part 6-第21章

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Any　other　effects　I　can　get　easily　enough。〃







　　　　　〃Yes；　you　get　effects；　and　not　only　with　your　voice。



That's　where　you　have　it　over　all　the　rest　of　them；　you're



as　much　at　home　on　the　stage　as　you　were　down　in















Panther　Canyonas　if　you'd　just　been　let　out　of　a　cage。



Didn't　you　get　some　of　your　ideas　down　there？〃







　　　　　Thea　nodded。　　〃Oh；　yes！　　For　heroic　parts；　at　least。　　Out



of　the　rocks；　out　of　the　dead　people。　　You　mean　the　idea



of　standing　up　under　things；　don't　you；　meeting　catas…



trophe？　　No　fussiness。　　Seems　to　me　they　must　have　been



a　reserved；　somber　people；　with　only　a　muscular　language；



all　their　movements　for　a　purpose；　simple；　strong；　as　if



they　were　dealing　with　fate　bare…handed。〃　　She　put　her



gloved　fingers　on　Fred's　arm。　　〃I　don't　know　how　I　can



ever　thank　you　enough。　　I　don't　know　if　I'd　ever　have　got



anywhere　without　Panther　Canyon。　　How　did　you　know



that　was　the　one　thing　to　do　for　me？　　It's　the　sort　of　thing



nobody　ever　helps　one　to；　in　this　world。　　One　can　learn　how



to　sing；　but　no　singing　teacher　can　give　anybody　what　I



got　down　there。　　How　did　you　know？〃







　　　　　〃I　didn't　know。　　Anything　else　would　have　done　as　well。



It　was　your　creative　hour。　　I　knew　you　were　getting　a　lot；



but　I　didn't　realize　how　much。〃







　　　　　Thea　walked　on　in　silence。　　She　seemed　to　be　thinking。







　　　　　〃Do　you　know　what　they　really　taught　me？〃　she



came　out　suddenly。　　〃They　taught　me　the　inevitable



hardness　of　human　life。　　No　artist　gets　far　who　doesn't



know　that。　　And　you　can't　know　it　with　your　mind。　　You



have　to　realize　it　in　your　body；　somehow；　deep。　　It's　an



animal　sort　of　feeling。　　I　sometimes　think　it's　the　strongest



of　all。　　Do　you　know　what　I'm　driving　at？〃







　　　　　〃I　think　so。　　Even　your　audiences　feel　it；　vaguely：　that



you've　sometime　or　other　faced　things　that　make　you



different。〃







　　　　　Thea　turned　her　back　to　the　wind；　wiping　away　the　snow



that　clung　to　her　brows　and　lashes。　　〃Ugh！〃　she　exclaimed；



〃no　matter　how　long　a　breath　you　have；　the　storm　has



a　longer。　　I　haven't　signed　for　next　season；　yet；　Fred。　　I'm



holding　out　for　a　big　contract：　forty　performances。　　Necker



won't　be　able　to　do　much　next　winter。　　It's　going　to　be　one















of　those　between　seasons；　the　old　singers　are　too　old；　and



the　new　ones　are　too　new。　　They　might　as　well　risk　me　as



anybody。　　So　I　want　good　terms。　　The　next　five　or　six



years　are　going　to　be　my　best。〃







　　　　　〃You'll　get　what　you　demand；　if　you　are　uncompro…



mising。　　I'm　safe　in　congratulating　you　now。〃







　　　　　Thea　laughed。　　〃It's　a　little　early。　　I　may　not　get　it　at



all。　　They　don't　seem　to　be　breaking　their　necks　to　meet



me。　　I　can　go　back　to　Dresden。〃







　　　　　As　they　turned　the　curve　and　walked　westward　they



got　the　wind　from　the　side；　and　talking　was　easier。







　　　　　Fred　lowered　his　collar　and　shook　the　snow　from　his



shoulders。　　〃Oh；　I　don't　mean　on　the　contract　particularly。



I　congratulate　you　on　what　you　can　do；　Thea；　and　on　all



that　lies　behind　what　you　do。　　On　the　life　that's　led　up　to



it；　and　on　being　able　to　care　so　much。　　That；　after　all；　is



the　unusual　thing。〃







　　　　　She　looked　at　him　sharply；　with　a　certain　apprehension。



〃Care？　　Why　shouldn't　I　care？　　If　I　didn't；　I'd　be　in　a



bad　way。　　What　else　have　I　got？〃　　She　stopped　with　a



challenging　interrogation；　but　Ottenburg　did　not　reply。



〃You　mean；〃　she　persisted；　〃that　you　don't　care　as　much



as　you　used　to？〃







　　　　　〃I　care　about　your　success；　of　course。〃　　Fred　fell　into　a



slower　pace。　　Thea　felt　at　once　that　he　was　talking　seri…



ously　and　had　dropped　the　tone　of　half…ironical　exaggera…



tion　he　had　used　with　her　of　late　years。　　〃And　I'm



grateful　to　you　for　what　you　demand　from　yourself；　when



you　might　get　off　so　easily。　　You　demand　more　and　more



all　the　time；　and　you'll　do　more　and　more。　　One　is　grateful



to　anybody　for　that；　it　makes　life　in　general　a　little　less



sordid。　　But　as　a　matter　of　fact；　I'm　not　much　interested



in　how　anybody　sings　anything。〃







　　　　　〃That's　too　bad　of　you；　when　I'm　just　beginning　to



see　what　is　worth　doing；　and　how　I　want　to　do　it！〃　　Thea



spoke　in　an　injured　tone。



















　　　　　〃That's　what　I　congratulate　you　on。　　That's　the　great



difference　between　your　kind　and　the　rest　of　us。　　It's　how



long　you're　able　to　keep　it　up　that　tells　the　story。　　When



you　needed　enthusiasm　from　the　outside；　I　was　able　to



give　it　to　you。　　Now　you　must　let　me　withdraw。〃







　　　　　〃I'm　not　tying　you；　am　I？〃　she　flashed　out。　　〃But　with…



draw　to　what？　　What　do　you　want？〃







　　　　　Fred　shrugged。　　〃I　might　ask　you；　What　have　I　got？



I　want　things　that　wouldn't　interest　you；　that　you　prob…



ably　wouldn't　understand。　　For　one　thing；　I　want　a　son



to　bring　up。〃







　　　　　〃I　can　understand　that。　　It　seems　to　me　reasonable。



Have　you　also　found　somebody　you　want　to　marry？〃







　　　　　〃Not　particularly。〃　　They　turned　another　curve；　which



brought　the　wind　to　their　backs；　and　they　walked　on　in



comparative　calm；　with　the　snow　blowing　past　them。　　〃It's



not　your　fault；　Thea；　but　I've　had　you　too　much　in　my



mind。　　I've　not　given　myself　a　fair　chance　in　other　direc…



tions。　　I　was　in　Rome　when　you　and　Nordquist　were　there。



If　that　had　kept　up；　it　might　have　cured　me。〃







　　　　　〃It　might　have　cured　a　good　many　things；〃　remarked



Thea　grimly。







　　　　　Fred　nodded　sympathetically　and　went　on。　　〃In　my



library　in　St。　Louis；　over　the　fireplace；　I　have　a　property



spear　I　had　copied　from　one　in　Venice；oh；　years　ago；



after　you　first　went　abroad；　while　you　were　studying。



You'll　probably　be　singing　BRUNNHILDE　pretty　soon　now；



and　I'll　send　it　on　to　you；　if　I　may。　　You　can　take　it　and



its　history　for　what　they're　worth。　　But　I'm　nearly　forty



years　old；　and　I've　served　my　turn。　　You've　done　what



I　hoped　for　you；　what　I　was　honestly　willing　to　lose　you



forthen。　　I'm　older　now；　and　I　think　I　was　an　ass。　　I



wouldn't　do　it　again　if　I　had　the　chance；　not　much！　　But



I'm　not　sorry。　　It　takes　a　great　many　people　to　make



oneBRUNNHILDE。〃







　　　　　Thea　stopped　by　the　fence　and　looked　over　into　the















black　choppiness　on　which　the　snowflakes　fell　and　dis…



appeared　with　magical　rapidity。　　Her　face　was　both　angry



and　troubled。　　〃So　you　really　feel　I've　been　ungrateful。



I　thought　you　sent　me　out　to　get　something。　　I　didn't



know　you　wanted　me　to　bring　in　something　easy。　　I



thought　you　wanted　something〃　　She　took　a　deep



breath　and　shrugged　her　shoulders。　　〃But　there！　nobody



on　God's　earth　wants　it；　REALLY！　　If　one　other　person　wanted



it；〃she　thrust　her　hand　out　before　him　and　clenched



it；〃my　God；　what　I　could　do！〃







　　　　　Fred　laughed　dismally。　　〃Even　in　my　ashes　I　feel　my…



self　pushing　you！　　How　can　anybody　help　it？　　My　dear



girl；　can't　you　see　that　anybody　else　who　wanted　it　as　you



do　would　be　your　rival；　your　deadliest　danger？　　Can't　you



see　that　it's　your　great　good　fortune　that　other　people



can't　care　about　it　so　much？〃







　　　　　But　Thea　seemed　not　to　take　in　his　protest　at　all。　　She



went　on　vindicating　herself。　　〃It's　taken　me　a　long　while



to　do　anything；　of　course；　and　I've　only　begun　to　see　day…



light。　　But　anything　good　isexpensive。　　It　hasn't



seemed　long。　　I've　always　felt　responsible　to　you。〃







　　　　　Fred　looked　at　her　face　intently；　t