mudfog+-第23章

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somewhat　sickly　and　very　dissipated　expression　of　countenance。　　His

habiliments　were　composed　of　an　exquisite　union　of　gentility；

slovenliness；　assumption；　simplicity；　NEWNESS；　and　old　age。　　Half

of　him　was　dressed　for　the　winter；　the　other　half　for　the　summer。

His　hat　was　of　the　newest　cut；　the　D'Orsay；　his　trousers　had　been

white；　but　the　inroads　of　mud　and　ink；　etc。；　had　given　them　a　pie…

bald　appearance；　round　his　throat　he　wore　a　very　high　black　cravat；

of　the　most　tyrannical　stiffness；　while　his　TOUT　ENSEMBLE　was

hidden　beneath　the　enormous　folds　of　an　old　brown　poodle…collared

great…coat；　which　was　closely　buttoned　up　to　the　aforesaid　cravat。

His　fingers　peeped　through　the　ends　of　his　black　kid　gloves；　and

two　of　the　toes　of　each　foot　took　a　similar　view　of　society　through

the　extremities　of　his　high…lows。　　Sacred　to　the　bare　walls　of　his

garret　be　the　mysteries　of　his　interior　dress！　　He　was　a　short；

spare　man；　of　a　somewhat　inferior　deportment。　　Everybody　seemed

influenced　by　his　entry　into　the　room；　and　his　salutation　of　each

member　partook　of　the　patronizing。　　The　hairdresser　made　way　for

him　between　himself　and　the　stomach。　　A　minute　afterwards　he　had

taken　possession　of　his　pint　and　pipe。　　A　pause　in　the　conversation

took　place。　　Everybody　was　waiting；　anxious　for　his　first

observation。



'Horrid　murder　in　Westminster　this　morning；'　observed　Mr。　Bolton。



Everybody　changed　their　positions。　　All　eyes　were　fixed　upon　the

man　of　paragraphs。



'A　baker　murdered　his　son　by　boiling　him　in　a　copper；'　said　Mr。

Bolton。



'Good　heavens！'　exclaimed　everybody；　in　simultaneous　horror。



'Boiled　him；　gentlemen！'　added　Mr。　Bolton；　with　the　most　effective

emphasis；　'BOILED　him！'



'And　the　particulars；　Mr。　B。；'　inquired　the　hairdresser；　'the

particulars？'



Mr。　Bolton　took　a　very　long　draught　of　porter；　and　some　two　or

three　dozen　whiffs　of　tobacco；　doubtless　to　instil　into　the

commercial　capacities　of　the　company　the　superiority　of　a　gentlemen

connected　with　the　press；　and　then　said　…



'The　man　was　a　baker；　gentlemen。'　　（Every　one　looked　at　the　baker

present；　who　stared　at　Bolton。）　　'His　victim；　being　his　son；　also

was　necessarily　the　son　of　a　baker。　　The　wretched　murderer　had　a

wife；　whom　he　was　frequently　in　the　habit；　while　in　an　intoxicated

state；　of　kicking；　pummelling；　flinging　mugs　at；　knocking　down；　and

half…killing　while　in　bed；　by　inserting　in　her　mouth　a　considerable

portion　of　a　sheet　or　blanket。'



The　speaker　took　another　draught；　everybody　looked　at　everybody

else；　and　exclaimed；　'Horrid！'



'It　appears　in　evidence；　gentlemen；'　continued　Mr。　Bolton；　'that；

on　the　evening　of　yesterday；　Sawyer　the　baker　came　home　in　a

reprehensible　state　of　beer。　　Mrs。　S。；　connubially　considerate；

carried　him　in　that　condition　up…stairs　into　his　chamber；　and

consigned　him　to　their　mutual　couch。　　In　a　minute　or　two　she　lay

sleeping　beside　the　man　whom　the　morrow's　dawn　beheld　a　murderer！'

（Entire　silence　informed　the　reporter　that　his　picture　had　attained

the　awful　effect　he　desired。）　　'The　son　came　home　about　an　hour

afterwards；　opened　the　door；　and　went　up　to　bed。　　Scarcely

（gentlemen；　conceive　his　feelings　of　alarm）；　scarcely　had　he　taken

off　his　indescribables；　when　shrieks　（to　his　experienced　ear

MATERNAL　shrieks）　scared　the　silence　of　surrounding　night。　　He　put

his　indescribables　on　again；　and　ran　down…stairs。　　He　opened　the

door　of　the　parental　bed…chamber。　　His　father　was　dancing　upon　his

mother。　　What　must　have　been　his　feelings！　　In　the　agony　of　the

minute　he　rushed　at　his　male　parent　as　he　was　about　to　plunge　a

knife　into　the　side　of　his　female。　　The　mother　shrieked。　　The

father　caught　the　son　（who　had　wrested　the　knife　from　the　paternal

grasp）　up　in　his　arms；　carried　him　down…stairs；　shoved　him　into　a

copper　of　boiling　water　among　some　linen；　closed　the　lid；　and

jumped　upon　the　top　of　it；　in　which　position　he　was　found　with　a

ferocious　countenance　by　the　mother；　who　arrived　in　the　melancholy

wash…house　just　as　he　had　so　settled　himself。



'〃Where's　my　boy？〃　shrieked　the　mother。



'〃In　that　copper；　boiling；〃　coolly　replied　the　benign　father。



'Struck　by　the　awful　intelligence；　the　mother　rushed　from　the

house；　and　alarmed　the　neighbourhood。　　The　police　entered　a　minute

afterwards。　　The　father；　having　bolted　the　wash…house　door；　had

bolted　himself。　　They　dragged　the　lifeless　body　of　the　boiled　baker

from　the　cauldron；　and；　with　a　promptitude　commendable　in　men　of

their　station；　they　immediately　carried　it　to　the　station…house。

Subsequently；　the　baker　was　apprehended　while　seated　on　the　top　of

a　lamp…post　in　Parliament　Street；　lighting　his　pipe。'



The　whole　horrible　ideality　of　the　Mysteries　of　Udolpho；　condensed

into　the　pithy　effect　of　a　ten…line　paragraph；　could　not　possibly

have　so　affected　the　narrator's　auditory。　　Silence；　the　purest　and

most　noble　of　all　kinds　of　applause；　bore　ample　testimony　to　the

barbarity　of　the　baker；　as　well　as　to　Bolton's　knack　of　narration；

and　it　was　only　broken　after　some　minutes　had　elapsed　by

interjectional　expressions　of　the　intense　indignation　of　every　man

present。　　The　baker　wondered　how　a　British　baker　could　so　disgrace

himself　and　the　highly　honourable　calling　to　which　he　belonged；　and

the　others　indulged　in　a　variety　of　wonderments　connected　with　the

subject；　among　which　not　the　least　wonderment　was　that　which　was

awakened　by　the　genius　and　information　of　Mr。　Robert　Bolton；　who；

after　a　glowing　eulogium　on　himself；　and　his　unspeakable　influence

with　the　daily　press；　was　proceeding；　with　a　most　solemn

countenance；　to　hear　the　pros　and　cons　of　the　Pope　autograph

question；　when　I　took　up　my　hat；　and　left。







FAMILIAR　EPISTLE　FROM　A　PARENT　TO　A　CHILD

AGED　TWO　YEARS　AND　TWO　MONTHS







MY　CHILD；



To　recount　with　what　trouble　I　have　brought　you　up　…　with　what　an

anxious　eye　I　have　regarded　your　progress；　…　how　late　and　how　often

I　have　sat　up　at　night　working　for　you；　…　and　how　many　thousand

letters　I　have　received　from；　and　written　to　your　various　relations

and　friends；　many　of　whom　have　been　of　a　querulous　and　irritable

turn；　…　to　dwell　on　the　anxiety　and　tenderness　with　which　I　have

（as　far　as　I　possessed　the　power）　inspected　and　chosen　your　food；

rejecting　the　indigestible　and　heavy　matter　which　some　injudicious

but　well…meaning　old　ladies　would　have　had　you　swallow；　and

retaining　only　those　light　and　pleasant　articles　which　I　deemed

calculated　to　keep　you　free　from　all　gross　humours；　and　to　render

you　an　agreeable　child；　and　one　who　might　be　popular　with　society

in　general；　…　to　dilate　on　the　steadiness　with　which　I　have

prevented　your　annoying　any　company　by　talking　politics　…　always

assuring　you　that　you　would　thank　me　for　it　yourself　some　day　when

you　grew　older；　…　to　expatiate；　in　short；　upon　my　own　assiduity　as

a　parent；　is　beside　my　present　purpose；　though　I　cannot　but

contemplate　your　fair　appearance　…　your　robust　health；　and

unimpeded　circulation　（which　I　take　to　be　the　great　secret　of　your

good　looks）　without　the　liveliest　satisfaction　and　delight。



It　is　a　trite　observation；　and　one　which；　young　as　you　are；　I　have

no　doubt　you　have　often　heard　repeated；　that　we　have　fallen　upon

strange　times；　and　live　in　days　of　constant　shiftings　and　changes。

I　had　a　melancholy　instance　of　this　only　a　week　or　two　since。　　I

was　returning　from　Manchester　to　London　by　the　Mail　Train；　when　I

suddenly　fell　into　another　train　…　a　mixed　train　…　of　reflection；

occasioned　by　the　dejected　and　disconsolate　demeanour　of　the　Post…

Office　Guard。　　We　were　stopping　at　some　station　where　they　take　in

water；　when　he　dismounted　slowly　from　the　little　box　in　which　he

sits　in　ghastly　mockery　of　his　old　condition　with　pistol　and

blunderbuss　beside　him；　ready　to　shoot　the　first　highwayman　（or

railwayman）　who　shall　attempt　to　stop　the　horses；　which　now　travel

（when　they　travel　at　all）　INSID