mudfog+-第9章

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while　another　was　staggering　beneath　the　weight　of　a　golden　model

of　his　great　adversary　Napoleon　Bonaparte。　　Some；　brought　up　as

mountebanks　and　ballet…dancers；　were　performing　a　figure…dance　（he

regretted　to　observe；　that；　of　the　fleas　so　employed；　several　were

females）；　others　were　in　training；　in　a　small　card…board　box；　for

pedestrians；　…　mere　sporting　characters　…　and　two　were　actually

engaged　in　the　cold…blooded　and　barbarous　occupation　of　duelling；　a

pursuit　from　which　humanity　recoiled　with　horror　and　disgust。　　He

suggested　that　measures　should　be　immediately　taken　to　employ　the

labour　of　these　fleas　as　part　and　parcel　of　the　productive　power　of

the　country；　which　might　easily　be　done　by　the　establishment　among

them　of　infant　schools　and　houses　of　industry；　in　which　a　system　of

virtuous　education；　based　upon　sound　principles；　should　be

observed；　and　moral　precepts　strictly　inculcated。　　He　proposed　that

every　flea　who　presumed　to　exhibit；　for　hire；　music；　or　dancing；　or

any　species　of　theatrical　entertainment；　without　a　licence；　should

be　considered　a　vagabond；　and　treated　accordingly；　in　which　respect

he　only　placed　him　upon　a　level　with　the　rest　of　mankind。　　He　would

further　suggest　that　their　labour　should　be　placed　under　the

control　and　regulation　of　the　state；　who　should　set　apart　from　the

profits；　a　fund　for　the　support　of　superannuated　or　disabled　fleas；

their　widows　and　orphans。　　With　this　view；　he　proposed　that　liberal

premiums　should　be　offered　for　the　three　best　designs　for　a　general

almshouse；　from　which　…　as　insect　architecture　was　well　known　to　be

in　a　very　advanced　and　perfect　state　…　we　might　possibly　derive

many　valuable　hints　for　the　improvement　of　our　metropolitan

universities；　national　galleries；　and　other　public　edifices。



'THE　PRESIDENT　wished　to　be　informed　how　the　ingenious　gentleman

proposed　to　open　a　communication　with　fleas　generally；　in　the　first

instance；　so　that　they　might　be　thoroughly　imbued　with　a　sense　of

the　advantages　they　must　necessarily　derive　from　changing　their

mode　of　life；　and　applying　themselves　to　honest　labour。　　This

appeared　to　him；　the　only　difficulty。



'THE　AUTHOR　submitted　that　this　difficulty　was　easily　overcome；　or

rather　that　there　was　no　difficulty　at　all　in　the　case。　　Obviously

the　course　to　be　pursued；　if　Her　Majesty's　government　could　be

prevailed　upon　to　take　up　the　plan；　would　be；　to　secure　at　a

remunerative　salary　the　individual　to　whom　he　had　alluded　as

presiding　over　the　exhibition　in　Regent…street　at　the　period　of　his

visit。　　That　gentleman　would　at　once　be　able　to　put　himself　in

communication　with　the　mass　of　the　fleas；　and　to　instruct　them　in

pursuance　of　some　general　plan　of　education；　to　be　sanctioned　by

Parliament；　until　such　time　as　the　more　intelligent　among　them　were

advanced　enough　to　officiate　as　teachers　to　the　rest。



'The　President　and　several　members　of　the　section　highly

complimented　the　author　of　the　paper　last　read；　on　his　most

ingenious　and　important　treatise。　　It　was　determined　that　the

subject　should　be　recommended　to　the　immediate　consideration　of　the

council。



'MR。　WIGSBY　produced　a　cauliflower　somewhat　larger　than　a　chaise…

umbrella；　which　had　been　raised　by　no　other　artificial　means　than

the　simple　application　of　highly　carbonated　soda…water　as　manure。

He　explained　that　by　scooping　out　the　head；　which　would　afford　a

new　and　delicious　species　of　nourishment　for　the　poor；　a　parachute；

in　principle　something　similar　to　that　constructed　by　M。　Garnerin；

was　at　once　obtained；　the　stalk　of　course　being　kept　downwards。　　He

added　that　he　was　perfectly　willing　to　make　a　descent　from　a　height

of　not　less　than　three　miles　and　a　quarter；　and　had　in　fact　already

proposed　the　same　to　the　proprietors　of　Vauxhall　Gardens；　who　in

the　handsomest　manner　at　once　consented　to　his　wishes；　and

appointed　an　early　day　next　summer　for　the　undertaking；　merely

stipulating　that　the　rim　of　the　cauliflower　should　be　previously

broken　in　three　or　four　places　to　ensure　the　safety　of　the　descent。



'THE　PRESIDENT　congratulated　the　public　on　the　GRAND　GALA　in　store

for　them；　and　warmly　eulogised　the　proprietors　of　the　establishment

alluded　to；　for　their　love　of　science；　and　regard　for　the　safety　of

human　life；　both　of　which　did　them　the　highest　honour。



'A　Member　wished　to　know　how　many　thousand　additional　lamps　the

royal　property　would　be　illuminated　with；　on　the　night　after　the

descent。



'MR。　WIGSBY　replied　that　the　point　was　not　yet　finally　decided；　but

he　believed　it　was　proposed；　over　and　above　the　ordinary

illuminations；　to　exhibit　in　various　devices　eight　millions　and　a…

half　of　additional　lamps。



'The　Member　expressed　himself　much　gratified　with　this

announcement。



'MR。　BLUNDERUM　delighted　the　section　with　a　most　interesting　and

valuable　paper　〃on　the　last　moments　of　the　learned　pig；〃　which

produced　a　very　strong　impression　on　the　assembly；　the　account

being　compiled　from　the　personal　recollections　of　his　favourite

attendant。　　The　account　stated　in　the　most　emphatic　terms　that　the

animal's　name　was　not　Toby；　but　Solomon；　and　distinctly　proved　that

he　could　have　no　near　relatives　in　the　profession；　as　many

designing　persons　had　falsely　stated；　inasmuch　as　his　father；

mother；　brothers　and　sisters；　had　all　fallen　victims　to　the　butcher

at　different　times。　　An　uncle　of　his　indeed；　had　with　very　great

labour　been　traced　to　a　sty　in　Somers　Town；　but　as　he　was　in　a　very

infirm　state　at　the　time；　being　afflicted　with　measles；　and　shortly

afterwards　disappeared；　there　appeared　too　much　reason　to

conjecture　that　he　had　been　converted　into　sausages。　　The　disorder

of　the　learned　pig　was　originally　a　severe　cold；　which；　being

aggravated　by　excessive　trough　indulgence；　finally　settled　upon　the

lungs；　and　terminated　in　a　general　decay　of　the　constitution。　　A

melancholy　instance　of　a　presentiment　entertained　by　the　animal　of

his　approaching　dissolution；　was　recorded。　　After　gratifying　a

numerous　and　fashionable　company　with　his　performances；　in　which　no

falling　off　whatever　was　visible；　he　fixed　his　eyes　on　the

biographer；　and；　turning　to　the　watch　which　lay　on　the　floor；　and

on　which　he　was　accustomed　to　point　out　the　hour；　deliberately

passed　his　snout　twice　round　the　dial。　　In　precisely　four…and…

twenty　hours　from　that　time　he　had　ceased　to　exist！



'PROFESSOR　WHEEZY　inquired　whether；　previous　to　his　demise；　the

animal　had　expressed；　by　signs　or　otherwise；　any　wishes　regarding

the　disposal　of　his　little　property。



'MR。　BLUNDERUM　replied；　that；　when　the　biographer　took　up　the　pack

of　cards　at　the　conclusion　of　the　performance；　the　animal　grunted

several　times　in　a　significant　manner；　and　nodding　his　head　as　he

was　accustomed　to　do；　when　gratified。　　From　these　gestures　it　was

understood　that　he　wished　the　attendant　to　keep　the　cards；　which　he

had　ever　since　done。　　He　had　not　expressed　any　wish　relative　to　his

watch；　which　had　accordingly　been　pawned　by　the　same　individual。



'THE　PRESIDENT　wished　to　know　whether　any　Member　of　the　section　had

ever　seen　or　conversed　with　the　pig…faced　lady；　who　was　reported　to

have　worn　a　black　velvet　mask；　and　to　have　taken　her　meals　from　a

golden　trough。



'After　some　hesitation　a　Member　replied　that　the　pig…faced　lady　was

his　mother…in…law；　and　that　he　trusted　the　President　would　not

violate　the　sanctity　of　private　life。



'THE　PRESIDENT　begged　pardon。　　He　had　considered　the　pig…faced　lady

a　public　character。　　Would　the　honourable　member　object　to　state；

with　a　view　to　the　advancement　of　science；　whether　she　was　in　any

way　connected　with　the　learned　pig？



'The　Member　replied　in　the　same　low　tone；　that；　as　the　question

appeared　to　involve　a　suspicion　that　the　learned　pig　might　be　his

half…brother；　he　must　decline　answering　it。





'SECTION　B。　…　ANATOMY　AND　MEDICINE。

COACH…HOUSE；　PIG　AND　TINDER…BOX。





PRESIDENT　…　Dr。　Toorell。　　V