confidence-第43章

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〃He　did　n't　give　me　up。〃

〃What　do　you　mean；　please？〃　asked　Bernard；　staring　back　at　her。

〃I　sent　him　awayI　refused　him；〃　said　Angela。

〃Yes；　but　you　thought　better　of　it；　and　your　mother　had　persuaded　you　that　if　he　should　ask　you　again；　you　had　better　accept　him。　Then　it　was　that　he　backed　outin　consequence　of　what　I　said　to　him　on　his　return　from　England。〃

She　shook　her　head　slowly；　with　a　strange　smile。

〃My　poor　Bernard；　you　are　talking　very　wildly。　　He　did　ask　me　again。〃

〃That　night？〃　cried　Bernard。

〃The　night　he　came　back　from　Englandthe　last　time　I　saw　him；　until　to…day。〃

〃After　I　had　denounced　you？〃　our　puzzled　hero　exclaimed；　frowning　portentously。

〃I　am　sorry　to　let　you　know　the　small　effect　of　your　words！〃

Bernard　folded　his　hands　togetheralmost　devoutlyand　stood　gazing　at　her　with　a　long；　inarticulate　murmur　of　satisfaction。

〃Ah！　then；　I　did　n't　injure　youI　did　n't　deprive　you　of　a　chance？〃

〃Oh；　sir；　the　intention　on　your　part　was　the　same！〃　　Angela　exclaimed。

〃Then　all　my　uneasiness；　all　my　remorse；　were　wasted？〃　he　went　on。

But　she　kept　the　same　tone；　and　its　tender　archness　only　gave　a　greater　sweetness　to　his　sense　of　relief。

〃It　was　a　very　small　penance　for　you　to　pay。〃

〃You　dismissed　him　definitely；　and　that　was　why　he　vanished？〃　asked　Bernard；　wondering　still。

〃He　gave　me　another　'chance；'　as　you　elegantly　express　it；　and　I　declined　to　take　advantage　of　it。〃

〃Ah；　well；　now；〃　cried　Bernard；　〃I　am　sorry　for　him！〃

〃I　was　very　kindvery　respectful；〃　said　Angela。　　〃I　thanked　him　from　the　bottom　of　my　heart；　I　begged　his　pardon　very　humbly　for　the　wrong　if　wrong　it　wasthat　I　was　doing　him。　　I　did　n't　in　the　least　require　of　him　that　he　should　leave　Baden　at　seven　o'clock　the　next　morning。　I　had　no　idea　that　he　would　do　so；　and　that　was　the　reason　that　I　insisted　to　my　mother　that　we　ourselves　should　go　away。　　When　we　went　I　knew　nothing　about　his　having　gone；　and　I　supposed　he　was　still　there。　I　did　n't　wish　to　meet　him　again。〃

Angela　gave　this　information　slowly；　softly；　with　pauses　between　the　sentences；　as　if　she　were　recalling　the　circumstances　with　a　certain　effort；　and　meanwhile　Bernard；　with　his　transfigured　face　and　his　eyes　fixed　upon　her　lips；　was　moving　excitedly　about　the　room。

〃Well；　he　can't　accuse　me；　then！〃　he　broke　out　again。　〃If　what　I　said　had　no　more　effect　upon　him　than　that；　I　certainly　did　him　no　wrong。〃

〃I　think　you　are　rather　vexed　he　did　n't　believe　you；〃　said　Angela。

〃I　confess　I　don't　understand　it。　　He　had　all　the　air　of　it。　He　certainly　had　not　the　air　of　a　man　who　was　going　to　rush　off　and　give　you　the　last　proof　of　his　confidence。〃

〃It　was　not　a　proof　of　confidence；〃　said　Angela。　　〃It　had　nothing　to　do　with　me。　　It　was　as　between　himself　and　you；　it　was　a　proof　of　independence。　He　did　believe　you；　more　or　less；　and　what　you　said　fell　in　with　his　own　impressionsstrange　impressions　that　they　were；　poor　man！　At　the　same　time；　as　I　say；　he　liked　me；　too；　it　was　out　of　his　liking　me　that　all　his　trouble　came！　　He　caught　himself　in　the　act　of　listening　to　you　too　credulouslyand　that　seemed　to　him　unmanly　and　dishonorable。　The　sensation　brought　with　it　a　reaction；　and　to　prove　to　himself　that　in　such　a　matter　he　could　be　influenced　by　nobody；　he　marched　away；　an　hour　after　he　had　talked　with　you；　and；　in　the　teeth　of　his　perfect　mistrust；　confirmed　by　your　account　of　my　irregularities　heaven　forgive　you　both！again　asked　me　to　be　his　wife。　　But　he　hoped　I　would　refuse！〃

〃Ah；〃　cried　Bernard；　〃the　recreant！　　He　deservedhe　deserved〃

〃That　I　should　accept　him？〃　　Angela　asked；　smiling　still。

Bernard　was　so　much　affected　by　this　revelation；　it　seemed　to　him　to　make　such　a　difference　in　his　own　responsibility　and　to　lift　such　a　weight　off　his　conscience；　that　he　broke　out　again　into　the　liveliest　ejaculations　of　relief。

〃Oh；　I　don't　care　for　anything；　now；　and　I　can　do　what　I　please！　Gordon　may　hate　me；　and　I　shall　be　sorry　for　him；　but　it　's　not　my　fault；　and　I　owe　him　no　reparation。　　No；　no；　I　am　free！〃

〃It　's　only　I　who　am　not；　I　suppose；〃　said　Angela；　〃and　the　reparation　must　come　from　me！　　If　he　is　unhappy；　I　must　take　the　responsibility。〃

〃Ah　yes；　of　course；〃　said　Bernard；　kissing　her。

〃But　why　should　he　be　unhappy？〃　asked　Angela。　　〃If　I　refused　him；　it　was　what　he　wanted。〃

〃He　is　hard　to　please；〃　Bernard　rejoined。　　〃He　has　got　a　wife　of　his　own。〃

〃If　Blanche　does　n't　please　him；　he　is　certainly　difficult；〃　and　Angela　mused　a　little。　　〃But　you　told　me　the　other　day　that　they　were　getting　on　so　well。〃

〃Yes；　I　believe　I　told　you；〃　Bernard　answered；　musing　a　little　too。

〃You　are　not　attending　to　what　I　say。〃

〃No；　I　am　thinking　of　something　elseI　am　thinking　of　what　it　was　that　made　you　refuse　him　that　way；　at　the　last；　after　you　had　let　your　mother　hope。〃　And　Bernard　stood　there；　smiling　at　her。

〃Don't　think　any　more；　you　will　not　find　out；〃　the　girl　declared；　turning　away。

〃Ah；　it　was　cruel　of　you　to　let　me　think　I　was　wrong　all　these　years；〃　he　went　on；　〃and；　at　the　time；　since　you　meant　to　refuse　him；　you　might　have　been　more　frank　with　me。〃

〃I　thought　my　fault　had　been　that　I　was　too　frank。〃

〃I　was　densely　stupid；　and　you　might　have　made　me　understand　better。〃

〃Ah；〃　said　Angela；　〃you　ask　a　great　deal　of　a　girl！〃

〃Why　have　you　let　me　go　on　so　long　thinking　that　my　deluded　words　had　had　an　effect　upon　Gordonfeeling　that　I　had　done　you　a　brutal　wrong？　It　was　real　to　me；　the　wrongand　I　have　told　you　of　the　pangs　and　the　shame　which；　for　so　many　months；　it　has　cost　me！　　Why　have　you　never　undeceived　me　until　to…day；　and　then　only　by　accident？〃

At　this　question　Angela　blushed　a　little；　then　she　answered；　smiling

〃It　was　my　vengeance。〃

Bernard　shook　his　head。

〃That　won't　doyou　don't　mean　it。　　You　never　caredyou　were　too　proud　to　care；　and　when　I　spoke　to　you　about　my　fault；　you　did　n't　even　know　what　I　meant。　　You　might　have　told　me；　therefore；　that　my　remorse　was　idle；　that　what　I　said　to　Gordon　had　not　been　of　the　smallest　consequence；　and　that　the　rupture　had　come　from　yourself。〃

For　some　time　Angela　said　nothing；　then　at　last　she　gave　him　one　of　the　deeply　serious　looks　with　which　her　face　was　occasionally　ornamented。

〃If　you　want　really　to　know；　thencan't　you　see　that　your　remorse　seemed　to　me　connected　in　a　certain　way　with　your　affection；　a　sort　of　guarantee　of　it？　You　thought　you　had　injured　some　one　or　other；　and　that　seemed　to　be　mixed　up　with　your　loving　me；　and　therefore　I　let　it　alone。〃

〃Ah；〃　said　Bernard；　〃my　remorse　is　all　gone；　and　yet　I　think　I　love　you　about　as　much　as　ever！　　So　you　see　how　wrong　you　were　not　to　tell　me。〃

〃The　wrong　to　you　I　don't　care　about。　　It　is　very　true　I　might　have　told　you　for　Mr。　Wright's　sake。　　It　would　perhaps　have　made　him　look　better。　But　as　you　never　attacked　him　for　deserting　me；　it　seemed　needless　for　me　to　defend　him。〃



〃I　confess；〃　said　Bernard；　〃I　am　quite　at　sea　about　Gordon's　look　in　the　matter。　　Is　he　looking　better　nowor　is　he　looking　worse？　　You　put　it　very　well　just　now；　I　was　attending　to　you；　though　you　said　I　was　not。　If　he　hoped　you　would　refuse　him；　with　whom　is　his　quarrel　at　present？　And　why　was　he　so　cool　to　me　for　months　after　we　parted　at　Baden？　If　that　was　his　state　of　mind；　why　should　he　accuse　me　of　inconsistency？〃

〃There　is　something　in　it；　after　all；　that　a　woman　can　understand。　I　don't　know　whether　a　man　can。　　He　hoped　I　would　refuse　him；　and　yet　when　I　had　done　so　he　was　vexed。　　After　a　while　his　vexation　subsided；　and　he　married　poor　Blanche；　but；　on　learning　to…day　that　I　had　accepted　you；　it　flickered　up　again。　　I　suppose　that　was　natural　enough；　but　it　won't　be　serious。〃

〃What　will　not　be　serious；　my　dear？〃　asked　Mrs。　Vivian；　who　had　come　back　to　the　drawing…room；　and　who；　apparently；　could　not　hear　that　the　attribute　in　question　was　wanting　in　any　direction；　without　some　alarm。

〃Shall　I　tell　mamma；　Bernard？〃　said　Angela。

〃Ah；　my　dear　child；　I　hope　it　's　nothing　that　threatens　your　mutual　happiness；〃　mamma　murmured；　with　gentle　earnestness。

〃Does　it　threaten　our　mutual　happiness；　Bernard？〃　the　girl　went　on；　smiling。

〃Let　Mrs。　Vivian　decide　whether　we　ought