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THE MUDFOG AND OTHER SKETCHES









PUBLIC LIFE OF MR。 TULRUMBLE … ONCE MAYOR OF MUDFOG







Mudfog is a pleasant town … a remarkably pleasant town … situated

in a charming hollow by the side of a river; from which river;

Mudfog derives an agreeable scent of pitch; tar; coals; and rope…

yarn; a roving population in oilskin hats; a pretty steady influx

of drunken bargemen; and a great many other maritime advantages。

There is a good deal of water about Mudfog; and yet it is not

exactly the sort of town for a watering…place; either。  Water is a

perverse sort of element at the best of times; and in Mudfog it is

particularly so。  In winter; it comes oozing down the streets and

tumbling over the fields; … nay; rushes into the very cellars and

kitchens of the houses; with a lavish prodigality that might well

be dispensed with; but in the hot summer weather it WILL dry up;

and turn green:  and; although green is a very good colour in its

way; especially in grass; still it certainly is not becoming to

water; and it cannot be denied that the beauty of Mudfog is rather

impaired; even by this trifling circumstance。  Mudfog is a healthy

place … very healthy; … damp; perhaps; but none the worse for that。

It's quite a mistake to suppose that damp is unwholesome:  plants

thrive best in damp situations; and why shouldn't men?  The

inhabitants of Mudfog are unanimous in asserting that there exists

not a finer race of people on the face of the earth; here we have

an indisputable and veracious contradiction of the vulgar error at

once。  So; admitting Mudfog to be damp; we distinctly state that it

is salubrious。



The town of Mudfog is extremely picturesque。  Limehouse and

Ratcliff Highway are both something like it; but they give you a

very faint idea of Mudfog。  There are a great many more public…

houses in Mudfog … more than in Ratcliff Highway and Limehouse put

together。  The public buildings; too; are very imposing。  We

consider the town…hall one of the finest specimens of shed

architecture; extant:  it is a combination of the pig…sty and tea…

garden…box orders; and the simplicity of its design is of

surpassing beauty。  The idea of placing a large window on one side

of the door; and a small one on the other; is particularly happy。

There is a fine old Doric beauty; too; about the padlock and

scraper; which is strictly in keeping with the general effect。



In this room do the mayor and corporation of Mudfog assemble

together in solemn council for the public weal。  Seated on the

massive wooden benches; which; with the table in the centre; form

the only furniture of the whitewashed apartment; the sage men of

Mudfog spend hour after hour in grave deliberation。  Here they

settle at what hour of the night the public…houses shall be closed;

at what hour of the morning they shall be permitted to open; how

soon it shall be lawful for people to eat their dinner on church…

days; and other great political questions; and sometimes; long

after silence has fallen on the town; and the distant lights from

the shops and houses have ceased to twinkle; like far…off stars; to

the sight of the boatmen on the river; the illumination in the two

unequal…sized windows of the town…hall; warns the inhabitants of

Mudfog that its little body of legislators; like a larger and

better…known body of the same genus; a great deal more noisy; and

not a whit more profound; are patriotically dozing away in company;

far into the night; for their country's good。



Among this knot of sage and learned men; no one was so eminently

distinguished; during many years; for the quiet modesty of his

appearance and demeanour; as Nicholas Tulrumble; the well…known

coal…dealer。  However exciting the subject of discussion; however

animated the tone of the debate; or however warm the personalities

exchanged; (and even in Mudfog we get personal sometimes;) Nicholas

Tulrumble was always the same。  To say truth; Nicholas; being an

industrious man; and always up betimes; was apt to fall asleep when

a debate began; and to remain asleep till it was over; when he

would wake up very much refreshed; and give his vote with the

greatest complacency。  The fact was; that Nicholas Tulrumble;

knowing that everybody there had made up his mind beforehand;

considered the talking as just a long botheration about nothing at

all; and to the present hour it remains a question; whether; on

this point at all events; Nicholas Tulrumble was not pretty near

right。



Time; which strews a man's head with silver; sometimes fills his

pockets with gold。  As he gradually performed one good office for

Nicholas Tulrumble; he was obliging enough; not to omit the other。

Nicholas began life in a wooden tenement of four feet square; with

a capital of two and ninepence; and a stock in trade of three

bushels and a…half of coals; exclusive of the large lump which

hung; by way of sign…board; outside。  Then he enlarged the shed;

and kept a truck; then he left the shed; and the truck too; and

started a donkey and a Mrs。 Tulrumble; then he moved again and set

up a cart; the cart was soon afterwards exchanged for a waggon; and

so he went on like his great predecessor Whittington … only without

a cat for a partner … increasing in wealth and fame; until at last

he gave up business altogether; and retired with Mrs。 Tulrumble and

family to Mudfog Hall; which he had himself erected; on something

which he attempted to delude himself into the belief was a hill;

about a quarter of a mile distant from the town of Mudfog。



About this time; it began to be murmured in Mudfog that Nicholas

Tulrumble was growing vain and haughty; that prosperity and success

had corrupted the simplicity of his manners; and tainted the

natural goodness of his heart; in short; that he was setting up for

a public character; and a great gentleman; and affected to look

down upon his old companions with compassion and contempt。  Whether

these reports were at the time well…founded; or not; certain it is

that Mrs。 Tulrumble very shortly afterwards started a four…wheel

chaise; driven by a tall postilion in a yellow cap; … that Mr。

Tulrumble junior took to smoking cigars; and calling the footman a

'feller;' … and that Mr。 Tulrumble from that time forth; was no

more seen in his old seat in the chimney…corner of the Lighterman's

Arms at night。  This looked bad; but; more than this; it began to

be observed that Mr。 Nicholas Tulrumble attended the corporation

meetings more frequently than heretofore; and he no longer went to

sleep as he had done for so many years; but propped his eyelids

open with his two forefingers; that he read the newspapers by

himself at home; and that he was in the habit of indulging abroad

in distant and mysterious allusions to 'masses of people;' and 'the

property of the country;' and 'productive power;' and 'the monied

interest:' all of which denoted and proved that Nicholas Tulrumble

was either mad; or worse; and it puzzled the good people of Mudfog

amazingly。



At length; about the middle of the month of October; Mr。 Tulrumble

and family went up to London; the middle of October being; as Mrs。

Tulrumble informed her acquaintance in Mudfog; the very height of

the fashionable season。



Somehow or other; just about this time; despite the health…

preserving air of Mudfog; the Mayor died。  It was a most

extraordinary circumstance; he had lived in Mudfog for eighty…five

years。  The corporation didn't understand it at all; indeed it was

with great difficulty that one old gentleman; who was a great

stickler for forms; was dissuaded from proposing a vote of censure

on such unaccountable conduct。  Strange as it was; however; die he

did; without taking the slightest notice of the corporation; and

the corporation were imperatively called upon to elect his

successor。  So; they met for the purpose; and being very full of

Nicholas Tulrumble just then; and Nicholas Tulrumble

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