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第32章

uncle remus-第32章

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gs nuff on 'em fer ter hide dere nakidness。 You leave dat box right whar she is; an; let de 'oman take wun young un an you take de udder wun; an' den you git in de middle er de big road an' pull out fer de place whar you come fum。 I'm preachin' now。

Those who watched say the quartet didn't take the cars。

XII AS A MURDERER

UNCLE Remus met a police officer recently。

〃You ain't hear talk er no dead nigger nowhar dis mawnin'; is you; boss?〃 asked the old man earnestly。

〃No;〃 replied the policeman; reflectively。 〃No; I believe not。 Have you heard of any?〃

〃'Pears unter me dat I come mighty nigh gittin' some news bout dat size; an' dat's w'at I'm a hunfin' fer。 Bekaze ef dey er foun' a stray nigger layin' 'roun' loose; wid 'is bref gone; den I wanter go home an' git my brekfus' an' put on some clean doze; an' liver myse'f up ter wunner deze yer jestesses er de peace; an git a fa'r trial。〃

〃Why; have you killed anybody?〃

〃Dat's w'at's I'm a 'quinn' inter now; but I wouldn't be sustonished ef I ain't laid a nigger out some'rs on de subbubs。 Hit's done got so it's agin de law fer ter bus' loose an' kill a nigger; ain't it; boss?〃

〃Well; I should say so。 You don't mean to tell me that you have killed a colored man; do you?〃

〃I speck I is; boss。 I speck I done gone an' done it dis time; sho。' Hit's bin sorter growin' on me; an' it come ter a head dis mawnin'; les my name ain't Remus; an' dat's w'at dey bin er callin' me sence I wuz ole er 'nuff fer ter scratch myse'f wid my lef' han'。〃

〃Well; if you've killed a man; you'll have some fun; sure enough。 How was it?〃

〃Hit wuz dis way; boss: I wuz layin' in my bed dis mawnin' sorter ruminatin' 'roun'; when de fus news I know'd I year a fus' 'mong de chickens; an' den my brissels riz。 I done had lots er trubble wid dem chickens; an' w'en I years wun un um squall my ve'y shoes comes onfied。 So I des sorter riz up an' retch fer my ole muskit; and den I crope out er de back do'; an' w'atter you reckin I seed?〃

〃I couldn't say。〃

〃I seed de biggest; blackest nigger dat you ever laid eyes on。 He shined like de paint on 'im was fresh。 He bed done grabbed fo'er my forwardes' pullets。 I crope up nigh do do'; an' hollered an' axed 'im how he wnz a gittin' on; an' den he broke; an' ez he broke I jammed de gun in de small er his back and banged aloose。 He let a yell like forty yaller cats a courtin'; an' den he broke。 You ain't seed no nigger hump hisse'f like dat nigger。 He tore down de well shelter and fo; pannils er fence; an' de groun' look like wunner deze yer harrycanes had lit dar and fanned up de yeath。〃

〃Why; I thought you killed him?〃

〃He bleedzed ter be dead; boss。 Ain't I put de gun right on 'im? Seem like I feel 'im give way w'en she went off。〃

〃Was the gun loaded?〃

〃Dat's w'at my ole 'oman say。 She had de powder in dar; sho'; but I disremember wedder I put de buckshot in; er wedder I lef' urn out。 Leas'ways; I'm gwineter call on wunner deze yer jestesses。 So long; boss。〃

XIII HIS PRACTICAL VIEW OF THINGS

〃BRER REMUS; is you heern tell er deze doin's out yer in de udder eend er town?〃 asked a eolored deacon of the church the other day。

〃W'at doin's is dat; Brer Ab?〃

〃Deze yer signs an' wunders whar dat cullud lady died day 'fo' yistiddy。 Mighty quare goin's on out dar; Brer Remus; sho's you bawn。〃

〃Sperrits?〃 inquired Uncle Remus; sententiously。 

〃Wuss'n dat; Brer Remus。 Some say dat jedgmentday ain't fur off; an' de folks is flockin' 'roun' de house a hollerin' an' a shoutin' des like dey wuz in er revival。 In de winder glass dar you kin see de flags a flyin'; an' Jacob's lather is dar; an' dar's writin' on de pane w'at no man can't read…leas'wise dey ain't none read it yit。〃

〃W'at kinder racket is dis youer givin' un me now; Brer Ab?〃

〃I done bin dar; Brer Remus; I done seed urn wid bofe my eyes。 Cullud lady what wuz intranced done woke up an' say dey ain't much time fer ter tarry。

She say she meet er angel in de road; an' he p'inted straight fer de mornin' star; an' tell her fer ter prepar'。 Hit look mighty cu'us; Brer Remus。〃

〃Cum down ter dat; Brer Ab;〃 said Uncle Remus; wiping his spectacles carefully; and readjusting them…〃cum down ter dat; an' dey ain't nuthin' dat ain't cu'us。 I ain't no spishus nigger myse'f; but I 'spizes fer ter year dogs a howlin' an' squinch…owls havin' de ager out in de woods; an' w'en a bull goes a bellerin' by de house den my bones git cole an' my flesh cornmences fer ter creep; but w'en it comes ter deze yer sines in de a'r an' deze yer sperrits in de woods; den I'm out…den I'm done。 I is; fer a fack。 I bin livin' yer more'n Seventy year; an' I year talk er niggers seein' ghos'es all times er night an' all times er day; but I ain't never seed none yit; an' deze yer flags an' Jacob's lathers; I ain't seed dem; nudder。〃

〃Dey er dar; Brer Remus。〃

〃Hit's des like I tell you; Brer Ab。 I ain't 'sputin' 'bout it; but I ain't seed um; an' I don't take no chances deze days on dat w'at I don't see; an' dat w'at I sees I got ter 'zamine mighty close。 Lemme tell you dis; Brer Ab: don't you let deze sines onsettle you。 W'en old man Gabrile toot his ho'n; he ain't gwinter hang no sine out in de winder…panes; an when ole Fadder Jacob lets down dat lather er his'n you'll be mighty ap' fer ter hear de racket。 An' don't you bodder wid jedgment…day。 Jedgment…day is lierbul fer ter take keer un itse'f。〃

〃Dat's so; Brer Remus。〃

〃Hit's bleedzed ter be so; Brer Ab。 Hit don't bodder me。 Hit's done got so now dat w'en I gotter pone er bread; an' a rasher er bacon; an' nuff grease fer ter make gravy; I ain't keerin' much w'edder fokes sees ghos'es er no。

XIV THAT DECEITFUL JUG

UNCLE REMUS was in good humor one evening recently when he dropped casually into the editorial room of 〃The Constitution;〃 as has been his custom for the past year or two。 He had a bag slung across his shoulder; and in the bag was a jug。 The presence of this humble but useful vessel in Uncle Remus's bag was made the occasion for several suggestive jokes at his expense by the members of the staff; but the old man's good humor was proof against all insinuations。

〃Dat ar jug's bin ter wab; mon。 Hit's wunner deze yer ole timers。 I got dat jug down dar in Putmon County w'en Mars 'Lisha Ferryman wuz a young man; an' now he's done growed up; an' got ole an' died; an' his chilluns is growed up an' dey kin count dere gran'chilluns; an' yit dar's dat jug des ez lively an' ez lierbul fer ter kick up devilment ez w'at she wuz w'en she come fum de foundry。〃

〃That's the trouble;〃 said one of the young men。 〃That's the reason we'd like to know what's in it now。

〃Now youer gittin' on ma'shy groun';〃 replied Uncle Remus。 〃Dat's de p'int。 Dat's w'at make me say w'at I duz。 I bin knowin' dat jug now gwine on sixty…fl' year; an' de jug w'at's more seetful dan dat jug ain't on de topside er de worrul。 Dar she sets;〃 continued the old man; gazing at it reflectively; 〃dar she sets dez ez natchul ez er ambertype; an' yit whar's de man w'at kin tell w'at kinder confab she's a gwineter carry on w'en dat corn…cob is snatched outen 'er mouf? Dat jug is mighty seefful; mon。〃

〃Well; it don't deceive any of us up here;〃 remarked the agricultural editor; dryly。 〃We've seen jugs before。〃

〃I boun' you is; boss; I boun' you is。 But you ain't seed no seetful jug like dat。 Dar she sets a bellyin' out an' lookin' mighty fat an' full; an' yit she'd set dar a bellyin' out ef dere wuzent nuthin' but win' under dat stopper。 You knows dat she ain't got no aigs in her; ner no bacon; ner no grits; ncr no termartusses; ner no shellotes; an' dat's 'bout all you duz know。 Dog my cats ef de seetfulness er dat jug don't git away wid me; coutmued Uncle Remus; with a chuckle。 〃I wuz comm' 'cross de bridge des now; an' Brer John Henry seed me wid de bag slung onter my back; an' de jug in it; an' he ups an' sez; sezee:

Heyo; Brer Remus; ain't it gittin' late for watermillions?'

〃Hit wuz de seeffulness er dat jug。 If Brer John Henry know'd de color er dat watermillion; I speck he'd snatch me up 'fo' de confunce。 I 'clar' ter grashus ef dat jug ain't a caution!〃

〃I suppose it's full of molasses now;〃 remarked one of the young men; sarcastically。


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