the story of my heart-第4章
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such a shape as would admit of actually working upon the lines it indicated
for any good ？
One evening； when the bright white star in Lyra was shining
almost at the zenith over me； and the deep concave was the more
profound in the dusk； I formulated it into three divisions。
First； I desired that I might do or find something to exalt the
soul； something to enable it to live its own life； a more
powerful existence now。 Secondly； I desired to be able to do something for
the flesh； to make a discovery or perfect a method by which the fleshly body
might enjoy more pleasure； longer life； and suffer less pain。 Thirdly； to
construct a more flexible engine with which to carry into execution the
design of the will。 I called this the Lyra prayer； to distinguish it from
the far deeper emotion in which the soul was alone
concerned。
Of the three divisions； the last was of so little importance
that it scarcely deserved to be named in conjunction with the
others。 Mechanism increases conveniencein no degree does it
confer physical or moral perfection。 The rudimentary engines
employed thousands of years ago in raising buildings were in
that respect equal to the complicated machines of the present
day。 Control of iron and steel has not altered or improved the
bodily man。 I even debated some time whether such a third
division should be included at all。 Our bodies are now conveyed
all round the world with ease； but obtain no advantage。 As they start so
they return。 The most perfect human families of ancient times were almost
stationary； as those of Greece。 Perfection of form was found inSparta； how
small a spot compared to those continents over which we are now taken so
quickly！ Such perfection of form might perhaps again dwell； contented and
complete in itself； on such a strip of land as I could see between me and
the sand of the sea。 Again； a watch keeping correct time is no guarantee
that the bearer shall not suffer pain。 The owner of the watch may be
soulless； without mind…fire； a mere creature。 No benefit to the
heart or to the body accrues from the most accurate mechanism。
Hence I debated whether the third division should be included。
But I reflected that time cannot be put back on the dial； we
cannot return to Sparta； there is an existent state of things；
and existent multitudes； and possibly a more powerful engine；
flexible to the will； might give them that freedom which is the
one； and the one only； political or social idea I possess。 For
liberty； therefore； let it be included。
For the flesh； this arm of mine； the limbs of others gracefully moving； let
me find something that will give them greater per…
fection。 That the bones may be firmer； somewhat larger if that would be an
advantage； certainly stronger； that the cartilage and sinews may be more
enduring； and the muscles more powerful； something after the manner of those
ideal limbs and muscles sculptured of old； these in the flesh and real。 That
the organs of the body may be stronger in their action； perfect； and
lasting。 That the exterior flesh may be yet more beautiful； that the shape
may be finer； and the motions graceful。 These are the soberest words I can
find； purposely chosen； for I am so rapt in the beauty of the human form；
and so earnestly； so inexpressibly； prayerful to see that form perfect； that
my full thought is not to be written。 Unable to express it fully； I have
considered it best to put it in the simplest manner of words。 I believe in
the human form； let me find something； some method； by which that form may
achieve the utmost beauty。 Its beauty is like an arrow； which may be shot
any distance according to the strength of the bow。 So the idea expressed in
the human shape is capable of indefinite expansion and elevation of beauty。
Of the mind； the inner consciousness； the soul； my prayer
desired that I might discover a mode of life for it； so that it
might not only conceive of such a life； but actually enjoy it on
the earth。 I wished to search out a new and higher set of ideas
on which the mind should work。 The simile of a new book of the
soul is the nearest to convey the meaninga book drawn from
the present and future； not the past。 Instead of a set of ideas based on
tradition； let me give the mind a new thought drawn straight from the
wondrous present； direct this very hour。 Next； to furnish the soul with the
means of executing its will； of carrying thought into action。 In other
words； for the soul to
become a power。 These three formed the Lyra prayer； of which the two first
are immeasurably the in more important。 I believe in the human being； mind
and flesh； form and soul。
It happened just afterwards that I went to Pevensey； and
immediately the ancient wall swept my mind back seventeen
hundred years to the eagle； the pilum； and the short sword。 The
grey stones； the thin red bricks laid by those whose eyes had
seen Caesar's Rome； lifted me out of the grasp of house…life；
of modern civilisation； of those minutiae which occupy the
moment。 The grey stone made me feel as if I had existed from
then till now； so strongly did I enter into and see my own
life as if reflected。 My own existence was focused back on me；
I saw its joy； its unhappiness； its birth； its death； its
possibilities among the infinite； above all its yearning
Question。 Why？ Seeing it thus clearly； and lifted out of the
moment by the force of seventeen centuries； I recognised the
full mystery and the depths of things in the roots of the dry
grass on the wall； in the green sea flowing near。 Is there
anything I can do？ The mystery and the possibilities are not in
the roots of the grass； nor is the depth of things in the sea； they are in
my existence； in my soul。 The marvel of existence；
almost the terror of it； was flung on me with crushing force by
the sea； the sun shining； the distant hills。 With all their
ponderous weight they made me feel myself： all the time； all the
centuries made me feel myself this moment a hundred…fold。 I
determined that I would endeavour to write what I had so long
thought of； and the same evening put down one sentence。 There
the sentence remained two years。 I tried to carry it on； I hesitated
because I could not express it： nor can I now； though in desperation I am
throwing these rude stones of thought together； rude as those of the ancient
wall。
CHAPTER III
THERE were grass…grown tumuli on the hills to which of old I used to walk；
sit down at the foot of one of them； and think。 Some warrior had been
interred there in the antehistoric times。 The sun of the summer morning
shone on the dome of sward； and the air came softly up from the wheat below；
the tips of the grasses swayed as it passed sighing faintly； it ceased； and
the bees hummed by to the thyme and heathbells。 I became absorbed in the
glory of the day； the sunshine； the sweet air； the yellowing corn turning
from its sappy green to summer's noon of gold； the lark's song like a
waterfall in the sky。 I felt at that moment that I was like the spirit of
the man whose body was interred in the tumulus； I could understand and feel
his existence the same as my own。 He was as real to me two thousand years
after interment as those I had seen in the body。 The abstract personality of
the dead seemed as existent as thought。 As my
thought could slip back the twenty centuries in a moment to the forest…days
when he hurled the spear； or shot with the bow； hunting the deer； and could
return again as swiftly to this moment； so his spirit could endure from then
till now； and the time was nothing。
Two thousand years being a second to the soul could not cause
its extinction。 Itwas no longer to the soul than my thought occupied to me。
Recognising my own inner consciousness； the psyche； so clearly； death did
not seem to me to affect the personality。In dissolution there was no
bridgeless chasm； no unfathomable gulf of separation； the spirit did not
immediately become inaccesible； leaping at a bound to an immeasurable
distance。 Look at another person while living；
the soul is not visible； only the body which it animates。 Therefore； merely
because after death the soul is not visible is no demonstration t
