the story of my heart-第16章

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organs　shows　a　total　absence　of　balance。　The　heart　is　not　in　the　centre；　nor
do　the　organs　correspond　in　any　way。　The　viscera　are　wholly　opposed　to　plan。
Coming；　lastly；　to　the　bones；　these　have　no　humanity；　as　it　were；　of　shape；
they
are　neither　round　nor　square；　the　first　sight　of　them　causes　a　sense　of
horror；　so　extra…human　are　they　in　shape；　there　is　no　balance　of　design　in
them。　These　are　very　brief　examples；　but　the　whole　universe；　so　far　as　it
can　be　investigated；　is　equally　unequal。　No　straight　line　runs　through　it；
with　balanced
curves　each　side。

Let　this　thought　now　be　carried　into　the　realms　of　thought。　　The　mind；　or
circle；　or　sequence　of　ideas；　acts；　or　thinks；　or　exists　in　a　balance；　or
what　seems　a　balance　to　it。　　A　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　straight　line　of
thought　is　set　in　the　centre；　with　equal　branches　each　side；　and　with　a
generally　rounded　outline。
But　this　corresponds　to　nothing　in　tangible　fact。　　Hence　I
think；　by　analogy；　we　may　suppose　that　neither　does　it　correspond　to　the
circle　of　ideas　which　caused　us　and　all　things　to　be；　or；　at　all　events；　to
the　circle　of　ideas　which
accurately　understand　us　and　all　things。　There　are　other　ideas　altogether。
》From　standing　face　to　face　so　long　with　the　real　earth；　the　real　sun；　and
the　real　sea；　I　am　firmly　convinced　that　there　is　an　immense　range　of
thought　quite　unknown　to　us　yet。

The　problem　of　my　own　existence　also　convinces　me　that　there　is　much　more。
The　questions　are：　Did　my　soul　exist　before　my　body　was　formed？　Or　did　it
come　into　life　with　my　body；　as　a　product；
like　a　flame；　of　combustion？　What　will　become　of　it　after　death？　Will　it
simply　go　out　like　a　flame　and　become　non…existent；　or　will　it　live　for　ever
in　one　or　other　mode？　To　these　questions
I　am　unable　to　find　any　answer　whatsoever。　In　our　present　range　of　ideas
there　is　no　reply　to　them。　I　may　have　previously　existed；　I　may　not　have
previously　existed。　I　may　be　a　product
of　combustion；　I　may　exist　on　after　physical　life　is　suspended；
or　I　may　not。　No　demonstration　is　possible。　But　what　I　want　to
say　is　that　the　alternatives　of　extinction　or　immortality　may
not　be　the　only　alternatives。　There　may　be　something　else；　more
wonderful　than　immortality；　and　far　beyond　and　above　that　idea。
There　may　be　something　immeasurably　superior　to　it。　As　our　ideas　have　run　in
circles　for　centuries；　it　is　difficult　to　find　words　to　express　the　idea
that　there　are　other　ideas。　For　myself；　though　I　cannot　fully　express
myself；　I　feel　fully　convinced　that　there　is　a　vast　immensity　of　thought；　of
existence；　and　of　other　things　beyond　even　immortal　existence。

CHAPTER　IX

IN　human　affairs　everything　happens　by　chancethat　is；　in　defiance　of　human
ideas；　and　without　any　direction　of　an　intelligence。　A　man　bathes　in　a　pool；
a　crocodile　seizes　and　lacerates　his　flesh。　If　any　one　maintains　that　an
intelligence　directed　that　cruelty；　I　can　only　reply　that　his　mind　is　under
an　illusion。　A　man　is　caught　by　a　revolving　shaft　and　torn　to　pieces；　limb
from　limb。　There　is　no　directing　intelligence　in　human　affairs；　no
protection；　and　no　assistance。　Those　who　act　uprightly　are　not　rewarded；　but
they　and　their　children　often　wander　in　the　utmost　indigence。　Those　who　do
evil　are　not　always　punished；　but　frequently　flourish　and　have　happy
children。　Rewards　and　punishments　are　purely　human　institutions；　and　if
government　be　relaxed　they　entirely　disappear。　No　intelligence　whatever
interferes　in　human　affairs。　There　is　a　most　senseless　belief　now　prevalent
that　effort；　and　work；　and　cleverness；
perseverance　and　industry；　are　invariably　successful。　Were　this
the　case；　every　man　would　enjoy　a　competence；　at　least；　and　be
free　from　the　cares　of　money。　This　is　an　illusion　almost　equal
to　the　superstition　of　a　directing　intelligence；　which　every
fact　and　every　consideration　disproves。

How　can　I　adequately　express　my　contempt　for　the　assertion　that
all　things　occur　for　the　best；　for　a　wise　and　beneficent　end；
and　are　ordered　by　a　humane　intelligence！　It　is　the　most　utter
falsehood　and　a　crime　against　the　human　race。　Even　in　my　brief
time　I　have　been　contemporary　with　events　of　the　most　horrible
character；　as　when　the　mothers　in　the　Balkans　cast　their　own
children　from　the　train　to　parish　in　the　snow；　as　when　the　Princess　Alice
foundered；　and　six　hundred　human　beings　were　smothered　in　foul　water；　as
when　the　hecatomb　of　two　thousand　maidens　were　burned　in　the　church　at
Santiago；　as　when　the　miserable　creatures　tore　at　the　walls　of　the　Vienna
theatre。　Consider　only　the　fates　which　overtake　the　little　children。　Human
suffering　is　so　great；　so　endless；　so　awful　that　I　can　hardly　write　of　it。　I
could　not　go　into　hospitals　and　face　it；　as　some　do；　lest　my　mind　should　be
temporarily　overcome。　The　whole　and　the　worst　the　worst　pessimist　can　say　is
far　beneath　the　least　particle　of　the　truth；　so　immense　is　the　misery　of
man。　It　is　the　duty　of　all　rational　beings　to　acknowledge　the　truth。　There
is　not　the　least　trace　of　directing　intelligence　in　human　affairs。　　This　is
a　foundation　of　hope；　because；　if　the　present　condition　of　things　were
ordered　by　a　superior　power；　there　would　be　no　possibility　of　improving　it
for　the　better　in　the　spite　of　that　power。　Acknowledging　that　no　such
direction　exists；　all　things　become　at　once　plastic　to　our　will。

The　credit　given　by　the　unthinking　to　the　statement　that　all
affairs　are　directed　has　been　the　bane　of　the　world　since　the
days　of　the　Egyptian　papyri　and　the　origin　of　superstition。　So
long　as　men　firmly　believe　that　everything　is　fixed　for　them；　so
long　is　progress　impossible。　If　you　argue　yourself　into　the　belief　that　you
cannot　walk　to　a　place；　you　cannot　walk　there。
But　if　you　start　you　can　walk　there　easily。　Any　one　who　will
consider　the　affairs　of　the　world　at　large；　and　of　the　individual；　will　see
that　they　do　not　proceed　in　the　manner　they
would　do　for　our　own　happiness　if　a　man　of　humane　breadth　of
view　were　placed　at　their　head　with　unlimited　power；　such　as　is
credited　to　the　intelligence　which　does　not　exist。　A　man　of
intellect　and　humanity　could　cause　everything　to　happen　in　an
infinitely　superior　manner。　Could　one　like　the　divine　Juliushumane；
generous；　broadest　of　view；　deep　thinkingwield　such　power；　certainly　every
human　being　would　enjoy　happiness。

But　that　which　is　thoughtlessly　credited　to　a　non…existent
intelligence　should　really　be　claimed　and　exercised　by　the　human
race。　It　is　ourselves　who　should　direct　our　affairs；　protecting
ourselves　from　pain；　assisting　ourselves；　succouring　and　rendering　our　lives
happy。　We　must　do　for　ourselves　what
superstition　has　hitherto　supposed　an　intelligence　to　do　for　us。
Nothing　whatsoever　is　done　for　us。　We　are　born　naked；　and　not　even　protected
by　a　shaggy　covering。　Nothing　is　done　for　us。
The　first　and　strongest　command　（using　the　word　to　convey　the
idea　only）　that　nature；　the　universe；　our　own　bodies　give；　is　to
do　everything　for　ourselves。　The　sea　does　not　make　boats　for　us；
nor　the　earth　of　her　own　will　build　us　hospitals。　The　injured　lie　bleeding；
and　no　invisible　power　lifts　them　up。　The　maidens　were　scorched　in　the　midst
of　their　devotions；　and　their　remains　make　a　mound　hundreds　of　yards　long。
The　infants　perished　in　the　snow；　and　the　ravens　tore　their　limbs。　Those　in
the　theatre　crushed　each　other　to　the　deathagony。　For　how　long；　for　how
many　thousand　years；　must　the　earth　and　the　sea；　and　the　fire　and　the　air；
utter　these　things　and　force　them　upon　us　before　they　are　admitted　in　their
full　significance？

These　things　speak　with　a　voice　of　thunder。　From　every　human　being　whose
body　has　been　racked　by　pain；　from　every　human　being　who　has　suffered　from
accident　or　disease；　from　every　human　being　drowned；　burned；　or　slain　by
negligence；　there　goes　up　a　continually　increasing　cry　louder　than　the
thunder。
An　awe…inspiring　cry　dread　to　listen　to；　which　no　one　dares　listen　to；
against　which　ears　are　stopped　by　the　wax　of　superstition　and　the　wax　of
criminal　selfishness：These　miseries　are　your　doing；　because　you　have　mind
and　though；　and　could　have　prevented　them。　You　can　prevent　them　in　the
future。　You　do　not　even　try。

It