a far country-第23章

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〃Have　you　ever；〃　he　inquired；　lapsing　a　little　into　his　lecture…room
manner；　〃seriously　thought　of　literature　as　a　career？　　Have　you　ever
thought　of　any　career　seriously？〃

〃I　once　wished　to　be　a　writer；　sir；〃　I　replied　tremulously；　but　refrained
from　telling　him　of　my　father's　opinion　of　the　profession。　　Ambitiona
purer　ambition　than　I　had　known　for　yearsleaped　within　me　at　his　words。
He；　Alonzo　Cheyne；　had　detected　in　me　the　Promethean　fire！

I　sat　there　until　ten　o'clock　talking　to　the　real　Mr。　Cheyne；　a　human　Mr。
Cheyne　unknown　in　the　lecture…room。　　Nor　had　I　suspected　one　in　whom
cynicism　and　distrust　of　undergraduates　（of　my　sort）　seemed　so　ingrained；
of　such　idealism。　　He　did　not　pour　it　out　in　preaching；　delicately；
unobtrusively　and　on　the　whole　rather　humorously　he　managed　to　present　to
me　in　a　most　disillusionizing　light　that　conception　of　the　university
held　by　me　and　my　intimate　associates。　　After　I　had　left　him　I　walked　the
quiet　streets　to　behold　as　through　dissolving　mists　another　Harvard；　and
there　trembled　in　my　soul　like　the　birth…struggle　of　a　flame　something　of
the　vision　later　to　be　immortalized　by　St。　Gaudens；　the　spirit　of　Harvard
responding　to　the　spirit　of　the　Republicto　the　call　of　Lincoln；　who
voiced　it。　　The　place　of　that　bronze　at　the　corner　of　Boston　Common　was
as　yet　empty；　but　I　have　since　stood　before　it　to　gaze　in　wonder　at　the
light　shining　in　darkness　on　mute；　uplifted　faces　；black　faces！　at
Harvard's　son　leading　them　on　that　the　light　might　live　and　prevail。

I；　too；　longed　for　a　Cause　into　which　I　might　fling　myself；　in　which　I
might　lose　myself。。。　　I　halted　on　the　sidewalk　to　find　myself　staring
from　the　opposite　side　of　the　street　at　a　familiar　house；　my　old
landlady's；　Mrs。　Bolton's；　and　summoned　up　before　me　was　the　tired；
smiling　face　of　Hermann　Krebs。　　Was　it　because　when　he　had　once　spoken　so
crudely　of　the　University　I　had　seen　the　reflection　of　her　spirit　in　his
eyes？　　A　light　still　burned　in　the　extension　roofKrebs's　light；　another
shone　dimly　through　the　ground　glass　of　the　front　door。　　Obeying　a　sudden
impulse；　I　crossed　the　street。

Mrs。　Bolton；　in　the　sky…blue　wrapper；　and　looking　more　forbidding　than
ever；　answered　the　bell。　　Life　had　taught　her　to　be　indifferent　to
surprises；　and　it　was　I　who　became　abruptly　embarrassed。

〃Oh；　it's　you；　Mr。　Paret；〃　she　said；　as　though　I　had　been　a　frequent
caller。　　I　had　never　once　darkened　her　threshold　since　I　had　left　her
house。

〃Yes；〃　I　answered；　and　hesitated。。。。　　〃Is　Mr。　Krebs　in？〃

〃Well；〃　she　replied　in　a　lifeless　tone；　which　nevertheless　had　in　it　a
touch　of　bitterness；　〃I　guess　there's　no　reason　why　you　and　your　friends
should　have　known　he　was　sick。〃

〃Sick！〃　I　repeated。　　〃Is　he　very　sick？〃

〃I　calculate　he'll　pull　through；〃　she　said。　　〃Sunday　the　doctor　gave　him
up。　　And　no　wonder！　　He　hasn't　had　any　proper　food　since　he's　be'n　here！〃
She　paused；　eyeing　me。　　〃If　you'll　excuse　me；　Mr。　Paret；　I　was　just　going
up　to　him　when　you　rang。〃

〃Certainly；〃　I　replied　awkwardly。　　〃Would　you　be　so　kind　as　to　tell　him
when　he's　well　enoughthat　I　came　to　see　him；　and　that　I'm　sorry？〃

There　was　another　pause；　and　she　stood　with　a　hand　defensively　clutching
the　knob。

〃Yes；　I'll　tell　him；〃　she　said。

With　a　sense　of　having　been　baffled；　I　turned　away。

Walking　back　toward　the　Yard　my　attention　was　attracted　by　a　slowly
approaching　cab　whose　occupants　were　disturbing　the　quiet　of　the　night
with　song。

Shollity'tis　wine；　'tis　wine；　That　makeshshollity。〃

The　vehicle　drew　up　in　front　of　a　new　and　commodious　building；I　believe
the　first　of　those　designed　to　house　undergraduates　who　were　willing　to
pay　for　private　bathrooms　and　other　modern　luxuries；　out　of　one　window　of
the　cab　protruded　a　pair　of　shoeless　feet；　out　of　the　other　a　hatless
head　I　recognized　as　belonging　to　Tom　Peters；　hence　I　surmised　that　the
feet　were　his　also。　　The　driver　got　down　from　the　box；　and　a　lively
argument　was　begun　insidefor　there　were　other　occupantsas　to　how　Mr。
Peters　was　to　be　disembarked；　and　I　gathered　from　his　frequent　references
to　the　〃Shgyptian　obelisk〃　that　the　engineering　problem　presented　struck
him　as　similar　to　the　unloading　of　Cleopatra's　Needle。

〃Careful；　careful！〃　he　cautioned；　as　certain　expelling　movements　began
from　within；　〃Easy；　Ham；　you　jam…fool；　keep　the　door　shut；　y'll　break
me。〃

〃Now；　Jerry；　all　heave　sh'gether！〃　exclaimed　a　voice　from　the　blackness
of　the　interior。

〃Will　ye　wait　a　minute；　Mr。　Durrett；　sir？〃　implored　the　cabdriver。
〃You'll　be　after　ruining　me　cab　entirely。〃　　（Loud　roars　and　vigorous
resistance　from　the　obelisk；　the　cab　rocking　violently。）　〃This　gintleman〃
（meaning　me）　〃will　have　him　by　the　head；　and　I'll　get　hold　of　his　feet；
sir。〃　　Which　he　did；　after　a　severe　kick　in　the　stomach。

〃Head'sh　all　right；　Martin。〃

〃To　be　sure　it　is；　Mr。　Peters。　　Now　will　ye　rest　aisy　awhile；　sir？〃

〃I'm　axphyxiated；〃　cried　another　voice　from　the　darkness；　the　mined　voice
of　Jerome　Kyme；　our　classmate。

〃Get　the　tackles　under　him！〃　came　forth　in　commanding　tones　from
Conybear。

In　the　meantime　many　windows　had　been　raised　and　much　gratuitous　advice
was　being　given。　　The　three　occupants　of　the　cab's　seat　who　had
previously　clamoured　for　Mr。　Peters'　removal；　now　inconsistently　resisted
it；　suddenly　he　came　out　with　a　jerk；　and　we　had　him　fairly　upright　on
the　pavement　minus　a　collar　and　tie　and　the　buttons　of　his　evening
waistcoat。　　Those　who　remained　in　the　cab　engaged　in　a　riotous　game　of
hunt　the　slipper；　while　Tom　peered　into　the　dark　interior；　observing
gravely　the　progress　of　the　sport。　　First　flew　out　an　overcoat　and　a
much…battered　hat；　finally　the　pumps；　all　of　which　in　due　time　were
adjusted　to　his　person；　and　I　started　home　with　him；　with　much　parting
counsel　from　the　other　three。

〃Whereinell　were　you；　Hughie？〃　he　inquired。　　〃Hunted　all　over　for　you。
Had　a　sousin'　good　time。　　Went　to　Babcock'shad　champagnethen　to　see
Babesh　inth'Woods。　　Ham　knows　one　of　the　Babesh　had　supper　with　four
of　'em。　　Nice　Babesh！〃

〃For　heaven's　sake　don't　step　on　me　again！〃　I　cried。

〃Sh'poloshize；　old　man。　　But　y'know　I'm　William　Shakespheare。　　C'n　do
what　I　damplease。〃　　He　halted　in　the　middle　of　the　street　and　recited
dramatically：

　　　　　　　　〃'Not　marble；　nor　th'　gilded　monuments
　　　　　　　　　　Of　prinches　sh'll　outlive　m'　powerful　rhyme。'〃

〃How's　that；　Alonzho；　b'gosh？〃

〃Where　did　you　learn　it？〃　I　demanded；　momentarily　forgetting　his
condition。

〃Fr'm　Ralph；〃　he　replied；　〃says　I　wrote　it。　　Can't　remember。。。。〃

After　I　had　got　him　to　bed；a　service　I　had　learned　to　perform　with　more
or　less　proficiency；I　sat　down　to　consider　the　events　of　the　evening；
to　attempt　to　get　a　proportional　view。　　The　intensity　of　my　disgust　was
not　hypocritical　as　I　gazed　through　the　open　door　into　the　bedroom　and
recalled　the　times　when　I；　too；　had　been　in　that　condition。　　Tom　Peters
drunk；　and　sleeping　it　off；　was　deplorable；　without　doubt；　but　Hugh　Paret
drunk　was　detestable；　and　had　no　excuse　whatever。　　Nor　did　I　mean　by　this
to　set　myself　on　a　higher　ethical　plane；　for　I　felt　nothing　but　despair
and　humility。　　In　my　state　of　clairvoyance　I　perceived　that　he　was　a
better　man；　than　I；　and　that　his　lapses　proceeded　from　a　love　of　liquor
and　the　transcendent　sense　of　good…fellowship　that　liquor　brings。




VII。

The　crisis　through　which　I　passed　at　Cambridge；　inaugurated　by　the　events
I　have　just　related；　I　find　very　difficult　to　portray。　　It　was　a
religious　crisis；　of　course；　and　my　most　pathetic　memory　concerning　it　is
of　the　vain　attempts　to　connect　my　yearnings　and　discontents　with　the
theology　I　had　been　taught；　I　began　in　secret　to　read　my　Bible；　yet
nothing　I　hit　upon　seemed　to　point　a　way　out　of　my　present　predicament；
to　give　any　definite　clew　to　the　solution　of　my　life。　　I　was　not　mature
enough　to　reflect　that　orthodoxy　was　a　Sunday　religion　unrelated　to　a
world　whose　wheels　were　turned　by　the　motives　of　self…interest；　that　it
consisted　of　ideals　not　deemed　practical；　since　no　attempt　was　made　to
put　them　into　practice　in　the　only　logical　manner；by　reorganizing
civilization　to　conform　with　them。　　The　implicat