mudfog+-第14章

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'BLACK　BOY　AND　STOMACH…ACHE；　OLDCASTLE；　SATURDAY　NOON。



'You　will　be　happy　to　learn　that　I　have　at　length　arrived　here　in

safety。　　The　town　is　excessively　crowded；　and　all　the　private

lodgings　and　hotels　are　filled　with　SAVANS　of　both　sexes。　　The

tremendous　assemblage　of　intellect　that　one　encounters　in　every

street　is　in　the　last　degree　overwhelming。



'Notwithstanding　the　throng　of　people　here；　I　have　been　fortunate

enough　to　meet　with　very　comfortable　accommodation　on　very

reasonable　terms；　having　secured　a　sofa　in　the　first…floor　passage

at　one　guinea　per　night；　which　includes　permission　to　take　my　meals

in　the　bar；　on　condition　that　I　walk　about　the　streets　at　all　other

times；　to　make　room　for　other　gentlemen　similarly　situated。　　I　have

been　over　the　outhouses　intended　to　be　devoted　to　the　reception　of

the　various　sections；　both　here　and　at　the　Boot…jack　and

Countenance；　and　am　much　delighted　with　the　arrangements。　　Nothing

can　exceed　the　fresh　appearance　of　the　saw…dust　with　which　the

floors　are　sprinkled。　　The　forms　are　of　unplaned　deal；　and　the

general　effect；　as　you　can　well　imagine；　is　extremely　beautiful。'



'HALF…PAST　NINE。



'The　number　and　rapidity　of　the　arrivals　are　quite　bewildering。

Within　the　last　ten　minutes　a　stage…coach　has　driven　up　to　the

door；　filled　inside　and　out　with　distinguished　characters；

comprising　Mr。　Muddlebranes；　Mr。　Drawley；　Professor　Muff；　Mr。　X。

Misty；　Mr。　X。　X。　Misty；　Mr。　Purblind；　Professor　Rummun；　The

Honourable　and　Reverend　Mr。　Long　Eers；　Professor　John　Ketch；　Sir

William　Joltered；　Doctor　Buffer；　Mr。　Smith　（of　London）；　Mr。　Brown

（of　Edinburgh）；　Sir　Hookham　Snivey；　and　Professor　Pumpkinskull。

The　ten　last…named　gentlemen　were　wet　through；　and　looked　extremely

intelligent。'



'SUNDAY；　TWO　O'CLOCK；　P。M。



'The　Honourable　and　Reverend　Mr。　Long　Eers；　accompanied　by　Sir

William　Joltered；　walked　and　drove　this　morning。　　They　accomplished

the　former　feat　in　boots；　and　the　latter　in　a　hired　fly。　　This　has

naturally　given　rise　to　much　discussion。



'I　have　just　learnt　that　an　interview　has　taken　place　at　the　Boot…

jack　and　Countenance　between　Sowster；　the　active　and　intelligent

beadle　of　this　place；　and　Professor　Pumpkinskull；　who；　as　your

readers　are　doubtless　aware；　is　an　influential　member　of　the

council。　　I　forbear　to　communicate　any　of　the　rumours　to　which　this

very　extraordinary　proceeding　has　given　rise　until　I　have　seen

Sowster；　and　endeavoured　to　ascertain　the　truth　from　him。'



'HALF…PAST　SIX。



'I　engaged　a　donkey…chaise　shortly　after　writing　the　above；　and

proceeded　at　a　brisk　trot　in　the　direction　of　Sowster's　residence；

passing　through　a　beautiful　expanse　of　country；　with　red　brick

buildings　on　either　side；　and　stopping　in　the　marketplace　to

observe　the　spot　where　Mr。　Kwakley's　hat　was　blown　off　yesterday。

It　is　an　uneven　piece　of　paving；　but　has　certainly　no　appearance

which　would　lead　one　to　suppose　that　any　such　event　had　recently

occurred　there。　　From　this　point　I　proceeded　…　passing　the　gas…

works　and　tallow…melter's　…　to　a　lane　which　had　been　pointed　out　to

me　as　the　beadle's　place　of　residence；　and　before　I　had　driven　a

dozen　yards　further；　I　had　the　good　fortune　to　meet　Sowster　himself

advancing　towards　me。



'Sowster　is　a　fat　man；　with　a　more　enlarged　development　of　that

peculiar　conformation　of　countenance　which　is　vulgarly　termed　a

double　chin　than　I　remember　to　have　ever　seen　before。　　He　has　also

a　very　red　nose；　which　he　attributes　to　a　habit　of　early　rising　…

so　red；　indeed；　that　but　for　this　explanation　I　should　have

supposed　it　to　proceed　from　occasional　inebriety。　　He　informed　me

that　he　did　not　feel　himself　at　liberty　to　relate　what　had　passed

between　himself　and　Professor　Pumpkinskull；　but　had　no　objection　to

state　that　it　was　connected　with　a　matter　of　police　regulation；　and

added　with　peculiar　significance　〃Never　wos　sitch　times！〃



'You　will　easily　believe　that　this　intelligence　gave　me

considerable　surprise；　not　wholly　unmixed　with　anxiety；　and　that　I

lost　no　time　in　waiting　on　Professor　Pumpkinskull；　and　stating　the

object　of　my　visit。　　After　a　few　moments'　reflection；　the

Professor；　who；　I　am　bound　to　say；　behaved　with　the　utmost

politeness；　openly　avowed　（I　mark　the　passage　in　italics）　THAT　HE

HAD　REQUESTED　SOWSTER　TO　ATTEND　ON　THE　MONDAY　MORNING　AT　THE　BOOT…

JACK　AND　COUNTENANCE；　TO　KEEP　OFF　THE　BOYS；　AND　THAT　HE　HAD　FURTHER

DESIRED　THAT　THE　UNDER…BEADLE　MIGHT　BE　STATIONED；　WITH　THE　SAME

OBJECT；　AT　THE　BLACK　BOY　AND　STOMACH…ACHE！



'Now　I　leave　this　unconstitutional　proceeding　to　your　comments　and

the　consideration　of　your　readers。　　I　have　yet　to　learn　that　a

beadle；　without　the　precincts　of　a　church；　churchyard；　or　work…

house；　and　acting　otherwise　than　under　the　express　orders　of

churchwardens　and　overseers　in　council　assembled；　to　enforce　the

law　against　people　who　come　upon　the　parish；　and　other　offenders；

has　any　lawful　authority　whatever　over　the　rising　youth　of　this

country。　　I　have　yet　to　learn　that　a　beadle　can　be　called　out　by

any　civilian　to　exercise　a　domination　and　despotism　over　the　boys

of　Britain。　　I　have　yet　to　learn　that　a　beadle　will　be　permitted　by

the　commissioners　of　poor　law　regulation　to　wear　out　the　soles　and

heels　of　his　boots　in　illegal　interference　with　the　liberties　of

people　not　proved　poor　or　otherwise　criminal。　　I　have　yet　to　learn

that　a　beadle　has　power　to　stop　up　the　Queen's　highway　at　his　will

and　pleasure；　or　that　the　whole　width　of　the　street　is　not　free　and

open　to　any　man；　boy；　or　woman　in　existence；　up　to　the　very　walls

of　the　houses　…　ay；　be　they　Black　Boys　and　Stomach…aches；　or　Boot…

jacks　and　Countenances；　I　care　not。'



'NINE　O'CLOCK。



'I　have　procured　a　local　artist　to　make　a　faithful　sketch　of　the

tyrant　Sowster；　which；　as　he　has　acquired　this　infamous　celebrity；

you　will　no　doubt　wish　to　have　engraved　for　the　purpose　of

presenting　a　copy　with　every　copy　of　your　next　number。　　I　enclose

it。



＇Picture　which　cannot　be　reproduced＇



The　under…beadle　has　consented　to　write　his　life；　but　it　is　to　be

strictly　anonymous。



'The　accompanying　likeness　is　of　course　from　the　life；　and　complete

in　every　respect。　　Even　if　I　had　been　totally　ignorant　of　the　man's

real　character；　and　it　had　been　placed　before　me　without　remark；　I

should　have　shuddered　involuntarily。　　There　is　an　intense　malignity

of　expression　in　the　features；　and　a　baleful　ferocity　of　purpose　in

the　ruffian's　eye；　which　appals　and　sickens。　　His　whole　air　is

rampant　with　cruelty；　nor　is　the　stomach　less　characteristic　of　his

demoniac　propensities。'



'MONDAY。



'The　great　day　has　at　length　arrived。　　I　have　neither　eyes；　nor

ears；　nor　pens；　nor　ink；　nor　paper；　for　anything　but　the　wonderful

proceedings　that　have　astounded　my　senses。　　Let　me　collect　my

energies　and　proceed　to　the　account。





'SECTION　A。　…　ZOOLOGY　AND　BOTANY。

FRONT　PARLOUR；　BLACK　BOY　AND　STOMACH…ACHE。





PRESIDENT　…　Sir　William　Joltered。　　VICE…PRESIDENTS　…　Mr。

Muddlebranes　and　Mr。　Drawley。



'MR。　X。　X。　MISTY　communicated　some　remarks　on　the　disappearance　of

dancing…bears　from　the　streets　of　London；　with　observations　on　the

exhibition　of　monkeys　as　connected　with　barrel…organs。　　The　writer

had　observed；　with　feelings　of　the　utmost　pain　and　regret；　that

some　years　ago　a　sudden　and　unaccountable　change　in　the　public

taste　took　place　with　reference　to　itinerant　bears；　who；　being

discountenanced　by　the　populace；　gradually　fell　off　one　by　one　from

the　streets　of　the　metropolis；　until　not　one　remained　to　create　a

taste　for　natural　history　in　the　breasts　of　the　poor　and

uninstructed。　　One　bear；　indeed；　…　a　brown　and　ragged　animal；　…　had

lingered　about　the　haunts　of　his　former　triumphs；　with　a　worn　and

dejected　visage　and　feeble　limbs；　and　had　essayed　to　wield　his

quarter…staff　for　the　amusement　of　the　multitude；　but　hunger；　and

an　utter　want　of　any　due　recompense　fo