a far country-第75章
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sentimental attachment； and you exclaim that the artist is a discerning
man who has discovered the secret that she has guarded so closely。 She's
sorry that she ever tried to console herself with baubles it's what
you've suspected all along。 But you'll just run around to see for
yourselfto be sure of it。〃 And she handed me my tea。 〃Come now；
confess。 Where are your witsI hear you don't lack them in court。〃
〃Well；〃 I said； 〃if that amuses you〃
〃It does amuse me；〃 said Nancy； twining her fingers across her knee and
regarding me smilingly； with parted lips； 〃it amuses me a lotit's so
characteristic。〃
〃But it's not true； it's unjust；〃 I protested vigorously； smiling； too；
because the attack was so characteristic of her。
〃What then？〃 she demanded。
〃Well； in the first place； my luncheon didn't disagree with me。 It never
does。〃
She laughed。 〃But the sentimentcome nowthe sentiment？ Do you
perceive any hint of emptinessdespair？〃
Our chairs were very close； and she leaned forward a little。
〃Emptiness or no emptiness；〃 I said a little tremulously； 〃I know that I
haven't been so contented； so happy for a long time。〃
She sat very still； but turned her gaze on the fire。
〃You really wouldn't want to find that； Hugh；〃 she said in another voice；
at which I exclaimed。 〃No； I'm not being sentimental。 But； to be
serious； I really shouldn't care to think that of you。 I'd like to think
of you as a frienda good friendalthough we don't see very much of one
another。〃
〃But that's why I came； Nancy；〃 I explained。 〃It wasn't just an impulse…
…that is； I've been thinking of you a great deal； all along。 I miss you；
I miss the way you look at thingsyour point of view。 I can't see any
reason why we shouldn't see something of each othernow〃
She continued to stare into the fire。
〃No；〃 she said at length； 〃I suppose there isn't any reason。〃 Her mood
seemed suddenly to change as she bent over and extinguished the flame
under the kettle。 〃After all；〃 she added gaily； 〃we live in a tolerant
age； we've reached the years of discretion； and we're both too
conventional to do anything sillyeven if we wanted towhich we don't。
We're neither of us likely to quarrel with the world as it is； I think；
and we might as well make fun of it together。 We'll begin with our
friends。 What do you think of Mr。 Scherer's palace？〃
〃I hear you're building it for him。〃
〃I told him to get Eyre；〃 said Nancy； laughingly； 〃I was afraid he'd
repeat the Gallatin Park monstrosity on a larger scale； and Eyre's the
only man in this country who understands the French。 It's been rather
amusing；〃 she went on； 〃I've had to fight Hilda； and she's no mean
antagonist。 How she hates me！ She wanted a monstrosity； of course； a
modernized German rock…grotto sort of an affair； I can imagine。 She's
been so funny when I've met her at dinner。 'I understand you take a
great interest in the house； Mrs。 Durrett。' Can't you hear her？〃
〃Well； you did get ahead of her；〃 I said。
〃I had to。 I couldn't let our first citizen build a modern Rhine castle；
could I？ I have some public spirit left。 And besides； I expect to build
on Grant Avenue myself。〃
〃And leave here？〃
〃Oh； it's too grubby； it's in the slums；〃 said Nancy。 〃But I really owe
you a debt of gratitude； Hugh； for the Scherers。〃
〃I'm told Adolf's lost his head over you。〃
〃It's not only over me； but over everything。 He's so ridiculously proud
of being on the board of the Children's Hospital。。。。 You ought to hear
him talking to old Mrs。 Ogilvy； who of course can't get used to him at
all；she always has the air of inquiring what he's doing in that galley。
She still thinks of him as Mr。 Durrett's foreman。〃
The time flew。 Her presence was like a bracing； tingling atmosphere in
which I felt revived and exhilarated； self…restored。 For Nancy did not
questionshe took me as I was。 We looked out on the world； as it were；
from the same window； and I could not help thinking that ours； after all；
was a large view。 The topics didn't matterour conversation was
fragrant with intimacy； and we were so close to each other it seemed
incredible that we ever should be parted again。 At last the little clock
on the mantel chimed an hour； she started and looked up。
〃Why； it's seven； Hugh！〃 she exclaimed； rising。 〃I'd no idea it was so
late； and I'm dining with the Dickinsons。 I've only just time to dress。〃
〃It's been like a reunion； hasn't it？a reunion after many years；〃 I
said。 I held her hand unconsciouslyshe seemed to be drawing me to her；
I thought she swayed； and a sudden dizziness seized me。 Then she drew
away abruptly； with a little cry。 I couldn't be sure about the cry；
whether I heard it or not； a note was struck in the very depths of me。
〃Come in again；〃 she said； 〃whenever you're not too busy。〃 And a minute
later I found myself on the street。
This was the beginning of a new intimacy with Nancy； resembling the old
intimacy yet differing from it。 The emotional note of our parting on the
occasion I have just related was not again struck； and when I went
eagerly to see her again a few days later I was conscious of
limitations；not too conscious： the freedom she offered and which I
gladly accepted was a large freedom； nor am I quite sure that even I
would have wished it larger； though there were naturally moments when I
thought so： when I asked myself what I did wish； I found no answer。
Though I sometimes chafed； it would have been absurd of me to object to a
certain timidity or caution I began to perceive in her that had been
absent in the old Nancy； but the old Nancy had ceased to exist； and here
instead was a highly developed； highly specialized creature in whom I
delighted； and after taking thought I would not have robbed her of fine
acquired attribute。 As she had truly observed； we were both
conventional； conventionality was part of the price we had willingly paid
for membership in that rarer world we had both achieved。 It was a world；
to be sure； in which we were rapidly learning to take the law into our
own hands without seeming to defy it； in order that the fear of it might
remain in those less fortunately placed and endowed： we had begun with
the appropriation of the material property of our fellow…citizens； which
we took legally； from this point it was； of course； merely a logical step
to takelegally； too other gentlemen's human propertytheir wives； in
short： the more progressive East had set us our example； but as yet we
had been chary to follow it。
About this time rebellious voices were beginning to make themselves heard
in the literary wilderness proclaiming libertyliberty of the sexes。
There were Russian novels and French novels； and pioneer English novels
preaching liberty with Nietzschean stridency； or taking it for granted。
I picked these up on Nancy's table。
〃Reading them？〃 she said； in answer to my query。 〃Of course I'm reading
them。 I want to know what these clever people are thinking； even if I
don't always agree with them； and you ought to read them too。 It's quite
true what foreigners say about our men；that they live in a groove； that
they haven't any range of conversation。〃
〃I'm quite willing to be educated；〃 I replied。 〃I haven't a doubt that I
need it。〃
She was leaning back in her chair； her hands behind her head； a posture
she often assumed。 She looked up at me amusedly。
〃I'll acknowledge that you're more teachable than most of them；〃 she
said。 〃Do you know； Hugh； sometimes you puzzle me greatly。 When you are
here and we're talking together I can never think of you as you are out
in the world； fighting for powerand getting it。 I suppose it's part of
your charm； that there is that side of you； but I never consciously
realize it。 You're what they call a dual personality。〃
〃That's a pretty hard name！〃 I exclaimed。
She laughed。
〃I can't help ityou are。 Oh； not disagreeably so； quite normally
that's the odd thing about you。 Sometimes I believe that you were made
for something different； that in spite of your success you have missed
your 'metier。'〃
〃What ought I to have been？〃
〃How can I tell？ A Goethe； perhapsa Goethe smot
