a far country-第58章
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The Sardells were the New Yorkers who sat next us。
〃I'll try； Hugh； to be more reserved； more like the wife of an important
man。〃 She smiled。
〃It isn't that you're not reserved；〃 I replied； ignoring the latter half
of her remark。 〃Nor that I want you to change；〃 I said。 〃I only want to
teach you what little of the world I know myself。〃
〃And I want to learn； Hugh。 You don't know how I want to learn！〃
The sight of mist…ridden Liverpool is not a cheering one for the American
who first puts foot on the mother country's soil； a Liverpool of yellow…
browns and dingy blacks； of tilted funnels pouring out smoke into an
atmosphere already charged with it。 The long wharves and shed roofs
glistened with moisture。
〃Just think； Hugh； it's actually England！〃 she cried； as we stood on the
wet deck。 But I felt as though I'd been there before。
〃No wonder they're addicted to cold baths；〃 I replied。 〃They must feel
perfectly at home in them； especially if they put a little lampblack in
the water。〃
Maude laughed。
〃You grumpy old thing！〃 she exclaimed。
Nothing could dampen her ardour； not the sight of the rain…soaked stone
houses when we got ashore； nor even the frigid luncheon we ate in the
lugubrious hotel。 For her it was all quaint and new。 Finally we found
ourselves established in a compartment upholstered in light grey； with
tassels and arm…supporters； on the window of which was pasted a poster
with the word reserved in large； red letters。 The guard inquired
respectfully； as the porter put our new luggage in the racks； whether we
had everything we wanted。 The toy locomotive blew its toy whistle； and
we were off for the north； past dingy； yellow tenements of the smoking
factory towns； and stretches of orderly； hedge…spaced rain…swept country。
The quaint cottages we glimpsed； the sight of distant； stately mansions
on green slopes caused Maude to cry out with rapture：
〃Oh； Hugh； there's a manor…house！〃
More vivid than were the experiences themselves of that journey are the
memories of them。 We went to windswept； Sabbath…keeping Edinburgh； to
high Stirling and dark Holyrood； and to Abbotsford。 It was through Sir
Walter's eyes we beheld Melrose bathed in autumn light； by his aid
repeopled it with forgotten monks eating their fast…day kale。
And as we sat reading and dreaming in the still； sunny corners I forgot；
that struggle for power in which I had been so furiously engaged since
leaving Cambridge。 Legislatures； politicians and capitalists receded
into a dim background； and the gift I had possessed； in youth； of living
in a realm of fancy showed astonishing signs of revival。
〃Why； Hugh；〃 Maude exclaimed； 〃you ought to have been a writer！〃
〃You've only just begun to fathom my talents；〃 I replied laughingly。
〃Did you think you'd married just a dry old lawyer？〃
〃I believe you capable of anything；〃 she said。。。。
I grew more and more to depend on her for little things。
She was a born housewife。 It was pleasant to have her do all the
packing； while I read or sauntered in the queer streets about the inns。
And she took complete charge of my wardrobe。
She had a talent for drawing； and as we went southward through England
she made sketches of the various houses that took our fancysuggestions
for future home…building； we spent hours in the evenings in the inn
sitting…rooms incorporating new features into our residence； continually
modifying our plans。 Now it was a Tudor house that carried us away； now
a Jacobean； and again an early Georgian with enfolding wings and a
wrought…iron grill。 A stage of bewilderment succeeded。
Maude； I knew； loved the cottages best。 She said they were more
〃homelike。〃 But she yielded to my liking for grandeur。
〃My； I should feel lost in a palace like that！〃 she cried； as we gazed at
the Marquis of So…and…So's country…seat。
〃Well； of course we should have to modify it；〃 I admitted。 〃Perhaps
perhaps our family will be larger。〃
She put her hand on my lips； and blushed a fiery red。。。。
We examined； with other tourists； at a shilling apiece historic mansions
with endless drawing…rooms； halls； libraries； galleries filled with
family portraits； elaborate； formal bedrooms where famous sovereigns had
slept； all roped off and carpeted with canvas strips to protect the
floors。 Through mullioned windows we caught glimpses of gardens and
geometrical parterres； lakes； fountains； statuary； fantastic topiary and
distant stretches of park。 Maude sighed with admiration； but did not
covet。 She had me。 But I was often uncomfortable； resenting the vulgar；
gaping tourists with whom we were herded and the easy familiarity of the
guides。 These did not trouble Maude； who often annoyed me by asking
naive questions herself。 I would nudge her。
One afternoon when； with other compatriots； we were being hurried through
a famous castle； the guide unwittingly ushered us into a drawing…room
where the owner and several guests were seated about a tea…table。 I
shall never forget the stares they gave us before we had time
precipitately to retreat； nor the feeling of disgust and rebellion that
came over me。 This was heightened by the remark of a heavy； six…foot
Ohioan with an infantile face and a genial manner。
〃I notice that they didn't invite us to sit down and have a bite；〃 he
said。 〃I call that kind of inhospitable。〃
〃It was 'is lordship himself！〃 exclaimed the guide； scandalized。
〃You don't say！〃 drawled our fellow…countryman。 〃I guess I owe you
another shilling； my friend。〃
The guide； utterly bewildered； accepted it。 The transatlantic point of
view towards the nobility was beyond him。
〃His lordship could make a nice little income if he set up as a side
show；〃 added the Ohioan。
Maude giggled； but I was furious。 And no sooner were we outside the
gates than I declared I should never again enter a private residence by
the back door。
〃Why； Hugh； how queer you are sometimes；〃 she said。
〃I maybe queer； but I have a sense of fitness；〃 I retorted。
She asserted herself。
〃I can't see what difference it makes。 They didn't know us。 And if they
admit people for money〃
〃I can't help it。 And as for the man from Ohio〃
〃But he was so funny！〃 she interrupted。 〃And he was really very nice。〃
I was silent。 Her point of view； eminently sensible as it was；
exasperated me。 We were leaning over the parapet of a little…stone
bridge。 Her face was turned away from me； but presently I realized that
she was crying。 Men and women； villagers； passing across the bridge；
looked at us curiously。 I was miserable； and somewhat appalled；
resentful； yet striving to be gentle and conciliatory。 I assured her
that she was talking nonsense； that I loved her。 But I did not really
love her at that moment； nor did she relent as easily as usual。 It was
not until we were together in our sitting…room； a few hours later； that
she gave in。 I felt a tremendous sense of relief。
〃Hugh； I'll try to be what you want。 You know I am trying。 But don't
kill what is natural in me。〃
I was touched by the appeal； and repentant。。。
It is impossible to say when the little worries； annoyances and
disagreements began； when I first felt a restlessness creeping over me。
I tried to hide these moods from her； but always she divined them。 And
yet I was sure that I loved Maude； in a surprisingly short period I had
become accustomed to her； dependent on her ministrations and the normal；
cosy intimacy of our companionship。 I did not like to think that the
keen edge of the enjoyment of possession was wearing a little； while at
the same time I philosophized that the divine fire； when legalized；
settles down to a comfortable glow。 The desire to go home that grew upon
me I attributed to the irritation aroused by the spectacle of a fixed
social order commanding such unquestioned deference from the many who
were content to remain resignedly outside of it。 Before the setting in
of the Liberal movement and the 〃American invasion〃 England was a country
in which （from my point of view） one must be 〃somebody〃 in order to be
happy。 I was 〃somebody〃 at home； or at least rapidly becoming so。。。。
London
