lizzie leigh-第3章

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not　without　many　a　heavy　sigh　from　Will；　after　she　had　closed　the

house…door　and　departed。　　It　was　often　past　midnight　before　she　came

back；　pale　and　weary；　with　almost　a　guilty　look　upon　her　face；　but

that　face　so　full　of　disappointment　and　hope　deferred；　that　Will　had

never　the　heart　to　say　what　he　thought　of　the　folly　and　hopelessness

of　the　search。　　Night　after　night　it　was　renewed；　till　days　grew　to

weeks；　and　weeks　to　months。　　All　this　time　Will　did　his　duty　towards

her　as　well　as　he　could；　without　having　sympathy　with　her。　　He　stayed

at　home　in　the　evenings　for　Tom's　sake；　and　often　wished　he　had　Tom's

pleasure　in　reading；　for　the　time　hung　heavy　on　his　hands　as　he　sat

up　for　his　mother。



I　need　not　tell　you　how　the　mother　spent　the　weary　hours。　　And　yet　I

will　tell　you　something。　　She　used　to　wander　out；　at　first　as　if

without　a　purpose；　till　she　rallied　her　thoughts；　and　brought　all　her

energies　to　bear　on　the　one　point；　then　she　went　with　earnest

patience　along　the　least…known　ways　to　some　new　part　of　the　town；

looking　wistfully　with　dumb　entreaty　into　people's　faces；　sometimes

catching　a　glimpse　of　a　figure　which　had　a　kind　of　momentary　likeness

to　her　child's；　and　following　that　figure　with　never…wearying

perseverance；　till　some　light　from　shop　or　lamp　showed　the　cold

strange　face　which　was　not　her　daughter's。　　Once　or　twice　a　kind…

hearted　passer…by；　struck　by　her　look　of　yearning　woe；　turned　back

and　offered　help；　or　asked　her　what　she　wanted。　　When　so　spoken　to；

she　answered　only；　〃You　don't　know　a　poor　girl　they　call　Lizzie

Leigh；　do　you？〃　and　when　they　denied　all　knowledge；　she　shook　her

head；　and　went　on　again。　　I　think　they　believed　her　to　be　crazy。　　But

she　never　spoke　first　to　any　one。　　She　sometimes　took　a　few　minutes'

rest　on　the　door…steps；　and　sometimes　（very　seldom）　covered　her　face

and　cried；　but　she　could　not　afford　to　lose　time　and　chances　in　this

way；　while　her　eyes　were　blinded　with　tears；　the　lost　one　might　pass

by　unseen。



One　evening；　in　the　rich　time　of　shortening　autumn…days；　Will　saw　an

old　man；　who；　without　being　absolutely　drunk；　could　not　guide　himself

rightly　along　the　foot…path；　and　was　mocked　for　his　unsteadiness　of

gait　by　the　idle　boys　of　the　neighbourhood。　　For　his　father's　sake；

Will　regarded　old　age　with　tenderness；　even　when　most　degraded　and

removed　from　the　stern　virtues　which　dignified　that　father；　so　he

took　the　old　man　home；　and　seemed　to　believe　his　often…repeated

assertions；　that　he　drank　nothing　but　water。　　The　stranger　tried　to

stiffen　himself　up　into　steadiness　as　he　drew　nearer　home；　as　if

there　some　one　there　for　whose　respect　he　cared　even　in　his　half…

intoxicated　state；　or　whose　feelings　he　feared　to　grieve。　　His　home

was　exquisitely　clean　and　neat；　even　in　outside　appearance；

threshold；　window；　and　windowsill　were　outward　signs　of　some　spirit

of　purity　within。　　Will　was　rewarded　for　his　attention　by　a　bright

glance　of　thanks；　succeeded　by　a　blush　of　shame；　from　a　young　woman

of　twenty　or　thereabouts。　　She　did　not　speak　or　second　her　father's

hospitable　invitations　to　him　to　be　seated。　　She　seemed　unwilling

that　a　stranger　should　witness　her　father's　attempts　at　stately

sobriety；　and　Will　could　not　bear　to　stay　and　see　her　distress。　　But

when　the　old　man；　with　many　a　flabby　shake　of　the　hand；　kept　asking

him　to　come　again　some　other　evening；　and　see　them；　Will　sought　her

downcast　eyes；　and；　though　he　could　not　read　their　veiled　meaning；　he

answered；　timidly；　〃If　it's　agreeable　to　everybody；　I'll　come；　and

thank　ye。〃　　But　there　was　no　answer　from　the　girl；　to　whom　this

speech　was　in　reality　addressed；　and　Will　left　the　house；　liking　her

all　the　better　for　never　speaking。



He　thought　about　her　a　great　deal　for　the　next　day　or　two；　he　scolded

himself　for　being　so　foolish　as　to　think　of　her；　and　then　fell　to

with　fresh　vigour；　and　thought　of　her　more　than　ever。　　He　tried　to

depreciate　her：　　he　told　himself　she　was　not　pretty；　and　then　made

indignant　answer　that　he　liked　her　looks　much　better　than　any　beauty

of　them　all。　　He　wished　he　was　not　so　country…looking；　so　red…faced；

so　broad…shouldered；　while　she　was　like　a　lady；　with　her　smooth；

colourless　complexion；　her　bright　dark　hair；　and　her　spotless　dress。

Pretty　or　not　pretty　she　drew　his　footsteps　towards　her；　he　could　not

resist　the　impulse　that　made　him　wish　to　see　her　once　more；　and　find

out　some　fault　which　should　unloose　his　heart　from　her　unconscious

keeping。　　But　there　she　was；　pure　and　maidenly　as　before。　　He　sat　and

looked；　answering　her　father　at　cross…purposes；　while　she　drew　more

and　more　into　the　shadow　of　the　chimney…corner　out　of　sight。　　Then

the　spirit　that　possessed　him　（it　was　not　he　himself；　sure；　that　did

so　impudent　a　thing！）　made　him　get　up　and　carry　the　candle　to　a

different　place；　under　the　pretence　of　giving　her　more　light　at　her

sewing；　but　in　reality　to　be　able　to　see　her　better。　　She　could　not

stand　this　much　longer；　but　jumped　up　and　said　she　must　put　her

little　niece　to　bed；　and　surely　there　never　was；　before　or　since；　so

troublesome　a　child　of　two　years　old；　for　though　Will　stayed　an　hour

and　a　half　longer；　she　never　came　down　again。　　He　won　the　father's

heart；　though；　by　his　capacity　as　a　listener；　for　some　people　are　not

at　all　particular；　and；　so　that　they　themselves　may　talk　on

undisturbed；　are　not　so　unreasonable　as　to　expect　attention　to　what

they　say。



Will　did　gather　this　much；　however；　from　the　old　man's　talk。　　He　had

once　been　quite　in　a　genteel　line　of　business；　but　had　failed　for

more　money　than　any　greengrocer　he　had　heard　of；　at　least；　any　who

did　not　mix　up　fish　and　game　with　green…grocery　proper。　　This　grand

failure　seemed　to　have　been　the　event　of　his　life；　and　one　on　which

he　dwelt　with　a　strange　kind　of　pride。　　It　appeared　as　if　at　present

he　rested　from　his　past　exertions　（in　the　bankrupt　line）；　and

depended　on　his　daughter；　who　kept　a　small　school　for　very　young

children。　　But　all　these　particulars　Will　only　remembered　and

understood　when　he　had　left　the　house；　at　the　time　he　heard　them；　he

was　thinking　of　Susan。　　After　he　had　made　good　his　footing　at　Mr。

Palmer's；　he　was　not　long；　you　may　be　sure；　without　finding　some

reason　for　returning　again　and　again。　　He　listened　to　her　father；　he

talked　to　the　little　niece；　but　he　looked　at　Susan；　both　while　he

listened　and　while　he　talked。　　Her　father　kept　on　insisting　upon　his

former　gentility；　the　details　of　which　would　have　appeared　very

questionable　to　Will's　mind；　if　the　sweet；　delicate；　modest　Susan　had

not　thrown　an　inexplicable　air　of　refinement　over　all　she　came　near。

She　never　spoke　much；　she　was　generally　diligently　at　work；　but　when

she　moved　it　was　so　noiselessly；　and　when　she　did　speak；　it　was　in　so

low　and　soft　a　voice；　that　silence；　speech；　motion；　and　stillness

alike　seemed　to　remove　her　high　above　Will's　reach　into　some　saintly

and　inaccessible　air　of　gloryhigh　above　his　reach；　even　as　she　knew

him！　　And；　if　she　were　made　acquainted　with　the　dark　secret　behind　of

his　sister's　shame；　which　was　kept　ever　present　to　his　mind　by　his

mother's　nightly　search　among　the　outcast　and　forsaken；　would　not

Susan　shrink　away　from　him　with　loathing；　as　if　he　were　tainted　by

the　involuntary　relationship？　　This　was　his　dread；　and　thereupon

followed　a　resolution　that　he　would　withdraw　from　her　sweet　company

before　it　was　too　late。　　So　he　resisted　internal　temptation；　and

stayed　at　home；　and　suffered　and　sighed。　　He　became　angry　with　his

mother　for　her　untiring　patience　in　seeking　for　one　who　he　could　not

help　hoping　was　dead　rather　than　alive。　　He　spoke　sharply　to　her；　and

received　only　such　sad　deprecatory　answers　as　made　him　reproach

himself；　and　still　more　lose　sight　of　peace　of　mind。　　This　struggle

could　not　last　long　without　affecting　his　health；　and　Tom；　his　sole

companion　through　the　long　evenings；　noticed　his　increasing　languor；

his　restless　irritability；　wi