a far country-第13章

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〃Ralph　couldn't　write　poetry；〃　she　replied　disdainfully。　　〃Besides；　it
was　very　good　poetry。〃

I　suggested　other　possible　authors　and　admirers。　　She　rejected　them　all。
We　reached　her　gate；　and　I　lingered。　　As　she　looked　down　at　me　from　the
stone　steps　her　eyes　shone　with　a　soft　light　that　filled　me　with
radiance；　and　into　her　voice　had　come　a　questioning；　shy　note　that
thrilled　the　more　because　it　revealed　a　new　Nancy　of　whom　I　had　not
dreamed。

〃Perhaps　I'll　meet　you　againcoming　from　school；〃　I　said。

〃Perhaps；〃　she　answered。　　〃You'll　be　late　to　dinner；　Hugh；　if　you　don't
go。。。。〃

I　was　late；　and　unable　to　eat　much　dinner；　somewhat　to　my　mother's　alarm。
Love　had　taken　away　my　appetite。。。。　　After　dinner；　when　I　was　wandering
aimlessly　about　the　yard；　Tom　appeared　on　the　other　side　of　the　fence。

〃Don't　ever　ask　me　to　do　that　again；〃　he　said　gloomily。

I　did　meet　Nancy　again　coming　from　school；　not　every　day；　but　nearly
every　day。　　At　first　we　pretended　that　there　was　no　arrangement　in　this；
and　we　both　feigned　surprise　when　we　encountered　one　another。　　It　was
Nancy　who　possessed　the　courage　that　I　lacked。　　One　afternoon　she　said：

〃I　think　I'd　better　walk　with　the　girls　to…morrow；　Hugh。〃

I　protested；　but　she　was　firm。　　And　after　that　it　was　an　understood　thing
that　on　certain　days　I　should　go　directly　home；　feeling　like　an　exile。
Sophy　McAlery　had　begun　to　complain：　and　I　gathered　that　Sophy　was
Nancy's　confidante。　　The　other　girls　had　begun　to　gossip。　　It　was　Nancy
who　conceived　the　brilliant　ideathe　more　delightful　because　she　said
nothing　about　it　to　meof　making　use　of　Sophy。　　She　would　leave　school
with　Sophy；　and　I　waited　on　the　corner　near　the　McAlery　house。　　Poor
Sophy！　　She　was　always　of　those　who　piped　while　others　danced。　　In　those
days　she　had　two　straw…coloured　pigtails；　and　her　plain；　faithful　face　is
before　me　as　I　write。　　She　never　betrayed　to　me　the　excitement　that
filled　her　at　being　the　accomplice　of　our　romance。

Gossip　raged；　of　course。　　Far　from　being　disturbed；　we　used　it；　so　to
speak；　as　a　handle　for　our　love…making；　which　was　carried　on　in　an
inferential　rather　than　a　direct　fashion。　　Were　they　saying　that　we　were
lovers？　　Delightful！　　We　laughed　at　one　another　in　the　sunshine。。。。　　At
last　we　achieved　the　great　adventure　of　a　clandestine　meeting　and　went
for　a　walk　in　the　afternoon；　avoiding　the　houses　of　our　friends。　　I've
forgotten　which　of　us　had　the　boldness　to　propose　it。　　The　crocuses　and
tulips　had　broken　the　black　mould；　the　flower　beds　in　the　front　yards
were　beginning　to　blaze　with　scarlet　and　yellow；　the　lawns　had　turned　a
living　green。　　What　did　we　talk　about？　　The　substance　has　vanished；　only
the　flavour　remains。

One　awoke　of　a　morning　to　the　twittering　of　birds；　to　walk　to　school
amidst　delicate；　lace…like　shadows　of　great　trees　acloud　with　old　gold：
the　buds　lay　curled　like　tiny　feathers　on　the　pavements。　　Suddenly　the
shade　was　dense；　the　sunlight　white　and　glaring；　the　odour　of　lilacs
heavy　in　the　air；　spring　in　all　its　fulness　had　come；spring　and　Nancy。
Just　so　subtly；　yet　with　the　same　seeming　suddenness　had　budded　and　come
to　leaf　and　flower　a　perfect　understanding　；which　nevertheless　remained
undefined。　　This；　I　had　no　doubt；　was　my　fault；　and　due　to　the
incomprehensible　shyness　her　presence　continued　to　inspire。　　Although　we
did　not　altogether　abandon　our　secret　trysts；　we　began　to　meet　in　more
natural　ways；　there　were　garden　parties　and　picnics　where　we　strayed
together　through　the　woods　and　fields；　pausing　to　tear　off；　one　by　one；
the　petals　of　a　daisy；　〃She　loves　me；　she　loves　me　not。〃　　I　never
ventured　to　kiss　her；　I　always　thought　afterwards　I　might　have　done　so；
she　had　seemed　so　willing；　her　eyes　had　shone　so　expectantly　as　I　sat
beside　her　on　the　grass；　nor　can　I　tell　why　I　desired　to　kiss　her　save
that　this　was　the　traditional　thing　to　do　to　the　lady　one　loved。　　To　be
sure；　the　very　touch　of　her　hand　was　galvanic。　　Paradoxically；　I　saw　the
human　side　of　her；　the　yielding　gentleness　that　always　amazed　me；　yet　I
never　overcame　my　awe　of　the　divine；　she　was　a　being　sacrosanct。　　Whether
this　idealism　were　innate　or　the　result　of　such　romances　as　I　had　read　I
cannot　say。。。。　　I　got；　indeed；　an　avowal　of　a　sort。　　The　weekly　dancing
classes　having　begun　again；　on　one　occasion　when　she　had　waltzed　twice
with　Gene　Hollister　I　protested。

〃Don't　be　silly；　Hugh；〃　she　whispered。　　〃Of　course　I　like　you　better　than
anyone　elseyou　ought　to　know　that。〃

We　never　got　to　the　word　〃love；〃　but　we　knew　the　feeling。

One　cloud　alone　flung　its　shadow　across　these　idyllic　days。　　Before　I　was
fully　aware　of　it　I　had　drawn　very　near　to　the　first　great　junction…point
of　my　life；　my　graduation　from　Densmore　Academy。　　We　were　to　〃change
cars；〃　in　the　language　of　Principal　Haime。　　Well　enough　for　the　fortunate
ones　who　were　to　continue　the　academic　journey；　which　implied　a
postponement　of　the　serious　business　of　life；　but　month　after　month　of
the　last　term　had　passed　without　a　hint　from　my　father　that　I　was　to
change　cars。　　Again　and　again　I　almost　succeeded　in　screwing　up　my
courage　to　the　point　of　mentioning　college　to　him；never　quite；　his
manner；　though　kind　and　calm；　somehow　strengthened　my　suspicion　that　I
had　been　judged　and　found　wanting；　and　doomed　to　〃business〃：　galley
slavery；　I　deemed　it；　humdrum；　prosaic；　degrading！　　When　I　thought　of　it
at　night　I　experienced　almost　a　frenzy　of　self…pity。　　My　father　couldn't
intend　to　do　that；　just　because　my　monthly　reports　hadn't　always　been
what　he　thought　they　ought　to　be！　　Gene　Hollister's　were　no　better；　if　as
good；　and　he　was　going　to　Princeton。　　Was　I；　Hugh　Paret；　to　be　denied　the
distinction　of　being　a　college　man；　the　delights　of　university　existence；
cruelly　separated　and　set　apart　from　my　friends　whom　I　loved！　held　up　to
the　world　and　especially　to　Nancy　Willett　as　good　for　nothing　else！　　The
thought　was　unbearable。　　Characteristically；　I　hoped　against　hope。

I　have　mentioned　garden　parties。　　One　of　our　annual　institutions　was　Mrs。
Willett's　children's　party　in　May；　for　the　Willett　house　had　a　garden
that　covered　almost　a　quarter　of　a　block。　　Mrs。　Willett　loved　children；
the　greatest　regret　of　her　life　being　that　providence　had　denied　her　a
large　family。　　As　far　back　as　my　memory　goes　she　had　been　something　of　an
invalid；　she　had　a　sweet；　sad　face；　and　delicate　hands　so　thin　as　to　seem
almost　transparent；　and　she　always　sat　in　a　chair　under　the　great　tree　on
the　lawn；　smiling　at　us　as　we　soared　to　dizzy　heights　in　the　swing；　or
played　croquet；　or　scurried　through　the　paths；　and　in　and　out　of　the
latticed　summer…house　with　shrieks　of　laughter　and　terror。　　It　all　ended
with　a　feast　at　a　long　table　made　of　sawhorses　and　boards　covered　with　a
white　cloth；　and　when　the　cake　was　cut　there　was　wild　excitement　as　to
who　would　get　the　ring　and　who　the　thimble。

We　were　more　decorous；　or　rather　more　awkward　now；　and　the　party　began
with　a　formal　period　when　the　boys　gathered　in　a　group　and　pretended
indifference　to　the　girls。　　The　girls　were　cleverer　at　it；　and　actually
achieved　the　impression　that　they　were　indifferent。　　We　kept　an　eye　on
them；　uneasily；　while　we　talked。　　To　be　in　Nancy's　presence　and　not　alone
with　Nancy　was　agonizing；　and　I　wondered　at　a　sang…froid　beyond　my　power
to　achieve；　accused　her　of　coldness；　my　sufferings　being　the　greater
because　she　seemed　more　beautiful；　daintier；　more　irreproachable　than　I
had　ever　seen　her。　　Even　at　that　early　age　she　gave　evidence　of　the
social　gift；　and　it　was　due　to　her　efforts　that　we　forgot　our　best
clothes　and　our　newly　born　self…consciousness。　　When　I　begged　her　to　slip
away　with　me　among　the　currant　bushes　she　whispered：
〃I　can't；　Hugh。　　I'm　the　hostess；　you　know。〃

I　had　gone　there　in　a　flutter　of　anticipation；　but　nothing　went　right
that　day。　　There　was　dancing　in　the　big　rooms　that　looked　out　on　the
garden；　the　only　girl　with　whom　I　cared　to　dance　was　Nancy；　and　she　was
busy　finding　partners　for　the　backward　members　of　both　sexes；　though　she
was　my　partner；　to　be　sure；　when　it　all　wound　up　with　a　Virginia　reel　on
the　lawn。　　Then；　at　supper；　to　cap　the　climax　of　unt