mudfog+-第17章

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yet　to　learn　that　the　human　eye　was　remarkable　for　the

peculiarities　of　which　the　honourable　gentleman　had　spoken。



'MR。　TICKLE　was　rather　astonished　to　hear　this；　when　the　President

could　not　fail　to　be　aware　that　a　large　number　of　most　excellent

persons　and　great　statesmen　could　see；　with　the　naked　eye；　most

marvellous　horrors　on　West　India　plantations；　while　they　could

discern　nothing　whatever　in　the　interior　of　Manchester　cotton

mills。　　He　must　know；　too；　with　what　quickness　of　perception　most

people　could　discover　their　neighbour's　faults；　and　how　very　blind

they　were　to　their　own。　　If　the　President　differed　from　the　great

majority　of　men　in　this　respect；　his　eye　was　a　defective　one；　and

it　was　to　assist　his　vision　that　these　glasses　were　made。



'MR。　BLANK　exhibited　a　model　of　a　fashionable　annual；　composed　of

copper…plates；　gold　leaf；　and　silk　boards；　and　worked　entirely　by

milk　and　water。



'MR。　PROSEE；　after　examining　the　machine；　declared　it　to　be　so

ingeniously　composed；　that　he　was　wholly　unable　to　discover　how　it

went　on　at　all。



'MR。　BLANK。　…　Nobody　can；　and　that　is　the　beauty　of　it。





'SECTION　C。　…　ANATOMY　AND　MEDICINE。

BAR　ROOM；　BLACK　BOY　AND　STOMACH…ACHE。





PRESIDENT　…　Dr。　Soemup。　　VICE…PRESIDENTS　…　Messrs。　Pessell　and

Mortair。



'DR。　GRUMMIDGE　stated　to　the　section　a　most　interesting　case　of

monomania；　and　described　the　course　of　treatment　he　had　pursued

with　perfect　success。　　The　patient　was　a　married　lady　in　the　middle

rank　of　life；　who；　having　seen　another　lady　at　an　evening　party　in

a　full　suit　of　pearls；　was　suddenly　seized　with　a　desire　to　possess

a　similar　equipment；　although　her　husband's　finances　were　by　no

means　equal　to　the　necessary　outlay。　　Finding　her　wish　ungratified；

she　fell　sick；　and　the　symptoms　soon　became　so　alarming；　that　he

（Dr。　Grummidge）　was　called　in。　　At　this　period　the　prominent　tokens

of　the　disorder　were　sullenness；　a　total　indisposition　to　perform

domestic　duties；　great　peevishness；　and　extreme　languor；　except

when　pearls　were　mentioned；　at　which　times　the　pulse　quickened；　the

eyes　grew　brighter；　the　pupils　dilated；　and　the　patient；　after

various　incoherent　exclamations；　burst　into　a　passion　of　tears；　and

exclaimed　that　nobody　cared　for　her；　and　that　she　wished　herself

dead。　　Finding　that　the　patient's　appetite　was　affected　in　the

presence　of　company；　he　began　by　ordering　a　total　abstinence　from

all　stimulants；　and　forbidding　any　sustenance　but　weak　gruel；　he

then　took　twenty　ounces　of　blood；　applied　a　blister　under　each　ear；

one　upon　the　chest；　and　another　on　the　back；　having　done　which；　and

administered　five　grains　of　calomel；　he　left　the　patient　to　her

repose。　　The　next　day　she　was　somewhat　low；　but　decidedly　better；

and　all　appearances　of　irritation　were　removed。　　The　next　day　she

improved　still　further；　and　on　the　next　again。　　On　the　fourth　there

was　some　appearance　of　a　return　of　the　old　symptoms；　which　no

sooner　developed　themselves；　than　he　administered　another　dose　of

calomel；　and　left　strict　orders　that；　unless　a　decidedly　favourable

change　occurred　within　two　hours；　the　patient's　head　should　be

immediately　shaved　to　the　very　last　curl。　　From　that　moment　she

began　to　mend；　and；　in　less　than　four…and…twenty　hours　was

perfectly　restored。　　She　did　not　now　betray　the　least　emotion　at

the　sight　or　mention　of　pearls　or　any　other　ornaments。　　She　was

cheerful　and　good…humoured；　and　a　most　beneficial　change　had　been

effected　in　her　whole　temperament　and　condition。



'MR。　PIPKIN　（M。R。C。S。）　read　a　short　but　most　interesting

communication　in　which　he　sought　to　prove　the　complete　belief　of

Sir　William　Courtenay；　otherwise　Thorn；　recently　shot　at

Canterbury；　in　the　Homoeopathic　system。　　The　section　would　bear　in

mind　that　one　of　the　Homoeopathic　doctrines　was；　that　infinitesimal

doses　of　any　medicine　which　would　occasion　the　disease　under　which

the　patient　laboured；　supposing　him　to　be　in　a　healthy　state；　would

cure　it。　　Now；　it　was　a　remarkable　circumstance　…　proved　in　the

evidence　…　that　the　deceased　Thorn　employed　a　woman　to　follow　him

about　all　day　with　a　pail　of　water；　assuring　her　that　one　drop　（a

purely　homoeopathic　remedy；　the　section　would　observe）；　placed　upon

his　tongue；　after　death；　would　restore　him。　　What　was　the　obvious

inference？　　That　Thorn；　who　was　marching　and　countermarching　in

osier　beds；　and　other　swampy　places；　was　impressed　with　a

presentiment　that　he　should　be　drowned；　in　which　case；　had　his

instructions　been　complied　with；　he　could　not　fail　to　have　been

brought　to　life　again　instantly　by　his　own　prescription。　　As　it

was；　if　this　woman；　or　any　other　person；　had　administered　an

infinitesimal　dose　of　lead　and　gunpowder　immediately　after　he　fell；

he　would　have　recovered　forthwith。　　But　unhappily　the　woman

concerned　did　not　possess　the　power　of　reasoning　by　analogy；　or

carrying　out　a　principle；　and　thus　the　unfortunate　gentleman　had

been　sacrificed　to　the　ignorance　of　the　peasantry。





'SECTION　D。　…　STATISTICS。

OUT…HOUSE；　BLACK　BOY　AND　STOMACH…ACHE。



PRESIDENT　…　Mr。　Slug。　　VICE…PRESIDENTS　…　Messrs。　Noakes　and　Styles。



'MR。　KWAKLEY　stated　the　result　of　some　most　ingenious　statistical

inquiries　relative　to　the　difference　between　the　value　of　the

qualification　of　several　members　of　Parliament　as　published　to　the

world；　and　its　real　nature　and　amount。　　After　reminding　the　section

that　every　member　of　Parliament　for　a　town　or　borough　was　supposed

to　possess　a　clear　freehold　estate　of　three　hundred　pounds　per

annum；　the　honourable　gentleman　excited　great　amusement　and

laughter　by　stating　the　exact　amount　of　freehold　property　possessed

by　a　column　of　legislators；　in　which　he　had　included　himself。　　It

appeared　from　this　table；　that　the　amount　of　such　income　possessed

by　each　was　0　pounds；　0　shillings；　and　0　pence；　yielding　an　average

of　the　same。　（Great　laughter。）　　It　was　pretty　well　known　that　there

were　accommodating　gentlemen　in　the　habit　of　furnishing　new　members

with　temporary　qualifications；　to　the　ownership　of　which　they　swore

solemnly　…　of　course　as　a　mere　matter　of　form。　　He　argued　from

these　DATA　that　it　was　wholly　unnecessary　for　members　of　Parliament

to　possess　any　property　at　all；　especially　as　when　they　had　none

the　public　could　get　them　so　much　cheaper。





'SUPPLEMENTARY　SECTION；　E。　…　UMBUGOLOGY　AND　DITCHWATERISICS。





PRESIDENT　…　Mr。　Grub。　　VICE　PRESIDENTS　…　Messrs。　Dull　and　Dummy。



'A　paper　was　read　by　the　secretary　descriptive　of　a　bay　pony　with

one　eye；　which　had　been　seen　by　the　author　standing　in　a　butcher's

cart　at　the　corner　of　Newgate　Market。　　The　communication　described

the　author　of　the　paper　as　having；　in　the　prosecution　of　a

mercantile　pursuit；　betaken　himself　one　Saturday　morning　last

summer　from　Somers　Town　to　Cheapside；　in　the　course　of　which

expedition　he　had　beheld　the　extraordinary　appearance　above

described。　　The　pony　had　one　distinct　eye；　and　it　had　been　pointed

out　to　him　by　his　friend　Captain　Blunderbore；　of　the　Horse　Marines；

who　assisted　the　author　in　his　search；　that　whenever　he　winked　this

eye　he　whisked　his　tail　（possibly　to　drive　the　flies　off）；　but　that

he　always　winked　and　whisked　at　the　same　time。　　The　animal　was

lean；　spavined；　and　tottering；　and　the　author　proposed　to

constitute　it　of　the　family　of　FITFORDOGSMEATAURIOUS。　　It　certainly

did　occur　to　him　that　there　was　no　case　on　record　of　a　pony　with

one　clearly…defined　and　distinct　organ　of　vision；　winking　and

whisking　at　the　same　moment。



'MR。　Q。　J。　SNUFFLETOFFLE　had　heard　of　a　pony　winking　his　eye；　and

likewise　of　a　pony　whisking　his　tail；　but　whether　they　were　two

ponies　or　the　same　pony　he　could　not　undertake　positively　to　say。

At　all　events；　he　was　acquainted　with　no　authenticated　instance　of

a　simultaneous　winking　and　whisking；　and　he　really　could　not　but

doubt　the　existence　of　such　a　marvellous　pony　in　opposition　to　all

those　natural　laws　by　which　p