part 6-第11章
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LUPUS SUM。〃
The doctor seemed embarrassed。 〃I was just thinking
how tired she looked； plucked of all her fine feathers； while
we get all the fun。 Instead of sitting here carousing； we
ought to go solemnly to bed。〃
〃I get your idea。〃 Ottenburg crossed to the window and
threw it open。 〃Fine night outside； a hag of a moon just
setting。 It begins to smell like morning。 After all； Archie；
think of the lonely and rather solemn hours we've spent
waiting for all this； while she's beenreveling。〃
Archie lifted his brows。 〃I somehow didn't get the idea
to…night that she revels much。〃
〃I don't mean this sort of thing。〃 Fred turned toward
the light and stood with his back to the window。 〃That；〃
with a nod toward the wine…cooler； 〃is only a cheap imita…
tion； that any poor stiff…fingered fool can buy and feel his
shell grow thinner。 But take it from me； no matter what
she pays； or how much she may see fit to lie about it； the
real； the master revel is hers。〃 He leaned back against the
window sill and crossed his arms。 〃Anybody with all that
voice and all that talent and all that beauty； has her hour。
Her hour；〃 he went on deliberately； 〃when she can say；
'there it is； at last； WIE IM TRAUM ICH
〃‘As in my dream I dreamed it；
As in my will it was。'〃
He stood silent a moment； twisting the flower from his
coat by the stem and staring at the blank wall with hag…
gard abstraction。 〃Even I can say to…night； Archie；〃 he
brought out slowly；
〃‘As in my dream I dreamed it；
As in my will it was。'
Now； doctor； you may leave me。 I'm beautifully drunk；
but not with anything that ever grew in France。〃
The doctor rose。 Fred tossed his flower out of the win…
dow behind him and came toward the door。 〃I say；〃 he
called； 〃have you a date with anybody？〃
The doctor paused； his hand on the knob。 〃With Thea；
you mean？ Yes。 I'm to go to her at four this afternoon
if you haven't paralyzed me。〃
〃Well； you won't eat me； will you； if I break in and send
up my card？ She'll probably turn me down cold； but that
won't hurt my feelings。 If she ducks me； you tell her for me；
that to spite me now she'd have to cut off more than she
can spare。 Good…night； Archie。〃
VI
IT was late on the morning after the night she sang ELSA；
when Thea Kronborg stirred uneasily in her bed。 The
room was darkened by two sets of window shades； and the
day outside was thick and cloudy。 She turned and tried
to recapture unconsciousness； knowing that she would not
be able to do so。 She dreaded waking stale and disap…
pointed after a great effort。 The first thing that came was
always the sense of the futility of such endeavor； and of
the absurdity of trying too hard。 Up to a certain point；
say eighty degrees； artistic endeavor could be fat and
comfortable； methodical and prudent。 But if you went
further than that； if you drew yourself up toward ninety
degrees； you parted with your defenses and left yourself
exposed to mischance。 The legend was that in those upper
reaches you might be divine； but you were much likelier
to be ridiculous。 Your public wanted just about eighty
degrees； if you gave it more it blew its nose and put a
crimp in you。 In the morning； especially； it seemed to
her very probable that whatever struggled above the good
average was not quite sound。 Certainly very little of that
superfluous ardor； which cost so dear； ever got across the
footlights。 These misgivings waited to pounce upon her
when she wakened。 They hovered about her bed like
vultures。
She reached under her pillow for her handkerchief； with…
out opening her eyes。 She had a shadowy memory that
there was to be something unusual； that this day held more
disquieting possibilities than days commonly held。 There
was something she dreaded； what was it？ Oh； yes； Dr。
Archie was to come at four。
A reality like Dr。 Archie； poking up out of the past； re…
minded one of disappointments and losses； of a freedom
that was no more： reminded her of blue； golden mornings
long ago； when she used to waken with a burst of joy at
recovering her precious self and her precious world； when
she never lay on her pillows at eleven o'clock like some…
thing the waves had washed up。 After all； why had he
come？ It had been so long； and so much had happened。
The things she had lost； he would miss readily enough。
What she had gained； he would scarcely perceive。 He； and
all that he recalled； lived for her as memories。 In sleep；
and in hours of illness or exhaustion； she went back to
them and held them to her heart。 But they were better
as memories。 They had nothing to do with the struggle
that made up her actual life。 She felt drearily that she
was not flexible enough to be the person her old friend
expected her to be； the person she herself wished to be
with him。
Thea reached for the bell and rang twice；a signal to
her maid to order her breakfast。 She rose and ran up the
window shades and turned on the water in her bathroom；
glancing into the mirror apprehensively as she passed it。
Her bath usually cheered her； even on low mornings like
this。 Her white bathroom； almost as large as her sleeping…
room； she regarded as a refuge。 When she turned the key
behind her； she left care and vexation on the other side of
the door。 Neither her maid nor the management nor her
letters nor her accompanist could get at her now。
When she pinned her braids about her head； dropped
her nightgown and stepped out to begin her Swedish move…
ments； she was a natural creature again； and it was so that
she liked herself best。 She slid into the tub with anticipa…
tion and splashed and tumbled about a good deal。 What…
ever else she hurried； she never hurried her bath。 She
used her brushes and sponges and soaps like toys； fairly
playing in the water。 Her own body was always a cheer…
ing sight to her。 When she was careworn； when her mind
felt old and tired； the freshness of her physical self； her
long； firm lines； the smoothness of her skin； reassured her。
This morning； because of awakened memories； she looked
at herself more carefully than usual； and was not discour…
aged。 While she was in the tub she began to whistle
softly the tenor aria； 〃AH！ FUYEZ； DOUCE IMAGE；〃 somehow
appropriate to the bath。 After a noisy moment under the
cold shower； she stepped out on the rug flushed and glow…
ing； threw her arms above her head； and rose on her toes；
keeping the elevation as long as she could。 When she
dropped back on her heels and began to rub herself with
the towels； she took up the aria again； and felt quite in the
humor for seeing Dr。 Archie。 After she had returned to her
bed； the maid brought her letters and the morning papers
with her breakfast。
〃Telephone Mr。 Landry and ask him if he can come at
half…past three； Theresa； and order tea to be brought up
at five。〃
When Howard Archie was admitted to Thea's apart…
ment that afternoon； he was shown into the mus
