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第15章

mudfog+-第15章

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quarter…staff for the amusement of the multitude; but hunger; and

an utter want of any due recompense for his abilities; had at

length driven him from the field; and it was only too probable that

he had fallen a sacrifice to the rising taste for grease。  He

regretted to add that a similar; and no less lamentable; change had

taken place with reference to monkeys。  These delightful animals

had formerly been almost as plentiful as the organs on the tops of

which they were accustomed to sit; the proportion in the year 1829

(it appeared by the parliamentary return) being as one monkey to

three organs。  Owing; however; to an altered taste in musical

instruments; and the substitution; in a great measure; of narrow

boxes of music for organs; which left the monkeys nothing to sit

upon; this source of public amusement was wholly dried up。

Considering it a matter of the deepest importance; in connection

with national education; that the people should not lose such

opportunities of making themselves acquainted with the manners and

customs of two most interesting species of animals; the author

submitted that some measures should be immediately taken for the

restoration of these pleasing and truly intellectual amusements。



'THE PRESIDENT inquired by what means the honourable member

proposed to attain this most desirable end?



'THE AUTHOR submitted that it could be most fully and

satisfactorily accomplished; if Her Majesty's Government would

cause to be brought over to England; and maintained at the public

expense; and for the public amusement; such a number of bears as

would enable every quarter of the town to be visited … say at least

by three bears a week。  No difficulty whatever need be experienced

in providing a fitting place for the reception of these animals; as

a commodious bear…garden could be erected in the immediate

neighbourhood of both Houses of Parliament; obviously the most

proper and eligible spot for such an establishment。



'PROFESSOR MULL doubted very much whether any correct ideas of

natural history were propagated by the means to which the

honourable member had so ably adverted。  On the contrary; he

believed that they had been the means of diffusing very incorrect

and imperfect notions on the subject。  He spoke from personal

observation and personal experience; when he said that many

children of great abilities had been induced to believe; from what

they had observed in the streets; at and before the period to which

the honourable gentleman had referred; that all monkeys were born

in red coats and spangles; and that their hats and feathers also

came by nature。  He wished to know distinctly whether the

honourable gentleman attributed the want of encouragement the bears

had met with to the decline of public taste in that respect; or to

a want of ability on the part of the bears themselves?



'MR。 X。 X。 MISTY replied; that he could not bring himself to

believe but that there must be a great deal of floating talent

among the bears and monkeys generally; which; in the absence of any

proper encouragement; was dispersed in other directions。



'PROFESSOR PUMPKINSKULL wished to take that opportunity of calling

the attention of the section to a most important and serious point。

The author of the treatise just read had alluded to the prevalent

taste for bears'…grease as a means of promoting the growth of hair;

which undoubtedly was diffused to a very great and (as it appeared

to him) very alarming extent。  No gentleman attending that section

could fail to be aware of the fact that the youth of the present

age evinced; by their behaviour in the streets; and at all places

of public resort; a considerable lack of that gallantry and

gentlemanly feeling which; in more ignorant times; had been thought

becoming。  He wished to know whether it were possible that a

constant outward application of bears'…grease by the young

gentlemen about town had imperceptibly infused into those unhappy

persons something of the nature and quality of the bear。  He

shuddered as he threw out the remark; but if this theory; on

inquiry; should prove to be well founded; it would at once explain

a great deal of unpleasant eccentricity of behaviour; which;

without some such discovery; was wholly unaccountable。



'THE PRESIDENT highly complimented the learned gentleman on his

most valuable suggestion; which produced the greatest effect upon

the assembly; and remarked that only a week previous he had seen

some young gentlemen at a theatre eyeing a box of ladies with a

fierce intensity; which nothing but the influence of some brutish

appetite could possibly explain。  It was dreadful to reflect that

our youth were so rapidly verging into a generation of bears。



'After a scene of scientific enthusiasm it was resolved that this

important question should be immediately submitted to the

consideration of the council。



'THE PRESIDENT wished to know whether any gentleman could inform

the section what had become of the dancing…dogs?



'A MEMBER replied; after some hesitation; that on the day after

three glee…singers had been committed to prison as criminals by a

late most zealous police…magistrate of the metropolis; the dogs had

abandoned their professional duties; and dispersed themselves in

different quarters of the town to gain a livelihood by less

dangerous means。  He was given to understand that since that period

they had supported themselves by lying in wait for and robbing

blind men's poodles。



'MR。 FLUMMERY exhibited a twig; claiming to be a veritable branch

of that noble tree known to naturalists as the SHAKSPEARE; which

has taken root in every land and climate; and gathered under the

shade of its broad green boughs the great family of mankind。  The

learned gentleman remarked that the twig had been undoubtedly

called by other names in its time; but that it had been pointed out

to him by an old lady in Warwickshire; where the great tree had

grown; as a shoot of the genuine SHAKSPEARE; by which name he

begged to introduce it to his countrymen。



'THE PRESIDENT wished to know what botanical definition the

honourable gentleman could afford of the curiosity。



'MR。 FLUMMERY expressed his opinion that it was A DECIDED PLANT。





'SECTION B。 … DISPLAY OF MODELS AND MECHANICAL SCIENCE。

LARGE ROOM; BOOT…JACK AND COUNTENANCE。





PRESIDENT … Mr。 Mallett。  VICE…PRESIDENTS … Messrs。 Leaver and

Scroo。



'MR。 CRINKLES exhibited a most beautiful and delicate machine; of

little larger size than an ordinary snuff…box; manufactured

entirely by himself; and composed exclusively of steel; by the aid

of which more pockets could be picked in one hour than by the

present slow and tedious process in four…and…twenty。  The inventor

remarked that it had been put into active operation in Fleet

Street; the Strand; and other thoroughfares; and had never been

once known to fail。



'After some slight delay; occasioned by the various members of the

section buttoning their pockets;



'THE PRESIDENT narrowly inspected the invention; and declared that

he had never seen a machine of more beautiful or exquisite

construction。  Would the inventor be good enough to inform the

section whether he had taken any and what means for bringing it

into general operation?



'MR。 CRINKLES stated that; after encountering some preliminary

difficulties; he had succeeded in putting himself in communication

with Mr。 Fogle Hunter; and other gentlemen connected with the swell

mob; who had awarded the invention the very highest and most

unqualified approbation。  He regretted to say; however; that these

distinguished practitioners; in common with a gentleman of the name

of Gimlet…eyed Tommy; and other members of a secondary grade of the

profession whom he was understood to represent; entertained an

insuperable objection to its being brought into general use; on the

ground that it would have the inevitable effect of 

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