a far country-第95章

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jacket。

〃Perry　and　Lucia　sent　them；〃　she　informed　me。　　She　maintained　the
friendly；　impersonal　manner　to　the　very　end；　but　my　soul；　as　we　drove　to
the　train；　was　full　of　un…probed　wounds。　　I　had　had　roses　put　in　her
compartments　in　the　car；　Tom　and　Susan　Peters　were　there　with　more　roses；
and　little　presents　for　the　children。　　Their　cheerfulness　seemed　forced；
and　I　wondered　whether　they　suspected　that　Maude's　absence　would　be
prolonged。

〃Write　us　often；　and　tell　us　all　about　it；　dear；〃　said　Susan；　as　she　sat
beside　Maude　and　held　her　hand；　Tom　had　Biddy　on　his　knee。　　Maude　was
pale；　but　smiling　and　composed。

〃I　hope　to　get　a　little　villa　in　France；　near　the　sea；〃　she　said。　　〃I'll
send　you　a　photograph　of　it；　Susan。〃

〃And　Chickabiddy；　when　she　comes　back；　will　be　rattling　off　French　like　a
native；〃　exclaimed　Tom；　giving　her　a　hug。

〃I　hate　French；〃　said　Biddy；　and　she　looked　at　him　solemnly。　　〃I　wish　you
were　coming　along；　Uncle　Tom。〃

Bells　resounded　through　the　great　station。　　The　porter　warned　us　off。　　I
kissed　the　children　one　by　one；　scarcely　realizing　what　I　was　doing。　　I
kissed　Maude。　　She　received　my　embrace　passively。

〃Good…bye；　Hugh；〃　she　said。

I　alighted；　and　stood　on　the　platform　as　the　train　pulled　out。　　The
children　crowded　to　the　windows；　but　Maude　did　not　appear。。。。　　I　found
myself　walking　with　Tom　and　Susan　past　hurrying　travellers　and　porters　to
the　Decatur　Street　entrance；　where　my　automobile　stood　waiting。

〃I'll　take　you　home；　Susan；〃　I　said。

〃We're　ever　so　much　obliged；　Hugh；〃　she　answered；　〃but　the　street…cars　go
almost　to　ferry's　door。　　We're　dining　there。〃

Her　eyes　were　filled　with　tears；　and　she　seemed　taller；　more　ungainly
than　everolder。　　A　sudden　impression　of　her　greatness　of　heart　was
borne　home　to　me；　and　I　grasped　the　value　of　such　rugged　friendship　as
hersas　Tom's。

〃We　shouldn't　know　how　to　behave　in　an　automobile；〃　he　said；　as　though　to
soften　her　refusal。　　And　I　stood　watching　their　receding　figures　as　they
walked　out　into　the　street　and　hailed　the　huge　electric　car　that　came　to
a　stop　beyond　them。　　Above　its　windows　was　painted　〃The　Ashuela　Traction
Company；〃　a　label　reminiscent　of　my　professional　activities。　　Then　I
heard　the　chauffeur　ask：

〃Where　do　you　wish　to　go；　sir？〃

〃To　the　Club；〃　I　said。

My　room　was　ready；　my　personal　belongings；　my　clothes　had　been　laid　out；
my　photographs　were　on　the　dressing…table。　　I　took　up；　mechanically；　the
evening　newspaper；　but　I　could　not　read　it；　I　thought　of　Maude；　of　the
children；　memories　flowed　in　upon　me；a　flood　not　to　be　dammed。。。。
Presently　the　club　valet　knocked　at　my　door。　　He　had　a　dinner　card。

〃Will　you　be　dining　here；　sir？〃　he　inquired。

I　went　downstairs。　　Fred　Grierson　was　the　only　man　in　the　dining…room。

〃Hello；　Hugh；〃　he　said；　〃come　and　sit　down。　　I　hear　your　wife's　gone
abroad。〃

〃Yes；〃　I　answered；　〃she　thought　she'd　try　it　instead　of　the　South　Shore
this　summer。〃

Perhaps　I　imagined　that　he　looked　at　me　queerly。　　I　had　made　a　great　deal
of　money　out　of　my　association　with　Grierson；　I　had　valued　very　highly
being　an　important　member　of　the　group　to　which　he　belonged；　but　to…
night；　as　I　watched　him　eating　and　drinking　greedily；　I　hated　him　even　as
I　hated　myself。　　And　after　dinner；　when　he　started　talking　with　a
ridicule　that　was　a　thinly　disguised　bitterness　about　the　Citizens　Union
and　their　preparations　for　a　campaign　I　left　him　and　went　to　bed。

Before　a　week　had　passed　my　painful　emotions　had　largely　subsided；　and
with　my　accustomed　resiliency　I　had　regained　the　feeling　of　self…respect
so　essential　to　my　happiness。　　I　was　free。　　My　only　anxiety　was　for
Nancy；　who　had　gone　to　New　York　the　day　after　my　last　talk　with　her；　and
it　was　only　by　telephoning　to　her　house　that　I　discovered　when　she　was
expected　to　return。。。。　　I　found　her　sitting　beside　one　of　the　open　French
windows　of　her　salon；　gazing　across　at　the　wooded　hills　beyond　the
Ashuela。　　She　was　serious；　a　little　pale；　more　exquisite；　more　desirable
than　ever；　but　her　manner　implied　the　pressure　of　control；　and　her　voice
was　not　quite　steady　as　she　greeted　me。

〃You've　been　away　a　long　time；〃　I　said。

〃The　dressmakers；〃　she　answered。　　Her　colour　rose　a　little。　　〃I　thought
they'd　never　get　through。〃

〃But　why　didn't　you　drop　me　a　line；　let　me　know　when　you　were　coming？〃　　I
asked；　taking　a　chair　beside　her；　and　laying　my　hand　on　hers。　　She　drew
it　gently　away。

〃What's　the　matter？〃　　I　asked。

〃I've　been　thinking　it　all　overwhat　we're　doing。　　It　doesn't　seem
right；　it　seems　terribly　wrong。〃

〃But　I　thought　we'd　gone　over　all　that；〃　I　replied；　as　patiently　as　I
could。　　〃You're　putting　it　on　an　old…fashioned；　moral　basis。〃

〃But　there　must　be　same　basis；〃　she　urged。　　〃There　are　responsibilities；
obligationsthere　must　be！that　we　can't　get　away　from。　　I　can't　help
feeling　that　we　ought　to　stand　by　our　mistakes；　and　by　our　bargains；　we
made　a　choiceit's　cheating；　somehow；　and　if　we　take　thiswhat　we　want…
…we　shall　be　punished　for　it。〃

〃But　I'm　willing　to　be　punished；　to　suffer；　as　I　told　you。　　If　you　loved
me〃

〃Hugh！〃　she　exclaimed；　and　I　was　silent。　　〃You　don't　understand；〃　she
went　on；　a　little　breathlessly；　〃what　I　mean　by　punishment　is
deterioration。　　Do　you　remember　once；　long　ago；　when　you　came　to　me
before　I　was　married；　I　said　we'd　both　run　after　false　gods；　and　that　we
couldn't　do　without　them？　　Well；　and　now　this　has　come；　it　seems　so
wonderful　to　me；　coming　again　like　that　after　we　had　passed　it　by；　after
we　thought　it　had　gone　forever；　it's　opened　up　visions　for　me　that　I
never　hoped　to　see　again。　　It　ought　to　restore　us；　dearthat's　what　I'm
trying　to　sayto　redeem　us；　to　make　us　capable　of　being　what　we　were
meant　to　be。　　If　it　doesn't　do　that；　if　it　isn't　doing　so；　it's　the　most
horrible　of　travesties；　of　mockeries。　　If　we　gain　life　only　to
have　it　turn　into　deathslow　death；　if　we　go　to　pieces　again；　utterly。
For　now　there's　hope。　　The　more　I　think；　the　more　clearly　I　see　that　we
can't　take　any　step　without　responsibilities。　　If　we　take　this；　you'll
have　me；　and　I'll　have　you。　　And　if　we　don't　save　each　other〃

〃But　we　will；〃　I　said。

〃Ah；〃　she　exclaimed；　〃if　we　could　start　new；　without　any　past。　　I　married
Ham　with　my　eyes　open。〃

〃You　couldn't　know　that　he　would　becomewell；　as　flagrant　as　he　is。　　You
didn't　really　know　what　he　was　then。〃

〃There's　no　reason　why　I　shouldn't　have　anticipated　it。　　I　can't　claim
that　I　was　deceived；　that　I　thought　my　marriage　was　made　in　heaven。　　I
entered　into　a　contract；　and　Ham　has　kept　his　part　of　it　fairly　well。　　He
hasn't　interfered　with　my　freedom。　　That　isn't　putting　it　on　a　high
plane；　but　there　is　an　obligation　involved。　　You　yourself；　in　your　law
practice；　are　always　insisting　upon　the　sacredness　of　contract　as　the
very　basis　of　our　civilization。〃

Here　indeed　would　have　been　a　home　thrust；　had　I　been　vulnerable　at　the
time。　　So　intent　was　I　on　overcoming　her　objections；　that　I　resorted
unwittingly　to　the　modern　argument　I　had　more　than　once　declared　in　court
to　be　anathema…the　argument　of　the　new　reform　in　reference　to　the　common
law　and　the　constitution。

〃A　contract；　no　matter　how　seriously　entered　into　at　the　time　it　was
made；　that　later　is　seen　to　violate　the　principles　of　humanity　should　be
void。　　And　not　only　this；　but　you　didn't　consent　that　he　should　disgrace
you。〃

Nancy　winced。

〃I　never　told　you　that　he　paid　my　father's　debts；　I　never　told　anyone；〃
she　said；　in　a　low　voice。

〃Even　then；〃　I　answered　after　a　moment；　〃you　ought　to　see　that　it's　too
terrible　a　price　to　pay　for　your　happiness。　　And　Ham　hasn't　ever
pretended　to　consider　you　in　any　way。　　It's　certain　you　didn't　agree　that
he　should　dowhat　he　is　doing。〃

〃Suppose　I　admitted　it；〃　she　said；　〃there　remain　Maude　and　your　children。
Their　happiness；　their　future　becomes　my　responsibility　as　well　as
yours。〃

〃But　I　don't　love　Maude；　and　Maude　doesn't　love　me。　　I　grant　it's　my
fault；　that　I　did　her　a　wrong　in　marrying　her；　but　she　is　right　in
leaving　me。　　I　should　be　doing　her　a　double　wrong。　　And　the　children　will
be　happy　with　her；　they　will　be　well　brought　up。　　I；　too；　have　thought
thi