confidence-第23章

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d　won't　let　me　out　of　his　sight。　The　luck　's　dead　against　me　at　those　filthy　tables；　I　have　n't　won　a　farthing　in　three　weeks。　　I　wrote　to　my　brother　the　other　day；　and　this　morning　I　got　an　answer　from　him　a　cursed；　canting　letter　of　good　advice；　remarking　that　he　had　already　paid　my　debts　seven　times。　　It　does　n't　happen　to　be　seven；　it　's　only　six；　or　six　and　a　half！　　Does　he　expect　me　to　spend　the　rest　of　my　life　at　the　Hotel　de　Hollande？　　Perhaps　he　would　like　me　to　engage　as　a　waiter　there　and　pay　it　off　by　serving　at　the　table　d'hote。　It　would　be　convenient　for　him　the　next　time　he　comes　abroad　with　his　seven　daughters　and　two　governesses。　I　hate　the　smell　of　their　beastly　table　d'hote！　You　're　sorry　I　'm　hard　up？　　I　'm　sure　I　'm　much　obliged　to　you。　Can　you　be　of　any　service？　　My　dear　fellow；　if　you　are　bent　on　throwing　your　money　about　the　place　I　'm　not　the　man　to　stop　you。〃　Bernard's　winnings　of　the　previous　night　were　burning　a　hole；　as　the　phrase　is；　in　his　pocket。　　Ten　thousand　francs　had　never　before　seemed　to　him　so　heavy　a　load　to　carry；　and　to　lighten　the　weight　of　his　good　luck　by　lending　fifty　pounds　to　a　less　fortunate　fellow…player　was　an　operation　that　not　only　gratified　his　good…nature　but　strongly　commended　itself　to　his　conscience。　His　conscience；　however；　made　its　conditions。　　〃My　dear　Longueville；〃　Lovelock　went　on；　〃I　have　always　gone　in　for　family　feeling；　early　associations；　and　all　that　sort　of　thing。　　That　's　what　made　me　confide　my　difficulties　to　Dovedale。　　But；　upon　my　honor；　you　remind　me　of　the　good　Samaritan；　or　that　sort　of　person；　you　are　fonder　of　me　than　my　own　brother！　　I　'll　take　fifty　pounds　with　pleasure；　thank　you；　and　you　shall　have　them　again　at　the　earliest　opportunity。　　My　earliest　convenience　will　that　do？　　Damn　it；　it　is　a　convenience；　is　n't　it？　You　make　your　conditions。　　My　dear　fellow；　I　accept　them　in　advance。　That　I　'm　not　to　follow　up　Miss　Eversis　that　what　you　mean？　Have　you　been　commissioned　by　the　family　to　buy　me　off？　It　's　devilish　cruel　to　take　advantage　of　my　poverty！　　Though　I　'm　poor；　I　'm　honest。　　But　I　am　honest；　my　dear　Longueville；　that　's　the　point。　　I　'll　give　you　my　word；　and　I　'll　keep　it。　I　won't　go　near　that　girl　againI　won't　think　of　her　till　I　've　got　rid　of　your　fifty　pounds。　　It　's　a　dreadful　encouragement　to　extravagance；　but　that　's　your　lookout。　I　'll　stop　for　their　beastly　races　and　the　young　lady　shall　be　sacred。〃

Longueville　called　the　next　morning　at　Mrs。　Vivian's；　and　learned　that　the　three　ladies　had　left　Baden　by　the　early　train；　a　couple　of　hours　before。　　This　fact　produced　in　his　mind　a　variety　of　emotionssurprise；　annoyance；　embarrassment。　In　spite　of　his　effort　to　think　it　natural　they　should　go；　he　found　something　precipitate　and　inexplicable　in　the　manner　of　their　going；　and　he　declared　to　himself　that　one　of　the　party；　at　least；　had　been　unkind　and　ungracious　in　not　giving　him　a　chance　to　say　good…bye。　He　took　refuge　by　anticipation；　as　it　were；　in　this　reflection；　whenever；　for　the　next　three　or　four　days；　he　foresaw　himself　stopping　short；　as　he　had　done　before；　and　asking　himself　whether　he　had　done　an　injury　to　Angela　Vivian。　This　was　an　idle　and　unpractical　question；　inasmuch　as　the　answer　was　not　forthcoming；　whereas　it　was　quite　simple　and　conclusive　to　say；　without　the　note　of　interrogation；　that　she　was；　in　spite　of　many　attractive　points；　an　abrupt　and　capricious　young　woman。　　During　the　three　or　four　days　in　question；　Bernard　lingered　on　at　Baden；　uncertain　what　to　do　or　where　to　go；　feeling　as　if　he　had　received　a　sudden　check　a　sort　of　spiritual　snubwhich　arrested　the　accumulation　of　motive。　　Lovelock；　also；　whom　Bernard　saw　every　day；　appeared　to　think　that　destiny　had　given　him　a　slap　in　the　face；　for　he　had　not　enjoyed　the　satisfaction　of　a　last　interview　with　Miss　Evers。

〃I　thought　she　might　have　written　me　a　note；〃　said　the　Captain；　〃but　it　appears　she　does　n't　write。　　Some　girls　don't　write；　you　know。〃

Bernard　remarked　that　it　was　possible　Lovelock　would　still　have　news　of　Miss　Blanche；　and　before　he　left　Baden　he　learned　that　she　had　addressed　her　forsaken　swain　a　charming　little　note　from　Lausanne；　where　the　three　ladies　had　paused　in　their　flight　from　Baden；　and　where　Mrs。　Vivian　had　decreed　that　for　the　present　they　should　remain。

〃I　'm　devilish　glad　she　writes；〃　said　Captain　Lovelock；　〃some　girls　do　write；　you　know。〃

Blanche　found　Lausanne　most　horrid　after　Baden；　for　whose　delights　she　languished。　　The　delights　of　Baden；　however；　were　not　obvious　just　now　to　her　correspondent；　who　had　taken　Bernard's　fifty　pounds　into　the　Kursaal　and　left　them　there。　Bernard；　on　learning　his　misfortune；　lent　him　another　fifty；　with　which　he　performed　a　second　series　of　unsuccessful　experiments；　and　our　hero　was　not　at　his　ease　until　he　had　passed　over　to　his　luckless　friend　the　whole　amount　of　his　own　winnings；　every　penny　of　which　found　its　way　through　Captain　Lovelock's　fingers　back　into　the　bank。　　When　this　operation　was　completed；　Bernard　left　Baden；　the　Captain　gloomily　accompanying　him　to　the　station。

I　have　said　that　there　had　come　over　Bernard　a　singular　sense　of　freedom。　One　of　the　uses　he　made　of　his　freedom　was　to　undertake　a　long　journey。　He　went　to　the　East　and　remained　absent　from　Europe　for　upward　of　two　years　a　period　of　his　life　of　which　it　is　not　proposed　to　offer　a　complete　history。　The　East　is　a　wonderful　region；　and　Bernard；　investigating　the　mysteries　of　Asia；　saw　a　great　many　curious　and　beautiful　things。　　He　had　moments　of　keen　enjoyment；　he　laid　up　a　great　store　of　impressions　and　even　a　considerable　sum　of　knowledge。　　But；　nevertheless；　he　was　not　destined　to　look　back　upon　this　episode　with　any　particular　complacency。　It　was　less　delightful　than　it　was　supposed　to　be；　it　was　less　successful　than　it　might　have　been。　　By　what　unnatural　element　the　cup　of　pleasure　was　adulterated；　he　would　have　been　very　much　at　a　loss　to　say；　but　it　was　an　incontestable　fact　that　at　times　he　sipped　it　as　a　medicine；　rather　than　quaffed　it　as　a　nectar。　　When　people　congratulated　him　on　his　opportunity　of　seeing　the　world；　and　said　they　envied　him　the　privilege　of　seeing　it　so　well；　he　felt　even　more　than　the　usual　degree　of　irritation　produced　by　an　insinuation　that　fortune　thinks　so　poorly　of　us　as　to　give　us　easy　terms。　　Misplaced　sympathy　is　the　least　available　of　superfluities；　and　Bernard　at　this　time　found　himself　thinking　that　there　was　a　good　deal　of　impertinence　in　the　world。　He　would；　however；　readily　have　confessed　that；　in　so　far　as　he　failed　to　enjoy　his　Oriental　wanderings；　the　fault　was　his　own；　though　he　would　have　made　mentally　the　gratifying　reflection　that　never　was　a　fault　less　deliberate。　　If；　during　the　period　of　which　I　speak；　his　natural　gayety　had　sunk　to　a　minor　key；　a　partial　explanation　may　be　found　in　the　fact　that　he　was　deprived　of　the　society　of　his　late　companion。　It　was　an　odd　circumstance　that　the　two　young　men　had　not　met　since　Gordon's　abrupt　departure　from　Baden。　　Gordon　went　to　Berlin；　and　shortly　afterward　to　America；　so　that　they　were　on　opposite　sides　of　the　globe。　Before　he　returned　to　his　own　country；　Bernard　made　by　letter　two　or　three　offers　to　join　him　in　Europe；　anywhere　that　was　agreeable　to　him。　Gordon　answered　that　his　movements　were　very　uncertain；　and　that　he　should　be　sorry　to　trouble　Bernard　to　follow　him　about。　　He　had　put　him　to　this　inconvenience　in　making　him　travel　from　Venice　to　Baden；　and　one　such　favor　at　a　time　was　enough　to　ask；　even　of　the　most　obliging　of　men。　Bernard　was；　of　course；　afraid　that　what　he　had　told　Gordon　about　Angela　Vivian　was　really　the　cause　of　a　state　of　things　which；　as　between　two　such　good　friends；　wore　a　perceptible　resemblance　to　alienation。　Gordon　had　given　her　up；　but　he　bore　Bernard　a　grudge　for　speaking　ill　of　her；　and　so　long　as　this　disagreeable　impression　should　last；　he　preferred　not　to　see　him。　　Bernard　was　frank　enough　to　charge　the　poor　fellow　with　a　lingering　rancor；　of　which　he　made；　indeed；　no　great　crime。　　But　Gordon　denied　the　allegation；　and　assured　him　that；　to　his　own　perception；　there　was　no　decline　in　their　intimacy。　He　only　requested；　as　a　favor　and　as　a　tribute　to　〃just　susceptibilities；〃　tha