a far country-第55章

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subjectivism　I　clothed　the　flower　with　colour；　bestowed　it　with
fragrance。　　I　conferred　on　Maude　all　the　gifts　and　graces　that　woman　had
possessed　since　the　creation。　　And　I　recalled；　with　mingled　bitterness
and　tenderness；　the　turn　of　her　head；　the　down　on　her　neck；　the　half…
revealed　curve　of　her　arm。。。。　　In　spite　of　the　growing　sordidness　of　Lyme
Street；　my　mother　and　I　still　lived　in　the　old　house；　for　which　she　very
naturally　had　a　sentiment。　　In　vain　I　had　urged　her　from　time　to　time　to
move　out　into　a　brighter　and　fresher　neighbourhood。　　It　would　be　time
enough；　she　said；　when　I　was　married。

〃If　you　wait　for　that；　mother；〃　I　answered；　〃we　shall　spend　the　rest　of
our　lives　here。〃

〃I　shall　spend　the　rest　of　my　life　here；〃　she　would　declare。　　〃But　you
you　have　your　life　before　you；　my　dear。　　You　would　be　so　much　more
contented　ifif　you　could　find　some　nice　girl。　　I　think　you　livetoo
feverishly。〃

I　do　not　know　whether　or　not　she　suspected　me　of　being　in　love；　nor
indeed　how　much　she　read　of　me　in　other　ways。　　I　did　not　confide　in　her；
nor　did　it　strike　me　that　she　might　have　yearned　for　confidences；　though
sometimes；　when　I　dined　at　home；　I　surprised　her　gentle　faceframed　now
with　white　hairlifted　wistfully　toward　me　across　the　table。　　Our
relationship；　indeed；　was　a　pathetic　projection　of　that　which　had　existed
in　my　childhood；　we　had　never　been　confidants　then。　　The　world　in　which　I
lived　and　fought；　of　great　transactions　and　merciless　consequences
frightened　her；　her　own　world　was　more　limited　than　ever。　　She　heard
disquieting　things；　I　am　sure；　from　Cousin　Robert　Breck；　who　had　become
more　and　more　querulous　since　the　time…honoured　firm　of　Breck　and　Company
had　been　forced　to　close　its　doors　and　the　home　at　Claremore　had　been
sold。　　My　mother　often　spent　the　day　in　the　scrolled　suburban　cottage
with　the　coloured　glass　front　door　where　he　lived　with　the　Kinleys　and
Helen。。。。

If　my　mother　suspected　that　I　was　anticipating　marriage；　and　said
nothing；　Nancy　Durrett　suspected　and　spoke　out。

Life　is　such　a　curious　succession　of　contradictions　and　surprises　that　I
record　here　without　comment　the　fact　that　I　was　seeing　much　more　of　Nancy
since　her　marriage　than　I　had　in　the　years　preceding　it。　　A　comradeship
existed　between　us。　　I　often　dined　at　her　house　and　had　fallen　into　the
habit　of　stopping　there　frequently　on　my　way　home　in　the　evening。　　Ham
did　not　seem　to　mind。　　What　was　clear；　at　any　rate；　was　that　Nancy；
before　marriage；　had　exacted　some　sort　of　an　understanding　by　which　her
〃freedom〃　was　not　to　be　interfered　with。　　She　was　the　first　among　us　of
the　〃modern　wives。〃

Ham；　whose　heartstrings　and　purse…strings　were　oddly　intertwined；　had
stipulated　that　they　were　to　occupy　the　old　Durrett　mansion；　but　when
Nancy　had　made　it　〃livable；〃　as　she　expressed　it；　he　is　said　to　have
remarked　that　he　might　as　well　have　built　a　new　house　and　been　done　with
it。　　Not　even　old　Nathaniel　himself　would　have　recognized　his　home　when
Nancy　finished　what　she　termed　furnishing：　out　went　the　horsehair；　the
hideous　chandeliers；　the　stuffy　books；　the　Recamier　statuary；　and　an　army
of　upholsterers；　wood…workers；　etc。；　from　Boston　and　New　York　invaded　the
place。　　The　old　mahogany　doors　were　spared；　but　matched　now　by
Chippendale　and　Sheraton；　the　new；　polished　floors　were　covered　with
Oriental　rugs；　the　dreary　Durrett　pictures　replaced　by　good　canvases　and
tapestries。　　Nancy　had　what　amounted　to　a　genius　for　interior　effects；
and　she　was　the　first　to　introduce　among　us　the　luxury　that　was　to　grow
more　and　more　prevalent　as　our　wealth　increased　by　leaps　and　bounds。
Only　Nancy's　luxury；　though　lavish；　was　never　vulgar；　and　her　house　when
completed　had　rather　marvellously　the　fine　distinction　of　some　old　London
mansion　filled　with　the　best　that　generations　could　contribute。　　It　left
Mrs。　Frederick　Griersonwhose　residence　on　the　Heights　had　hitherto　been
our　〃grandest〃breathless　with　despair。

With　characteristic　audacity　Nancy　had　chosen　old　Nathaniel's　sanctum　for
her　particular　salon；　into　which　Ham　himself　did　not　dare　to　venture
without　invitation。　　It　was　hung　in　Pompeiian　red　and　had　a　little
wrought…iron　balcony　projecting　over　the　yard；　now　transformed　by　an
expert　into　a　garden。　　When　I　had　first　entered　this　room　after　the
metamorphosis　had　taken　place　I　inquired　after　the　tombstone　mantel。

〃Oh；　I've　pulled　it　up　by　the　roots；〃　she　said。

〃Aren't　you　afraid　of　ghosts？〃　I　inquired。

〃Do　I　look　it？〃　she　asked。　　And　I　confessed　that　she　didn't。　　Indeed；　all
ghosts　were　laid；　nor　was　there　about　her　the　slightest　evidence　of
mourning　or　regret。　　One　was　forced　to　acknowledge　her　perfection　in　the
part　she　had　chosen　as　the　arbitress　of　social　honours。　　The　candidates
were　rapidly　increasing；　almost　every　month；　it　seemed；　someone　turned　up
with　a　fortune　and　the　aspirations　that　go　with　it；　and　it　was　Mrs。
Durrett　who　decided　the　delicate　question　of　fitness。　　With　these；　and
with　the　world　at　large；　her　manner　might　best　be　described　as　difficult；
and　I　was　often　amused　at　the　way　in　which　she　contrived　to　keep　them　at
arm's　length　and　make　them　uncomfortable。　　With　her　intimatesof　whom
there　were　fewshe　was　frank。

〃I　suppose　you　enjoy　it；〃　I　said　to　her　once。

〃Of　course　I　enjoy　it；　or　I　shouldn't　do　it；〃　she　retorted。　　〃It　isn't
the　real　thing；　as　I　told　you　once。　　But　none　of　us　gets　the　real　thing。
It's　power。。。。　　Just　as　you　enjoy　what　you're　doingsorting　out　the
unfit。　　It's　a　game；　it　keeps　us　from　brooding　over　things　we　can't　help。
And　after　all；　when　we　have　good　appetites　and　are　fairly　happy；　why
should　we　complain？〃

〃I'm　not　complaining；〃　I　said；　taking　up　a　cigarette；　〃since　I　still
enjoy　your　favour。〃

She　regarded　me　curiously。

〃And　when　you　get　married；　Hugh？〃

〃Sufficient　unto　the　day；〃　I　replied。

〃How　shall　I　get　along；　I　wonder；　with　that　simple　and　unsophisticated
lady　when　she　appears？〃

〃Well；〃　I　said；　〃you　wouldn't　marry　me。〃

She　shook　her　head　at　me；　and　smiled。。。。

〃No；〃　she　corrected　me；　〃you　like　me　better　as　Hams'　wife　than　you　would
have　as　your　own。〃

I　merely　laughed　at　this　remark。。。。　　It　would　indeed　have　been　difficult
to　analyze　the　new　relationship　that　had　sprung　up　between　us；　to　say
what　elements　composed　it。　　The　roots　of　it　went　back　to　the　beginning　of
our　lives；　and　there　was　much　of　sentiment　in　it；　no　doubt。　　She
understood　me　as　no　one　else　in　the　world　understood　me；　and　she　was　fond
of　me　in　spite　of　it。

Hence；　when　I　became　infatuated　with　Maude　Hutchins；　after　that　Sunday
when　she　so　unexpectedly　had　refused　me；　I　might　have　known　that　Nancy's
suspicions　would　be　aroused。　　She　startled　me　by　accusing　me；　out　of　a
clear　sky；　of　being　in　love。　　I　denied　it　a　little　too　emphatically。

〃Why　shouldn't　you　tell　me；　Hugh；　if　it's　so？〃　she　asked。　　〃I　didn't
hesitate　to　tell　you。〃

It　was　just　before　her　departure　for　the　East　to　spend　the　summer。　　We
were　on　the　balcony；　shaded　by　the　big　maple　that　grew　at　the　end　of　the
garden。

〃But　there's　nothing　to　tell；〃　I　insisted。

She　lay　back　in　her　chair；　regarding　me。

〃Did　you　think　that　I'd　be　jealous？〃

〃There's　nothing　to　be　jealous　about。〃

〃I've　always　expected　you　to　get　married；　Hugh。　　I've　even　predicted　the
type。〃

She　had；　in　truth；　with　an　accuracy　almost　uncanny。

〃The　only　thing　I'm　afraid　of　is　that　she　won't　like　me。　　She　lives　in
that　place　you've　been　going　to　so　much；　lately；doesn't　she？〃

Of　course　she　had　put　two　and　two　together；　my　visits　to　Elkington　and　my
manner；　which　I　had　flattered　myself　had　not　been　distrait。　　On　the
chance　that　she　knew　more；　from　some　source；　I　changed　my　tactics。

〃I　suppose　you　mean　Maude　Hutchins；〃　I　said。

Nancy　laughed。

〃So　that's　her　name！〃

〃It's　the　name　of　a　girl　in　Elkington。　　I've　been　doing　legal　work　for
the　Hutchinses；　and　I　imagine　some　idiot　has　been　gossiping。　　She's　just
a　young　girlmuch　too　young　for　me。〃

〃Men　are　queer　creatures；〃　she　declared。　　〃Did　you　think　I　should　be
jealous？〃

It　was　exactly　what　I　had　thought；　but　I　denied　it。

〃Why　should　you　beeven　if　there　were　anything　to　be　jealous　about？　　You
di