the poet at the breakfast table-第27章

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the　ministers；　but　they　have　a　way　of　cramming　with　special　knowledge
for　a　case　which　leaves　a　certain　shallow　sediment　of　intelligence　in
their　memories　about　a　good　many　things。　　They　are　apt　to　talk　law　in
mixed　company；　and　they　have　a　way　of　looking　round　when　they　make　a
point；　as　if　they　were　addressing　a　jury；　that　is　mighty　aggravating；
as　I　once　had　occasion　to　see　when　one　of　'em；　and　a　pretty　famous
one；　put　me　on　the　witness…stand　at　a　dinner…party　once。

The　ministers　come　next　in　point　of　talent。　　They　are　far　more
curious　and　widely　interested　outside　of　their　own　calling　than
either　of　the　other　professions。　　I　like　to　talk　with　'em。　　They　are
interesting　men；　full　of　good　feelings；　hard　workers；　always　foremost
in　good　deeds；　and　on　the　whole　the　most　efficient　civilizing　class；
working　downwards　from　knowledge　to　ignorance；　that　is；not　so　much
upwards；　perhaps；that　we　have。　　The　trouble　is；　that　so　many　of　'em
work　in　harness；　and　it　is　pretty　sure　to　chafe　somewhere。　　They　feed
us　on　canned　meats　mostly。　　They　cripple　our　instincts　and　reason；
and　give　us　a　crutch　of　doctrine。　　I　have　talked　with　a　great　many　of
'em　of　all　sorts　of　belief；　and　I　don't　think　they　are　quite　so　easy
in　their　minds；　the　greater　number　of　them；　nor　so　clear　in　their
convictions；　as　one　would　think　to　hear　'em　lay　down　the　law　in　the
pulpit。　　They　used　to　lead　the　intelligence　of　their　parishes；　now
they　do　pretty　well　if　they　keep　up　with　it；　and　they　are　very　apt　to
lag　behind　it。　　Then　they　must　have　a　colleague。　　The　old　minister
thinks　he　can　hold　to　his　old　course；　sailing　right　into　the　wind's
eye　of　human　nature；　as　straight　as　that　famous　old　skipper　John
Bunyan；　the　young　minister　falls　off　three　or　four　points　and　catches
the　breeze　that　left　the　old　man's　sails　all　shivering。　　By　and　by
the　congregation　will　get　ahead　of　him；　and　then　it　must；　have
another　new　skipper。　　The　priest　holds　his　own　pretty　well；　the
minister　is　coming　down　every　generation　nearer　and　nearer　to　the
common　level　of　the　useful　citizen；no　oracle　at　all；　but　a　man　of
more　than　average　moral　instincts；　who；　if　he　knows　anything；　knows
how　little　he　knows。　　The　ministers　are　good　talkers；　only　the
struggle　between　nature　and　grace　makes　some　of　'em　a　little　awkward
occasionally。　　The　women　do　their　best　to　spoil　'em；　as　they　do　the
poets；　you　find　it　very　pleasant　to　be　spoiled；　no　doubt；　so　do　they。
Now　and　then　one　of　'em　goes　over　the　dam；　no　wonder；　they're　always
in　the　rapids。

By　this　time　our　three　ladies　had　their　faces　all　turned　toward　the
speaker；　like　the　weathercocks　in　a　northeaster；　and　I　thought　it
best　to　switch　off　the　talk　on　to　another　rail。

How　about　the　doctors？I　said。

Theirs　is　the　least　learned　of　the　professions；　in　this　country　at
least。　　They　have　not　half　the　general　culture　of　the　lawyers；　nor　a
quarter　of　that　of　the　ministers。　　I　rather　think；　though；　they　are
more　agreeable　to　the　common　run　of　people　than　the　men　with　black
coats　or　the　men　with　green　bags。　　People　can　swear　before　'em　if
they　want　to；　and　they　can't　very　well　before　ministers。　　I　don't
care　whether　they　want　to　swear　or　not；　they　don't　want　to　be　on
their　good　behavior。　　Besides；　the　minister　has　a　little　smack　of　the
sexton　about　him；　he　comes　when　people　are　in　extremis；　but　they
don't　send　for　him　every　time　they　make　a　slight　moral　slip；　tell　a
lie　for　instance；　or　smuggle　a　silk　dress　through　the　customhouse；
but　they　call　in　the　doctor　when　a　child　is　cutting　a　tooth　or　gets　a
splinter　in　its　finger。　　So　it　does　n't　mean　much　to　send　for　him；
only　a　pleasant　chat　about　the　news　of　the　day；　for　putting　the　baby
to　rights　does　n't　take　long。　　Besides；　everybody　does　n't　like　to
talk　about　the　next　world；　people　are　modest　in　their　desires；　and
find　this　world　as　good　as　they　deserve；　but　everybody　loves　to　talk
physic。　　Everybody　loves　to　hear　of　strange　cases；　people　are　eager
to　tell　the　doctor　of　the　wonderful　cures　they　have　heard　of；　they
want　to　know　what　is　the　matter　with　somebody　or　other　who　is　said　to
be　suffering　from　〃a　complication　of　diseases；〃　and　above　all　to　get
a　hard　name；　Greek　or　Latin；　for　some　complaint　which　sounds
altogether　too　commonplace　in　plain　English。　　If　you　will　only　call　a
headache　a　Cephalgia；　it　acquires　dignity　at　once；　and　a　patient
becomes　rather　proud　of　it。　　So　I　think　doctors　are　generally　welcome
in　most　companies。

In　old　times；　when　people　were　more　afraid　of　the　Devil　and　of
witches　than　they　are　now；　they　liked　to　have　a　priest　or　a　minister
somewhere　near　to　scare　'em　off；　but　nowadays；　if　you　could　find　an
old　woman　that　would　ride　round　the　room　on　a　broomstick；　Barnum
would　build　an　amphitheatre　to　exhibit　her　in；　and　if　he　could　come
across　a　young　imp；　with　hoofs；　tail；　and　budding　horns；　a　lineal
descendant　of　one　of　those　〃daemons〃　which　the　good　people　of
Gloucester　fired　at；　and　were　fired　at　by　〃for　the　best　part　of　a
month　together〃　in　the　year　1692；　the；　great　showman　would　have　him
at　any　cost　for　his　museum　or　menagerie。　　Men　are　cowards；　sir；　and
are　driven　by　fear　as　the　sovereign　motive。　　Men　are　idolaters；　and
want　something　to　look　at　and　kiss　and　hug；　or　throw　themselves　down
before；　they　always　did；　they　always　will；　and　if　you　don't　make　it
of　wood；　you　must　make　it　of　words；　which　are　just　as　much　used　for
idols　as　promissory　notes　are　used　for　values。　　The　ministers　have　a
hard　time　of　it　without　bell　and　book　and　holy　water；　they　are
dismounted　men　in　armor　since　Luther　cut　their　saddle…girths；　and　you
can　see　they　are　quietly　taking　off　one　piece　of　iron　after　another
until　some　of　the　best　of　'em　are　fighting　the　devil　（not　the
zoological　Devil　with　the　big　D）　with　the　sword　of　the　Spirit；　and
precious　little　else　in　the　way　of　weapons　of　offence　or　defence。
But　we　couldn't　get　on　without　the　spiritual　brotherhood；　whatever
became　of　our　special　creeds。　　There　is　a　genius　for　religion；　just
as　there　is　for　painting　or　sculpture。　　It　is　half…sister　to　the
genius　for　music；　and　has　some　of　the　features　which　remind　us　of
earthly　love。　　But　it　lifts　us　all　by　its　mere　presence。　　To　see　a
good　man　and　hear　his　voice　once　a　week　would　be　reason　enough　for
building　churches　and　pulpits。　　The　Master　stopped　all　at　once；　and
after　about　half　a　minute　laughed　his　pleasant　laugh。

What　is　it？I　asked　him。

I　was　thinking　of　the　great　coach　and　team　that　is　carrying　us　fast
enough；　I　don't　know　but　too　fast；　somewhere　or　other。　　The　D。　D。's
used　to　be　the　leaders；　but　now　they　are　the　wheel…horses。　　It's
pretty　hard　to　tell　how　much　they　pull；　but　we　know　they　can　hold
back　like　the

When　we're　going　down　hill；I　said；　as　neatly　as　if　I　had　been　a
High…Church　curate　trained　to　snap　at　the　last　word　of　the　response；
so　that　you　couldn't　wedge　in　the　tail　of　a　comma　between　the　end　of
the　congregation's　closing　syllable　and　the　beginning　of　the　next
petition。　　They　do　it　well；　but　it　always　spoils　my　devotion。　　To
save　my　life；　I　can't　help　watching　them；　as　I　watch　to　see　a　duck
dive　at　the　flash　of　a　gun；　and　that　is　not　what　I　go　to　church　for。
It　is　a　juggler's　trick；　and　there　is　no　more　religion　in　it　than　in
catching　a　ball　on　the　fly。

I　was　looking　at　our　Scheherezade　the　other　day；　and　thinking　what　a
pity　it　was　that　she　had　never　had　fair　play　in　the　world。　　I　wish　I
knew　more　of　her　history。　　There　is　one　way　of　learning　it；making
love　to　her。　　I　wonder　whether　she　would　let　me　and　like　it。　　It　is
an　absurd　thing；　and　I　ought　not　to　confess；　but　I　tell　you　and　you
only；　Beloved；　my　heart　gave　a　perceptible　jump　when　it　heard　the
whisper　of　that　possibility　overhead！　　Every　day　has　its　ebb　and
flow；　but　such　a　thought　as　that　is　like　one　of　those　tidal　waves
they　talk　about；　that　rolls　in　like　a　great　wall　and　overtops　and
drowns　out　all　your　landmarks；　and　you；　too；　if　you　don't　mind　what
you　are　about　and　stand　ready　to　run　or　climb　or　swim。　　Not　quite　so
bad　as　that；　though；　this　time。　　I　take　an　interest　in　our
Scheherezade。　　I　am　glad　she　did　n't　smile　on　the　pipe　and　the
Bohemian…looking　fellow　that　finds　the　best　part　of　his　life　in
s