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'SECTION B。 … ANATOMY AND MEDICINE。

COACH…HOUSE; PIG AND TINDER…BOX。





PRESIDENT … Dr。 Toorell。  VICE…PRESIDENTS … Professors Muff and

Nogo。



DR。 KUTANKUMAGEN (of Moscow) read to the section a report of a case

which had occurred within his own practice; strikingly illustrative

of the power of medicine; as exemplified in his successful

treatment of a virulent disorder。  He had been called in to visit

the patient on the 1st of April; 1837。  He was then labouring under

symptoms peculiarly alarming to any medical man。  His frame was

stout and muscular; his step firm and elastic; his cheeks plump and

red; his voice loud; his appetite good; his pulse full and round。

He was in the constant habit of eating three meals PER DIEM; and of

drinking at least one bottle of wine; and one glass of spirituous

liquors diluted with water; in the course of the four…and…twenty

hours。  He laughed constantly; and in so hearty a manner that it

was terrible to hear him。  By dint of powerful medicine; low diet;

and bleeding; the symptoms in the course of three days perceptibly

decreased。  A rigid perseverance in the same course of treatment

for only one week; accompanied with small doses of water…gruel;

weak broth; and barley…water; led to their entire disappearance。

In the course of a month he was sufficiently recovered to be

carried down…stairs by two nurses; and to enjoy an airing in a

close carriage; supported by soft pillows。  At the present moment

he was restored so far as to walk about; with the slight assistance

of a crutch and a boy。  It would perhaps be gratifying to the

section to learn that he ate little; drank little; slept little;

and was never heard to laugh by any accident whatever。



'DR。 W。 R。 FEE; in complimenting the honourable member upon the

triumphant cure he had effected; begged to ask whether the patient

still bled freely?



'DR。 KUTANKUMAGEN replied in the affirmative。



'DR。 W。 R。 FEE。 … And you found that he bled freely during the

whole course of the disorder?



'DR。 KUTANKUMAGEN。 … Oh dear; yes; most freely。



'DR。 NEESHAWTS supposed; that if the patient had not submitted to

be bled with great readiness and perseverance; so extraordinary a

cure could never; in fact; have been accomplished。  Dr。

Kutankumagen rejoined; certainly not。



'MR。 KNIGHT BELL (M。R。C。S。) exhibited a wax preparation of the

interior of a gentleman who in early life had inadvertently

swallowed a door…key。  It was a curious fact that a medical student

of dissipated habits; being present at the POST MORTEM examination;

found means to escape unobserved from the room; with that portion

of the coats of the stomach upon which an exact model of the

instrument was distinctly impressed; with which he hastened to a

locksmith of doubtful character; who made a new key from the

pattern so shown to him。  With this key the medical student entered

the house of the deceased gentleman; and committed a burglary to a

large amount; for which he was subsequently tried and executed。



'THE PRESIDENT wished to know what became of the original key after

the lapse of years。  Mr。 Knight Bell replied that the gentleman was

always much accustomed to punch; and it was supposed the acid had

gradually devoured it。



'DR。 NEESHAWTS and several of the members were of opinion that the

key must have lain very cold and heavy upon the gentleman's

stomach。



'MR。 KNIGHT BELL believed it did at first。  It was worthy of

remark; perhaps; that for some years the gentleman was troubled

with a night…mare; under the influence of which he always imagined

himself a wine…cellar door。



'PROFESSOR MUFF related a very extraordinary and convincing proof

of the wonderful efficacy of the system of infinitesimal doses;

which the section were doubtless aware was based upon the theory

that the very minutest amount of any given drug; properly dispersed

through the human frame; would be productive of precisely the same

result as a very large dose administered in the usual manner。

Thus; the fortieth part of a grain of calomel was supposed to be

equal to a five…grain calomel pill; and so on in proportion

throughout the whole range of medicine。  He had tried the

experiment in a curious manner upon a publican who had been brought

into the hospital with a broken head; and was cured upon the

infinitesimal system in the incredibly short space of three months。

This man was a hard drinker。  He (Professor Muff) had dispersed

three drops of rum through a bucket of water; and requested the man

to drink the whole。  What was the result?  Before he had drunk a

quart; he was in a state of beastly intoxication; and five other

men were made dead drunk with the remainder。



'THE PRESIDENT wished to know whether an infinitesimal dose of

soda…water would have recovered them?  Professor Muff replied that

the twenty…fifth part of a teaspoonful; properly administered to

each patient; would have sobered him immediately。  The President

remarked that this was a most important discovery; and he hoped the

Lord Mayor and Court of Aldermen would patronize it immediately。



'A Member begged to be informed whether it would be possible to

administer … say; the twentieth part of a grain of bread and cheese

to all grown…up paupers; and the fortieth part to children; with

the same satisfying effect as their present allowance。



'PROFESSOR MUFF was willing to stake his professional reputation on

the perfect adequacy of such a quantity of food to the support of

human life … in workhouses; the addition of the fifteenth part of a

grain of pudding twice a week would render it a high diet。



'PROFESSOR NOGO called the attention of the section to a very

extraordinary case of animal magnetism。  A private watchman; being

merely looked at by the operator from the opposite side of a wide

street; was at once observed to be in a very drowsy and languid

state。  He was followed to his box; and being once slightly rubbed

on the palms of the hands; fell into a sound sleep; in which he

continued without intermission for ten hours。







'SECTION C。 … STATISTICS。

HAY…LOFT; ORIGINAL PIG。



PRESIDENT … Mr。 Woodensconce。  VICE…PRESIDENTS … Mr。 Ledbrain and

Mr。 Timbered。



'MR。 SLUG stated to the section the result of some calculations he

had made with great difficulty and labour; regarding the state of

infant education among the middle classes of London。  He found

that; within a circle of three miles from the Elephant and Castle;

the following were the names and numbers of children's books

principally in circulation:…





'Jack the Giant…killer           7;943

Ditto and Bean…stalk             8;621

Ditto and Eleven Brothers        2;845

Ditto and Jill                   1;998

Total                           21;407





'He found that the proportion of Robinson Crusoes to Philip Quarlls

was as four and a half to one; and that the preponderance of

Valentine and Orsons over Goody Two Shoeses was as three and an

eighth of the former to half a one of the latter; a comparison of

Seven Champions with Simple Simons gave the same result。  The

ignorance that prevailed; was lamentable。  One child; on being

asked whether he would rather be Saint George of England or a

respectable tallow…chandler; instantly replied; 〃Taint George of

Ingling。〃  Another; a little boy of eight years old; was found to

be firmly impressed with a belief in the existence of dragons; and

openly stated that it was his intention when he grew up; to rush

forth sword in hand for the deliverance of captive princesses; and

the promiscuous slaughter of giants。  Not one child among the

number interrogated had ever heard of Mungo Park; … some inquiring

whether he was at all connected with the black man that swept the

crossing; and others whether he was in any way related to the

Regent's Park。  They had not the slightest conception of the

commonest principles of mathematics; an

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