mudfog+-第4章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


caps；　to　imitate　the　London　watermen；　or　how　many　base　imitations

of　running…footmen；　or　how　many　banners；　which；　owing　to　the

heaviness　of　the　atmosphere；　could　by　no　means　be　prevailed　on　to

display　their　inscriptions：　　still　less　do　we　feel　disposed　to

relate　how　the　men　who　played　the　wind　instruments；　looking　up　into

the　sky　（we　mean　the　fog）　with　musical　fervour；　walked　through

pools　of　water　and　hillocks　of　mud；　till　they　covered　the　powdered

heads　of　the　running…footmen　aforesaid　with　splashes；　that　looked

curious；　but　not　ornamental；　or　how　the　barrel…organ　performer　put

on　the　wrong　stop；　and　played　one　tune　while　the　band　played

another；　or　how　the　horses；　being　used　to　the　arena；　and　not　to　the

streets；　would　stand　still　and　dance；　instead　of　going　on　and

prancing；　…　all　of　which　are　matters　which　might　be　dilated　upon　to

great　advantage；　but　which　we　have　not　the　least　intention　of

dilating　upon；　notwithstanding。



Oh！　it　was　a　grand　and　beautiful　sight　to　behold　a　corporation　in

glass　coaches；　provided　at　the　sole　cost　and　charge　of　Nicholas

Tulrumble；　coming　rolling　along；　like　a　funeral　out　of　mourning；

and　to　watch　the　attempts　the　corporation　made　to　look　great　and

solemn；　when　Nicholas　Tulrumble　himself；　in　the　four…wheel　chaise；

with　the　tall　postilion；　rolled　out　after　them；　with　Mr。　Jennings

on　one　side　to　look　like　a　chaplain；　and　a　supernumerary　on　the

other；　with　an　old　life…guardsman's　sabre；　to　imitate　the　sword…

bearer；　and　to　see　the　tears　rolling　down　the　faces　of　the　mob　as

they　screamed　with　merriment。　　This　was　beautiful！　and　so　was　the

appearance　of　Mrs。　Tulrumble　and　son；　as　they　bowed　with　grave

dignity　out　of　their　coach…window　to　all　the　dirty　faces　that　were

laughing　around　them：　　but　it　is　not　even　with　this　that　we　have　to

do；　but　with　the　sudden　stopping　of　the　procession　at　another　blast

of　the　trumpet；　whereat；　and　whereupon；　a　profound　silence　ensued；

and　all　eyes　were　turned　towards　Mudfog　Hall；　in　the　confident

anticipation　of　some　new　wonder。



'They　won't　laugh　now；　Mr。　Jennings；'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble。



'I　think　not；　sir；'　said　Mr。　Jennings。



'See　how　eager　they　look；'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble。　　'Aha！　the

laugh　will　be　on　our　side　now；　eh；　Mr。　Jennings？'



'No　doubt　of　that；　sir；'　replied　Mr。　Jennings；　and　Nicholas

Tulrumble；　in　a　state　of　pleasurable　excitement；　stood　up　in　the

four…wheel　chaise；　and　telegraphed　gratification　to　the　Mayoress

behind。



While　all　this　was　going　forward；　Ned　Twigger　had　descended　into

the　kitchen　of　Mudfog　Hall　for　the　purpose　of　indulging　the

servants　with　a　private　view　of　the　curiosity　that　was　to　burst

upon　the　town；　and；　somehow　or　other；　the　footman　was　so

companionable；　and　the　housemaid　so　kind；　and　the　cook　so　friendly；

that　he　could　not　resist　the　offer　of　the　first…mentioned　to　sit

down　and　take　something　…　just　to　drink　success　to　master　in。



So；　down　Ned　Twigger　sat　himself　in　his　brass　livery　on　the　top　of

the　kitchen…table；　and　in　a　mug　of　something　strong；　paid　for　by

the　unconscious　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　and　provided　by　the

companionable　footman；　drank　success　to　the　Mayor　and　his

procession；　and；　as　Ned　laid　by　his　helmet　to　imbibe　the　something

strong；　the　companionable　footman　put　it　on　his　own　head；　to　the

immeasurable　and　unrecordable　delight　of　the　cook　and　housemaid。

The　companionable　footman　was　very　facetious　to　Ned；　and　Ned　was

very　gallant　to　the　cook　and　housemaid　by　turns。　　They　were　all

very　cosy　and　comfortable；　and　the　something　strong　went　briskly

round。



At　last　Ned　Twigger　was　loudly　called　for；　by　the　procession

people：　　and；　having　had　his　helmet　fixed　on；　in　a　very　complicated

manner；　by　the　companionable　footman；　and　the　kind　housemaid；　and

the　friendly　cook；　he　walked　gravely　forth；　and　appeared　before　the

multitude。



The　crowd　roared　…　it　was　not　with　wonder；　it　was　not　with

surprise；　it　was　most　decidedly　and　unquestionably　with　laughter。



'What！'　said　Mr。　Tulrumble；　starting　up　in　the　four…wheel　chaise。

'Laughing？　　If　they　laugh　at　a　man　in　real　brass　armour；　they'd

laugh　when　their　own　fathers　were　dying。　　Why　doesn't　he　go　into

his　place；　Mr。　Jennings？　　What's　he　rolling　down　towards　us　for？　he

has　no　business　here！'



'I　am　afraid；　sir　…　'　faltered　Mr。　Jennings。



'Afraid　of　what；　sir？'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　looking　up　into　the

secretary's　face。



'I　am　afraid　he's　drunk；　sir；'　replied　Mr。　Jennings。



Nicholas　Tulrumble　took　one　look　at　the　extraordinary　figure　that

was　bearing　down　upon　them；　and　then；　clasping　his　secretary　by　the

arm；　uttered　an　audible　groan　in　anguish　of　spirit。



It　is　a　melancholy　fact　that　Mr。　Twigger　having　full　licence　to

demand　a　single　glass　of　rum　on　the　putting　on　of　every　piece　of

the　armour；　got；　by　some　means　or　other；　rather　out　of　his

calculation　in　the　hurry　and　confusion　of　preparation；　and　drank

about　four　glasses　to　a　piece　instead　of　one；　not　to　mention　the

something　strong　which　went　on　the　top　of　it。　　Whether　the　brass

armour　checked　the　natural　flow　of　perspiration；　and　thus　prevented

the　spirit　from　evaporating；　we　are　not　scientific　enough　to　know；

but；　whatever　the　cause　was；　Mr。　Twigger　no　sooner　found　himself

outside　the　gate　of　Mudfog　Hall；　than　he　also　found　himself　in　a

very　considerable　state　of　intoxication；　and　hence　his

extraordinary　style　of　progressing。　　This　was　bad　enough；　but；　as

if　fate　and　fortune　had　conspired　against　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　Mr。

Twigger；　not　having　been　penitent　for　a　good　calendar　month；　took

it　into　his　head　to　be　most　especially　and　particularly

sentimental；　just　when　his　repentance　could　have　been　most

conveniently　dispensed　with。　　Immense　tears　were　rolling　down　his

cheeks；　and　he　was　vainly　endeavouring　to　conceal　his　grief　by

applying　to　his　eyes　a　blue　cotton　pocket…handkerchief　with　white

spots；　…　an　article　not　strictly　in　keeping　with　a　suit　of　armour

some　three　hundred　years　old；　or　thereabouts。



'Twigger；　you　villain！'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　quite　forgetting

his　dignity；　'go　back。'



'Never；'　said　Ned。　　'I'm　a　miserable　wretch。　　I'll　never　leave

you。'



The　by…standers　of　course　received　this　declaration　with

acclamations　of　'That's　right；　Ned；　don't！'



'I　don't　intend　it；'　said　Ned；　with　all　the　obstinacy　of　a　very

tipsy　man。　　'I'm　very　unhappy。　　I'm　the　wretched　father　of　an

unfortunate　family；　but　I　am　very　faithful；　sir。　　I'll　never　leave

you。'　　Having　reiterated　this　obliging　promise；　Ned　proceeded　in

broken　words　to　harangue　the　crowd　upon　the　number　of　years　he　had

lived　in　Mudfog；　the　excessive　respectability　of　his　character；　and

other　topics　of　the　like　nature。



'Here！　will　anybody　lead　him　away？'　said　Nicholas：　　'if　they'll

call　on　me　afterwards；　I'll　reward　them　well。'



Two　or　three　men　stepped　forward；　with　the　view　of　bearing　Ned　off；

when　the　secretary　interposed。



'Take　care！　take　care！'　said　Mr。　Jennings。　　'I　beg　your　pardon；

sir；　but　they'd　better　not　go　too　near　him；　because；　if　he　falls

over；　he'll　certainly　crush　somebody。'



At　this　hint　the　crowd　retired　on　all　sides　to　a　very　respectful

distance；　and　left　Ned；　like　the　Duke　of　Devonshire；　in　a　little

circle　of　his　own。



'But；　Mr。　Jennings；'　said　Nicholas　Tulrumble；　'he'll　be

suffocated。'



'I'm　very　sorry　for　it；　sir；'　replied　Mr。　Jennings；　'but　nobody　can

get　that　armour　off；　without　his　own　assistance。　　I'm　quite　certain

of　it　from　the　way　he　put　it　on。'



Here　Ned　wept　dolefully；　and　shook　his　helmeted　head；　in　a　manner

that　might　have　touched　a　heart　of　stone；　but　the　crowd　had　not

hearts　of　stone；　and　they　laughed　heartily。



'Dear　me；　Mr。　Jennings；'　said　Nicholas；　turning　pale　at　the

possibility　of　Ned's　being　smothered　in　his　antique　costume　…　'Dear

me；　Mr。　Jennings；　can　nothing　be　done　with　him？'



'Nothing　at　all；'　replied　Ned；　'nothing　at　all。　　Gentlemen；　I'm　an

unhappy　wret