silas marner(织工马南)-第60章
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more keenly by her husband。
“There was the money in the pit；” he continued—”all the
weaver’s money。 Everything’s been gathered up； and they’re
taking the skeleton to the Rainbow。 But I came back to tell you：
there was no hindering it； you must know。”
He was silent； looking on the ground for two long minutes。
Nancy would have said some words of comfort under this disgrace；
but she refrained； from an instinctive sense that there was
something behind—that Godfrey had something else to tell her。
Presently he lifted his eyes to her face； and kept them fixed on her；
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as he said—“Everything comes to light； Nancy； sooner or later。
When God Almighty wills it； our secrets are found out。 I’ve lived
with a secret on my mind； but I’ll keep it from you no longer。 I
wouldn’t have you know it by somebody else； and not by me—I
wouldn’t have you find it out after I’m dead。 I’d tell you now。 It’s
been ‘I will’ and ‘I won’t’ with me all my life—I’ll make sure of
myself now。”
Nancy’s utmost dread had returned。 The eyes of the husband
and wife met with awe in them； as at a crisis which suspended
affection。
“Nancy；” said Godfrey； slowly； “when I married you； I hid
something from you—something I ought to have told you。 That
woman Marner found dead in the snow—Eppie’s mother—that
wretched woman—was my wife： Eppie is my child。”
He paused； dreading the effect of his confession。 But Nancy sat
quite still； only that her eyes dropped and ceased to meet his。 She
was pale and quiet as a meditative statue； clasping her hands on
her lap。
“You’ll never think the same of me again；” said Godfrey； after a
little while； with some tremor in his voice。
She was silent。
“I oughtn’t to have left the child unowned； I oughtn’t to have
kept it from you。 But I couldn’t bear to give you up； Nancy。 I was
led away into marrying her—I suffered for it。”
Still Nancy was silent； looking down； and he almost expected
that she would presently get up and say she would go to her
father’s。 How could she have any mercy for faults that must seem
so black to her； with her simple severe notions？
But at last she lifted up her eyes to his again and spoke。 There
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was no indignation in her voice—only deep regret。
“Godfrey； if you had but told me this six years ago； we could
have done some of our duty by the child。 Do you think I’d have
refused to take her in； if I’d known she was yours？”
At that moment Godfrey felt all the bitterness of an error that
was not simply futile； but had defeated its own end。 He had not
measured this wife with whom he had lived so long。 But she spoke
again； with more agitation。
“And—oh； Godfrey—if we’d had her from the first； if you’d
taken to her as you ought； she’d have loved me for her mother—
and you’d have been happier with me： I could better have bore my
little baby dying； and our life might have been more like what we
used to think it ’ud be。”
The tears fell； and Nancy ceased to speak。
“But you wouldn’t have married me then； Nancy； if I’d told
you；” said Godfrey； urged； in the bitterness of his self…reproach； to
prove to himself that his conduct had not been utter folly。 “You
may think you would now； but you wouldn’t then。 With your pride
and your father’s you’d have hated having anything to do with me
after the talk there’d have been。”
“I can’t say what I should have done about that； Godfrey。 I
should never have married anybody else。 But I wasn’t worth doing
wrong for—nothing is in this world。 Nothing is so good as it seems
beforehand—not even our marrying wasn’t； you see。” There was a
faint sad smile on Nancy’s face as she said the last words。
“I’m a worse man than you thought I was； Nancy；” said
Godfrey； rather tremulously。 “Can you forgive me ever？”
“The wrong to me is but little； Godfrey： you’ve made it up to
me—you’ve been good to me for fifteen years。 It’s another you did
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the wrong to； and I doubt it can never be all made up for。”
“But we can take Eppie now；” said Godfrey。 “I won’t mind the
world knowing at last。 I’ll be plain and open for the rest o’ my life。”
“It’ll be different coming to us； now she’s grown up；” said
Nancy； shaking her head sadly。 “But it’s your duty to acknowledge
her and provide for her； and I’ll do my part by her； and pray to
God Almighty to make her love me。”
“Then we’ll go together to Silas Marner’s this very night； as
soon as everything’s quiet at the Stone…pits。”
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Chapter 19
etween eight and nine o’clock that evening； Eppie and
BSilas were seated alone in the cottage。 After the great
excitement the weaver had undergone from the events of
the afternoon； he had felt a longing for this quietude； and had even
begged Mrs。 Winthrop and Aaron； who had naturally lingered
behind every one else； to leave him alone with his child。 The
excitement had not passed away： it had only reached that stage
when the keenness of the susceptibility makes external stimulus
intolerable—when there is no sense of weariness； but rather an
intensity of inward life； under which sleep is an impossibility。 Any
one who has watched such moments in other men remembers the
brightness of the eyes and the strange definiteness that comes
over coarse features from that transient influence。 It is as if a new
fineness of ear for all spiritual voices had sent wonder…working
vibrations through the heavy mortal frame—as if “beauty born of
murmuring sound” had passed into the face of the listener。
Silas’s face showed that sort of transfiguration； as he sat in his
armchair and looked at Eppie。 She had drawn her own chair
towards his knees； and leaned forward； holding both his hands；
while she looked up at him。 On the table near them； lit by a candle；
lay the recovered gold—the old long…loved gold； ranged in orderly
heaps； as Silas used to range it in the days when it was his only
joy。 He had been telling her how he used to count it every night；
and how his soul was utterly de
