confidence-第12章

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had　no　right；　as　yet；　to　trust　her。　　I　told　her　that　if　she　would　trust　me；　I　was　perfectly　willing　to　trust　her；　but　she　answered　that　this　was　poor　reasoning。　　She　said　that　I　was　trustworthy　and　that　she　was　not；　andin　short；　all　sorts　of　nonsense。　　She　abused　herself　roundlyaccused　herself　of　no　end　of　defects。〃

〃What　defects；　for　instance？〃

〃Oh；　I　have　n't　remembered　them。　　She　said　she　had　a　bad　temper　that　she　led　her　mother　a　dreadful　life。　　Now；　poor　Mrs。　Vivian　says　she　is　an　angel。〃

〃Ah　yes；〃　Bernard　observed；　〃Mrs。　Vivian　says　that；　very　freely。〃

〃Angela　declared　that　she　was　jealous；　ungenerous；　unforgiving　all　sorts　of　things。　　I　remember　she　said　'I　am　very　false；'　and　I　think　she　remarked　that　she　was　cruel。〃

〃But　this　did　n't　put　you　off；〃　said　Bernard。

〃Not　at　all。　　She　was　making　up。〃

〃She　makes　up　very　well！〃　　Bernard　exclaimed；　laughing。

〃Do　you　call　that　well？〃

〃I　mean　it　was　very　clever。〃

〃It　was　not　clever　from　the　point　of　view　of　wishing　to　discourage　me。　〃

〃Possibly。　　But　I　am　sure；〃　said　Bernard；　〃that　if　I　had　been　present　at　your　interviewexcuse　the　impudence　of　the　hypothesis　I　should　have　been　struck　with　the　young　lady's〃　and　he　paused　a　moment。

〃With　her　what？〃

〃With　her　ability。〃

〃Well；　her　ability　was　not　sufficient　to　induce　me　to　give　up　my　idea。　She　told　me　that　after　I　had　known　her　six　months　I　should　detest　her。〃

〃I　have　no　doubt　she　could　make　you　do　it　if　she　should　try。　That　's　what　I　mean　by　her　ability。〃

〃She　calls　herself　cruel；〃　said　Gordon；　〃but　she　has　not　had　the　cruelty　to　try。　　She　has　been　very　reasonableshe　has　been　perfect。　　I　agreed　with　her　that　I　would　drop　the　subject　for　a　while；　and　that　meanwhile　we　should　be　good　friends。　We　should　take　time　to　know　each　other　better　and　act　in　accordance　with　further　knowledge。　　There　was　no　hurry；　since　we　trusted　each　otherwrong　as　my　trust　might　be。　　She　had　no　wish　that　I　should　go　away。　　I　was　not　in　the　least　disagreeable　to　her；　she　liked　me　extremely；　and　I　was　perfectly　free　to　try　and　please　her。　　Only　I　should　drop　my　proposal；　and　be　free　to　take　it　up　again　or　leave　it　alone；　later；　as　I　should　choose。　If　she　felt　differently　then；　I　should　have　the　benefit　of　it；　and　if　I　myself　felt　differently；　I　should　also　have　the　benefit　of　it。〃

〃That　's　a　very　comfortable　arrangement。　　And　that　's　your　present　situation？〃　asked　Bernard。

Gordon　hesitated　a　moment。

〃More　or　less；　but　not　exactly。〃

〃Miss　Vivian　feels　differently？〃　said　Bernard。

〃Not　that　I　know　of。〃

Gordon's　companion；　with　a　laugh；　clapped　him　on　the　shoulder　again。

〃Admirable　youth；　you　are　a　capital　match！〃

〃Are　you　alluding　to　my　money？〃

〃To　your　money　and　to　your　modesty。　　There　is　as　much　of　one　as　of　the　other　which　is　saying　a　great　deal。〃

〃Well；〃　said　Gordon；　〃in　spite　of　that　enviable　combination；　I　am　not　happy。〃

〃I　thought　you　seemed　pensive！〃　　Bernard　exclaimed。　〃It　's　you；　then；　who　feel　differently。〃

Gordon　gave　a　sigh。

〃To　say　that　is　to　say　too　much。〃

〃What　shall　we　say；　then？〃　his　companion　asked；　kindly。

Gordon　stopped　again；　he　stood　there　looking　up　at　a　certain　particularly　lustrous　star　which　twinkledthe　night　was　cloudy　in　an　open　patch　of　sky；　and　the　vague　brightness　shone　down　on　his　honest　and　serious　visage。

〃I　don't　understand　her；〃　he　said。

〃Oh；　I　'll　say　that　with　you　any　day！〃　cried　Bernard。　〃I　can't　help　you　there。〃

〃You　must　help　me；〃　and　Gordon　Wright　deserted　his　star。　〃You　must　keep　me　in　good　humor。〃

〃Please　to　walk　on；　then。　　I　don't　in　the　least　pity　you；　she　is　very　charming　with　you。〃

〃True　enough；　but　insisting　on　that　is　not　the　way　to　keep　me　in　good　humor　when　I　feel　as　I　do。〃

〃How　is　it　you　feel？〃

〃Puzzled　to　deathbewildereddepressed！〃

This　was　but　the　beginning　of　Gordon　Wright's　list；　he　went　on　to　say　that　though　he　〃thought　as　highly〃　of　Miss　Vivian　as　he　had　ever　done；　he　felt　less　at　his　ease　with　her　than　in　the　first　weeks　of　their　acquaintance；　and　this　condition　made　him　uncomfortable　and　unhappy。

〃I　don't　know　what　's　the　matter；〃　said　poor　Gordon。　〃I　don't　know　what　has　come　between　us。　　It　is　n't　her　fault　I　don't　make　her　responsible　for　it。　　I　began　to　notice　it　about　a　fortnight　agobefore　you　came；　shortly　after　that　talk　I　had　with　her　that　I　have　just　described　to　you。　Her　manner　has　n't　changed　and　I　have　no　reason　to　suppose　that　she　likes　me　any　the　less；　but　she　makes　a　strange　impression　on　meshe　makes　me　uneasy。　　It　's　only　her　nature　coming　out；　I　supposewhat　you　might　call　her　originality。　She　's　thoroughly　originalshe　's　a　kind　of　mysterious　creature。　I　suppose　that　what　I　feel　is　a　sort　of　fascination；　but　that　is　just　what　I　don't　like。　　Hang　it；　I　don't　want　to　be　fascinated　I　object　to　being　fascinated！〃

This　little　story　had　taken　some　time　in　the　telling；　so　that　the　two　young　men　had　now　reached　their　hotel。

〃Ah；　my　dear　Gordon；〃　said　Bernard；　〃we　speak　a　different　language。　If　you　don't　want　to　be　fascinated；　what　is　one　to　say　to　you？　'Object　to　being　fascinated！'　　There　's　a　man　easy　to　satisfy！　Raffine；　va！〃

〃Well；　see　here　now；〃　said　Gordon；　stopping　in　the　door…way　of　the　inn；　〃when　it　comes　to　the　point；　do　you　like　it　yourself？〃

〃When　it　comes　to　the　point？〃　　Bernard　exclaimed。　　〃I　assure　you　I　don't　wait　till　then。　　I　like　the　beginningI　delight　in　the　approach　of　it　I　revel　in　the　prospect。〃

〃That's　just　what　I　did。　　But　now　that　the　thing　has　comeI　don't　revel。　To　be　fascinated　is　to　be　mystified。　　Damn　it；　I　like　my　liberty　I　like　my　judgment！〃

〃So　do　Ilike　yours；〃　said　Bernard；　laughing；　as　they　took　their　bedroom　candles。






CHAPTER　IX

Bernard　talked　of　this　matter　rather　theoretically；　inasmuch　as　to　his　own　sense；　he　was　in　a　state　neither　of　incipient　nor　of　absorbed　fascination。　　He　got　on　very　easily；　however；　with　Angela　Vivian；　and　felt　none　of　the　mysterious　discomfort　alluded　to　by　his　friend。　The　element　of　mystery　attached　itself　rather　to　the　young　lady's　mother；　who　gave　him　the　impression　that　for　undiscoverable　reasons　she　avoided　his　society。　　He　regretted　her　evasive　deportment；　for　he　found　something　agreeable　in　this　shy　and　scrupulous　little　woman；　who　struck　him　as　a　curious　specimen　of　a　society　of　which　he　had　once　been　very　fond。　He　learned　that　she　was　of　old　New　England　stock；　but　he　had　not　needed　this　information　to　perceive　that　Mrs。　Vivian　was　animated　by　the　genius　of　Boston。　　〃She　has　the　Boston　temperament；〃　he　said；　using　a　phrase　with　which　he　had　become　familiar　and　which　evoked　a　train　of　associations。　But　then　he　immediately　added　that　if　Mrs。　Vivian　was　a　daughter　of　the　Puritans；　the　Puritan　strain　in　her　disposition　had　been　mingled　with　another　element。　　〃It　is　the　Boston　temperament　sophisticated；〃　he　said；　〃perverted　a　littleperhaps　even　corrupted。　　It　is　the　local　east…wind　with　an　infusion　from　climates　less　tonic。〃　　It　seemed　to　him　that　Mrs。　Vivian　was　a　Puritan　grown　worldlya　Bostonian　relaxed；　and　this　impression；　oddly　enough；　contributed　to　his　wish　to　know　more　of　her。　　He　felt　like　going　up　to　her　very　politely　and　saying；　〃Dear　lady　and　most　honored　compatriot；　what　in　the　world　have　I　done　to　displease　you？　You　don't　approve　of　me；　and　I　am　dying　to　know　the　reason　why。　I　should　be　so　happy　to　exert　myself　to　be　agreeable　to　you。　It　's　no　use；　you　give　me　the　cold　shoulder。　　When　I　speak　to　you；　you　look　the　other　way；　it　is　only　when　I　speak　to　your　daughter　that　you　look　at　me。　　It　is　true　that　at　those　times　you　look　at　me　very　hard；　and　if　I　am　not　greatly　mistaken；　you　are　not　gratified　by　what　you　see。　You　count　the　words　I　address　to　your　beautiful　Angelayou　time　our　harmless　little　interviews。　　You　interrupt　them　indeed　whenever　you　can；　you　call　her　awayyou　appeal　to　her；　you　cut　across　the　conversation。　You　are　always　laying　plots　to　keep　us　apart。　　Why　can't　you　leave　me　alone？　I　assure　you　I　am　the　most　innocent　of　men。　　Your　beautiful　Angela　can't　possibly　be　injured　by　my　conversation；　and　I　have　no　designs　whatever　upon　her　peace　of　mind。　　What　on　earth　have　I　done　to　offend　you？〃

These　observations　Bernard　Longueville　was　disposed　to　make；　and　one　after