confidence-第38章

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〃What　did　you　see？〃　and　Angela　turned　toward　him。

〃That　you　were　encouraging　meplaying　with　me。〃

〃And　you　did　n't　like　that？〃

〃I　liked　it　immenselyfor　myself！　　But　did　n't　like　it　for　Gordon；　and　I　must　do　myself　the　justice　to　say　that　I　thought　more　of　him　than　of　myself。〃

〃You　were　an　excellent　friend；〃　said　Angela；　simply。

〃I　believe　I　was。　　And　I　am　so　still；〃　Bernard　added。

She　shook　her　head　sadly。

〃Poor　Mr。　Wright！〃

〃He　is　a　dear　good　fellow；〃　said　Bernard。

〃Thoroughly　good；　and　dear；　doubtless　to　his　wife；　the　affectionate　Blanche。〃

〃You　don't　like　himyou　don't　like　her；〃　said　Bernard。

〃Those　are　two　very　different　matters。　　I　am　very　sorry　for　Mr。　Wright。　〃

〃You　need　n't　be　that。　　He　is　doing　very　well。〃

〃So　you　have　already　informed　me。　　But　I　am　sorry　for　him；　all　the　same。〃

〃That　does　n't　answer　my　question；〃　Bernard　exclaimed；　with　a　certain　irritation。　　〃What　part　were　you　playing？〃

〃What　part　do　you　think？〃

〃Have　n't　I　told　you　I　gave　it　up；　long　ago？〃

Angela　stood　with　her　back　to　the　fire；　looking　at　him；　her　hands　were　locked　behind　her。

〃Did　it　ever　strike　you　that　my　position　at　Baden　was　a　charming　one？　knowing　that　I　had　been　handed　over　to　you　to　be　put　under　the　microscope　like　an　insect　with　a　pin　stuck　through　it！〃

〃How　in　the　world　did　you　know　it？　　I　thought　we　were　particularly　careful。〃

〃How　can　a　woman　help　knowing　such　a　thing？　　She　guesses　it　she　discovers　it　by　instinct；　especially　if　she　be　a　proud　woman。〃

〃Ah；〃　said　Bernard；　〃if　pride　is　a　source　of　information；　you　must　be　a　prodigy　of　knowledge！〃

〃I　don't　know　that　you　are　particularly　humble！〃　the　girl　retorted。　〃The　meekest　and　most　submissive　of　her　sex　would　not　have　consented　to　have　such　a　bargain　as　that　made　about　hersuch　a　trick　played　upon　her！〃

〃My　dearest　Angela；　it　was　no　bargainno　trick！〃　　Bernard　interposed。

〃It　was　a　clumsy　trickit　was　a　bad　bargain！〃　she　declared。　〃At　any　rate　I　hated　itI　hated　the　idea　of　your　pretending　to　pass　judgment　upon　me；　of　your　having　come　to　Baden　for　the　purpose。　It　was　as　if　Mr。　Wright　had　been　buying　a　horse　and　you　had　undertaken　to　put　me　through　my　paces！〃

〃I　undertook　nothingI　declined　to　undertake。〃

〃You　certainly　made　a　study　of　meand　I　was　determined　you　should　get　your　lesson　wrong。　　I　determined　to　embarrass；　to　mislead；　to　defeat　you。　Or　rather；　I　did　n't　determine；　I　simply　obeyed　a　natural　impulse　of　self…defencethe　impulse　to　evade　the　fierce　light　of　criticism。　I　wished　to　put　you　in　the　wrong。〃

〃You　did　it　all　very　well。　　You　put　me　admirably　in　the　wrong。〃

〃The　only　justification　for　my　doing　it　at　all　was　my　doing　it　well；〃　said　Angela。

〃You　were　justified　then！　　You　must　have　hated　me　fiercely。〃

She　turned　her　back　to　him　and　stood　looking　at　the　fire　again。

〃Yes；　there　are　some　things　that　I　did　that　can　be　accounted　for　only　by　an　intense　aversion。〃

She　said　this　so　naturally　that　in　spite　of　a　certain　theory　that　was　touched　upon　a　few　pages　back；　Bernard　was　a　good　deal　bewildered。　He　rose　from　the　sofa　where　he　had　been　lounging　and　went　and　stood　beside　her　a　moment。　　Then　he　passed　his　arm　round　her　waist　and　murmured　an　almost　timorous

〃Really？〃

〃I　don't　know　what　you　are　trying　to　make　me　say！〃　she　answered。

He　looked　down　at　her　for　a　moment　as　he　held　her　close　to　him。

〃I　don't　see；　after　all；　why　I　should　wish　to　make　you　say　it。　It　would　only　make　my　remorse　more　acute。〃

She　was　musing；　with　her　eyes　on　the　fire；　and　for　a　moment　she　made　no　answer；　then；　as　if　her　attention　were　returning

〃Are　you　still　talking　about　your　remorse？〃　she　asked。

〃You　see　I　put　it　very　strongly。〃

〃That　I　was　a　horrid　creature？〃

〃That　you　were　not　a　woman　to　marry。〃

〃Ah；　my　poor　Bernard；〃　said　Angela；　〃I　can't　attempt　to　prove　to　you　that　you　are　not　inconsistent！〃

The　month　of　September　drew　to　a　close；　and　she　consented　to　fix　a　day　for　their　wedding。　　The　last　of　October　was　the　moment　selected；　and　the　selection　was　almost　all　that　was　wanting　to　Bernard's　happiness。　I　say　〃almost；〃　for　there　was　a　solitary　spot　in　his　consciousness　which　felt　numb　and　deadunpervaded　by　the　joy　with　which　the　rest　of　his　spirit　seemed　to　thrill　and　tingle。　　The　removal　of　this　hard　grain　in　the　sweet　savour　of　life　was　needed　to　complete　his　felicity。　Bernard　felt　that　he　had　made　the　necessary　excision　when；　at　the　end　of　the　month；　he　wrote　to　Gordon　Wright　of　his　engagement。　He　had　been　putting　off　the　performance　of　this　duty　from　day　to　day　it　seemed　so　hard　to　accomplish　it　gracefully。　　He　did　it　at　the　end　very　briefly；　it　struck　him　that　this　was　the　best　way。　Three　days　after　he　had　sent　his　letter　there　arrived　one　from　Gordon　himself；　informing　Bernard　that　he　had　suddenly　determined　to　bring　Blanche　to　Europe。　　She　was　not　well；　and　they　would　lose　no　time。　　They　were　to　sail　within　a　week　after　his　writing。　The　letter　contained　a　postscript〃Captain　Lovelock　comes　with　us。〃






CHAPTER　XXIV

Bernard　prepared　for　Gordon's　arrival　in　Paris；　which；　according　to　his　letter；　would　take　place　in　a　few　days。　He　was　not　intending　to　stop　in　England；　Blanche　desired　to　proceed　immediately　to　the　French　capital；　to　confer　with　her　man…milliner；　after　which　it　was　probable　that　they　would　go　to　Italy　or　to　the　East　for　the　winter。　〃I　have　given　her　a　choice　of　Rome　or　the　Nile；〃　said　Gordon；　〃but　she　tells　me　she　does　n't　care　a　fig　where　we　go。〃

I　say　that　Bernard　prepared　to　receive　his　friends；　and　I　mean　that　he　prepared　morallyor　even　intellectually。　Materially　speaking；　he　could　simply　hold　himself　in　readiness　to　engage　an　apartment　at　a　hotel　and　to　go　to　meet　them　at　the　station。　　He　expected　to　hear　from　Gordon　as　soon　as　this　interesting　trio　should　reach　England；　but　the　first　notification　he　received　came　from　a　Parisian　hotel。　It　came　to　him　in　the　shape　of　a　very　short　note；　in　the　morning；　shortly　before　lunch；　and　was　to　the　effect　that　his　friends　had　alighted　in　the　Rue　de　la　Paix　the　night　before。

〃We　were　tired；　and　I　have　slept　late；〃　said　Gordon；　〃otherwise　you　should　have　heard　from　me　earlier。　　Come　to　lunch；　if　possible。　I　want　extremely　to　see　you。〃

Bernard；　of　course；　made　a　point　of　going　to　lunch。　　In　as　short　a　time　as　possible　he　found　himself　in　Gordon's　sitting…room　at　the　Hotel　Middlesex。　The　table　was　laid　for　the　midday　repast；　and　a　gentleman　stood　with　his　back　to　the　door；　looking　out　of　the　window。　　As　Bernard　came　in；　this　gentleman　turned　and　exhibited　the　ambrosial　beard；　the　symmetrical　shape；　the　monocular　appendage；　of　Captain　Lovelock。

The　Captain　screwed　his　glass　into　his　eye；　and　greeted　Bernard　in　his　usual　fashionthat　is；　as　if　he　had　parted　with　him　overnight。

〃Oh；　good　morning！　　Beastly　morning；　is　n't　it？　I　suppose　you　are　come　to　luncheonI　have　come　to　luncheon。　It　ought　to　be　on　table；　you　knowit　's　nearly　two　o'clock。　But　I　dare　say　you　have　noticed　foreigners　are　never　punctual　it　's　only　English　servants　that　are　punctual。　　And　they　don't　understand　luncheon；　you　knowthey　can't　make　out　our　eating　at　this　sort　of　hour。　　You　know　they　always　dine　so　beastly　early。　Do　you　remember　the　sort　of　time　they　used　to　dine　at　Baden？　half…past　five；　half…past　six；　some　unearthly　hour　of　that　kind。　　That　's　the　sort　of　time　you　dine　in　America。　I　found　they　'd　invite　a　man　at　half…past　six。　　That　's　what　I　call　being　in　a　hurry　for　your　food。　　You　know　they　always　accuse　the　Americans　of　making　a　rush　for　their　victuals。　I　am　bound　to　say　that　in　New　York；　and　that　sort　of　place；　the　victuals　were　very　good　when　you　got　them。　I　hope　you　don't　mind　my　saying　anything　about　America？　You　know　the　Americans　are　so　deucedly　thin…skinnedthey　always　bristle　up　if　you　say　anything　against　their　institutions。　The　English　don't　care　a　rap　what　you　saythey　've　got　a　different　sort　of　temper；　you　know。　　With　the　Americans　I　'm　deuced　carefulI　never　breathe　a　word　about　anything。　While　I　was　over　there　I　went　in　for　being　complimentary。　I　laid　it　on　thick；　and　I　found　they　would　take　all　I　could　give　them。　　I　did　n't　see　much　of　their　institutions；　after　all；　I　went　in　for　seeing　the　people。　　Some　of　the　people