confidence-第50章

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ng　out；　and　especially　in　her　visits　to　her　tailor。　Mamma　has　proposed　to　herin　view　of　your　absenceto　come　and　stay　with　us；　and　she　does　n't　seem　afraid　of　the　idea。　I　told　her　husband　to…day　that　we　had　asked　her；　and　that　we　hoped　he　had　no　objection。　　'None　whatever；　but　she　won't　come。'　　'On　the　contrary；　she　says　she　will。'　'She　will　pretend　to；　up　to　the　last　minute；　and　then　she　will　find　a　pretext　for　backing　out。'　　'Decidedly；　you　think　very　ill　of　her；'　I　said。　　'She　hates　me；'　he　answered；　looking　at　me　strangely。　　'You　say　that　of　every　one；'　I　said。　'Yesterday　you　said　it　of　Bernard。'　　'Ah；　for　him　there　would　be　more　reason！'　he　exclaimed。　　'I　won't　attempt　to　answer　for　Bernard；'　I　went　on；　'but　I　will　answer　for　Blanche。　Your　idea　of　her　hating　you　is　a　miserable　delusion。　She　cares　for　you　more　than　for　any　one　in　the　world。　You　only　misunderstand　each　other；　and　with　a　little　good　will　on　both　sides　you　can　easily　get　out　of　your　tangle。'　But　he　would　n't　listen　to　me；　he　stopped　me　short。　I　saw　I　should　excite　him　if　I　insisted；　so　I　dropped　the　subject。　　But　it　is　not　for　long；　he　shall　listen　to　me。〃

Later　she　wrote　that　Blanche　had　in　fact　〃backed　out；〃　and　would　not　come　to　stay　with　them；　having　given　as　an　excuse　that　she　was　perpetually　trying　on　dresses；　and　that　at　Mrs。　Vivian's　she　should　be　at　an　inconvenient　distance　from　the　temple　of　these　sacred　rites；　and　the　high　priest　who　conducted　the　worship。　〃But　we　see　her　every　day；〃　said　Angela；　〃and　mamma　is　constantly　with　her。　　She　likes　mamma　better　than　me。　Mamma　listens　to　her　a　great　deal　and　talks　to　her　a　little　I　can't　do　either　when　we　are　alone。　　I　don't　know　what　she　says　I　mean　what　mamma　says；　what　Blanche　says　I　know　as　well　as　if　I　heard　it。　　We　see　nothing　of　Captain　Lovelock；　and　mamma　tells　me　she　has　not　spoken　of　him　for　two　days。　She　thinks　this　is　a　better　symptom；　but　I　am　not　so　sure。　Poor　Mr。　Wright　treats　it　as　a　great　triumph　that　Blanche　should　behave　as　he　foretold。　　He　is　welcome　to　the　comfort　he　can　get　out　of　this；　for　he　certainly　gets　none　from　anything　else。　The　society　of　your　correspondent　is　not　that　balm　to　his　spirit　which　he　appeared　to　expect；　and　this　in　spite　of　the　fact　that　I　have　been　as　gentle　and　kind　with　him　as　I　know　how　to　be。　　He　is　very　silenthe　sometimes　sits　for　ten　minutes　without　speaking；　I　assure　you　it　is　n't　amusing。　Sometimes　he　looks　at　me　as　if　he　were　going　to　break　out　with　that　crazy　idea　to　which　he　treated　me　the　other　day。　But　he　says　nothing；　and　then　I　see　that　he　is　not　thinking　of　me　he　is　simply　thinking　of　Blanche。　　The　more　he　thinks　of　her　the　better。〃

〃My　dear　Bernard；〃　she　began　on　another　occasion；　〃I　hope　you　are　not　dying　of　ennui；　etc。　　Over　here　things　are　going　so…so。　He　asked　me　yesterday　to　go　with　him　to　the　Louvre；　and　we　walked　about　among　the　pictures　for　half　an　hour。　Mamma　thinks　it　a　very　strange　sort　of　thing　for　me　to　be　doing；　and　though　she　delights；　of　all　things；　in　a　good　cause；　she　is　not　sure　that　this　cause　is　good　enough　to　justify　the　means。　I　admit　that　the　means　are　very　singular；　and；　as　far　as　the　Louvre　is　concerned；　they　were　not　successful。　We　sat　and　looked　for　a　quarter　of　an　hour　at　the　great　Venus　who　has　lost　her　arms；　and　he　said　never　a　word。　I　think　he　does　n't　know　what　to　say。　　Before　we　separated　he　asked　me　if　I　heard　from　you。　　'Oh；　yes；'　I　said；　'every　day。'　　'And　does　he　speak　of　me？'　　'Never！'　　I　answered；　and　I　think　he　looked　disappointed。〃　　Bernard　had；　in　fact；　in　writing　to　Angela；　scarcely　mentioned　his　name。　　〃He　had　not　been　here　for　two　days；〃　she　continued；　at　the　end　of　a　week；　〃but　last　evening；　very　latetoo　late　for　a　visitorhe　came　in。　Mamma　had　left　the　drawing…room；　and　I　was　sitting　alone；　I　immediately　saw　that　we　had　reached　a　crisis。　　I　thought　at　first　he　was　going　to　tell　me　that　Blanche　had　carried　out　his　prediction；　but　I　presently　saw　that　this　was　not　where　the　shoe　pinched；　and；　besides；　I　knew　that　mamma　was　watching　her　too　closely。　'How　can　I　have　ever　been　such　a　dull…souled　idiot？'　he　broke　out；　as　soon　as　he　had　got　into　the　room。　'I　like　to　hear　you　say　that；'　I　said；　'because　it　does　n't　seem　to　me　that　you　have　been　at　all　wise。'　　'You　are　cleverness；　kindness；　tact；　in　the　most　perfect　form！'　he　went　on。　As　a　veracious　historian　I　am　bound　to　tell　you　that　he　paid　me　a　bushel　of　compliments；　and　thanked　me　in　the　most　flattering　terms　for　my　having　let　him　bore　me　so　for　a　week。　'You　have　not　bored　me；'　I　said；　'you　have　interested　me。'　'Yes；'　he　cried；　'as　a　curious　case　of　monomania。　　It　's　a　part　of　your　kindness　to　say　that；　but　I　know　I　have　bored　you　to　death；　and　the　end　of　it　all　is　that　you　despise　me。　You　can't　help　despising　me；　I　despise　myself。　　I　used　to　think　that　I　was　a　man；　but　I　have　given　that　up；　I　am　a　poor　creature！　I　used　to　think　I　could　take　things　quietly　and　bear　them　bravely。　But　I　can't！　If　it　were　not　for　very　shame　I　could　sit　here　and　cry　to　you。'　　'Don't　mind　me；'　I　said；　'you　know　it　is　a　part　of　our　agreement　that　I　was　not　to　be　critical。'　'Our　agreement？'　he　repeated；　vaguely。　　'I　see　you　have　forgotten　it；'　I　answered；　'but　it　does　n't　in　the　least　matter；　it　is　not　of　that　I　wish　to　talk　to　you。　　All　the　more　that　it　has　n't　done　you　a　particle　of　good。　　I　have　been　extremely　nice　with　you　for　a　week；　but　you　are　just　as　unhappy　now　as　you　were　at　the　beginning。　　Indeed；　I　think　you　are　rather　worse。'　'Heaven　forgive　me；　Miss　Vivian；　I　believe　I　am！'　he　cried。　'Heaven　will　easily　forgive　you；　you　are　on　the　wrong　road。　To　catch　up　with　your　happiness；　which　has　been　running　away　from　you；　you　must　take　another；　you　must　travel　in　the　same　direction　as　Blanche；　you　must　not　separate　yourself　from　your　wife。'　At　the　sound　of　Blanche's　name　he　jumped　up　and　took　his　usual　tone；　he　knew　all　about　his　wife；　and　needed　no　information。　But　I　made　him　sit　down　again；　and　I　made　him　listen　to　me。　I　made　him　listen　for　half　an　hour；　and　at　the　end　of　the　time　he　was　interested。　　He　had　all　the　appearance　of　it；　he　sat　gazing　at　me；　and　at　last　the　tears　came　into　his　eyes。　I　believe　I　had　a　moment　of　eloquence。　　I　don't　know　what　I　said；　nor　how　I　said　it；　to　what　point　it　would　bear　examination；　nor　how；　if　you　had　been　there；　it　would　seem　to　you；　as　a　disinterested　critic；　to　hang　together；　but　I　know　that　after　a　while　there　were　tears　in　my　own　eyes。　　I　begged　him　not　to　give　up　Blanche；　I　assured　him　that　she　is　not　so　foolish　as　she　seems；　that　she　is　a　very　delicate　little　creature　to　handle；　and　that；　in　reality；　whatever　she　does；　she　is　thinking　only　of　him。　He　had　been　all　goodness　and　kindness　to　her；　I　knew　that；　but　he　had　not；　from　the　first；　been　able　to　conceal　from　her　that　he　regarded　her　chiefly　as　a　pretty　kitten。　She　wished　to　be　more　than　that；　and　she　took　refuge　in　flirting；　simply　to　excite　his　jealousy　and　make　him　feel　strongly　about　her。　He　has　felt　strongly；　and　he　was　feeling　strongly　now；　he　was　feeling　passionatelythat　was　my　whole　contention。　But　he　had　perhaps　never　made　it　plain　to　those　rather　near…sighted　little　mental　eyes　of　hers；　and　he　had　let　her　suppose　something　that　could　n't　fail　to　rankle　in　her　mind　and　torment　it。　'You　have　let　her　suppose；'　I　said；　'that　you　were　thinking　of　me；　and　the　poor　girl　has　been　jealous　of　me。　　I　know　it；　but　from　nothing　she　herself　has　said。　　She　has　said　nothing；　she　has　been　too　proud　and　too　considerate。　　If　you　don't　think　that　's　to　her　honor；　I　do。　　She　has　had　a　chance　every　day　for　a　week；　but　she　has　treated　me　without　a　grain　of　spite。　I　have　appreciated　it；　I　have　understood　it；　and　it　has　touched　me　very　much。　　It　ought　to　touch　you；　Mr。　Wright。　　When　she　heard　I　was　engaged　to　Mr。　Longueville；　it　gave　her　an　immense　relief。　And　yet；　at　the　same　moment　you　were　protesting；　and　denouncing；　and　saying　those　horrible　things　about　her！　　I　know　how　she　appears　she　likes　admiration。　　But　the　admiration　in　the　world　which　she　would　most　delight　in　just　now　would　be　yours。　　She　plays　with　Captain　Lovelock　as　a　child　does　with　a　wooden　harlequin；　she　pulls　a　string　and　he　throws　up　his　arms　and　legs。　She　has　about　as　much　intention　of　eloping　with　him　as　a　little　girl