。　Somebody　presumably　once　made　it　up。　It　is　fiction。　Thus　there　must　once　have　been　some　great　palpitating　brain；　some　glowing　imagination；　which　invented　the　story　of　the　man　who　was　put　off　at　Buffalo。　But　the　English　〃screamingly　funny〃　story　is　not　imaginary。　It　really　did　happen。　It　is　an　actual　personal　experience。　In　short；　it　is　not　fiction　but　history。

I　thinkif　one　may　say　it　with　all　respectthat　in　English　society　girls　and　women　are　especially　prone　to　narrate　these　personal　experiences　as　contributions　to　general　merriment　rather　than　the　men。　The　English　girl　has　a　sort　of　traditional　idea　of　being　amusing；　the　English　man　cares　less　about　it。　He　prefers　facts　to　fancy　every　time；　and　as　a　rule　is　free　from　that　desire　to　pose　as　a　humourist　which　haunts　the　American　mind。　So　it　comes　about　that　most　of　the　〃screamingly　funny〃　stories　are　told　in　Engl