mudfog+-第13章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



passengers'　supper；　and　are　now　in　course　of　consumption。　　Your

readers　will　be　surprised　to　hear　that　Professor　Woodensconce　has

abstained　from　cheese　for　eight　years；　although　he　takes　butter　in

considerable　quantities。　　Professor　Grime　having　lost　several

teeth；　is　unable；　I　observe；　to　eat　his　crusts　without　previously

soaking　them　in　his　bottled　porter。　　How　interesting　are　these

peculiarities！'



'HALF…PAST　ELEVEN。



'Professors　Woodensconce　and　Grime；　with　a　degree　of　good　humour

that　delights　us　all；　have　just　arranged　to　toss　for　a　bottle　of

mulled　port。　　There　has　been　some　discussion　whether　the　payment

should　be　decided　by　the　first　toss　or　the　best　out　of　three。

Eventually　the　latter　course　has　been　determined　on。　　Deeply　do　I

wish　that　both　gentlemen　could　win；　but　that　being　impossible；　I

own　that　my　personal　aspirations　（I　speak　as　an　individual；　and　do

not　compromise　either　you　or　your　readers　by　this　expression　of

feeling）　are　with　Professor　Woodensconce。　　I　have　backed　that

gentleman　to　the　amount　of　eighteenpence。'



'TWENTY　MINUTES　TO　TWELVE。



'Professor　Grime　has　inadvertently　tossed　his　half…crown　out　of　one

of　the　cabin…windows；　and　it　has　been　arranged　that　the　steward

shall　toss　for　him。　　Bets　are　offered　on　any　side　to　any　amount；

but　there　are　no　takers。



'Professor　Woodensconce　has　just　called　〃woman；〃　but　the　coin

having　lodged　in　a　beam；　is　a　long　time　coming　down　again。　　The

interest　and　suspense　of　this　one　moment　are　beyond　anything　that

can　be　imagined。'



'TWELVE　O'CLOCK。



'The　mulled　port　is　smoking　on　the　table　before　me；　and　Professor

Grime　has　won。　　Tossing　is　a　game　of　chance；　but　on　every　ground；

whether　of　public　or　private　character；　intellectual　endowments；　or

scientific　attainments；　I　cannot　help　expressing　my　opinion　that

Professor　Woodensconce　OUGHT　to　have　come　off　victorious。　　There　is

an　exultation　about　Professor　Grime　incompatible；　I　fear；　with　true

greatness。'



'A　QUARTER　PAST　TWELVE。



'Professor　Grime　continues　to　exult；　and　to　boast　of　his　victory　in

no　very　measured　terms；　observing　that　he　always　does　win；　and　that

he　knew　it　would　be　a　〃head〃　beforehand；　with　many　other　remarks　of

a　similar　nature。　　Surely　this　gentleman　is　not　so　lost　to　every

feeling　of　decency　and　propriety　as　not　to　feel　and　know　the

superiority　of　Professor　Woodensconce？　　Is　Professor　Grime　insane？

or　does　he　wish　to　be　reminded　in　plain　language　of　his　true

position　in　society；　and　the　precise　level　of　his　acquirements　and

abilities？　　Professor　Grime　will　do　well　to　look　to　this。'



'ONE　O'CLOCK。



'I　am　writing　in　bed。　　The　small　cabin　is　illuminated　by　the　feeble

light　of　a　flickering　lamp　suspended　from　the　ceiling；　Professor

Grime　is　lying　on　the　opposite　shelf　on　the　broad　of　his　back；　with

his　mouth　wide　open。　　The　scene　is　indescribably　solemn。　　The

rippling　of　the　tide；　the　noise　of　the　sailors'　feet　overhead；　the

gruff　voices　on　the　river；　the　dogs　on　the　shore；　the　snoring　of

the　passengers；　and　a　constant　creaking　of　every　plank　in　the

vessel；　are　the　only　sounds　that　meet　the　ear。　　With　these

exceptions；　all　is　profound　silence。



'My　curiosity　has　been　within　the　last　moment　very　much　excited。

Mr。　Slug；　who　lies　above　Professor　Grime；　has　cautiously　withdrawn

the　curtains　of　his　berth；　and；　after　looking　anxiously　out；　as　if

to　satisfy　himself　that　his　companions　are　asleep；　has　taken　up　the

tin　tube　of　which　I　have　before　spoken；　and　is　regarding　it　with

great　interest。　　What　rare　mechanical　combination　can　be　contained

in　that　mysterious　case？　　It　is　evidently　a　profound　secret　to

all。'



'A　QUARTER　PAST　ONE。



'The　behaviour　of　Mr。　Slug　grows　more　and　more　mysterious。　　He　has

unscrewed　the　top　of　the　tube；　and　now　renews　his　observations　upon

his　companions；　evidently　to　make　sure　that　he　is　wholly

unobserved。　　He　is　clearly　on　the　eve　of　some　great　experiment。

Pray　heaven　that　it　be　not　a　dangerous　one；　but　the　interests　of

science　must　be　promoted；　and　I　am　prepared　for　the　worst。'



'FIVE　MINUTES　LATER。



'He　has　produced　a　large　pair　of　scissors；　and　drawn　a　roll　of　some

substance；　not　unlike　parchment　in　appearance；　from　the　tin　case。

The　experiment　is　about　to　begin。　　I　must　strain　my　eyes　to　the

utmost；　in　the　attempt　to　follow　its　minutest　operation。'



'TWENTY　MINUTES　BEFORE　TWO。



'I　have　at　length　been　enabled　to　ascertain　that　the　tin　tube

contains　a　few　yards　of　some　celebrated　plaster；　recommended　…　as　I

discover　on　regarding　the　label　attentively　through　my　eye…glass　…

as　a　preservative　against　sea…sickness。　　Mr。　Slug　has　cut　it　up

into　small　portions；　and　is　now　sticking　it　over　himself　in　every

direction。'



'THREE　O'CLOCK。



'Precisely　a　quarter　of　an　hour　ago　we　weighed　anchor；　and　the

machinery　was　suddenly　put　in　motion　with　a　noise　so　appalling；

that　Professor　Woodensconce　（who　had　ascended　to　his　berth　by　means

of　a　platform　of　carpet…bags　arranged　by　himself　on　geometrical

principals）　darted　from　his　shelf　head　foremost；　and；　gaining　his

feet　with　all　the　rapidity　of　extreme　terror；　ran　wildly　into　the

ladies'　cabin；　under　the　impression　that　we　were　sinking；　and

uttering　loud　cries　for　aid。　　I　am　assured　that　the　scene　which

ensued　baffles　all　description。　　There　were　one　hundred　and　forty…

seven　ladies　in　their　respective　berths　at　the　time。



'Mr。　Slug　has　remarked；　as　an　additional　instance　of　the　extreme

ingenuity　of　the　steam…engine　as　applied　to　purposes　of　navigation；

that　in　whatever　part　of　the　vessel　a　passenger's　berth　may　be

situated；　the　machinery　always　appears　to　be　exactly　under　his

pillow。　　He　intends　stating　this　very　beautiful；　though　simple

discovery；　to　the　association。'



'HALF…PAST　TEN。



'We　are　still　in　smooth　water；　that　is　to　say；　in　as　smooth　water

as　a　steam…vessel　ever　can　be；　for；　as　Professor　Woodensconce　（who

has　just　woke　up）　learnedly　remarks；　another　great　point　of

ingenuity　about　a　steamer　is；　that　it　always　carries　a　little　storm

with　it。　　You　can　scarcely　conceive　how　exciting　the　jerking

pulsation　of　the　ship　becomes。　　It　is　a　matter　of　positive

difficulty　to　get　to　sleep。'



'FRIDAY　AFTERNOON；　SIX　O'CLOCK。



'I　regret　to　inform　you　that　Mr。　Slug's　plaster　has　proved　of　no

avail。　　He　is　in　great　agony；　but　has　applied　several　large；

additional　pieces　notwithstanding。　　How　affecting　is　this　extreme

devotion　to　science　and　pursuit　of　knowledge　under　the　most　trying

circumstances！



'We　were　extremely　happy　this　morning；　and　the　breakfast　was　one　of

the　most　animated　description。　　Nothing　unpleasant　occurred　until

noon；　with　the　exception　of　Doctor　Foxey's　brown　silk　umbrella　and

white　hat　becoming　entangled　in　the　machinery　while　he　was

explaining　to　a　knot　of　ladies　the　construction　of　the　steam…

engine。　　I　fear　the　gravy　soup　for　lunch　was　injudicious。　　We　lost

a　great　many　passengers　almost　immediately　afterwards。'



'HALF…PAST　SIX。



'I　am　again　in　bed。　　Anything　so　heart…rending　as　Mr。　Slug's

sufferings　it　has　never　yet　been　my　lot　to　witness。'



'SEVEN　O'CLOCK。



'A　messenger　has　just　come　down　for　a　clean　pocket…handkerchief

from　Professor　Woodensconce's　bag；　that　unfortunate　gentleman　being

quite　unable　to　leave　the　deck；　and　imploring　constantly　to　be

thrown　overboard。　　From　this　man　I　understand　that　Professor　Nogo；

though　in　a　state　of　utter　exhaustion；　clings　feebly　to　the　hard

biscuit　and　cold　brandy　and　water；　under　the　impression　that　they

will　yet　restore　him。　　Such　is　the　triumph　of　mind　over　matter。



'Professor　Grime　is　in　bed；　to　all　appearance　quite　well；　but　he

WILL　eat；　and　it　is　disagreeable　to　see　him。　　Has　this　gentleman　no

sympathy　with　the　sufferings　of　his　fellow…creatures？　　If　he　has；

on　what　principle　can　he　call　for　mutton…chops　…　and　smile？'



'BLACK　BOY　AND　STOMACH…ACHE；　OLDCASTLE；　SATURDAY　NOON。



'You　will　be　happy　to　l