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第11章

mudfog+-第11章

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commonest principles of mathematics; and considered Sindbad the

Sailor the most enterprising voyager that the world had ever

produced。



'A Member strongly deprecating the use of all the other books

mentioned; suggested that Jack and Jill might perhaps be exempted

from the general censure; inasmuch as the hero and heroine; in the

very outset of the tale; were depicted as going UP a hill to fetch

a pail of water; which was a laborious and useful occupation; …

supposing the family linen was being washed; for instance。



'MR。 SLUG feared that the moral effect of this passage was more

than counterbalanced by another in a subsequent part of the poem;

in which very gross allusion was made to the mode in which the

heroine was personally chastised by her mother





〃'For laughing at Jack's disaster;〃





besides; the whole work had this one great fault; IT WAS NOT TRUE。



'THE PRESIDENT complimented the honourable member on the excellent

distinction he had drawn。  Several other Members; too; dwelt upon

the immense and urgent necessity of storing the minds of children

with nothing but facts and figures; which process the President

very forcibly remarked; had made them (the section) the men they

were。



'MR。 SLUG then stated some curious calculations respecting the

dogs'…meat barrows of London。  He found that the total number of

small carts and barrows engaged in dispensing provision to the cats

and dogs of the metropolis was; one thousand seven hundred and

forty…three。  The average number of skewers delivered daily with

the provender; by each dogs'…meat cart or barrow; was thirty…six。

Now; multiplying the number of skewers so delivered by the number

of barrows; a total of sixty…two thousand seven hundred and forty…

eight skewers daily would be obtained。  Allowing that; of these

sixty…two thousand seven hundred and forty…eight skewers; the odd

two thousand seven hundred and forty…eight were accidentally

devoured with the meat; by the most voracious of the animals

supplied; it followed that sixty thousand skewers per day; or the

enormous number of twenty…one millions nine hundred thousand

skewers annually; were wasted in the kennels and dustholes of

London; which; if collected and warehoused; would in ten years'

time afford a mass of timber more than sufficient for the

construction of a first…rate vessel of war for the use of her

Majesty's navy; to be called 〃The Royal Skewer;〃 and to become

under that name the terror of all the enemies of this island。



'MR。 X。 LEDBRAIN read a very ingenious communication; from which it

appeared that the total number of legs belonging to the

manufacturing population of one great town in Yorkshire was; in

round numbers; forty thousand; while the total number of chair and

stool legs in their houses was only thirty thousand; which; upon

the very favourable average of three legs to a seat; yielded only

ten thousand seats in all。  From this calculation it would appear;

… not taking wooden or cork legs into the account; but allowing two

legs to every person; … that ten thousand individuals (one…half of

the whole population) were either destitute of any rest for their

legs at all; or passed the whole of their leisure time in sitting

upon boxes。





'SECTION D。 … MECHANICAL SCIENCE。

COACH…HOUSE; ORIGINAL PIG。





PRESIDENT … Mr。 Carter。  VICE…PRESIDENTS … Mr。 Truck and Mr。

Waghorn。



'PROFESSOR QUEERSPECK exhibited an elegant model of a portable

railway; neatly mounted in a green case; for the waistcoat pocket。

By attaching this beautiful instrument to his boots; any Bank or

public…office clerk could transport himself from his place of

residence to his place of business; at the easy rate of sixty…five

miles an hour; which; to gentlemen of sedentary pursuits; would be

an incalculable advantage。



'THE PRESIDENT was desirous of knowing whether it was necessary to

have a level surface on which the gentleman was to run。



'PROFESSOR QUEERSPECK explained that City gentlemen would run in

trains; being handcuffed together to prevent confusion or

unpleasantness。  For instance; trains would start every morning at

eight; nine; and ten o'clock; from Camden Town; Islington;

Camberwell; Hackney; and various other places in which City

gentlemen are accustomed to reside。  It would be necessary to have

a level; but he had provided for this difficulty by proposing that

the best line that the circumstances would admit of; should be

taken through the sewers which undermine the streets of the

metropolis; and which; well lighted by jets from the gas pipes

which run immediately above them; would form a pleasant and

commodious arcade; especially in winter…time; when the inconvenient

custom of carrying umbrellas; now so general; could be wholly

dispensed with。  In reply to another question; Professor Queerspeck

stated that no substitute for the purposes to which these arcades

were at present devoted had yet occurred to him; but that he hoped

no fanciful objection on this head would be allowed to interfere

with so great an undertaking。



'MR。 JOBBA produced a forcing…machine on a novel plan; for bringing

joint…stock railway shares prematurely to a premium。  The

instrument was in the form of an elegant gilt weather…glass; of

most dazzling appearance; and was worked behind; by strings; after

the manner of a pantomime trick; the strings being always pulled by

the directors of the company to which the machine belonged。  The

quicksilver was so ingeniously placed; that when the acting

directors held shares in their pockets; figures denoting very small

expenses and very large returns appeared upon the glass; but the

moment the directors parted with these pieces of paper; the

estimate of needful expenditure suddenly increased itself to an

immense extent; while the statements of certain profits became

reduced in the same proportion。  Mr。 Jobba stated that the machine

had been in constant requisition for some months past; and he had

never once known it to fail。



'A Member expressed his opinion that it was extremely neat and

pretty。  He wished to know whether it was not liable to accidental

derangement?  Mr。 Jobba said that the whole machine was undoubtedly

liable to be blown up; but that was the only objection to it。



'PROFESSOR NOGO arrived from the anatomical section to exhibit a

model of a safety fire…escape; which could be fixed at any time; in

less than half an hour; and by means of which; the youngest or most

infirm persons (successfully resisting the progress of the flames

until it was quite ready) could be preserved if they merely

balanced themselves for a few minutes on the sill of their bedroom

window; and got into the escape without falling into the street。

The Professor stated that the number of boys who had been rescued

in the daytime by this machine from houses which were not on fire;

was almost incredible。  Not a conflagration had occurred in the

whole of London for many months past to which the escape had not

been carried on the very next day; and put in action before a

concourse of persons。



'THE PRESIDENT inquired whether there was not some difficulty in

ascertaining which was the top of the machine; and which the

bottom; in cases of pressing emergency。



'PROFESSOR NOGO explained that of course it could not be expected

to act quite as well when there was a fire; as when there was not a

fire; but in the former case he thought it would be of equal

service whether the top were up or down。'





With the last section our correspondent concludes his most able and

faithful Report; which will never cease to reflect credit upon him

for his scientific attainments; and upon us for our enterprising

spirit。  It is needless to take a review of the subjects which have

been discussed; of the mode in which they have been examined; of

the great truths which they have elicited。  They are now before the

world; and we leave t

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