confidence-第47章
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im in the Champs Elysees the day before； and he saw with some satisfaction that this was not exactly a repetition of that expression of cold horror。 It was a question； however； whether the horror were changed for the better。 Poor Gordon looked intensely sad and grievously wronged。 The keen resentment had faded from his face； but an immense reproach was therea heavy； helpless； appealing reproach。 Bernard saw that he had not a scene of violence to dread and yet； when he perceived what was coming； he would almost have preferred violence。 Gordon did not offer him his hand； and before Bernard had had time to say anything； began to speak again； as if he were going on with what he had been saying to Angela。
〃You have done me a great wrongyou have done me a cruel wrong！ I have been telling it to Miss Vivian； I came on purpose to tell her。 I can't really tell her； I can't tell her the details； it 's too painful！ But you know what I mean！ I could n't stand it any longer。 I thought of going awaybut I could n't do that。 I must come and say what I feel。 I can't bear it now。〃
This outbreak of a passionate sense of injury in a man habitually so undemonstrative； so little disposed to call attention to himself； had in it something at once of the touching and the terrible。 Bernard； for an instant； felt almost bewildered； he asked himself whether he had not； after all； been a monster of duplicity。 He was guilty of the weakness of taking refuge in what is called； I believe； in legal phrase； a side…issue。
〃Don't say all this before Angela！〃 he exclaimed； with a kind of artificial energy。 〃You know she is not in the least at fault； and that it can only give her pain。 The thing is between ourselves。〃
Angela was sitting there； looking up at both the men。 〃I like to hear it；〃 she said。
〃You have a singular taste！〃 Bernard declared。
〃I know it 's between ourselves；〃 cried Gordon； 〃and that Miss Vivian is not at fault。 She is only too lovely； too wise； too good！ It is you and I that are at faulthorribly at fault！ You see I admit it； and you don't。 I never dreamed that I should live to say such things as this to you； but I never dreamed you would do what you have done！ It 's horrible； most horrible； that such a difference as this should come between two men who believed themselvesor whom I believed； at least the best friends in the world。 For it is a differenceit 's a great gulf； and nothing will ever fill it up。 I must say so； I can't help it。 You know I don't express myself easily； so； if I break out this way； you may know what I feel。 I know it is a pain to Miss Vivian； and I beg her to forgive me。 She has so much to forgive that she can forgive that； too。 I can't pretend to accept it； I can't sit down and let it pass。 And then； it is n't only my feelings； it 's the right； it 's the justice。 I must say to her that you have no right to marry her； and beg of her to listen to me and let you go。〃
〃My dear Gordon； are you crazy？〃 Bernard demanded； with an energy which； this time at least； was sufficiently real。
〃Very likely I am crazy。 I am crazy with disappointment and the bitterness of what I have lost。 Add to that the wretchedness of what I have found！〃
〃Ah； don't say that； Mr。 Wright；〃 Angela begged。
He stood for an instant looking at her； but not heeding her words。 〃Will you listen to me again？ Will you forget the wrong I did you？ my stupidity and folly and unworthiness？ Will you blot out the past and let me begin again。 I see you as clearly now as the light of that window。 Will you give me another chance？〃
Angela turned away her eyes and covered her face with her hands。 〃You do pain me！〃 she murmured。
〃You go too far；〃 said Bernard。 〃To what position does your extraordinary proposal relegate your wife？〃
Gordon turned his pleading eyes on his old friend without a ray of concession； but for a moment he hesitated。 〃Don't speak to me of my wife。 I have no wife。〃
〃Ah； poor girl！〃 said Angela； springing up from the sofa。
〃I am perfectly serious；〃 Gordon went on； addressing himself again to her。 〃No； after all； I am not crazy； I see only too clearlyI see what should be； when people see that； you call them crazy。 Bernard has no right he must give you up。 If you really care for him； you should help him。 He is in a very false position； you should n't wish to see him in such a position。 I can't explain to youif it were even for my own sake。 But Bernard must have told you； it is not possible that he has not told you？〃
〃I have told Angela everything； Gordon；〃 said Bernard。
〃I don't know what you mean by your having done me a wrong！〃 the girl exclaimed。
〃If he has told you； thenI may say it！ In listening to him； in believing him。〃
〃But you did n't believe me；〃 Bernard exclaimed； 〃since you immediately went and offered yourself to Miss Vivian！〃
〃I believed you all the same！ When did I ever not believe you？〃
〃The last words I ever heard from Mr。 Wright were words of the deepest kindness；〃 said Angela。
She spoke with such a serious； tender grace； that Gordon seemed stirred to his depths again。
〃Ah； give me another chance！〃 he moaned。
The poor girl could not help her tone； and it was in the same tone that she continued
〃If you think so well of me； try and be reasonable。〃
Gordon looked at her； slowly shaking his head。
〃Reasonablereasonable？ Yes； you have a right to say that； for you are full of reason。 But so am I。 What I ask is within reasonable limits。 〃
〃Granting your happiness were lost；〃 said Bernard〃I say that only for the argumentis that a ground for your wishing to deprive me of mine？〃
〃It is not yoursit is mine； that you have taken！ You put me off my guard； and then you took it！ Yours is elsewhere； and you are welcome to it！〃
〃Ah；〃 murmured Bernard； giving him a long look and turning away； 〃it is well for you that I am willing still to regard you as my best friend！〃
Gordon went on； more passionately； to Angela。
〃He put me off my guardI can't call it anything else。 I know I gave him a great chanceI encouraged him； urged him； tempted him。 But when once he had spoken； he should have stood to it。 He should n't have had two opinionsone for me； and one for himself！ He put me off my guard。 It was because I still resisted him that I went to you again； that last time。 But I was still afraid of you； and in my heart I believed him。 As I say； I always believed him； it was his great influence upon me。 He is the cleverest； the most intelligent； the most brilliant of men。 I don't think that a grain less than I ever thought it；〃 he continued； turning again to Bernard。 〃I think it only the more； and I don't wonder that you find a woman to believe it。 But what have you done but deceive me？ It was just my belief in your intelligence that reassured me。 When Miss Vivian refused me a second time； and I left Baden； it was at first with a sort of relief。 But there came back a better feelinga feeling faint compared to this feeling of to…day； but strong enough to make me uneasy and to fill me with regret。 To quench my regret； I kept thinking of what you had said； and it kept me quiet。 Your word had such weight with me！〃
〃How many times more would you have wished to be refused； and how many refusals would have been required to give me my liberty？〃 asked Bernard。
〃That question means nothing； because you never knew that I had again offered myself to Miss Vivian。〃
〃No； you told me very little； considering all that you made me tell you。〃
〃I told you beforehand that I should do exactly as I chose。〃
〃You should have allowed me the same liberty！〃
〃Liberty！〃 cried Gordon。 〃Had n't you liberty to range the whole world over？ Could n't he have found a thousand other women？〃
〃It is not for me to think so；〃 said Angela； smiling a little。
Gordon looked at her a moment。
〃Ah； you cared for him from the first！〃 he cried。
〃I had seen him before I ever saw you；〃 said the girl。
Bernard suppressed an exclamation。 There seemed to flash through these words a sort of retrospective confession which told him something that she had never directly told him。 She blushed as soon as she had spoken； and Bernard found a beauty in this of which the brigh
